Count Down to the Big Day

Monday the 18th is game day.

No surprise, her lawyer won't respond, she's waiting for the trial day. The game is simple - the last person standing wins. So much for justice, it's all about endurance at game play.

That's her one trick, stonewall, raise the bar, lie. Use the "justice" system to wear out the opponent, so she wins by default, not because she should win, but because she plays the game better.

It's all about the game.
There is no room for justice.

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Friday afternoon: Still waiting for word from my lawyer for status & prep for Monday...
Friday 3:30 pm: Finally get the call. No word from anyone. Lawyer gets pissed at me, he wants more info & time from me but can't get my wife's cooperation. I gotta give, give, give, she just gets to abuse me and my son. Guess it's time to call the senior partner again...
Friday night: You know these a--hole lawyers are almost as bad as my bitch wife. If everything isn't easy, if they need to actually work for their money they get all huffy & shit. And with all the shit I take from my wife, I should take more from the whiney lawyer. Happy to take the $300 but don't ask them to work for it. That is bulls--t.

Fri/Sat Midnight: She called. My son was in/out of doctors all day and in the hospital last night (I was with him, long story for next week) and she returned my call to tell me how he was. So I asked what about the Christmas schedule, lets wait until after court. I told her why not do the right thing for our son, Christmas is the same time every year, what does the court and a whole bunch of strangers who could possibly give 2 shits matter for our son's Christmas. Well it's covered in the parenting plan to be argued Monday she says. Well the first part of the plan that no one has argued about says to do the right thing for my son. So forget the rest and lets do what everyone has agreed on - the right thing.
NO! she says as she hangs up. Her typical response.

Sat after midnight: Gosh, what a mood change - you must be wondering why? Besides no Christmas visitation agreement (just like last year) my wife thought it would be in the best interest of our child (BIC) to expose him to a terrible stomach illness rather than leave him with me for a few days. My son's non-stop vomiting for 30+ hours caused him to need IV liquids to sustain his life. That does tend to sour your mood.

For more frosting on the cake, my whiney lawyer sarcastically asks if I'd like to pay him to fix the screwed up court system. How about you do your [f--king] job and work around the system like your opponent - [a--hole]?

I'd have to be in a coma to ignore this shit. I know I should react differently, not allow it to effect me, but first I'm human, and second I am so saturated, so tired of non-stop shit for 2 years. I need it to stop, it must stop. I'm being driven to take more forceful action on this issue. And that's the whole fuckin point of the game, someone must crack. It won't be her, she's got everything - my son, my money, no stress, even the whole damn society gender bias behind her. Why on earth should she crack? Put her in my shoes for a week and she'd be in a padded room.

I am sincerely grateful for the support I get, but how can that compete with all of her advantages and a system that won't stop her abuse of me? Is it not the very definition of hopeless?

Saturday 3 am: Great diversion (sarcasm) thanks to Blogger Bugs. Their wonderful editor screwed up my HTML because I kept getting "lost connect" warnings while typing and it wasn't obvious where the errors were. Well it screwed it but good. Thanks to a great tool I have - PSPad, I found about 5 bad HTML violations, with line and column numbers and suggested fixes. It also has an automatic tag matching feature, click a tag and the matching paired tag gets hightlighted.

Saturday 8:30 am: Her lawyer just can't stop playing games. She calls my lawyer Friday after 6pm with a new stunt for Monday. God this lady either thinks a lot of herself or thinks she's made of total Teflon. There is no end to her stunts. They aren't creative or clever, they're just non-stop. I found this out because my lawyer called this morning to apologize for his tirade and promise to get a Christmas schedule from the Guardian before Monday. Well it's about time don't ya think? He also went over his new game plan to deal with her stunt and to ask my patience in playing it. Where to sit, what to say, what BS, this is what makes a parent? Trouble with your marriage, better get to Joe's Court Acting Academy before you file for divorce. My strength is in technology, math, science, not as a thespian. Boy have I screwed up.

Saturday 11 am: How ironic, I was at risk for contempt for showing my true feelings for the court, now my wife's lawyer's stunt is so blatant that it could actually get her in trouble. Now what's the etiquette here, am I under any obligation to bail her sorry ass out? Is it better to take my son to visit her or maybe just make up an excuse that she had to visit someone? Is it bad that I should joke about what she planned for me? My lawyer is much happier now, this stunt makes his job easier.

