Cutting off your nose to improve your face

My ex is aggravating, so finally after keeping silent about her for the first few years of this blog I'm going to tell you a little about her. You'll notice a new label on this and some previous posts - Ex. I'll use this new label for posts that describe my ex. So if you've ever wondered about her, click here, and see all the posts I've labeled as Ex.

You know the old cliche - Cutting off your nose to spite your face... Sounds stupid, but its a cliche because it is so true. That's how cliches become cliches.

What causes people to do that? Stubbornness. Ego. They'd rather be right, even if it hurts.

We were going to meet at the pool so I could see my son. She called 15 minutes before we supposed to meet to tell me he had a headache and may be getting sick with a sore throat and earache, so no pool. She said she'd give him Tylenol and call me in 30 minutes to see if he felt up to a visit at the library. I called her in 33 minutes (she's habitually late) and she said he was feeling better and was up for a visit.

So I head over to the library. Surprise, they closed early due to the poor weather. We had about a foot of snow and it took me over an hour just to snow blow my driveway earlier today. The roads weren't that great but the snow had slowed and it was passable. No problem for people used to this climate. So I call her several times and she isn't answering. So I go to her place, right next to the library to catch her before she leaves and ask where we'll meet (neutral ground, not my place or hers).

She is still dallying (wasting time) and my son is already and waving to me from the window. I tell him the library is closed. She comes out and repeats it in disbelief. So she says lets meet at the community center (where the pool is) but just spend time in the lounge area. OK.

Her parking lot was a mess, I almost got stuck. She had one foot of snow all around her car and on top of it. She was going to need to shovel the drift behind her car just to get out of the close parking spot she was in. But I made another observation, if she left her spot that had no snow in it (just around it), someone else would get it and she'd have to park in the unplowed parking lot that was nearly a foot deep throughout, possibly getting stuck like I almost did.

So I offered to drive her and my son the less than 1 mile to the community center. She quickly said NO, she would not accept a ride from me. She'd rather spend the time (cutting into my already shortened visit) digging her car out only to loose her spot and get stuck in the unplowed parking lot when she returned.

She doesn't think much of my driving because 7 years ago I got into two bad accidents caused by an undiagnosed sleep disorder while working long third shifts and commuting 100 miles per day. Never mind that this problem is diagnosed, treated, and hasn't reoccurred. So I offer that she can drive my car, the same make and model as hers except that it is newer, if that would make her more comfortable.

NOPE! So I help her clean off her car and move the 1 foot of snow from around her car as my excited son sat staring bored from the window inside (she didn't want him out in the cold). So we finally arrive at the community center nearly 2 hours after we were scheduled (by the court) to visit.

And when it was over, I'm sure she had fun in her unplowed lot. But she didn't have to lower herself to accept a short ride from me.

They say that your post-divorce relationship when you have kids should be business like. A business like relationship doesn't include stubborn ego manic behavior. It would recongnize and appreciate a win-win scenario (keep your parking spot, share a ride, save time). Four years after seperation and she's still got to be in control.