Deadbeat Government Solutions

The government offers the usual totally ineffective "solutions" to the supposed "Deadbeat" problem.

In the interest of getting money for the child:

• Make lot's of mistakes, false accusations.
• Increase needless legal expenses so less money is available for the child.
• Take away driver's license.
• Put Dad in jail.

Exactly how is this helping the people who need it? It isn't!
It's just bungling government doing what they do best.
If you can't fix it, propaganda it, spin it, or just plain lie!

Child Support Enforcement is nothing more than legalized extortion, it takes money from the child in the child's name. It is government propaganda patronizing to the masses on an emotional level short on facts.

PS: Title deliberately not puctuated, guess where the pause belongs? (not after the first word)!

Damn Bug V2

Whoa, even worse than I thought. Apparently there are some very serious publishing problems in Classic Blogger that have been around for weeks but got much more severe last night. Over 100 Blogs stopped publishing last night.

Like my new look... I don't !

Whoa, Wow, Lucky Me, I think it's fixed

People have been debating which browser to use. It doesn't seem to make a difference. I try to avoid MicroSoft for a variety of reasons, so I usually use FireFox.

I have found that saving as a draft, waiting, then publishing seems to work. But there are so many problems that it almost seems like VooDoo.

Commenting seems to work, but sometimes the comment counter isn't updated. So if the "Blogger Gods" (just a little sarcasim for these wimps who'd die if they had to support a REAL system) frown on me again, I'll make updates there.

It seems that a migration to Blogger Beta will be required. Blogger support is not responding at all. In preparation for this, I will be backing up the entire Blog.

One method is to use FireFox with the Scrapbook Add-on. It can backup pages, including a depth level. However, watch your Blogroll or other links. You can hit pause and uncheck unrelated items, or you can click filters and limit the domain.

Scrapbook also has a DOM editor to remove the gimped up HTML objects, before saving.

Another method is to use the DownThemAll FireFox add-on.

If push comes to shove, I'll have to publish Oct on my companion web site, causing the permalinks to break. I'll try to fix that up with a new permalink cross reference pointing to my companion web site.

I'm sorry for the inconvence caused by Blogger's poor support. Thank you for your readership and support and I'll do my best to fix it up.

Damn Bug

Well this is the second time I ran into this on updating/deleting a post.

Now the surprise is spoiled and I can't change the three posts below, you'll probably not be able to comment on them either.

Photo Tagger does an auto upload to Blogger (not beta) and Flickr, it even translates to/from Flickr notes. You can store the annotations with the JPG (not GIF, etc) and then it can toggle them on or off.

Well this doesn't make much sense, complex photo uploads are one of the many Blogger Classic bugs being ignored, so I don't think I try it again for a while, but it sure looked interesting. I have an idea as a crude work around, but that will be some other day.

Updated Music

Thanks Solaris, once I registered it worked like a charm.

For those wondering about "Single", check it out again, I have a pointer to audio and video. Click here.

How do you tell him?

How do you tell a little boy...

There is so much background before this but let me think of the condensed version so I can get some input...

• My wife is dragging out a custody dispute and making it as agonizing as possible on me.
• Some reasons for this are control, over protectiveness, and revenge toward me
• Yeah, my son is in the middle and she hurts him by prolong this, but she's very self centered.
• I want this to end, I just can't accept that I'll see him when she wants to let me see him.
• My son is very much wanting to see me despite her maneuvers and roadblocks
• Because of a managed health concern and her disagreement on activities, she is fighting for supervised visitation.
• The health care issues are monitored by the best doctors and have been under control for 3 years, she wants to have access to HIPPA protected info and review it for herself and second guess the best specialists in the region.
• The activities are ironic, they are very similar to those she allows, or allows others under less supervision or even those done in school. It's only a problem and it is exaggerated and distorted if the activity comes from me.
• In the beginning, my son used to say "Mommy is the boss of both of us" and he lacked self confidence and was afraid of things he hadn't feared before.
• He has come to the point where this is very much improved.

