Another one bites the dust....

It been one week since my lawyers CYA email and my response, I got the pussy's response by mail.

Motion to Withdraw as Counsel of Record

This motion is made "for cause" of "no longer able to work together" and he is obligated to withdraw "pursuant to the Code of Professional Responsibility".

Well good riddance pussy, not gonna miss ya, just one question, when you ignored my explicit directions where was your fuckin code then huh??? And does the Code include taking responsibility for your fuckups rather than your obligation to walk away from them?

You ignored your fuckin code, when you exceeded your authority, when you refused to follow directives, when you trusted opposition's word and failed to obtain agreements in writing. Now we can't work together so you invoke the most honorable fuckin Code. Well la de fuckin da. Thank God for your Code of Unprofessional Irresponsibility or whatever you like to call it.

This will be amusing. If the Honorable Judge accepts the Motion, I will be Pro Se, something he refused to allow in the past and something that opposition counsel will object to vehemently. In the past the judge refused to release counsel until I had new counsel appear. But I will submit evidence of malpractice and financial hardship. I will petition for reassignment to the Administrative (most senior) Judge for a hearing on the matter.

Now interestingly enough there was an attempt to serve me by certified mail today... This game I know. As my wife did, as my current lawyer advised me, you simply don't accept certified mail and the process service fails, not forever, but it delays formal notification. And without notification, the court can not proceed.

And that will frustrate the other playas, tough shit, welcome to my world.

Welcome to my newest reader

Well site statistics can be a mixed blessing, sometimes they are amusing, sometimes predictable, and rarely alarming...

How interesting that my latest reader is from the US Federal Court system. Welcome to my Blog. Or maybe you are already a reader, who just happened to be killing time between court sessions and you used their PC to access my site.

You no doubt have figured that I am a frustrated participant in the system as so many are. But I have made some careful observations along the way and they aren't just disappointing, they are damn near criminal.

So if you are interested in details, drop me a line, here in the comments, or look at my profile to find my email address. That actually goes for all my readers...

I'm OK

PLACEHOLDER - Rough draft status update

The custody evaluation went as well as to be expected. To say OK doesn't make sense, because the mere fact that some stranger is 2nd guessing your decisions and your custody just isn't OK.

I received two large legal notices today, fuckem, I'll read them later.

The pussy is disregarding my response and is leaving me at risk of contempt. I may get a chance for a bench warrant and the involuntary opportunity to tell the asshole judge what I think of him. That may be my new nickname for the judge, the asshole that produces asswipe. I kinda like that... Casual readers may miss that so maybe I'll refer to him as asshole (judge).

The due process lie

One of our most important freedoms is due process under the law, the right to face our accuser, the right to a trial, etc.

But in family court and many other courts, there is a way to short circuit the justice system that frees you of your rights (catch the pun). It is called pre-trial settlement.

Family courts routinely take away parental rights from the "looser" of the divorce, typically the Father, but sometimes the Mother.

Here's briefly how it works... Family Court

• denies your constitutional right to represent yourself
• denies you the right to know the accusations or face your accuser
• denies you the right to trial
• accepts lawyer's statements as evidence in violation of "rules of evidence"
• has no sworn statements
• has no court reporters, no record of hearings
• practices intimidation to avoid trials, again with no court reporters or record of the conversation
• chooses the looser (NCP) with an all powerful judge with no room for due process nor practical challenge
• allows the all powerful judge to have wide latitude on how he chooses to mistreat his chosen looser (NCP)
  

The result is someone

• who never committed a crime,
• who never had due process,
• who never had a trial,
• but is stripped of their parental rights none the less
• by arbitrary decision of one overly powerful person
• who is elected by accident of careless, clueless voters
  

This happens every day in this land of the free, wrecking havoc on the NCP and on a whole generation of children who are denied access to their NCP.

And that my friend just isn't free, it is how "justice" is administered in many other parts of the world that we criticize. Oh yeah we have a justice system capable of being better, especially for those that can afford it, but it just isn't typical in family court. And it is this typical reality that counts, not any theoretical possibilities.

Fun, But only one hour please

WARNING - HIGHLY OFFENSIVE MATERIAL

I usually write in drafts, but I thought I'd give you a treat and let you see the creative process. Why sugar coat a turd, just not to offend the patriotic ass kissers who think this is a good country we live in, fuck it, here it is a raw core dump from my tormented mind straight to the web, no editing.

I was a very bad Dad yesterday, I exceeded my court allotted fun time with my son. I was irresponsible and set a very poor example for him. And coincidently I will be answering to the court again later today. I am such a fuckup...

