You want that Journalized?

I got extra sleep before this week's hearing and luckily I was able to think on my feet, despite the high stress of my son's visitation being on the line.

I fired a lawyer for screwing up a journalization which caused a verbal visitation agreement to be cut in half. So its odd that I had the exact opposite situation this week.

The magistrate observed and warned my ex that she was in violation of court ordered visitation. We made a compromise agreement for (reduced) visitation as I respond to her "concerns". Her lawyer asked for a visitation journalization form to protect "me" in case my ex reneged on even this reduced visitation.

First my docket is long enough and I don't need more entries in it. But there's a bigger reason, why document a reduced interim visitation schedule that could supersede my existing visitation order?

So I said that her lawyer's hand written notes of the interim agreement would be acceptable and asked her for them. This had the following advantages:

• Legally my existing visitation order is still in force
• The Magistrate viewed me positively as being cooperative and flexible
• I have the lawyer's handwritten notes as proof of our interim agreement
  
• The magistrate would view my ex reneging on the agreement negatively so its unlikely I need the "protection" of it being journalized

The rule has always been "get it in writing" and for the most part that is true, but remember that there is always an exception to the rule. And I think this is one of them.

Never Ending Litigation

Last May 2007, I spent one month full time to finally bring my divorce case to a close in its 3rd year. I did this for several reasons...

• Pressure was on the judge because the case had gone on too long, and that pressure was passed on to me the presumptive loser. No such pressure was put on my ex.
• The judge demanded only my appearance on multiple days to increase the pressure on me.
  
• The judge was clear that he would increase pressure on me, in fact he intimidated, threatened, and extorted me in chambers. More on this in another post.
• This was not lost on opposing counsel who took advantage of the judge's bias to add more last minute demands (to items already heard) in the settlement while not responding to issues that I raised that were not heard.
  
• Much was left undone, to my determent, in fact there is still much undone 15 months later.
• Seeing the judge's bias, I had limited time while he was out of town to have the case heard by his magistrate.
  

But its still not over !! How can that be, I have a final decree? When I'm talking to women I need to explain this carefully so they don't think I'm some married playa creep. LOL...

The answer is simple, the judges lie for their own benefit. Our county divorce judges fall under the control of our State Supreme Court that has guidelines on how a judge should manage his caseload. If cases aren't "disposed of" within these guidelines (one year no children, two years with children) the judge comes under their scrutiny and no one wants to be under someone else's scrutiny. So I have a final decree that says I could legally get married (oh yeah, sign me up for doing that again...). But careful inspection of court documents will show some are missing, and some issues were completely ignored causing other litigation to be filed.

A divorce consists of a group of court orders...

Final decree
Parenting Plan
Division of Property
Pension Issues QDRO and DOPO
Seizure of Assets (for legal fees)
Cancellation of Temporary Orders (contingent upon seizures)
Future Actions to be taken

Depending on local court rules these may be merged or separate orders.

xxx

Status: Rough Draft - Last Updated 09/12/08 5 am

Some Updates

Updates to this blog were a bit infrequent lately as I battled some busybodies who thought it was a good idea to attempt to interfere in my case and release my IRL identity along with those of parties to the case. While this was occurring I was preoccupied with removing that information which violates my privacy, my copyright, and my terms of use as is clearly spelled out in my legal notice.

Now that I have prevailed in that disagreement, I can get back to regular updates of this blog as well as my other blogs. You will notice I added a humor blog which is drawn on from my spamming relative (we all have one), I simply repost the best of what his emails minus chain letters or really lame jokes. Its important to maintain some sense of humor, this crap can drive you nuts if you don't (and I am serious about that).

I am adding more posts to my popular technology blog, lately I have been talking about photo hosting and I will be adding some blogger tips too. My most recent topic is how people really haven't embraced PC technology 25 years after its introduction. This became painfully obvious in seeing just how poorly my own lawyer used a computer.

If I really get ambitious, I will start posting to my Mainframe Adventures Blog. It will be aimed at describing how the top end technology works for the general public. I have at least one fellow mainframer as a regular reader and this won't be written for mainframers, it will be to introduce the fascinating capabilities of this technology to the public.

I have added some new blogger features to the sidebars of my personal blog, JQsLife, and to the humor blog. I will probably post about these features in my Popular Technology Blog.

As a reminder, I use the HTML title feature to give you a hint when you hover over terms that might not be common knowledge. In this post you will see IRL, BIC, and NCP underlined and in a special color, when you click nothing happens, but if you hover over it you will see an explanation. I will write a post in my popular technology blog explaining this technique. You can also click here to see a glossary of terms that are used on this blog.

I don't post a large list of divorce resources, I pick just a few that I find extremely compressive. Today, thanks to one of the blogs I follow I am adding Fathers Rights And Men Ending Discrimination (F.R.A.M.E.D.) to the list of extremely useful sites that I personally read. Each of the sites in my list have their own extensive list and you can no doubt pick your own favorites from their lists.

And just so everyone understands, let me qoute the author:

" FRAMED is not just about Father's, it's also about Children, Mothers, and Families. Right now the majority of Father's are at a disadvantage compared to mothers when it comes to parental rights.......these parental rights need to be equal between both fit Mother's and Father's! For the sake of our Children! "

In the name of BIC the courts decide who the winning parent is, which guarantee's a loss for the child. The court is ass backwards, to meet the best interest of the child, start with the child's interest. The child needs emotional parental support every bit as much as monetary child support. But there is no money for the family destruction (divorce) industry for a simple solution, the simple solution is the child should have equal access to the parents, unhindered by the divorce industry.

Rather than waste time, money, and resources picking a winner (residential) and loser (NCP) parent, the court should simply admonish the parents to cooperate to meet the child's needs and sentence the uncooperative alienating parent to mandatory psychiatric counseling until they comply. (jqism)

MSNY

More Shit - New Year

Un-fucking-believable, I almost added a new line to the list below, but this deserves its own post.

Last night the hired bitch, my wife's lawyer, called me on my cell and went off on me over my repeated protests of "My son is here I will not discuss the case". The case that is supposed to be the fuck over. What does final mean to you? I often hear from my brother Friday afternoons if he is up to going out and doing something. His private number comes up blocked and I thought it could be him. I forgot the hired bitch's tactic of last minute filings on Friday afternoons. I will not accept blocked calls again. My brother will have to just dial *82 before my number to unblock it so I know it is him. I will also formally notify her to use my efax service to notify asap (Friday, not Tuesday) of any issues she has.