Now I am faced with this difficult situation:

• The current counter proposal has me accepting supervised visitation for 3 months.
• Experts in this area I have contacted said this is a waste of time.
• One of the social working staff has a myspace page (that I'm very tempted to post, I've already discussed it with my lawyer) that shows a party animal just out of college performs this "supervision".
• Personally I have not felt the need for a babysitter for decades and I wouldn't choose a party chick half my age to advise me on how to raise my son.

SO !

• What is my son to think when he sees even a younger women "bossing the both of us"?
• How do I explain the presence of this meddler in our house?
  Daddy needs a baby sitter? Daddy thinks this is a good idea?
• If I had an addiction or abuse problem or something serious than I could and would justify it.

The real answer is, Daddy loves you so much that Mommy can't find any shit pile big enough to scare Daddy away from the son he loves more than anything.

Somehow I think the lawyers, court, guardian would not like that answer much.

So tell me,
how do I sugar coat this turd?

Get creative, my mind is tapped out.

-jq75          aka Daddy

Computer Illiterate Lawyers

Now most of you know that nearly all jobs require basic computer skills, like word processing and spreadsheets. I mean basic use, not fixing problems or knowing anything special, I mean typing documents in an outline format, like my 2nd grader is doing this year.

So if you are computer illiterate, you have few job options. But apparently there is still one good option left, become a divorce lawyer. You'll need to use one, but you can fumble your way through it on the job and bill your suckers (er, clients) full price $300/hr.

Not all lawyers do this of course, but some believe the law is so complicated that proper knowledge of using a computer is beneath them. When I say lawyers I mean the common variety divorce lawyers who are typically at the bottom of the barrel.

Corporate lawyers are in a different class, one of the biggest corporate law firms in this area makes extremely productive use of technology. I was very impressed and I've been doing this for over 25 years.

Why should it matter? Well first you pay way too much for something of way too low a quality. In my case, I actually found a legal flaw in the document based on improper section boundaries.

All the lawyers reviewed this for two weeks and did not catch it. You know why?

• They are too cozy with each other and trust their opposition.
• They expect you to trust them in reviewing it, and don't expect you'll actually take the time for a very careful review.
• They are going to charge you for reviewing it anyway. They don't expect you to object, and if you do, they will have a handy BS excuse.
  

Now you'd think if your whole business was formal documents and that in many cases (like a parenting plan) it will be reviewed and modified over more than a decade, that maybe it should be a notch above hunt & peck. And if you were talking about any other business, you'd be right.

In a 22 page document, 80 + errors, 10 + serious structural problems, 10 + serious content issues. I've seen boilerplates at the bookstore that were better organized and complete. And these don't cost the thousands I'm being billed.

Do you think the Guardian would be offended if her 7 year old client helped her with the computer?

I'm bad! What a terrible influence (in their mind) I would be on my son if I suggested that. But when he helped his grandma with an art program she was intrigued.

What's the difference? Well my parents love him for free, he's their flesh & blood and the Guardian ignores his needs for hundreds per hour, he's another sucker (er, what are we supposed to call them to their face?).

But then again, Domestic Relations Law is in a class by itself.
And I don't mean that in a good way.

Rights are Optional

You think you have rights, don't you?

• You can be cooercered or forced to give up these rights.
• You could be denied rights until you can fight for them and finally get a victory.
• You may not be able to afford to fight, unless you have more than $100K to dedicate to the process.
• You will not get a public defender to defend your rights, only for criminal prosecution.
  
• You may not know that in many cases their is a presumption of guilt, you must fight to prove innocence.
  

I have gone through my 2nd review of the results of my 2nd day of trial. Opposing counsel is using extreme tactics to deny my rights.

I am one of many case studies.