Regular readers know I am limited to after school visitation only, 4 hours max, on some days. During this time I need to settle him down, feed him, help him get his home work done, and IF, only (fuckin) IF, there is some time left over after my parental responsibilities, then fun is optional, but limited to only one fuckin hour please, by order of the honorable court of the county of [xxx] in the State of [xxx], you may kiss the honorable judges sacred ass now.

And people complain about organized religion with a pope who would have you kiss his ring as a sign of respect, he would never demand you kiss his ass, but we, the puppet people "citizens" of this "greatest country on Earth" deluded by patriotic propaganda continue to allow our government to abuse us. I am frankly fed up with this fucked up government and most of its droned thoughtless citizens. Just seeing if you are paying attention. Present company excluded of course.

What do you worship that you are so fuckin proud of? Job? Money? Possessions? Past greatness of our country? I'm breakin the golden rule, don't talk religion or politics. You know who made that rule, the greedy mother fuckers running our country. If we talk, if we look at the train wreck of today's society we might stand up and take the country back from them.

Have courage, stand up, don't look away, drink in the ugliness, then ACT to change it. Don't walk away shaking your head. Try this, next time you vote for a judge, find out how big an asshole they are before you say yes, find out how corrupt, how lazy, how cruel. Oh you don't vote, you are part of the problem then.

Well my son gets off the bus and decides he wants to go for a little walk before we go home. Against my ex's specific orders of no fun, and God knows I report to the Bitch as part of my court punishment (for marrying the crazy bitch as my lawyers advise me at high bill rates), Tell her to Fuck Off? No not if I ever want to see my son again. I have been stripped of Fatherhood and relegated to NCP. Submit to the Bitch or leave my son, that's my choice. And so many times I've wished I could summon the courage and be strong enough to do what all the rest of America's Fathers are doing by the wishes of the Fucked Up American "[sic non-]Justice" System and leave my son to be single-parented.

Are you so fucked in the head that you think Father's run away from their off-spring? No, no, no they are chased away by fucked up "Justice". I know, they've beat me for over 2 years and my maschoism keeps me coming back for more. Beat me, beat the fuck out of me, I'll be back for more. Love for my son overcomes a lot.

So I should have said NO, we can't have fun first. Well you do have the whole day off tomorrow, but you have to do homework today on Daddy's time, fun is only on Mommy's time by order of the honorable court. So practically you can only have fun with your NCP in one hour increments.

So I am irresponsible and I walk with him. Go ahead tell me how bad I am, I don't get enough shit from the Bitches (my wife, her lawyer, my lawyer, my son's guardian) in my life. Should we see the new flood control project, I ask my son. His eyes light up, clearly something "age inappropriate" as the court would say. So we walk to a small gravel access road and follow it into a wooded area and come into an cleared open field with a very large basin carved into the land about 20 feet deep, 600 feet long by 400 feet wide. A stream is winding through the middle of this basin. At regular intervals the creek is partially dammed to slow it down. If the water raises about 5 feet it will rise and head for the pipe that runs through a new subdivision (the cause of the flooding). But it has to fill this basin completely by 5 feet first as water seeks its own level. That's a lot of cubic feet to fill. And it will need to rise about 20 feet until it over flows the basin and comes racing down the subdivsion boundary toward my property.

Before this flood control project, it would raise only 3 feet before overflowing its banks and flowing toward my house in a 20 feet wide by 1 foot deep torrent. That's why I have 2 three feet deep gravel filled pits running the length of my property line and directly behind my foundation. When the water would rise I'd have to sand bag the back of my house and wade through the water to clear a cistern connection I have directly to the city storm sewers. It's lucky I made that property improvement because this flood control was caught up in -- our efficient court system for 15 years. Many of my neighbors have had basement floods of several feet deep.

We followed the creek to a very interesting railroad underpass, running across it we found a petroleum line (we have some small gas/oil exploration) and another pipeline refitted for fiber optic telecom cable. So this is an area of abandoned railroad tracks we have yet to explore. So we walk the tracks, looking for a variety of things. Landmarks to tell us where we are relative to major roads. I point out how to identify poison sumac frequently found near railroads in our area. Thistles and monkey ball thorns grow frequently, we dodge them, I don't dodge so well, I'm a bigger target, he laughs, Daddy, you've got badges (monkey balls sticking to clothes). Of course we stop by a buckeye tree, they are almost ready, but still in their thorny shells. The green ones aren't developed yet, the trick is to find the brown ones that have crack lines, they have nicly formed buckeyes inside. We look for various things, spikes, bolts, even heavy iron tie mounts. We find a beach ball next to the tracks and a golf ball too. We walk across a narrow bridge and find someone's ATV track. while walking there my son walked up on a deer that went scampering quickly through the woods. As we walked some more we could see the railroad crossing and knew we would be reaching a major road over a mile from home. So we piled up our treasures and drove a spike in to a tie to mark the spot to find it. We found the control box near the track that turned on the warning lights. We looked at how it worked.