I was not allowed to fire my lawyer to save money because the judge said the QDRO and DOPO raids on my pension plans were too complex for me. But after $40K of billing and the QDRO still delayed by the opposition and the DOPO motion being dismissed as overly burdensome to a superior state agency, my lawyer quit because I told him that I required the work to be reviewed by a CPA because of multiple mathematical mistakes he had made in amounts over $10K. So now I am supposed to take opposition counsel's word that it is OK. The same opposition that has lied, cheated, manipulated me for three years? I don't think so!

While my son was 3 feet from me, opposition counsel

• issued an ultimatum that I respond my Monday end of day
• threatened motions to compel, sanction, and fees
• sarcastically wished me a good visit, this from the person who has constantly interfered and prevented visitation.
  

I remained surprisingly calm and kept repeating that I would not respond at this time during visitation with my son.

I will file the following motions on Monday Morning:

• an objection that I was not allowed to represent myself, violating my constitutional right to self representation, to save $40K.
• an objection that my lawyer who was required, by order of the judge, was allowed to withdraw by that same judge, prior to completing the task at hand, protecting me from the QDRO/DOPO raids on my pensions.
• an objection that I was not allowed to protest the withdraw at a hearing the way I was required to do on the previous legal withdraw.
  
• a motion to sanction my prior counsel for fees required to have a CPA and legal review of QDRO/DOPO.
• a motion to show cause on why opposition counsel could not act in the best interest of the child and cease her interference with my visitation.
• a motion to sanction opposition counsel for improper harassment and interference in visitation.
• A proposed QDRO settlement that is actually fair to me, that says she must settle for current market value, for no tax considerations (as I had none), and keeping the remainder in my name rather than assigning the whole pension including appreciation to her.
  

And that's just for starters, just in direct response to her actions yesterday. But all the rest of the bullshit needs to come out.

I think I'm done being (relatively) nice, its time to trade in the kitt gloves for boxing gloves, its time to stop walking on eggshells with these pompous assholes and let them have it with both barrels. Conventional wisdom would say, hire a lawyer and let them take care of it, but my third lawyer quit in disgrace and I think three lawyers failing to address my well articulated needs strongly implies a trend. If you want it done right, do it yourself. And this old dog can still learn new tricks... The hired bitch wants to "paper me", "slam me", threaten me, motion for sanctions and fees, well two can play at that game. And I have a key advantage, I don't need the hired bitch as a professional friend as my three lawyers did. See the hired bitch is big in this town and she commands respect and gets it. But she isn't gonna get it from me, she hasn't earned it, she has won my contempt instead.


Status: First Draft, last update 01/05/08 9:30 am

Footnotes:

To "paper" someone you keep them tied up in paperwork, filing questionable and nuisance motions to "churn fees" and aggravate the opposition into submission.
To "slam" someone you do rapid fire "papering" with motions for contempt, sanctions, and fees.

SSNY

Same Shit - New Year

What to say, Happy Fuckin New Year. Well there are some improvements in my life, so my mood isn't as sour as this title, but the promised freedom from my ex 7 months ago has failed to materialize. We separated in March 2005, the divorce was final in May 2007, it is now 2008 and this is my life in the new year.

• Still in legal battles, not by my choice.
• Still do not have releases to allow access to my son's records, if I had to take him to emergency room I could not consent to treatment, I am NCP (fn 1). A paramedic stranger has more rights over my son. The court ordered me to receive shared parenting rights, my ex has not chose to grant them.
• Still being arbitrarily shorted on visitation.
• Still have driving restrictions for my son despite successful 6 year treatment of Sleep Apnea and no motor vehicle accidents or even incidents since.
• Still do not have Guardianship for my son's savings account that I made all the contributions to as ordered by the decree.
  
• Got a letter from my former lawyer a few days ago, haven't opened it yet
• Ex announced she will default on credit card she is ordered to pay, doesn't matter to her, the card company does not recognize her as responsible despite the court order, they take the stance that their contract holding me responsible supersedes any court order, so I am on hook for it, so I am forced to pay it, making the order --- wait for it, wait, wait --- ASSWIPE!!!
• Shouldn't I be able to respond in kind, pay legal bills with the same useless asswipe as they provide me?
• Later the same day after I paid this month's bill (fn 2) she threatened me that she would keep defaulting.

And what are many people advising me? Accept the unacceptable (shit), settle. But one special close friend is telling me to never settle. Why such disparity in advice? I believe the extent to which people care about an issue has a lot to do with things. The simple advice from someone who could give a shit is just settle for what you can get. Is it ironic that they call it a divorce "settlement", or is it just the literal definition of uncaring people who are uninterested in your welfare? I suggest it is the latter.

Should I settle? Should I embrace misery as my destiny (as the majority has counseled me to do)? The idea doesn't sit well with me.
How much sugar is needed to make these turds taste better and where can I get a recipe for preparation? This is a dish I will pass on.

Part of my personality, my perseverance and perfectionism contributes to my viewpoint on this issue. When I see an injustice like the divorce system I know it shouldn't be, and I want to overcome it, but it is so deeply entrenched and the system "fights back" to assert its authority. This is where the serenity prayer should take effect, but what is the balance point, what can be overcome. I think the system conspires to dupe people into thinking they have no choices where they really do. On the flip side, it may be too idealistic of me to think I can completely overcome it and never settle.

Intellectually I'd have to say its a challenge of finding a balancing point. And since conventional wisdom has broken down and provided no real guidance, then the task at hand is to aggressively test the divorce system's boundaries and its negative impact to be very sure if it must be accepted or if there is indeed a more acceptable alternative.

What I have learned is that there is absolutely a better alternative in many cases, but the parties involved and the system's greed conspire to make them illusive. What it really needs to come down to is the divorce industry needs to be less self centered and more problem solving. But this is such a gigantic paradigm shift which worries all the divorce industry on whether they can be as successful as their current parasitic feeding off their clients. It is much too idealistic to think that the mere transformation from parasite to improving force would motivate the good in these people to do the right thing.