• I must give up my rights or give up my son.
• Giving up my rights does not mean my son will have continued access to is father.
• It has been recongnized that the Guardian is taking retribution for the firing of her personal friend.
• My right to representation was interfered with while attempting to release my prior lawyer.
• Attempting to enforce my rights or replace the Guardian will require legal resources that that will be interferred as was done previously.
• The legal representation for the next phase is unlikely even without interference because I do not have the financial resources.

So what are the terms?

• I must submit to supervised visitation for 3 months.
• I must give up medical records (waive HIPPA), so they can be shopped around to some supposed "expert" who disagrees with my doctors.
  
• I must pay more money to more people.

Why?

• My wife wants to control my life and my son's life.
  
• Ironicly she won't control her own lawyer who does many things supposedly without her knowledge (if that's believable).
• I'm a poor litigant, I speak up and that's not appreciated.
• Not speaking up won't prevent this problem either.

Conclusion?

Going into Domestic Relations court is a loose-loose proposition.

Are we having fun yet?

F--K Yeah!

After a long depressing session confronting my challenges, I should take my own advice right!

Giving advice is always easier than following it!

It would be easy to drown in my legal difficulties, I'm up to my eyeballs in paperwork to complete by Friday morning.

Thanks again to my strong son, after school, he started drawing on a big white board. Daddy come here & draw with me. So I did, we had fun with that for a while, then digital photography, then Halloween decorations, then his electric project kit (a gift from someone). It's pretty basic, so the other day I went to Radio Shack to get some more components to add to the kit. We had fun going through the bag of parts. I explained what they did and he hooked them together. I'll have to upgrade him straight to the advanced kit by Christmas at the rate he's going.

And in between all that, his homework, and I still got him dinner and he made his own desert, chocolate fudge ice cream, chocolate syrup, strawberry toping, with cherries on top and a side of fresh strawberries. He doesn't get that everyday.

We really did have loads of fun while it lasted.

And now for the brutal reality!

He was so happy with the blinking LED, he surprised Mommy with it. That's fine, but that's how I get in trouble sometimes. If he brags or exaggerates about anything, then it gets amplified, twisted, and aligated. Oh boy, could he get electrocuted on 2xAAAs or the desert was a bit extravagant, was it unhealthy? I'll find out by mail. Only 11 more years! Will we make it?

Wow, full day, huh? Yep, as much as I ever get - 4 hours, never more. For more than 18 months now. We've gotten good at doing a lot of things in a limited time. But it's a bummer, no time to take him too far.

And the newest proposal is for a court ordered 5 mile restriction (more in another post). He likes to play with his cousin and visit my parents house (where I grew up, it has a woods, he likes to explore it and ask me about the tree fort we had), but they both live over 30 miles away.

And when he drew a little family chart, he commented, I put your name first, you're fun, you're cool, you play, Mom just says go play and I don't have anything to do.

And the court says, let's keep the child where he is until his mother runs out of concerns.

My son spends more time with baby sitters (and her family of course), than my own family. And there are many people he spends more than the 4 hours he gets with me.

Thanks to the broken system.
That's how we have (limited) fun!

Who can stop the waste?

I have asked my lawyers repeatedly how to get this case under control, how can someone wake up my wife and let her know what a terrible waste this is.

My current lawyer actually said, that her lawyer routinely does not advise clients on wasting money, and that she will work hard to make sure no one else advises her of the waste either.

What happened to the best interest of the child? Is it in his interest to squander all this money?

Well that's the system.

Then he asks if someone in my family could talk to someone in her family, yeah that'll work. Her mother has a weak heart and probably wouldn't survive the discussion and her Dad is an SOB with a weak mind and no control over his temper so he'd likely start a fight, which wouldn't work to well with my Dad or Mom who'd have a good excuse to exercise their right to self defense. My brother & sister-in-law will not even be around any member of her family.

Why is my family so stubborn? Because she tried to lure them into her trust, then screwed them. It doesn't matter, my wife is the most stubborn of all and wouldn't even listen to her own family let alone mine.