After getting off the tracks we could walk quicker now and got home in 2.5 hours. We were pooped. Relaxed for a half hour, Ate, did a little homework. Dad can we get the stuff with the car, we'll be quick. Well it'll be there, I assure him. "Plleeeeaaaassseee???? We'll be quick..." I knew I shouldn't... But I did. It took another half hour, drive up there, park close by the crossing. Walk back find the marker, get it. The tie plates were the toughest, over 40 pounds, he carried the odds & ends, spikes, tie straps, nuts. Now we can make some industrial art. For the last 100 yards I set down the plates and helped him. Then he carried half the plates for that last distance, one strong kid he's getting to be.

But it's not a priority, it's not "age appropriate", it's not what his mother would do, it's what fathers would do. But who the fuck do I think I am, by order of the court I was reduced to NCP, I'm not his father anymore, the court decided that. Well biologically I am, but it is an irrelevant technicality, so is any sperm donor, that is far different from having paternal parental rights. Now that would almost be a funny oxymoron if it wasn't so fucking sad - male and parental rights. Give me a fuckin break, rare occurrence indeed.

Why didn't I do the priority things first and save the fun for his day off, cuz I don't get him on his days off - NEVER EVER. I just don't, by order of the honorable court. I'm only a fuckin NCP, I'm not his father anymore, weren't ya listening. And if I hadn't fought as hard as I did, I wouldn't see him EVER, NOT EVEN 4 HOURS, that was her wish, her goal, it STILL IS, and it could still happen, cause the Bitch hasn't given up. That's why I have to defend my custody again this afternoon.

But it sounds like we had a great time. Yeah we did, until the bitch showed up. BUT, we'll have to answer to a custody evaluator today.

Because you see, livin life as an NCP you are never ever free. (jqism)

See there are so many people in this supposedly free country that will never know freedom, who never committed a crime, who never had due process, who never had a trial, but were stripped of their rights none the less. And that my friend just isn't free, so you see you are all eating a bullshit sandwich if you are STUPID enough to think you have rights and you are free. You are living a cozy lie, an illusion, a vision of what once was, but is no more. You are living under the radar, your freedoms can be taken at any moment. It happens every day in this once great country.

Really we got one president busy getting blow jobs and another who probably couldn't pass a GED. You think that's great, are you proud of that leadership, are they are best this land has to offer, you are FUCKING JOKING and I'm not laughing. Turn off reality TV and tune into the real decline. And you wonder why terrorists blow people up.

This USED TO BE the GREATEST country in the world, but we stopped doing, we stopped participating in our government, we sat on our hands and rested on our prior accomplishments. WE ARE FUCKIN HAS BEEN's reminiscing about the good old days. We have ceded our constitutional rights to a bunch of opportunistic assholes who are running this country into the ground while we are absent from our responsibility to control them.

Honorable court, what's so fuckin honorable about what you do, JUDGE R. You are a cheating, lying, threatening, SON OF BITCH, that disgraces the office you hold because assholes who don't even know a damn thing about you still vote for your famous fucked up last name, KISS MY ASS YOU FUCKIN INCOMPETENT, I spit on you and your fucked up concept of honor.

What a treat, eh ??? Welcome to my nightmarish life of contradiction. Just as in the matrix, I have taken the pill, and I see the ugly reality, and it sucks shit big time. You can be happy in dreamland, or you can wake up, and take this country back.

Don't like what I said, don't bitch to me about it, get off your ass, get informed, and help fix our fucked up government. The truth hurts. Tough shit. I'll speak it anyway.

Didn't know the games your government played. OK, sorry I was so harsh, then don't take what I said personally, I'll give you a pass, this time. But now you know. And if you are unsure, you know someone who cares enough to answer your questions. Keep reading, I have so much more shit in draft...

Mood: Pissed, JFSM please please please !!!
Note if there are any terms you don't recognize see general terms here or legal terms here.

Please wish me luck at 3pm EST Thursday... for my custody evaluation.

CYA from the pussy...

My pussy lawyer sent a CYA today. He was out last month spending his windfall profit from my case and didn't have time to followup on the enforcement of the final decree orders. So now after the hired bitch caused at least a 5 month delay she's ready to call me in for contempt yet again...

So here's my lawyers CYA to me

[Pussy] wrote:

JQ,

As I have previously advised, prior to our execution of the QDRO, you need to give me your consent. The attached is a document and correspondence which will be filed by your ex wife's attorneys today with the court. Be advised, you are subjecting yourself to a sanction for attorney fees if the court determines that your consent to this QDRO was inappropriately withheld.