Saturday 11 pm: I got a chance to see my son, he can only eat a little light food, he's sleep deprived and cranky, but he's been through a lot since Wednesday. Hopefully he'll actually eat a meal tomorrow. He's dropped weight too. Between the lawyer and him and the all night hospital, I'm kinda wiped out too. So far I'm not showing signs of picking up what he and his mom had. Hopefully I sleep better tonight, I need a sharp mind for trial prep. It's real unclear now whether her lawyer's stunt will derail the trial date or if the judge will use his power to get past it and go forward. I guess if I'm lucky enough, the judge could get real pissed at the stunt and render a default judgment in my favor. Anything short of that will still leave me under more pressure than I'm up to after all this time. It is possible, because this stunt is considered a no-no.

Sunday 5:30 pm: I found out that my son's vomiting restarted yesterday. I was puzzled on how that could occur given the medicine prescribed at the hospital. Oh, she says, he was doing well, I didn't fill it. Another day goes by without any significant food. Now she has an excuse for not showing up tomorrow and delaying this case into 2007. The original excuse was that her lawyer was afraid she would get sick from my wife. Now she can say that she had to take care of my son. Such a noble gesture considering she made him sick because she refused to allow him to stay with me while she was sick, and she decided to ignore the hospital's Rx. Oh but how crass of me to question her actions. Maybe two years of criticism for every action I take in my son's interest is making me crass. I suppose so.

Sunday 6 pm: I got my required hair cut this afternoon as advised by my lawyer. How do you want it cut? Cut for court, conservative, off the ears, collar, just a little longer than a military cut. I'm supposed to make holiday small talk to the court officers. Hmm, well I'll have to make it up. Not because they aren't my friends and I find it hypocritical to give them more than a head nod (which is certainly true), but because of their prejudice against me.

If I was talking to any of my friends, I'd describe how my son and I looked at his broken headphones and I described how to take them apart, desolder the broken wire, strip it, check polarity, and resolder it. I use a cold heat soldering tool, it will not heat unless it is touching metal, so if you touch it, chance of burn is slim. His maternal grandfather, on the other hand, uses a well worn traditional soldering iron that stays hot, uses a much higher voltage and if not held properly could shock and burn you at the same time. The people I am to make small talk to don't understand the difference between my uncaring/unsafe father-in-law and myself.

My son did so well with his electric project kit for his birthday, that I'm thinking he's ready for the full or advanced kit. I'm afraid to give it to him while the litigation is open for fear of it being called a "dumb" move as nearly everything I've tried to do (you've seen my scary tip postings) for his benefit. If it were up to them he'd be in a plastic bubble, without even art paper or puzzles for fear of a paper cut. So I'll have to make some things up, safe things, things that can't be criticized. Things that sell myself short as a Father playing down my role and unique value as a Father. And they don't understand my frustration. Do you?

Sunday 10 pm: End of day check on my son, he vomited again today, on applesauce. I think he needs to go back to the doctor, but since I need to be play acting in court while Ms Clueless takes him in, not much will be accomplished. I'd take him, but the doctors may not recognize my parental rights. Once anyone (doctor, school, police) knows there is divorce litigation, they take an arms length approach to the NCP/NRP (father), of course BIC.

Sunday 11:30 pm: OK, I'll answer yesterday's questions seriously. I'll call her parents and they can put up the money to bail her out. I'll make up an excuse so my son doesn't know she's in jail. Since she tried getting me thrown in jail, I can't get too teary eyed if she got what's coming to her. But of course that would never happen, it's all a fantasy, to relieve the pressure of the unfairness of it all, my second class parental status. She's Teflon, she's favored, nothing will happen to her, regardless of how outrageous her abuse of the system or my son. Opinion? No, repeatedly observed fact! Am I negative, fatalistic? No, to expect it to be different without anything else changing is the definition of mental illness. I am realistic. I do make my meager efforts to inject change in this screwed up system, with some limited success. It's the best I can do. It's all I can do. As for sleeping better, didn't happen.

Monday 1 am: Well I should call it end of day, maybe I'll get more than 2-3 hours sleep tonight, maybe not? Wish me luck, I need to do a good job. Help me lie, Bullshit, act, pretend, be hypocritical just like the system, to prove to them that I am a good Father who deserves to see his son on Christmas.