There is another major reason for challenging the system, "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem". And people's silence for the travesty that occurs daily in the divorce system allows the arcane abuse to continue to occur. Is it fair that someone who is a victim of the system be called on to summon even more strength to fight the system? NO! But the system isn't fair either. I know I will not single handedly change the system, but I may impact some areas, and I know I will fail if I don't try. And just settling, giving up, not trying, not caring, is the worst type of failure there is. It's been said I'm not good with failure, so if I'm gonna fail it won't be for lack of trying. It's the only way I can live with myself, and its important to be able to do that.

There are success stories in my case where I have pushed the boundaries of conventional wisdom and they have yielded. Why should I have made progress in my case where others have failed? The simple answer - CARING! When you care deeply about something you can skip past all the formal training there is, past the so called experts, to the front of the line.

All the training and credentials in the world don't amount to a hill of beans if you really don't give a shit (jqism).

And I give a shit, I care, I don't accept that I must accept the same shit on a new day.

Accepting the unacceptable, settling, is the quick path to not solving the problem in front of you. (jqism).

I'm not in this for quick non-solutions, I prefer quality real solutions, but like anything worthwhile, it requires work, its not easy nor quick. (jqism).

---

Footnote 1 - I will be adding a new HTML technique to my posts using the ANCHOR TITLE tag, the NCP is an example of it, if you hover over it, a tool tip opens up telling you it is a Non-Custodial Parent. When you see an underlined colored item it is usually a link, if you see an underlined uncolored item it may be a TITLE tag, hover over it and see what else I am telling you about it. This is kind of a short cut, but not a substitution for my terminology page on my companion site.

Footnote 2 - Rather than just pay it without an audit trail, I wrote a check to my ex for the amount with a memo line that said "short term loan" and told her to go to that bank, cash the check and take the cash and deposit it into her account the same day, she balked, I insisted and said that I would go with her to ensure it was done.

Now this is the least level of precaution, the next is a more formal loan agreement, I have a sample if someone needs it and will write a post about that. The last level, which you can obtain from a bookstore is a formal legal promissory note.

I keep three separate checking accounts at separate banking institutions because of the litigation possibilities for subpoenaing records, freezing accounts, or seizing funds. These are a divorce account used for child support and divorce related items, it is the only account I allow my ex or lawyers to know about. The second is my full service personal account that I use to carry on my daily life, pay bills, etc. The third is my private emergency account, this account is kept private from everyone, extra funds not needed for bills are in this account.

It is important that separate banking institutions be used because litigation will apply to all accounts at an institution. If two of your banking institutions merge, you must move an account to prevent this exposure. When opening or using an account you are likely to notify the IRS (for interest), the credit reporting firms (for a credit card or overdraft protection) and Bank Systems (used by banks to know of people who bounce checks). The private account should be setup up as non-interest bearing with no credit or overdraft to minimize the reporting. (See full legal notice for restrictions applying to this footnote).

Status: Last updated 01/04/08 5:45 am

The littlest court

The standing of Domestic Relations court is tragically and pathetically ironic.

Consider the following about the Domestic Relations court.

• is at the bottom of the US judicial system
• is extremely inefficient and error prone
  
• exercises more power and control of the litigants than any other court
• is routinely ignored or circumvented by entities that would sue a spouse for the results caused by the Domestic Relations court
• routinely denies the litigants their rights to

• -due process
• -self representation
• -trial by jury
• -trial by non-prejudicial bench

• routinely issues stranglehold restraining orders
• fail to properly oversee lawyer abuse
• allow lawyers to pad the case to fleece the litigants of the little money they have
• operate in secret, proceedings in chambers, no court reporter, no record of abuses
• suspend civil rules on acceptable evidence
• accept prejudicial statements from lawyers as evidence

There is no simple band-aid solution, the corruption must be killed as a cancer that it is on the justice system and the Domestic Relations Court needs to be rebuilt with citizen's needs and constitutional rights as the top priority.

This won't be easy as a Divorce Industry has grown up around the Domestic Relations Court corruption and is dependent on it for their own survival. This special interest lobby, as all of them, are working directly against the interests of the majority of the citizens interest. This is the process that has bastardized the democratic rule of the people.

This post will be the basis for follow up posts describing these issues in more detail. Feel free to comment on your experiences or which of these issues you are more concerned about.

Birthday Bombs

Well my son's birthday has long passed, had some thoughts to blog about but I was overwhelmed with the events surrounding post decree harassment (PDH). Not much progress there. The courts are acting against me, without representation, the county clerk of courts forwards me the results of their decisions but never am I called in for a hearing to present my side. My birthday is fast approaching as is the six month past post decree point.

My Son's Birthday

My son's birthday party is awkward. In order to invite his child friends it is held on the weekend, when I have no visitation rights. My ex invites his friends, her family and my family. The trouble is that my family are not good actors or hypocrites. They saw what my ex's actions did to me and my family, they saw that as they tried to help our marriage stay together, her family placed no value for the marriage knew in advance of the kidnapping and assisted in it.

They view this as unforgivable and literally can not stand to be near them. I am forced to put up with a lot, just to see my son. My son wonders why my family doesn't come to the party with his friends. For the good of my son, I put up with the pain of being amongst those who helped plot and execute his kidnapping. Sometimes I wish my parents could do the same, but I understand how difficult that would be. So my son and my family celebrate his birthday separately.

My Birthday

After six months of being divorced I was hoping that would be the end of the post decree chapter and the start of something new. But alas my ex's hired bitch plans to make this a career of torturing me. If I just sold the house so she could lay claim to the $100K equity that is locked away in it for fees it might end quicker, so I guess in that respect I have chosen the torturous route, but is that fair, I ask stupidly and rhetorically, I think not is my answer.

I was hoping that I'd celebrate my birthday with a nice vacation, maybe meet some friends, and have fun. So just before my birthday, I get sick, then I find some of my planned destinations are not open, a friend decided that they couldn't meet me, so everything started falling apart.

But then what was I thinking, I have a bit of a birthday curse. Over the years many of my major illness, injurys, car accidents, occurred on my birthday. So being sick for several weeks before my birthday could have been easily anticipated. But I've been working hard in the week prior to my birthday to get things back on track...

So for the latest status on my birthday see my latest post.

Deadbeat Again Dilemma

It's almost unbelievable...

In the US, the federal government mandates a nationwide child enforcement bureaucracy that has the dubious distinction of over collecting from those who are honest and not collecting at all from those who are not.