Please advise,

[Pussy]

And my response is:

Frankly I am surprised you are going through the charade of pretending you need my input in light of your past behavior. I find this CYA letter disingenuous and somewhat dishonest in view that you have acted without my permission or in opposition of my explicit instructions on areas you committed to resulting in severe damages to myself. Your actions in direct opposition of stated instructions already subject me to any arbitrary fees the opposition wishes to pass my way since you (and my previous counsel) could not follow the elementary school principle of getting it in writing. Instead, much to my peril, and your dereliction of duty, you have allowed the "fucking cunt" as you yourself call the opposition counsel to run roughshod over your own client. You prefer to hold me responsible for a delay caused by absences from your office. I have received this document on Aug 27 and in view of opposition's delay of 5 months I feel it reasonable that I have 5 weeks to obtain a competent advocate who has some rudimentary financial ability to review and advise me on this matter prior to acceptance as was extended to the opposition.

I could also accept this document now contingent on an independent evaluation that will supersede and with expenses being charged to opposition should any irregularity or deliberate attempt to put me at disadvantage is found. If you are so confident in your dismal math and financial abilities and the opposition's sincerity and trustworthiness than this contingency should not need to be exercised.

Please advise.

JQ

These notes were both copied to the senior partner... Damn why hasn't my phone rung yet, they must be at lunch. LOL.

Update: The pussy responded a week later by withdrawing as my lawyer, click here.

Status: First Draft, last updated - 09/11/07 11:55 am

Dutch or Date

Last week my son went to the eye doctor and we found out that he, like his parents, is very near sighted. When he was younger his vision was great, but lately he has had complaints and sure enough he needs glasses and will need to wear them all the time. So I went to the doctor with him and his mother, then to an optometrist to pick out frames.

Since it was so late and we were at a place where she likes to take him in a food court (Chinese) we ate together. I picked different food, so I met them at the table. She bought an adult serving and split it with him. He's not a small boy anymore, I've seen him eat adult servings himself. And my ex is no small woman either, lol, well she used to be. That could explain why he's always starving when he's at my place.

So the next week, I meet my son and his mother at the optometrist, every thing was quicker this time. So he was thrilled with his improved vision, looking at everything and happy not to be squinting. I assumed they'd eat there again.

As she headed for the door, I asked, aren't you going to eat here? She asked, "Are you treating?" "Damn, lady we're divorced, why the hell would I treat you to anything but a good swift kick in the ass I'm only suffering your presence to be with my son, jeez, don't flatter yourself bitch. What do ya think, this is a date? No, no, no After divorce its dutch!" I thought...

So after thinking (not saying) that I actually say, "Well I'll treat him". So she turns her back to me, grabs his hand and walks away. I'm standing there like a jackass, dumbfounded. I took a few steps in her direction, then thought WTF am I supposed to do now? Offer to buy her dinner, ask her out? I actually thought about it, not because of her, I'd be happy to never see her again, but just to see my son and talk to him about his new glasses that he was excited about.

Well as I hesitated there thinking, I figure the further away she gets (and they were walking fast), the dumber this is going to look. So I walked away thinkin more fuckin games, 2nd time this week.

So since I was just a few miles from my parents house, I invited them to a nearby restaurant (not the food court). Then I went back to their house for a visit.

I'm Back....

My entire career has been in computer support. I was lucky enough to be in a school system that had a computer program in the 11th grade back in 1973. Back then that was unusual and it also necessitated having a big room and waiting quite a while to run programs. I went from there to college to get a Bachelors degree in Computer Science and nearly got a second degree in Mathematics (my favorite subject before computers).

Back then it was a science, not a ubiquitous tool. Today when you say you are in computers its almost like saying you are in autos. Do you drive one, change the oil/tires, or actually rip the engine apart and put it back together. I am trained in Enterprise Class Systems Programming, I'm the one who puts the engine back together after the parts have been scattered all over the floor.

But computers change, and so did I. I still love the Mainframe Monsters, the Enterprise Class Infrastructure. It is the most challenging, the most impressive. More on that when I launch my Mainframe Adventures Blog. But you gotta keep up with stuff. So I have stayed current with the Mainframe Monsters, but now there are more platforms to deal with too. So I need at least a conceptional understanding of the other platforms and the network topologies that connect them. So its been a non-stop education, which I've enjoyed.

Imagine my surprise to learn when my son entered Kindergarten four years ago that our school had an aggressive K-12 computer technology curriculum. And when they said they needed volunteers to help with the class I signed right up. And they enjoyed my assistance and I enjoyed seeing a new generation learning today's computer technology.

So that went fine for two years, then last year, things went awry, my wife got to the teacher first, this teacher did not relate to me as the other's did. I had a good relationship with his two previous teachers, his gym teacher, the counselor, the principal, but I could feel the tension with this teacher. She chose other volunteers and never used me for the whole year in any computer class or any other volunteer opportunity she had control over. I mentioned this as the Collateral Damage of Divorce in a post 4 months ago.