Ya see, I've been found guilty of the highest crime in court, being a poor litigant, a free thinker, an exerciser of free speech, which makes me a bad person in the eyes of the court and all that work there. There is no room for honesty or justice. It is a system of status quo, of ancient tradition, beliefs, and ceremony. It is a system more interested in disposing of case load than solving problems. There is no room for constructive criticism, for change, for any improvement. I live in industry, a place of continuous change and improvement. I might as well live on Mars, I am a fish out of water, unable to survive on the foreign inhospitable landscape of the court. It's lies, ineffectiveness, and hypocrisy make me sick.

Monday 2 am: I didn't prepare as I would have liked to. I'm too worn out in so many ways. The trial is likely to be a bust anyway. My lawyer said not to worry, that I know these settlement terms better than he does, that I know every word in them. I suppose he's correct, but we have differing views. He thinks I'm obsessed, I think it's my only son and the most important 14 years of his life. How can I take that too seriously?

Monday 4 am: I'm still up, feel like crap. Preped a page of talking points. Add that to my two outstanding settlement terms faxes and I feel a little more ready. Ready for what, probably to sit out in the hall like a jackass, not helping, but not hurting my case by having a poor (but honest) performance. Didn't do a full analysis on my financial or MOU (memo of understanding for litigation strategy). Not so worried, her lawyer wants to delay financials, she's an idiot, that just gives me a chance to go to CDFP/CPA and sharpen the numbers, it was generous, because I was too tired to fight but pushing this pain through the holidays (no accident) is gonna cost her if that's the fuckin game she wants to play. As for the MOU, I trust the word of the senior partner for now. I'll do it after Monday when I feel a little relief, sometime when I don't have visitation and I'm staring at my four walls. Then my bases will be covered. God I hope the judge wakes up and kicks that lawyer's ass, she so has it coming.

Monday 8 am: I was going to get 4 hours sleep, but only had 3 when I got a wakeup call from my lawyer wanting to know how I'm doing. Just f--kin peachy. He already knows my son is staying home from school, my wife didn't tell me, I guessed it because my son was awake at 10pm when I called. He knew from the Guardian who talked to my wife yesterday. So that will be sufficient to excuse her from court.

Now my wife is claiming she can't do anything agreeable with the parenting plan because she is afraid of her lawyer. What BS, from a woman who gives shit to anybody, hiding behind her lawyers skirt. It will be interesting if her lawyer sells her out and says it was all my wife's idea. That's what she told my last lawyer when I was prepared to file an ethics violation against my wife's lawyer.

I said I needed a signed agreement today to allow me to have my son treated without her permission. He wasn't sure if he could get that. I was quite pissed.

So off I go for my acting debut, be in the holiday spirit, show them what a great Dad you are. BIC be damned. Ho, Ho, Ho, boy does this system blow.

Last post before I go... Wish me luck, skill and justice have nothing to do with it.

========== COMPOSED AT THE COURTHOUSE ==========

Monday 5 pm: Well I'm finally back home and logged on. I was making entries on my laptop while I was in the court house. Now I'll upload them chronologically without changing their content. I'm posting this quickly so I can see my son and may do a little cleanup latter.

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Monday 11 am: This morning my lawyer said it would only be an hour. So I'm wearing dark dress pants, white dress shirt, my festive but conservative tie with OSU colors and small Santas. I smile & nod politely, with a hearty friendly hello. I shake the judges hand and wish him a pleasant holiday. I really would prefer a stunt double, this is so unnatural. Not because I'm not a friendly person, I am - to my real friends. I don't enjoy giving or receiving patronizing remarks that are beyond courtesy and represent a complete lie. Is that so bad? Is it a requisite for the 21st century that we must all live in a phony world, constantly making up new lies and trying to remember them. This truly is the century of multitalents. Previously you just did your job and if you were good you'd be rewarded. Now you have vicious office politics, societal political correctness, the need to constantly sell something (idea, yourself, etc.), entrepreneurialism. May you live in interesting times, well at times you can overload on all these personalities. Have we all forgotten another important thing - moderation?

Monday 1 pm: So here I sit in the hall, more than 2 hours later. What do I see, her lawyer red marking the document that already had her acceptable changes. Earlier she came out and was easily heard complaining, how dare the Guardian talk to her client. Well that is her right to protect the BIC. When the Guardian makes a decision or supports a complaint against me it's fine, but when she finally sees the light and complements me on being cooperative and then exercises her right to contact the other party, oh that's not OK. If it were slanted any further it would be vertical. When do you call it enough?