Anyone want her cell number? Just kidding. (Smirking broadly)

What I want to know and have mentioned several times, is why the Guardian hasn't exercised her power to "act" in my son's best interest. I will formally notify my lawyer that I see the Guardian's inaction in this area as derelict of duty and I will take civil and bar action against her at the conclusion of this case. Maybe he can "encourage" her to do the right thing.

Any ideas?

Photo used under attribution license

Hyperlink Update

The Blogger Template I've been using has hyperlinks that look similar to regular text until you hover over them. In some cases people were missing them. I've updated my template so that new links you have not visited are underlined and reddish. Links you have visited are bluish and not underlined.

If you have any questions, suggestions, or problems, please comment.

At what cost?

Just got my monthly legal bill. Grand theft legalized !

As I've mentioned, once you are a victim of aggressive antagonistic litigation, you slide down a slippery slope to legalized grand theft. Short of dropping dead, or leaving town with no forwarding address you really don't have any options. It is possible for opposing counsel to increase your costs through a variety of dirty tricks.

So after 18 months and $20K, what have I got?
Same thing as 18 months ago, nothing more!

Well, I have supported the economy. See it takes an industry to get a divorce.

• Three Lawyers
• Three magistrates, one trial judge
• Child Services Home Inspection
• Custody Evaluator
• Guardian Ad Litem
• Four cases (10 ream boxes) of discovery
• Four cases (10 ream boxes) of case files
• Hundreds (nearly 1000) of hours in case prep
  
• Medical experts
  
• Child counseling

Now that the pre-trial hearings are over, we've entered the initial Trial stage. At this stage the stakes go up. The bill for the first day and associated expenses $5K. The second day has occurred and the third day is scheduled. I believe a 4th will be scheduled. That's another $20K.

Wow $40K, big bill. Uh, that's just my bill. Her lawyer is more expensive than mine.

So if all goes well we're done right? Wrong, to avoid the third stage, I'm being asked to make a post-decree agreement. Continuing paying these other "industry specialists".

• Parenting Coach
• Mediator
• Child visitation supervisor

If this gets forced to the next stage - full trial, then what? Well the first stage doesn't count, it will all be repeated with more experts, witnesses, etc. Given the voracity of opposing counsel I could easily see this going over $30K, reaching a my half total of $70K with my wife pushing hard for her fees which would likely approach an additional $100K.

At that point I would loose everything and be homeless, just like she promised me before she left.

She is willing to sacrifice her son's future to "win" a full divorce banning me from their lives forever.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned !

My story is repeated daily, by both genders, of that I have no doubt.

At what cost complacency, acceptance, of a Domestic Relations System so badly broken?

My ancestors worked hard to improve each generation. I have failed miserably to uphold this tradition. The frustration and anguish of this failure is beyond description, at times almost unbearable.

I also worked hard to build a sound financial footing, so I could provide for the next generation, but I will be unable to make my son's life better than mine was.

Thanks to the broken system. That's the cost!

Template Updates

I made a few template updates, the major item is that the link to my companion web site should now be functioning. If you have trouble, send me an email from my profile contact info.

In particular I have made major updates to the Introduction - click here and to the Plans - click here. Feel free to let me know what you think of these pages or if any of the plans pique your interest.

I also added copyright and legal notices to the side bar and footer because of the continuing threats and harassment in my ongoing litigation.

Tagged V2

Here's a twofer, lest you think I'm all negative. This is a job I had earlier.

1. What is the best thing about your workplace?
Hmm, in no particular order:

• New startup company, very exciting, diverse activities and clients.
• No time for BS, games, politics.
• Work hard, well compensated, play hard (business outings).
  
• Direct connection of your accomplishments and company performance.
• Able to work from home for some assignments.
  

2. What do you hate about your workplace?
As a small startup, the safety of big company was not there, and it eventually went bust.
There was something particularly agravating about how it went bust, but that's a story in itself.

3. What small irritance at your workplace really annoys you?
The owner had an ego now and then and you were always (24x7) on-call.