So this year I made sure things were different. I got to the teacher first, and better yet, it was while my son was visiting. No tension, first impression went well, an involved Father brings his Son to meet the teacher. Then I arrive at curriculum night early, find the sign up sheets and sign up as computer volunteer first. The counselor asked, gonna sign up as a computer volunteer this year. I said sure thing, Guess he didn't know I did last year too. At the end of the night I was the only name on the list.

So the next day I go in and whee was it fun to be back helping with the computer class again. The class with my son and his classmates. I fixed a couple problems they had, they were thrilled they didn't have to call the school board and fill out a work order. Made a great impression on the teacher who now could see what I was capable of, that I am much more than just a computer user. The kids even did a "class cheer" to thank me.

So it's great to be back. Everything looks perfect, well almost... See at the end of the sign up, the writers workshop list was full and my ex hadn't signed up for anything. So what did she do... Sign up to be a computer volunteer. Well she does use a computer (doesn't everyone), but my son can help her with it, his skills passed hers last year. So I asked her, well can you do Excel charts? Well no, so I can learn with them. Yeah the kids can help her. Its just the principal of the thing, she may volunteer with me, we'll see. It doesn't bother me much, it's just the principal, the meddling, the not leaving me alone. ** Big Sigh. **

Well if the fruit cake shows up I can ignore her (she didn't the first day). There's no way I'm letting her scare me away from what I like to do. I'm just glad to participate.

But unlike marriage, divorce and its harassing games are forever. I've been told I need to accept that as a new fact of life.

Take time to...

...listen to the lake.

Well there were no roses to smell, and growing up on the North Coast with a Great Lake in our backyard (literally as a child) its a reasonable substitute....

After leaving court, instead of taking my usual 80 mph 20 minute sterile freeway commute home, I took the scenic route and added 3 hours to my ride home via a slow drive along the lake front, stopping to get out and walk right up to the water front.

I stopped to look out over the lake, to see the breakwalls, the harbor lights, small light houses, sail boats. Lean against the iron pilings and watch the water slapping against them. Listening to the water, the seagulls, the occasional jet ski and Lear jet taking off from our downtown executive airport. I walked through several grassy parks near the lakefront hearing Canadian Geese honking and flying in for a landing or waddling through the grass, keeping it trimmed. I watched little groups of ducks swimming in the rivers leading to the lake or in harbors.

At one location I looked out over the breakwall and walked over the top of the 3ft x 5ft rocks. As I walked I had to adjust my gate so as not to fall into the 3 ft crevices. I walked all the way out to the warning lights at the end of the breakwall where the sounds of shore faded away to be over taken by seagulls wondering why I had invaded their calm space.

I was just there to share it with them, to recharge, to relax, to take time out of the daily urgency to do something important.

Inspired by Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Successful People discussing the difference between Urgency and Importance.

And a decade coming up too

While I'm talking about anniversaries I might as well mention that one decade ago the career I loved at the University was rapidly approaching its end in a tumultuous time they called a "transformation" that devastated staff in the University, nearly caused rioting by the students, and kept our local newspaper filled with front page stories until it finally culminated in the President leaving in criticism and disgrace.

Ten years ago as the writing was on the wall that middle managment in the Univeristy IT department was passe and unneeded, as we were all fed the tainted "Who moved my Cheese" propaganda, someone came to me with an offer to good to be true. Join him, build a company, partner with Big Blue. Escape the death throws politics of a University who may not survive the chemo they had taken. Start in a company a new.

Who could resist such an intoxicating proposition? Oh and it comes with a signing bonus, and a big fat salary and quite an impressive title with responsibilities to match. And I said Yes, and it was good, and the devastation to University IT middle management did come to pass.

But then four years later came the tech burst. My little dot com went to a dot bomb as I would say with a nervous snicker. It was great while it lasted. And that my friends did not help the marriage. My ex, growing into her own midlife crisis, did not need the extra weight of a non-Camelot partnership. Although we weathered the storms very successfully and most would suggest you grow stronger, her commitment grew weaker. She only heard the priest say "for better...".

After a period of difficulty overcoming my overqualified label as a senior person in a small startup company, I started the shit shift and nearly got my self killed with undiagnosed sleep apnea. This required me to live 50 miles from home for 2 months because I could not drive. For some this absence would make the heart grow fonder, instead it made the idea of living with my stuff but without me seem like the best of both worlds. My ex claimed that is when she made her irrevocable decision, but thought she'd wait until I was fully treated and back home to announce it to me, to "let me down easy".

