jd observes “I will never understand how any woman could do this to their own child“.
Well here’s some insight. It’s all about responsibility for your own actions. See in her (previously treated, but now untreated) mind, she is not responsible, its someone else’s (my) fault.
To find happiness or a new career or to simplify her life (for a difficult period we successfully got through) the marriage had to end. It wasn’t her choice, it just had to be done. Never mind that she was free to pursue anything, or that I asked for a sincere effort at marriage counseling or that the challenging period was over, there wasn’t a choice (in her mind).
When mediation didn’t move fast enough and wasn’t producing the one-sided results she desired, she had to move out. There was no choice, she said it was my fault, that I was dragging my feet.
Let’s explore that one. I told her if she thought I was dragging my feet in the mediation process that was my infraction against her. But her abrupt announcement that she was moving out, without any regard or planning for how this surprise was going to affect our son was an infraction by her against our son by her own choice.
She went ballistic, how dare I hold her accountable for the impact that her sudden decision to move out would have on our son. It was all my fault! I should have allowed the divorce to be on her terms. No, it was your choice to satisfy your (percieved) needs over and above that of our son. I have lived with your insults and emotional abuse to provide a stable home for my son. I put his needs over my need to not hear your constant bitching.
Then she took him just days before the scheduled move out and kept him away from me for over a week. Why? She had to file for divorce, empty the joint accounts, keep me off balance, freeze all my separate assets and evade my litigation against her. Her lawyer advised her. She had to do what her hired employee (lawyer) said. There was no other choice (in her mind). Never mind that my litigation only asked for access to my son and wasn’t filed until the next day after she left with no forwarding address. Never mind the impact of my son not knowing when he'd see his father. Click here for details.
And why can't their be flexible visitation? When my son asks to see me, why is the answer always no? Well it's the court's fault, or her lawyer's advice, not her choice. When was the last time a parent was arrested for allowing the other parent extra visitation? Never. It is the parents choice to agree to be flexible or one parent's choice to not allow it.
Once you give up the feedom of choice and the right to be accountable and responsible for your behavior, many things are explainable.
They may not be understandable, but they are explainable.
PS: Check out the conversation on other topics between jd and I in my "Really good sock missing” post.
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4 comments:
I don't know what it is. But it seems that people behave very irrational when they are divorcing. Lawyers definitely make things a lot worse, I can testify to that myself.
Reading about your ex brings back such awful memories of when my two would come to me from their Mom's... they always looked like welfare kids and were always starving. Even now they'll hide food in their rooms 'just in case'.
It makes me mad and I wanna kick your ex in the face for being so selfish and thoughtless.
Divorce is definitely difficult enough. But lawyers, the courts, the adversarial system is like throwing gas on a fire. It drives people further apart, makes them more angry at each other, deepens their emotional wounds and extends the time it will take to recover. And nearly bankrupts them in the process.
You could not design a more sadistic system if you tried. And greedy lawyers are the worst offenders, doing the most damage, deliberately.
When one of the spouses decides to stick it to the other, the lawyers are right there as willing participants to help their client realize their goal. Instead, the aggravating party should ordered into mandatory therapy. And the pit bull lawyers should be fined for each and every stunt they pull.
The crazy thing is she has the court believing that I don’t feed him right. I think she usually feeds him well, but I know he gets fast food often, I know his lunch is cheese, PB&J, or bologna sandwich. My son call’s Marc’s (a discount store) a grocery store, I go to a real grocery store.
I know that she has always fed us leftovers from her parents house and my episodes of diarrhea are much more rare since I stopped eating that stuff.
She knows how to cook. I’d work a long shift, split shift, and come home to fast food that had been sitting around. Warmed up fast food, nuts! I’d say look if you aren’t cooking, call me and I’ll get my own fast food, fresh and hot.
I’m not a sexist who thinks she should be cooking every day, but don’t complain to people that you make me meals when half the time it’s fast food or frozen food. I can get that myself, even after working a 12 hour shift with a 2 hour drive, I know, I often did.
The only saving grace is my son is getting older and can articulate his needs so it’s less dangerous than it would be for a younger child.
It is so sad to think that a parent can be so neglectful.
BTW: He got a Burger King bobble head, I'm going to add that to my "Nutrious?" post soon.
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