Man or Pussy?
That is the question I asked him today. Why can't he stand up to my wife's lawyer? Why didn't he insist on a ruling Monday? Why didn't he argue that less than seven days notice for a holiday is unreasonable. Oh he and the guardian were disgusted, they expressed blah, blah, blah. Don't express, demand a hearing, a ruling. Get results.
Her lawyer has an established history in my case as well as others for pulling this last minute bulls--t. Well if you aren't happy you can discharge me. Oh yeah and do I get a refund for your kiss ass, don't want to offend the opposition, failed tactics? Isn't that great, you fail, you walk away with a smile and my money. I don't know how he grew up, but in our house, in my neighborhood, to be a man you clean up your mess, you persevere, you don't fail & walk away telling yourself what a good job you did. And if you weren't a man, well then you were a mouse, a percy, or a pussy.
So lawyer, make your choice - man or mouse - victory or failure.
And just in case you need help with that concept, which you have trouble hearing from me, try giving my Korean War Vet Dad some of your bulls--t. He's my unannounced surprise visitor. My Father is an interesting mixture of calm mediation and no-shit. It came in handy for years as a Union Contract Negotiator.
And if you think I have low tolerance for shit, wait till you meet the man that taught me. He'll be listening when you tell me why my son won't be seeing his grandparents on Christmas. You try to give him a BS answer or treat him like shit and see what happens.
Or you could just do the right thing. Finish this job, opposing counsel's feelings be damned. Or do what you told me and be damned with her. Will our Creator accept your legal argument to deny a child to see his father and extended family? Will He recognize your license to f--k with people? Wake up and join the real world, at least on His birthday.
Status: First draft - Last Update 12/21 2:40 am
PS: I added a major comment in response to a reader on 12/21 1am. Please check it out.
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6 comments:
I am trying so hard to get a glimps of where her anger is comming from. Why exactly is it so important to keep your son away from you, and does she even understand how that hurts the little guy?
Good question, the answer is it is more than anger. It’s a complex set of mental maladies.
We ran into some rough times when a startup I worked for went under (see posts Tagged V2 & Tagged), then there was the car accident while working on third shift when I was diagnosed with sleep apnea (upcoming post). I’ll admit things weren’t easy, but they weren’t unbearable either. I did well before marriage and with the startup, so we had no poverty.
There is the overprotective element. Contrary to observable facts, she thinks only she knows what’s best for my son. Her track record compared to mine is terrible, in her care, he started a fire in the microwave, had his face slit almost needing stitches, and 2 broken arms. Under my care, nothing even close, except for her wild imagination of what could happen only in her twisted mind, but never in reality.
And then there is jealousy, prior to and half way through our marriage I was a workaholic, I had a very established career and had a large sum built up before our marriage. It was always her intent that she was entitled to all of that even though it was built prior to our meeting and at my substantial personal sacrifice.
I spend generously on my son, my child support is equal to a home mortgage payment and I spend well beyond that. She decided she wanted to wreck the family in search of happiness and a utopian situation for better and not worse. I feel an obligation to my son, but not to her. She made my life very miserable before she left. But even though I know her expectations, she’s never asked for the separate property as a term of settlement, it’s likely her hired pit bull said she wasn’t entitled to it.
And of course there is the vengeance, she doesn’t want to allow my freedom or potential happiness until she has found nirvana. When she left, I was devastated by loosing access to my son, but her absence was a surprising relief to me. I felt better and didn’t know why, ah, the silence, no one bitching, I could get used to this, it’s not all bad. I’ve got to cook and do laundry, wait I always did anyway.
Hey it’s better. Except for my missing son. She found my weak spot, use him to get at me. She’s extremely self centered and if it meets her goal she is not above abusing anyone, including her own flesh and blood (son, her parents, and her siblings).
Add it all up – I’ve got a disaster.
I don't think she understands what she's doing to him, she is so confident that she is right and everyone else (especially me) is wrong. But as that damage turns to resentment for her and affects her relationship with him, then she will understand, but it will be too late.
Oh I have so many stories on this topic. I will post them here even post decree. For now I live in hell, if I can stabilize this situation, I hope to turn the blog from emotional to analytical which may be a helpful resource to others and to myself.
But it is way too emotionally stressful now as I battle up this vertical cliff of a system, and you are seeing raw emotion at its worst.
You have so much strength, and that is admirable. Lesser men would have cracked under this kind of pressure. Somehow you find the strength to put one foot in front of the other and do what has to be done. I can agree that your life must be hell. Please take care of your health, and I guess someday you will see light at the end of the tunnel. My heart truly hurts for you and that little boy.
Thanks for the compliment, but it truly has been hard. There have been many times when I felt near the breaking point, like when I asked my lawyer tonight if he was a man or a pussy, I actually said much worse (smirking now). It is so damn stressful to have these lawyers pressuring me to give, give, give, and all I get in return is bills and no results.
I can easily see now how fathers are beaten away by this screwed up system. I have been so lucky that my son has been persistent in his requests to see me, surprising the Guardian with his firm demands to see me more. I have had an advisor who endured an international kidnapping by her spouse constantly advise how important it is for the child to know they are being fought for and not abandoned. And of course my upbringing to be perseverant, problem solving, and creative.
My dad is kind of a quiet man, but has come up with many good ideas along the way. I called him to vent, and said if those a—holes tried one more stunt I was going to throw them out of their 20+ story window if someone didn’t hold me back. My dad volunteered to come in a minute. I think it will be a very good twist, it will catch them off balance, his sense of calm will help me, and frankly I think they are less likely to give me a bunch of shit with a witness in the room. At least if they know what’s good for them, my dad has been involved in some challenging disputes and brings the right sense of calm / negotiate / fight.
Your dad sounds like 'old school', (that is a good thing!)
Hey at my age, I think I am too.
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