4. Describe the actions/quirks of the weirdest person you work with.
That's a hard one, worked with so many different people, but for short bursts. I guess I'd have to say that on one assignment this place was very casual, but I had other clients that were formal. Well you give up your dress code desires when you have a six digit client. For efficiency one day I showed up to the casual client dressed for an afternoon meeting with a formal client. You'd think I was dressed for Halloween, every single passer-by stopped to quiz me, even though they knew me and knew I had other clients.

5. What is one thing that you would change at your workplace to make life a helluva lot better?
The owner could have spent a little more time trying to get venture capital, so the company didn't go under.

Imagine the stress of going from a company where you reported to the owner discussing 6 digit engagement opportunities to having an obnoxious 20 something who wasn't even sober, trying to give you advice. Culture shock barely describes it.

Tagged

Oh geeze, thanks SolarisGal. ;)

1. What is the best thing about your workplace?
It's a real big shop, with a very diverse mix of up to date technology. This makes for interesting work. Everyone but management is very appreciative of the work you do.

2. What do you hate about your workplace?
Hmm, in no particular order:

• Using taglines rather than solving problems.
• Constant reminder, you have no contract, you work at-will, action can be taken up to and including termination.
• Management failures are kept (demoted) as deadwood, staff "failures" get the walk of shame straight out the door.
• Pearl harbor files are kept on everyone, so they can bounce your butt when tired of you
• A strict seniority system, very much like the Indian caste system, which is always very much at odds with actual contributions.
• Not very family friendly, the company is first priority. Need to go to court, well give up some visitation so you can make up your time. We fought hard to get Christmas off, we bargain with each other on all other holidays.

3. What small irritance at your workplace really annoys you?
There are no small irritants, just the constant deception resulting in items in number 2.

4. Describe the actions/quirks of the weirdest person you work with.
There is this young party animal sports fanatic with low work ethic that thinks his 5 years of experience are some kind of match for the senior guys with 20+ years. All his time has been at this company, the senior guys have been at several companies.

But since he'’s a great two faced brown noser who shares management'’s sports enthusiasm, he gets treated as if he'’s equal to those with senior experience.

Now on the surface this might not seem so bad, but to give a specific example of lazy inexperienced to dedicated experience. The first two weeks I worked there, I had identified all the system software in use and downloaded all the documentation at the correct levels. Mr Party still has no idea of the full software list or where to find the doc five years later. He knows his sports & can talk a good BS though. When he hits a tough problem, he dances, when senior staff hits one, they fix it.

His level of arrogance is boundless and adds to his weirdness. It'’s rather odd watching him goof off and kiss management ass at the same time. We all marvel at it. Who'’s dumber?

He tried this two timing with a very hot young chick and a much older woman (could almost be his mom) who were actually friends with each other and worked together. When he finally got caught, guess who he picked? The old one (no offense ladies) but the rest of the guys could not understand that at all.

5. What is one thing that you would change at your workplace to make life a helluva lot better?
If only one thing, then management honesty, that should address most of items in number 2.

Well most everyone I know has gotten his one.

Scary Tip # 3

How about a remote control scare?

I noticed a few scary items (tarantula, skull at Walgreen's) that have a try me button on the package rather than the product. When you look in the package you'll see two wires coming from the product to the spot on the package. Under that spot is a microswitch. When you open the package it says disconnect the wires/switch & toss it.

Instead you can make a neat remote control.

1. Make note of the orientation of the connector before you remove it.
2. Cut the wires in the middle and carefully strip 1/4 to 1/2 inch of the insulation on all wires.
3. Buy some bare telephone/bell wire, 22 gauge, not lower gage as used in house wiring. You don't need jacks.
4. Determine where to put the item, switch and the distance. Cut, strip and connect the wires.

We plan on putting a tarantula on a web near the door, then run the wire into the house. As trick or treaters are at the door, we can discretely press the button and the tarantula's legs will move. I mention this idea because it is fairly simple.