I have continually been on the deadbeat dad enforcement action list since I was first registered with them. In fact the very first month, they claimed I was $3000+ behind because they used the wrong starting date. I have never been behind in child support and at times have had as much as 2.5 years of support held in escrow. Wait, how could that be, that means I would have prepaid all my support to date... Yep, and I did, except the judge ordered 2/3 of my son's support seized for legal fees. Because the judge decided it was BIC for my lawyers to get the money rather than my son. Where was my son's guardian on this issue, protecting his interests? Nope, she had her hand out too and got part of that 2/3.

Last year I came within 2 weeks of loosing my driver's license and only thorough shouted threats at my lawyer every few days did I obtain the court order that notified the agency that they were in error. One year later and I'm at the same ridiculous point. Every single month I call the agency get someone to run an audit and audio tape their response. Last month they said I was at a surplus in my support payments. This month I received a notice that said I was 3 months behind and enforcement would be escalated by seizure of both federal and state tax refunds. How could this be? A bunch of do nothing, could give 2 hits, careless, government employees who screw up constantly. I may start posting these audio tapes...

How can you be at a surplus and behind? Well child support is broken into two segments, support sent to the mother with no accounting for how it is spent, and "poundage" a fee (2%) collected as a percentage of the support amount to support the inefficient error prone government bureaucracy something you thought taxes paid for.

This creates two interesting problems. First, depending how they apply the money they get, they can have an excess in support and a short fall in poundage. If they allow this shortfall to go uncorrected for a few months, then you will be targeted for enforcement. So last month when I had thought I was even and they reported a surplus that should have been my warning sign to file for a court ordered intense audit. Something that I am likely too late for.

But the second problem is more insidious, a built in conflict of interest and the reason why every Dad is labeled a Deadbeat. Their very existence, their paycheck is funded by poundage, by the level of support they claim you owe. By inflating their estimated outstanding support obligations, they inflate their poundage and hence their own budget. That's right, the government learned a lesson in creative bookkeeping from the private sector, ala Enron.

I have also received the Federal Sate Department warning that my passport is eligible for seizure. Being on the sate department list, my travel by major means can be scrutinized and denied. At the last minute going through airport checkin, my boarding could be denied just as any terrorist's could be. See in America, Divorced Dads are viewed with the same contempt by the government as terrorists.

Well almost, because if you are a terrorist in the US, the government will not interfere with your driving privileges. But as a Divorced Dad, we are subjected to automatic suspension of our driver's license if listed for enforcement action. And just as an enemy combatant we are relieved of our due process. Oh they say you can apply for an appeal, but your license is taken first then good luck ever getting the appeal.

How does this happen? Deceitful people "working" the system and those responsible to keep things in control (judges) allowing them to do it. The easiest way to achieve this is by forcing support payments to be made outside of the enforcement agency, to write ambiguous support order adjustments, and to communicate conflicting information to related government agencies.

Over the last few months I've let my beard grow in, maybe I could travel more freely under false ID looking like a terrorist.

And the saddest part of this whole story is this is typical.

In the US, all Divorced Dads are labeled as Deadbeat Dads, some by error, some for cause. (jqism)
Divorced Dads don't run away, they are chased away by the courts. (jqism)

Status: Second Draft

Take time to...

...listen to the lake.

Well there were no roses to smell, and growing up on the North Coast with a Great Lake in our backyard (literally as a child) its a reasonable substitute....

After leaving court, instead of taking my usual 80 mph 20 minute sterile freeway commute home, I took the scenic route and added 3 hours to my ride home via a slow drive along the lake front, stopping to get out and walk right up to the water front.

I stopped to look out over the lake, to see the breakwalls, the harbor lights, small light houses, sail boats. Lean against the iron pilings and watch the water slapping against them. Listening to the water, the seagulls, the occasional jet ski and Lear jet taking off from our downtown executive airport. I walked through several grassy parks near the lakefront hearing Canadian Geese honking and flying in for a landing or waddling through the grass, keeping it trimmed. I watched little groups of ducks swimming in the rivers leading to the lake or in harbors.

At one location I looked out over the breakwall and walked over the top of the 3ft x 5ft rocks. As I walked I had to adjust my gate so as not to fall into the 3 ft crevices. I walked all the way out to the warning lights at the end of the breakwall where the sounds of shore faded away to be over taken by seagulls wondering why I had invaded their calm space.

I was just there to share it with them, to recharge, to relax, to take time out of the daily urgency to do something important.

Inspired by Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Successful People discussing the difference between Urgency and Importance.

That's the catcher

The pitcher is the other way
You'll never hit the ball with your back to the pitcher...

People who know me IRL, know that I am not a sports nut at all, I know the rules, I watch games occasionally, but the only stats I can rattle off from memory under any conditions have to do with large systems computing. But I thought I'd take a stab at some sports metaphors just to be a little more mainstream. Tell me how you like it in the comments.

Regular readers will not find it surprising that I have more stories to tell about how lawyers just can't follow instructions. In grade school you learn to follow instructions. In business you follow instructions or you are shown the door. But in the legal field, steeped in ancient traditions dating back to when most of the population was illiterate and didn't know any better, these pompous assholes feel they have some God given right to do what ever the hell they please on your dime and you should be OK with it. By the way a lawyers dime is worth about $300/hour, so I'm betting most of you would stoop over to pick that one up with both hands full of groceries.

First what's the goal

The very first thing you want to do in any team project is agree on the goal. Here's their goal, this is mine, let's not try to run the wrong way. When swinging at The ball it helps to face the pitcher not the catcher. Sound ridiculous? Sure - because it is.

This is the client's life, the client's money, how can these lawyers just do whatever the hell they want with reckless abandon?

But they do... One reason is a severe conflict of interest... more on that is a future post.

Do we really agree

OK, once you get the asshole oriented in the right direction you need to keep him there. Like a little kid in a candy store with a sugar high, these jerks are going in every direction. Lawyer's are known for lying and skillfully manipulating words on the edge of truth, but as the paying client you have a right to expect more.

When a lawyer reaches an agreement with his client on a course of action, the client should expect that is what will happen unless the lawyer gets back to him about some problem implementing that course of action. It's fine for the lawyer to be reviewing the course, but he shouldn't spin the wheel without telling the client he changed course, especially when the results to the client will be changed.