Well I traded shit 3rd shift for long solo shit weekend shifts on first, for my own health's sake. Then after the mediation I suggested did not meet with my wife's expectations (too balanced), she started this oddesy in 2005. Depleted my life savings, left me alone in an empty house with a nice bedroom my child never sleeps in, dragged my ass to court for 45 appearances only to get my employer to toss their top excellence performance awarded person (me) for "absenteeism".

I do have several more years of litigation to go... but it should be on a reasonable schedule.

Wow, Sept 1997 to Sept 2007, from rescue to collapse, is there a Phoenix ready to rise from the ashes in Oct 2007? I hope so, I really don't need to explore this cavern any deeper. It's dark and dank down here and I long for the sunlight, to breathe deeply and soar to new heights. Would you cheer me on and come along for the ride...

One year already...

I was so worked up on my court bullshit that my one year here has come and gone...

I may say more when I get a chance, but let me say some things off the top of my tired head before too much more time slips away.

A very sincere thanks for all the support, a few who have stuck by the entire time, some who have come and gone under different names or Blogs. Many to our northern neighbors in Canada. Some from half way around the world who provided interesting conversation when I should have been sleeping but couldn't. And some who are no longer around.

I can't claim the highest stats, like one of my good friend's mega posts over 100 comments. But I can claim some seriously good quality comments among the 1000+ comments to my 260+ posts which doesn't include the 2000+ emails, most of which came from just a few close friends. Then there are the IRL and silent readers. They comment directly to me. I hadn't realized how many other blogs were feeding traffic, that didn't just look and leave, but kept on looking. Occasionally I will get a note from them too. Thanks to those blogs for directing traffic my way. It's nice to know that in the midst of seeking and receiving help, that I can simultaneously give it too.

Some have chosen anniversaries as an occasion to leave. Some have asked my intentions. No plans for that... I have had periods of sporadic posting, but I have a ton of material to disseminate yet.

I have launched a JQ's Life Blog. Keep an eye on my sidebar that's where new things will show up. I have a photo site. I have redesigned my companion pages with hints of things to come, do let me know if they look OK on your system. I have two technology blogs that will launch sometime when I get around to it.

I have some serious challenges to overcome before the end of the year. If things finally turn out the way they should, next year could be very encouraging...

That's the catcher

The pitcher is the other way
You'll never hit the ball with your back to the pitcher...

People who know me IRL, know that I am not a sports nut at all, I know the rules, I watch games occasionally, but the only stats I can rattle off from memory under any conditions have to do with large systems computing. But I thought I'd take a stab at some sports metaphors just to be a little more mainstream. Tell me how you like it in the comments.

Regular readers will not find it surprising that I have more stories to tell about how lawyers just can't follow instructions. In grade school you learn to follow instructions. In business you follow instructions or you are shown the door. But in the legal field, steeped in ancient traditions dating back to when most of the population was illiterate and didn't know any better, these pompous assholes feel they have some God given right to do what ever the hell they please on your dime and you should be OK with it. By the way a lawyers dime is worth about $300/hour, so I'm betting most of you would stoop over to pick that one up with both hands full of groceries.

First what's the goal

The very first thing you want to do in any team project is agree on the goal. Here's their goal, this is mine, let's not try to run the wrong way. When swinging at The ball it helps to face the pitcher not the catcher. Sound ridiculous? Sure - because it is.

This is the client's life, the client's money, how can these lawyers just do whatever the hell they want with reckless abandon?

But they do... One reason is a severe conflict of interest... more on that is a future post.

Do we really agree

OK, once you get the asshole oriented in the right direction you need to keep him there. Like a little kid in a candy store with a sugar high, these jerks are going in every direction. Lawyer's are known for lying and skillfully manipulating words on the edge of truth, but as the paying client you have a right to expect more.

When a lawyer reaches an agreement with his client on a course of action, the client should expect that is what will happen unless the lawyer gets back to him about some problem implementing that course of action. It's fine for the lawyer to be reviewing the course, but he shouldn't spin the wheel without telling the client he changed course, especially when the results to the client will be changed.

But they do... because they think they know what is best and that you'll just have to live with it like all the stupid clients before you.

Practice Swings

I have lost track of all the various minor and major infractions over the last 2.5 years, there has been a bunch and sometime I'll go back and review them, but for today's post let me just start with three big ones that happened this year, three wild swings that hit me, the client, right up side the head.

Strike 1 - Release the money

The year started with a simple goal, my money has been held far too long, I'm going into foreclosure for the second time and I had enough assets to literally buy the house so for it to go into foreclosure is absolutely unacceptable.

After an argument, he agrees, he commits to bringing the issue up at a hearing with the judge and argue it to a decision. An argument, I'm paying the bills, I'm setting the priorities and I'm talking about loosing the house and you are worried about the opposing counsel's feelings, I think we have a serious gap here.