Of course my son is thinking ahead and asked about a wireless or motion activated switch. Geeze, give the old man a break, you are only seven. Guess, I know what to do for next year.

Scary Tip # 2

How about a trick to make ghostly photographs?

In the old days, this was somewhat tricky, involving luck and double exposure. Today, this is a snap with digital editing with the layers and opacity features.

The process is...

1. Take some regular background photos.
2. Take some scary ghostly photos.
3. Import these photos into a digital editor with layers and opacity abilities.
   Photoshop Elements and Ulead PhotoImpact are the top two photo editors.
   If you use another, check the help files.
4. Load the ghostly image, use the magnetic lasso (on the polygon lasso tool) to isolate just the ghostly image.
   
5. Magnify the image, then switch back to the lasso tools to fine tune the selection using the add/subtract (rather than full select) option of the tool.
6. Depending on the subject, the selection brush is another useful tool as well as any of the other lasso tools.
7. Another option if selection shading is distracting is to select things that are not the ghostly subject, to fine tune the selection and then as the last step select the "Selection" drop down menu and choose "invert" to get the ghostly image.
8. Now select "Edit" and "Copy".
9. Load the main background image.
10. Select "Create new layer".
11. While on the new layer, select "Edit" and "Paste".
12. Reduce "Opacity" below 100% for easier positioning, not too much, you want to see enough detail for editing.
    
13. Use the "Move" tool to position the Ghostly image properly.
14. Advanced editing can use the Transform or Distort Filters to make further changes.
    
15. Fine tune each layer so they look well together.
16. Make final adjustment to Opacity to make Ghostly Image as transparent as desired.
17. You can experiment further with more layers and choose hide layers to make multiple possibilities in a single PSD file. Keeping the PSD file allows future editing.
18. When you're satisfied, select Flatten Image and Save as a JPG.
    

If you've done this or have questions, go ahead and comment.

This can be a neat parent/child project if you're both interested in it (like my son & I). He still thinks it's silly that you have to wait to see photos on non-digital cameras, oh does that make me feel old.

Scary Tip # 1

This is the season for scary movies.

One thing I found as a great way to reinforce that it's only make believe is using the "Making Of" featurette found on DVDs. For example "Pirates of the Caribbean" (POC) could easily scare children or give them some bad ideas about rough housing.

Reviewing the featurette you can reinforce:

• The sword fights are carefully choreographed and practiced with fake swords.
• The jump from the window scene was into a large mat.
• The walking the plank scene had scuba divers just out of scene to insure Elizabeth's safety.
• The skeletons in the moonlight are shown as actors with CGI enhancement.

After this, you can watch the first POC on DVD and the second that is still in theatres.

Some "Making Of"s may mention stunt men or things that went wrong. This can let children know that it takes professionals to do certain things and even then no one is invincible.

These are important lessons that I reinforce especially these days when there are such fantastic special effects.

Stay Tuned...

I'm still here, got a few posts in draft to go out this weekend...

Keep me in your thoughts as I go to 2nd day of trial this week.

Things aren't looking too good.

• Opposing party is firmly established as a stonewall.
  
• Judge is committed to getting this off his docket (which has nothing to do with justice).
• My lawyer is willing to go only so far to conserve funds, eg compromise my position to ensure he gets paid. What other profession can you do that?
  
• The Guardian is bias since I fired her personal friend as my previous lawyer, so my son is not getting his request for increased visitation to his father.
• The Guardian has stated that I'm a poor litigant because I continuously ask if the proposals are in the best interest of the child. I have also stated that my status as a litigant has nothing to do with my abilities as a father. My lawyer says that doesn't matter, it's all in the perception. It's just a game. the best player wins!
  
• The Guardian is proposing restrictions and penalties if my judgment is deemed flawed by the opposing side.
• My lawyer says there is a good possibility I could have my visitation reduced further, especially if they don't like my reaction to their proposals.
  

Check back this weekend, I'll have several new posts.