But they do... because they think they know what is best and that you'll just have to live with it like all the stupid clients before you.

Practice Swings

I have lost track of all the various minor and major infractions over the last 2.5 years, there has been a bunch and sometime I'll go back and review them, but for today's post let me just start with three big ones that happened this year, three wild swings that hit me, the client, right up side the head.

Strike 1 - Release the money

The year started with a simple goal, my money has been held far too long, I'm going into foreclosure for the second time and I had enough assets to literally buy the house so for it to go into foreclosure is absolutely unacceptable.

After an argument, he agrees, he commits to bringing the issue up at a hearing with the judge and argue it to a decision. An argument, I'm paying the bills, I'm setting the priorities and I'm talking about loosing the house and you are worried about the opposing counsel's feelings, I think we have a serious gap here.

So as usual, I sit in the hall, while the learned one, goes into chambers to argue the intricacies of the law. After more than half a day he comes out, makes a motion with his hand, we're done. So how much money will be released? Oh I didn't bring that up! Why not.... Well that's another (dumb) story...

So I say, make good on this, get a hearing scheduled, no we'll wait, why? Well to schedule a hearing on this topic, he'll be asked why it didn't come up last time and then he'll have to admit that he went back on his agreement and put his client at financial risk. That would basically be admitting to malpractice, hell would freeze over first. So faced with the choice of admitting a mistake and correcting it or risking it will blow up, he chose the latter.

I'm screwed... So what happened, was it a reasonable risk? Hell no! I held things together between the creditors as best I could, but one wanted to play hard ball. I offered proof that a release was forthcoming, I offered proof that the funds were available and would have been under my control had it not been for the hired bitch. No, No, No, we'll see your ass in court. I said look, the lawyers are gonna take it all, you go to court and I'll have nothing left by time you get a date scheduled. Don't care, we'll find something, we'll take your house. Nice people, think of a big bank that begins with C and ends in E. So that's where I'll be on 9/5. My lawyer lost the bet and I'm the one in court.

Strike 2 - Discover the Fees

This is a giant problem, I can write several posts about not only how your own lawyer can screw you with unauthorized fees but how the opposition can screw you with made up fees. For the purposes of this strike, I, as the person with a better ability to pay (yep the guy, or for you more successful females, that's YOU), I will be obligated to pay the opposition fees for the privilege of the hired butch making my life miserable.

So what are we talking about, I nag and nag my lawyer to get the hired bitch's fee through formal discovery since she isn't cooperating and my wife claims she never gets an invoice (first sign of very serious trouble). So he gets something, claims to get a $30K reduction and all seems well.

OK let's see that in writing, didn't we all learn that in grade school? Delays, not a good sign, some tap dancing going on. I finally get it, first the creative book keeping was stellar, but then there are columns cut off, with the fee per specialty (senior, junior, paralegal) and the actual charge. So no total charge, no court transcript documenting the judges agreement, no AJE.

I'm screwed... Normally when the case is over you have to settle up, or in my case, they wouldn't allow the case to end until the funds were seized. But the hired bitch had an ace up her sleeve the QDRO that was going to release more of my funds to my wife that she could attach. So what did she do, she held up the QDRO with the intent to see how I would recover financially. If I do well she will aggressively sue on my ex's behalf for alimony while her invoice is still "fluid". This exposes me to an undue risk after the divorce should be final. And it's not for my ex or my son its for lawyers, as if I haven't contributed enough. If her invoice was finalized and settled (as bar ethics dictate) and my ex retained her to come back at me for alimony you can bet her fight would not be one tenth as aggressive as it would be when she stood to seize the alimony for back fees. Evil? Abuse? Absolutely!

Strike 3 - File a Motion

When the court order for release of funds (QDRO) was still incomplete 2 months after the final decree ordered it and 4 months after I had seen a nearly final draft, I started becoming at risk for the non-payment of debt that went to my ex along with this release of funds. I posted on the dual standard where my lawyer said I would be held in contempt if it was not done in a timely manner and then he sent a kiss ass letter to the hired bitch... So I nagged him and finally when the pressure from the creditor became extreme and a new lawsuit was looming, I called him and firmly said that a motion to show cause, request for sanctions and attorney's fees must be made to force the court ordered action of the hired bitch.

He agreed, but he never did it. Why? They only play hard ball with clients, not their cherished brethren lawyers.

I'm screwed... so after after six months I finally get the QDRO agreement releasing $60,000 for my review and approval. After 2 days, the hired bitch faxes a 24 hour ultimatum to my lawyer who sends it to me at the end of the next day. What did she do to me after 3 days, same thing I asked my lawyer to do to her after 5 months - file a motion to show cause, request for sanctions and attorney's fees.

Strike 3 - Your out mother fucker

I leave messages for my lawyers, what are you doing about this mess, no response, guess they are celebrating a long holiday weekend, which is fine if you are ready for Wednesday. This is just too much unenjoyable screwing.

You're gonna get screwed... I haven't fought this long and this hard to just roll over and give up. As Sir William Thatcher said, "It is not in my nature". And on the occasions I feel I can't go on, I have lot's of people (who I value) to remind me that. Remind me to seek calm, clarity, focus, renewal, breathe, and then go out and do battle. I did not choose this course, it was foist upon me and I will not stand staring at the bat that has appeared in my hand, I will summon all my strength and swing and when I connect it will be out of the park.

Plan B and C and D

I contacted a very strong trial attorney who handles divorce and criminal defense. I saw him in action when I was on jury duty last year. He is impressive in the County Superior Court, he argues to a jury, on life and death criminal charges, he can rip a witness apart on the stand, not the game of footsey practiced in the Kangeroo Kourt of Domestic Relations (no offense to my Aussie friends lol).

I have already reviewed my case with a legal firm specializing in financial disagreements.

And I will clean up this post and put it into a form of legal malpractice and name my lawyers and opposition counsel as co-defendants with contributory negligence.

Moral of the story

Lawyers must be managed and even then they are dangerous. (jqism)
Lawyers do not want to be managed and will resist vigorously (jqism)
Lawyers should never be invited into a marriage, three or four is a crowd. (jqism)

T-1 Day

One day before I am due in court over the strike 1 issue and my pussy lawyer has been mum, MIA. My college buddies (both genders) want to see me for lunch, don't see them much. What do I do? Spend more time on legal bullshit that has already stolen 2 years of my life or live my life?