My mood is sinking. I am so concerned that the treadmill will never stop. I hate when my realism or skepticism on these matters is correct. Please come out, I need a pleasant surprise.

Monday 1:45 pm: So my lawyer comes out looks at me sitting there with my laptop, looks confused & says, I gotta talk to you and I gotta pee. I say well go, he says I wanted to talk to you while I pee. Now that's strange, and he called me strange when I brought a stapler in my briefcase to a meeting. I told him, I'm a guy and I don't invite others to go pee with me. Even for more socialable female rules, would that be OK?

I hurried to find my laptop lock cable, but he got back before I was all done securing it to the court bench (OK, I didn't hurry). He says my wife's lawyer made all kinds of changes but they were not substantive, well I've heard that bullshit before, so we'll have to see. I've got my flash drive and my compare tools so I can make a quick determination.

If she's gonna do all these silly changes, I at least need to reformat this doc with auto numbering, page breaks and table of contents. These provide a practical value when dealing with a reference document.

Monday 2 pm: The guardian came out, she says the parenting plan is done. I'm confused, I thought it was done last week, what doneness was added in the last 3 hours ($2400)? They are waiting to talk to the Judge. Waiting... A sheriff walks by, he does a double take on my extension cord and laptop charger plugged in. He slows down and stares at my laptop, "Hello Officer", he walks by. Hey if you're gonna keep me here so long, my battery doesn't last all day. Finally an hour later my lawyer says I can pack up and go. So where are things?

Her lawyer made all kinds of miscellaneous changes that should not have been necessary (for $2500, BIC of course). Then she will show it to my wife tomorrow (more money) and make more changes and then we'll see if it is still OK. I did not get my Christmas schedule yet, the lawyers are hoping my wife agrees to the full parental agreement with expanded Holiday time for me. I'm hoping for a million bucks to fall out of the sky and land at my feet, and that's more likely. Seems as likely as a green sunrise. I said why wait take care of it now. No we'll wait for something unlikely and then my lawyer will issue an emergency motion (just like I asked for last year and was told they didn't do those, somebody's lying).

As for financials there was so much ink on that I couldn't see the original document, so I have a meeting on Wednesday to review that. But like I said, I'm taking it to a CPA, these lawyers aren't too good with math. When he gets done, she'll wish she hadn't asked any questions.

============== LIVE COMPOSITION ==============

Monday 3 pm: The lawyer tells me everybody was impressed with the new artificial me, smiling and talking to these people who've been screwing me for 2 years, wearing a Santa tie. Wow no complaints and you are deemed a perfect parent. So, while I'm driving home, I call my wife to see how my son is and tell her I'd like to visit. Well he vomited again today and he's sleeping now, then she'll give him something to drink at 5 or so, then he'll go back to bed so I can't see him. You can see him Thursday, well, that would be my Holiday time anyway.

She's playing ignorant, although it's believable, because she could give a hoot about court orders so I can believe that she hadn't read the document. In fact, in the hall today, I quoted a possibly troublesome phrase, my lawyer looked at me as if he didn't know it was in there, I told him which section (from memory), then I showed him the exact reference, section, subsection, and page. I know the document better than anyone, I have the most vested in it, my wife has every protection she could want in it, so why be familiar with the details.

Monday 4:15 pm: Pick up pizza, lawyer called back to schedule a meeting to conflict with my Holiday visitation that is in the document that only I seem to know about. So he reschedules for Wed. I complained that I need the Holiday schedule, my son has grandparents and an Uncle & cousin that would like to see him and they can't leave their holiday wide open just because I married a bitch. We'll wait till after tomorrow he repeats like a broken record.

Monday 7 pm: Heard from my son, tired, worn out. Maybe she'll take him to the doctor tomorrow. She's not going to meet with her lawyer or have him leave the house, so that means the Christmas Schedule is unlikely, and missing another day of visitation is likely.

Monday 9 pm: So to summarize, the big day is a bust. Instead of a marathon, last day of trial, it's a big breath of hot air doing nothing but adding to more legal bills. Now that it is no longer perceived to me my fault (it never was), I don't see a lot of push yet. So I guess we'll schedule trial day # 5, for another $5K. What a waste.

So we've now come to the end of this marathon post. I thought it would be interesting to capture the micro changes during this count down. It was supposed to be the end of the trial, that would have been a worthwhile count down, instead it was a count down to further frustration.

Status: Active Draft was updated throughout the weekend -
Being cleaned up - last update: 12/19 1:50 am