So as usual, I sit in the hall, while the learned one, goes into chambers to argue the intricacies of the law. After more than half a day he comes out, makes a motion with his hand, we're done. So how much money will be released? Oh I didn't bring that up! Why not.... Well that's another (dumb) story...

So I say, make good on this, get a hearing scheduled, no we'll wait, why? Well to schedule a hearing on this topic, he'll be asked why it didn't come up last time and then he'll have to admit that he went back on his agreement and put his client at financial risk. That would basically be admitting to malpractice, hell would freeze over first. So faced with the choice of admitting a mistake and correcting it or risking it will blow up, he chose the latter.

I'm screwed... So what happened, was it a reasonable risk? Hell no! I held things together between the creditors as best I could, but one wanted to play hard ball. I offered proof that a release was forthcoming, I offered proof that the funds were available and would have been under my control had it not been for the hired bitch. No, No, No, we'll see your ass in court. I said look, the lawyers are gonna take it all, you go to court and I'll have nothing left by time you get a date scheduled. Don't care, we'll find something, we'll take your house. Nice people, think of a big bank that begins with C and ends in E. So that's where I'll be on 9/5. My lawyer lost the bet and I'm the one in court.

Strike 2 - Discover the Fees

This is a giant problem, I can write several posts about not only how your own lawyer can screw you with unauthorized fees but how the opposition can screw you with made up fees. For the purposes of this strike, I, as the person with a better ability to pay (yep the guy, or for you more successful females, that's YOU), I will be obligated to pay the opposition fees for the privilege of the hired butch making my life miserable.

So what are we talking about, I nag and nag my lawyer to get the hired bitch's fee through formal discovery since she isn't cooperating and my wife claims she never gets an invoice (first sign of very serious trouble). So he gets something, claims to get a $30K reduction and all seems well.

OK let's see that in writing, didn't we all learn that in grade school? Delays, not a good sign, some tap dancing going on. I finally get it, first the creative book keeping was stellar, but then there are columns cut off, with the fee per specialty (senior, junior, paralegal) and the actual charge. So no total charge, no court transcript documenting the judges agreement, no AJE.

I'm screwed... Normally when the case is over you have to settle up, or in my case, they wouldn't allow the case to end until the funds were seized. But the hired bitch had an ace up her sleeve the QDRO that was going to release more of my funds to my wife that she could attach. So what did she do, she held up the QDRO with the intent to see how I would recover financially. If I do well she will aggressively sue on my ex's behalf for alimony while her invoice is still "fluid". This exposes me to an undue risk after the divorce should be final. And it's not for my ex or my son its for lawyers, as if I haven't contributed enough. If her invoice was finalized and settled (as bar ethics dictate) and my ex retained her to come back at me for alimony you can bet her fight would not be one tenth as aggressive as it would be when she stood to seize the alimony for back fees. Evil? Abuse? Absolutely!

Strike 3 - File a Motion

When the court order for release of funds (QDRO) was still incomplete 2 months after the final decree ordered it and 4 months after I had seen a nearly final draft, I started becoming at risk for the non-payment of debt that went to my ex along with this release of funds. I posted on the dual standard where my lawyer said I would be held in contempt if it was not done in a timely manner and then he sent a kiss ass letter to the hired bitch... So I nagged him and finally when the pressure from the creditor became extreme and a new lawsuit was looming, I called him and firmly said that a motion to show cause, request for sanctions and attorney's fees must be made to force the court ordered action of the hired bitch.

He agreed, but he never did it. Why? They only play hard ball with clients, not their cherished brethren lawyers.

I'm screwed... so after after six months I finally get the QDRO agreement releasing $60,000 for my review and approval. After 2 days, the hired bitch faxes a 24 hour ultimatum to my lawyer who sends it to me at the end of the next day. What did she do to me after 3 days, same thing I asked my lawyer to do to her after 5 months - file a motion to show cause, request for sanctions and attorney's fees.

Strike 3 - Your out mother fucker

I leave messages for my lawyers, what are you doing about this mess, no response, guess they are celebrating a long holiday weekend, which is fine if you are ready for Wednesday. This is just too much unenjoyable screwing.

You're gonna get screwed... I haven't fought this long and this hard to just roll over and give up. As Sir William Thatcher said, "It is not in my nature". And on the occasions I feel I can't go on, I have lot's of people (who I value) to remind me that. Remind me to seek calm, clarity, focus, renewal, breathe, and then go out and do battle. I did not choose this course, it was foist upon me and I will not stand staring at the bat that has appeared in my hand, I will summon all my strength and swing and when I connect it will be out of the park.