Both! As best I could. I get ready to see my friends and while driving I called the pussy. He was in rare form, a bitch, obnoxious and full of self righteous indignation, he is ESQ and I am not. Well la de fuckin da, these assholes are displaced persons, they belong in the dark ages of serfs and royalty, back when people accepted the restrictions of their birthright, before they realized that in a free society a man can truly "change his stars" (another reference to that movie).

So what does pussy want to talk about first prior to my ass being in court tomorrow? He wants to talk about strike 3, he wants to satisfy the hired bitch before saving my ass from his fuckup in Strike 1. Can you believe it? I couldn't, so while driving I reached for my tape recorder and turned it on while I left him on speaker phone and had him repeat it. Then he danced on strike 3 and totally ignored strike 1. I said look, she screwed around with the QDRO and I have bigger fish to fry, she was the 5 month delay and you both are hassling me in 5 days, get back to me in 5 months if you want to complain, otherwise that is the end of the topic. Now about tomorrow!

He doesn't know, the senior partner is handling it. Well that's good because the pussy is just not cutting anything. And although I got my usual monthly invoice with his divorce hours, yeah three months after final decree with no hearings and no conversations. But there were no hours for the credit lawsuit even though he described actions of the senior partner. This has two major advantages, first the senior partner is senior for a reason and it shows, and second it appears as a tacit admission that the pussy screwed up and the firm feels responsible. The other alternative explanation that they are being a nice guy cause I was their biggest customer and they bankrupt me is so implossible that I'd believe little Martians are living in my backyard shed first.

The aftermath

Things went fairly good all things considered...

The court hearing was quick and went OK... In fact it went so quick that I missed it. Downtown traffic and parking are just too variable so I arrived to the 21st floor courtroom 15 minutes late, just in time to see the senior partner leaving. Guess who called, concerned, and slowed me down getting to court on time. A sweet, sincere sounding voice on the phone, to wish me luck. My ex! Can ya believe it. Jeckyl and Hyde in real life. I didn't marry a bitch, I'm no dummy. I just didn't probe the depths of her multiple personalities to see the stowaway. WIWL.

The next hearing is scheduled for Dec 5, pre trial is scheduled in March 2008. This is the superior county court, with an even higher case load, so a trial will probably not take place until 2009, maybe even 2010. This court handles all civil suits in the metro area and all felony criminal cases. Our municipal courts only handle small claims, traffic and misdemeanors. I talked to one of the two dozen sitting judges while on jury duty and the case volume makes the domestic relations court look trivial.

I'm no where near out of the woods, the major bank is threatening to foreclose (4th attempt) on my home even though they are an unsecured debt (not a mortgage holder), this will take more time in court as they will have to compete with the primary and secondary mortgage holders of record...

Meanwhile the creditors who worked with me and participated in the divorce settlement will be paid in full with no write offs by the end of the year. How? By competing with the other lawyers over the spoils of the financial divorce bloodbath. And who's idea was that, the greedy lawyers? Fuck No! Mine, because for 30 years of my adult life I have never stiffed anyone and just because these greedy bastards thought they should be first in line for everything doesn't mean I had to play their game.

The junior lawyer (and his predecessors) saw me as an impediment to their achieving their own agenda. The senior partner appreciates my idealism and has the confidence to not feel threatened by my challenges. In that way we are similar.

After leaving court, instead of taking my usual 80 mph 20 minute sterile freeway commute home, I took the scenic route and added 3 hours to my ride home via a slow drive along the lake front, stopping to get out and walk the water front. I didn't smell any roses, but I did "Take Time" to listen to the lake.

Status: Finalized on - 09/06/07 5:00 am
Note: comments contain significant new material

Musical inspiration by Sixx A.M. "Life is Beautiful" from "The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack"
"There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home ... When you've lost it all, that's when you finally realize that life is beautiful"

You call that a vacation...

As I mentioned, my son's last family vacation was summer 2004, that will be the last vacation he'll have with his father until possibly 2009, my current expectation of normal visitation. Five years out of a life of a 10 year old (in 2009) is more than the math suggests.

But this year, this past 4 days, my son was told he was on vacation. For the entire summer, my ex dumped him in day camp, deprived me of one hour per day in court ordered visitation (with no consequences to her) and now she plans a 4 day trip as his first "vacation" since 2004. Most people would probably just call it a long weekend. My ex was going to ignore the parenting plan as usual and me pointing out that she was ordered by the court to provide a daily itinerary, lodging, and cell contact made her quite angry, no doubt because of not being in control. Welcome to my world bitch. Look for sympathy on that issue elsewhere. To show her displeasure she raced her car in my driveway with our son in it and nearly ran me over as I was closing his door.

Originally because of a past history of credible, witnessed threats of kidnapping, multiple warnings regarding that and then finally her violation of a mediated agreement not to take my son from the county, I had asked for some court protection in this regard. My first request was that she put up a bond, much like a bail bond, where she would pledge collateral that would be taken by the bond underwriter (an insurance company) in the event that she kidnapped my son and costs were incurred to locate them. The lawyers acted as if this standard insurance product was a request to go to the moon. Their suggestion was that I simply let it happen again and spend another $5000 tracking fee as I had done before. Seeing this as very reactive rather than proactive I continued to complain and eventually won a 30 day notice of all out of town transportation of more than 24 hours.

So my ex takes my son down to friends living near the state capital about 160 miles away. He went to the Science and Industry Museum, the Zoo, swam in a nice pool at one friends house. He seemed to have fun and that's good. But one of the days, I received a cell call from my brother-in-law's phone, it was my son. He was down there visiting too. And as I found out, my ex was somewhere else. She had dumped my son while on "vacation", jeez...

A long weekend with relatives/friends and you still dump the kid. All the while keeping a tight grip on when his own father (me) can see him. BIC be damned. And she calls that a vacation.

Legal Disclaimer

I already have a legal disclaimer in my legal notice. I am not a lawyer, I am not allowed by law to dispense legal advice, laws vary from region to region, blah blah blah, except you won't get a big bill from me.

Items in this blog are my personal observation, seek professional help, blah blah blah...

I have some personal observations and experience that lets say literally flies in the face of the law, actually appears to be against the law, that I think would be interesting to talk about. However, that is not to say that something I saw someone (maybe even me, without giving up my 5th amendment rights) get away with would work again for them or even work the first time for you.

I also do not want to encourage anyone to break the law, seek professional help to be sure you are on reasonably firm quick sand, that's the best you can hope for from the system. (jqism)

Let me summarize a few of my radical opinions here and I'll go into further examples latter...

• Against the law is not black or white, its kinda gray and murky like the weather in London, this is why lawyers can make so much money dancing in the fog...
• First there is the interpretation of the law, where skilled people can argue fine points
• Then there is the contradictions that occur within the law
  
• Then there is whether anyone even decides to push an issue, why not push for justice?
  Lack of funds to access the system, lawyers lack of interest in pursuing it even though you paid them, judges lack of interest or supervision, many more....
• An order may exist, but without formal notification, it is in limbo, despite the common conception that you can not "plead ignorance", many do. Or in many cases they take steps to avoid being served, and thus successfully evade the order.
• Once a person is formally notified, they can seek another jurisdiction, or claim lack of jurisdiction, it is deceit to the court they go to, but it is common.
• The courts tend to take short cuts because of their immense case load, these often result in short changing justice too.
• The high cost of using the courts means that people must settle for injustice. But even if they make the sacrifice to engage the courts these other imperfections create roadblocks to justice.
• After notification your order should protect you, but there is no guarantee that it won't be ignored. It must be notified, verified, implemented, monitored, and enforced. All at additional cost. An order is a decision, it does not make it so.
  

It's kind of an extension of "Don't get caught". See the law is no better than the pirates code, actually the pirates code was a well organized set of rules to accomplish their goals... and be understandable to the common man. There was no room for lawyers and their games on a pirate ship, Comon sense ruled. In Pirates of the Caribbean # 1, Capt Barbosa said the perfect line, "They are really more like guidelines than rules".

It is important to understand this so the first time you see your opponent violate a restraining order and nobody does anything or when your own lawyer asks how many thousand dollars you are willing to pay to get some more worthless orders (asswipe) written that you don't act with naive indignation.

It is equally important to understand that when you are ready to bungee jump from a tall bridge (without bungee cords) because some order put you in an impossible situation where there is no alternative, that you understand there always is. Lawyers and orders will try to tell you otherwise, but my response is "You wake up every morning and you make choices all day long, and I am a very out of the box thinker and I will make choices, maybe choices you'd never dream of, about this without being hindered by your artificial limitations."

Now this drives your lawyer nuts because he thinks he'll get his ass kicked by the judge for not "controlling his client". I have had some success with this intimidation tactic spurring my lawyer to become a little more "creative". I've also had them threaten to drop me if did not follow their advice. It also risks a contempt of court charge. But I've had so many threats of those, I don't take them seriously anymore.

What ??? Who's running the show here? Good question, kind of like dogs running in circles trying to bite each others tail, who's in front? No real answer. (jqism)

Okay and now the formal part:

The "content" as defined in the full legal notice, has not been reviewed by legal counsel. No "content" is to be construed as an admission of fact or guilt. Fifth amendment rights can and will be considered if any challenge is made to the "content". If advised by legal counsel, it is possible that "content" will be revised or retracted to maintain author's rights.

So keep all this in mind when you read some "creative" posts coming up.


Status: Second Draft - last updated 08/01/07 08:30 pm

Nothing to discuss...

Among all the court ordered restrictions on my son's access to me are a few protections. One is that my son is entitled to contact me by phone daily. So when I didn't hear from him I started calling. My ex answered her cell, she's out, and dumped him on a baby sitter. She called the baby sitter who called me. The baby sitter has limited minutes and didn't want my son to use them. So I called him on a landline. And I have another "dumpee" in my caller ID.

So we were able to talk. I talked to him about the carnival that was in town that he went to yesterday. He had a lot of fun. I asked, did you go today. "No", he said sadly, "Mommy said I went yesterday". Well that's just like her, being a cheapskate and all, I thought to myself. So I said, "Maybe Mommy would let me take you." "No", he said, sounding even worse. "Did you ask?", I said in surprise. "Yes, she said you couldn't take me either."

So she decided for me, didn't need to discuss it. I'm only an NCP, I used to be his Father, until the court decided, as they almost always do to take that away.

Well, I could understand and even support that as a good parenting decision under normal circumstances. But if things were normal, this Blog wouldn't even exist. My son hasn't had a summer vacation for three years. This summer has been spent at a day camp, and while he has "age appropriate" fun (another post coming), it is no substitute for fun with parents. So to go to the carnival for an extra day is a pretty poor substitute for what he should get. It's the very least his parents can do given that this divorce cheated him from a vacation and so much more.

So why didn't she discuss this with me? What gives her the right to make this unilateral decision? The courts did, a winner and a loser. She is under no obligation to discuss these things with a mere NCP by order of the court.

So while my ex is out on a Saturday night looking to going "off to the next one", my son and his NCP are the losers. Doesn't seem fair, not even a discussion, because it isn't fair.

PS: If you haven't already heard the song lyrics about going "off to the next one" from last month, click here. The audio link has been fixed !

Double Standard

or another reason to hate lawyers.

I hit the trifecta yesterday, three, count them three letters from my lawyer. Well he was on vacation spending my money and when I sent an email about over a dozen things he was required to do and left hanging to my determent it must have woke him up, or maybe its because I copied the Senior Partner.

These guys are such lazy bums. I try to be nice, I try to let them do it their way in their time, not to nag or micromanage, but then they just let things slide and you have to give them a kick in the butt to wake them up. Then as if they were dumber than a farm animal (ass) they look at their sore ass and wonder why you did it.

So one letter is this big hoopla (a 2 pager, who hah) about what has to be done to split pension assets and how the opposition counsel hasn't got back to him yet. In the course of the letter he plays the confused farm animal (ass) and isn't sure if I want him to continue on these tasks ordered by the court a month ago. He offers that he may withdrawal (so as to prevent further pain in the ass?) and I can take care of them, but he warns:

"Be advised, these documents must be completed in a timely manner and the failure of that conclusion could subject either or both of you to contempt of court sanctions"

Then a second letter is to opposition counsel, trying to kick start her into gear for this same month old task. It is only three sentences ending with:

"Kindly advise as to when we can expect such responses"

Let's review, you went on an out of country vacation on my money before taking care of business putting it a month behind due to lack of your office following up on it and when I remind you of that you write a polite reminder to the opposition without using one word referring to "lateness" or "timely manner". At the same time you attempt to intimidate me with a very thinly veiled threat of contempt of court. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that bullshit, I could afford to pay you on time.