Plan B and C and D

I contacted a very strong trial attorney who handles divorce and criminal defense. I saw him in action when I was on jury duty last year. He is impressive in the County Superior Court, he argues to a jury, on life and death criminal charges, he can rip a witness apart on the stand, not the game of footsey practiced in the Kangeroo Kourt of Domestic Relations (no offense to my Aussie friends lol).

I have already reviewed my case with a legal firm specializing in financial disagreements.

And I will clean up this post and put it into a form of legal malpractice and name my lawyers and opposition counsel as co-defendants with contributory negligence.

Moral of the story

Lawyers must be managed and even then they are dangerous. (jqism)
Lawyers do not want to be managed and will resist vigorously (jqism)
Lawyers should never be invited into a marriage, three or four is a crowd. (jqism)

T-1 Day

One day before I am due in court over the strike 1 issue and my pussy lawyer has been mum, MIA. My college buddies (both genders) want to see me for lunch, don't see them much. What do I do? Spend more time on legal bullshit that has already stolen 2 years of my life or live my life?

Both! As best I could. I get ready to see my friends and while driving I called the pussy. He was in rare form, a bitch, obnoxious and full of self righteous indignation, he is ESQ and I am not. Well la de fuckin da, these assholes are displaced persons, they belong in the dark ages of serfs and royalty, back when people accepted the restrictions of their birthright, before they realized that in a free society a man can truly "change his stars" (another reference to that movie).

So what does pussy want to talk about first prior to my ass being in court tomorrow? He wants to talk about strike 3, he wants to satisfy the hired bitch before saving my ass from his fuckup in Strike 1. Can you believe it? I couldn't, so while driving I reached for my tape recorder and turned it on while I left him on speaker phone and had him repeat it. Then he danced on strike 3 and totally ignored strike 1. I said look, she screwed around with the QDRO and I have bigger fish to fry, she was the 5 month delay and you both are hassling me in 5 days, get back to me in 5 months if you want to complain, otherwise that is the end of the topic. Now about tomorrow!

He doesn't know, the senior partner is handling it. Well that's good because the pussy is just not cutting anything. And although I got my usual monthly invoice with his divorce hours, yeah three months after final decree with no hearings and no conversations. But there were no hours for the credit lawsuit even though he described actions of the senior partner. This has two major advantages, first the senior partner is senior for a reason and it shows, and second it appears as a tacit admission that the pussy screwed up and the firm feels responsible. The other alternative explanation that they are being a nice guy cause I was their biggest customer and they bankrupt me is so implossible that I'd believe little Martians are living in my backyard shed first.

The aftermath

Things went fairly good all things considered...

The court hearing was quick and went OK... In fact it went so quick that I missed it. Downtown traffic and parking are just too variable so I arrived to the 21st floor courtroom 15 minutes late, just in time to see the senior partner leaving. Guess who called, concerned, and slowed me down getting to court on time. A sweet, sincere sounding voice on the phone, to wish me luck. My ex! Can ya believe it. Jeckyl and Hyde in real life. I didn't marry a bitch, I'm no dummy. I just didn't probe the depths of her multiple personalities to see the stowaway. WIWL.

The next hearing is scheduled for Dec 5, pre trial is scheduled in March 2008. This is the superior county court, with an even higher case load, so a trial will probably not take place until 2009, maybe even 2010. This court handles all civil suits in the metro area and all felony criminal cases. Our municipal courts only handle small claims, traffic and misdemeanors. I talked to one of the two dozen sitting judges while on jury duty and the case volume makes the domestic relations court look trivial.

I'm no where near out of the woods, the major bank is threatening to foreclose (4th attempt) on my home even though they are an unsecured debt (not a mortgage holder), this will take more time in court as they will have to compete with the primary and secondary mortgage holders of record...

Meanwhile the creditors who worked with me and participated in the divorce settlement will be paid in full with no write offs by the end of the year. How? By competing with the other lawyers over the spoils of the financial divorce bloodbath. And who's idea was that, the greedy lawyers? Fuck No! Mine, because for 30 years of my adult life I have never stiffed anyone and just because these greedy bastards thought they should be first in line for everything doesn't mean I had to play their game.

The junior lawyer (and his predecessors) saw me as an impediment to their achieving their own agenda. The senior partner appreciates my idealism and has the confidence to not feel threatened by my challenges. In that way we are similar.

After leaving court, instead of taking my usual 80 mph 20 minute sterile freeway commute home, I took the scenic route and added 3 hours to my ride home via a slow drive along the lake front, stopping to get out and walk the water front. I didn't smell any roses, but I did "Take Time" to listen to the lake.

Status: Finalized on - 09/06/07 5:00 am
Note: comments contain significant new material

Musical inspiration by Sixx A.M. "Life is Beautiful" from "The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack"
"There is nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home ... When you've lost it all, that's when you finally realize that life is beautiful"