The third letter to my broker, also at my request, was to release my account to me as ordered by the court. But the court order is just an order, the second part is to "give notice", it gives notice to the parties. My divorce case has six defendants, my broker being one of them (#2), my son is one too (#6). But all the party orders were commingled (just like the screwed up accounting) so the only notifications went to my ex and I, not to the other 4 defendants.

My broker's involvement in financial forensics dating back to 1983 (9 years prior to marriage) necessitated getting both his corporate legal counsel in NYC and a special local counsel involved. They have made a formal "answer to the court" and "appeared as counsel of record" on behalf of the brokerage firm. A properly written order would recognize their status as "party to the case, D(2)" and as such the clerk of courts would be required to give them formal notice. But the order did not recognize the other parties, so they received no notice, so the restraining order freezing my funds is still in effect a month later.

So who screwed up the order? My lawyer wrote it. Oh you thought the judge wrote orders? No! A lawyer writes them and the other lawyer bickers about it and the judge signs them. The lawyers write the order as a courtesy to the busy judge (ass kissing). If our case went to a real trial, the judge told us it would take him 3 months to write the order. I guess he still uses some old fashioned ink hand squeezed from plants and a quill, but thats another post.

Moral of the story: Lawyers kiss each others asses, intimidate client's and the client's can wait, but they're still too fuckin dumb to know why they are hated.

An NCP’s degradation is never done

It’s close to Father’s Day, so it is important for the court declared winner to degrade the NCP (Non-Custodial Parent) and remove any traces of Fatherhood that may still exist. As I said the road to Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS) starts with being condemned as an NCP and then degrading the NCP until the very recognition as a parent is successfully removed.

First, my ex offered restricted visitation for Father’s day that was not compliant with the court order. It was a take it or leave it offer. I took it, how much do I want to pay for principal. The timing would be difficult also, it was done last minute to reduce my ability to get it heard by the court. What? Violate a court order, you can’t do that. Oh yes you can, don’t be naïve, it happens every day.

When my ex came to pick up my son, he had taken off his pants belt and was fooling around with it and the buckle broke. I looked at it and said, “Oh, I can fix this”. My ex started to make a big scene, demanding it back, she was going to take it to someone and pay them to fix it, rather than allowing the NCP to fix it for his son.

For PAS to work, it is important that the child not look up to the NCP. I could tell, from 15 years experience, the look in her eyes, the expression on her face that if I did not let her have her way, it would turn ugly very soon. When only one person cares for the child, they find themselves making sacrifices for the greater good. And if you complain about your compromise, you are viewed as petty. Even though the sum total of all these compromises is extremely unfair and damaging to the NCPs self esteem.

She no doubt, accurately predicted my response. I use anything as an opportunity for teaching. I would have shown my son how the buckle attached, I would explain what a rivet is and how a screw could be used instead. I would have drilled a new hole in buckle and attached it with a machine screw.

This also would be a Father/Son bonding opportunity. My Dad fixed my belt and showed me how. If you've never noticed, this kind of thing can be said with much pride and joy on a child's face. I believe this is important in a child's emotional development.

But anyone wanting to reserve their court ordered right to commit PAS on the NCP needs to interfere with Father/Son bonding and if you can do it just before Father’s Day, so much the better.

What a "day" ...

Big day # 7, will generate a lot of posts... It's not a day, it's a week, not a regular week, it's a scramble to pack into a week what should have occurred in the last two years, but didn't. Why? Because the judge is mandated to "dispose" of his "contested divorce - with children" cases within two years. And in the tight competition for the dumbest thing in this whole mess (very crowded field of candidates), the judge already lost his statistical goal because of a clerical error no one seems to have noticed or corrected. When my wife filed for divorce, her lawyer checked the wrong box - "contested divorce - no children", which carries a goal of "disposal" within one year. So the judges performance has already been "flagged".

Every notice from the court comes titled "Contested divorce - no children", so you'd think that anybody who knew anything about the case would notice it and correct it. I've pointed it out several times, but no one bothers to correct it, so why bother to track it? Busy work, self importance?

So what tantalizing teaser titles can you look forward to?

• Anatomy of a Week Long "Day"
• Lunatic Fringe - The Hired Bitch Freaks Out
• Divorce Disagreement Details
• Computer Illiteracy - More Dirty Details
  
• The Myth of Your Day in Court
• Phase I Pre-Trial - Just Dancing to Generate Fees
  
• Phase II Trial - Just a Way to Circumvent Your Rights
• Court Rules - We Don't Follow No Damn Rules
  
• The Lawyer Works for the Judge and You Pick up the Tab
• Who Pays Who's Legal Fees and Why
• Blackmail - Alive and Well at Court Near You
• How Decisions are Made - May the Best Kiss-Ass Win
  
• Planned Post Decree Actions - Deciding not to Decide
• Shared Parenting in Name Only
  
• How to Pass the Time Waiting For the Bad News

I'll be busy until the (week long) "day" ends Monday or Tuesday, I'll be posting as time allows.

The big news, I may get a final decree in a month without a Phase III Trial. Good News? Bittersweet at best. The cost is high by so many measures.

So is that the end, oh no, divorce, like marriage should be, is for life! Next comes the fallowut and then on to Phase IV - Post Decree Actions.

If any teaser title catches your fancy, ask about it in the comments section and I'll respond with a little more detail. As I move toward final decree, I hope to provide readers with even more valuable information, (almost) free from the distraction of the emotional trauma, but hopefully with wit, sarcasm, and useful practical advice.

I have collected so much material including a half day of surreptitious audio recording of the dirty details. God are these people stupid, I've got a laptop in their devil's den with a start bar full of tasks including the audio level monitoring task for the USB connected digital recorder sitting behind my Pepsi, water, and Full Throttle (energy drink). How's that for a cocktail of beverages for the day?

Legal reminder: This Blog is governed by a legal notice to prevent it's contents from adverse impact to my ongoing litigation which has not ended and will continue post decree (by indecision of the court, watch for "Deciding not to Decide" upcoming post). Furthermore, content is protected by copyright.