This is Child Protection?

A blogger buddy of mine researches and writes about some truly horrifying aspects of the family court arena. I must thank her for this timely article that helps set the stage for me to finally be able to tell my personal experiences with CPS abuse.

Please read this very informative article. Disgusted with the system: This is Child Protection?

You may have seen my earlier post from events over three weeks ago. The subject is filled with so much intense emotional pain and stress that I have been unable to write about it and shared the details among only a very few close trusted people.

Thanks to Louise's post, I think I may finally be able to find the courage to publicly disclose the details of how CPS is being used by my ever vengeful ex in her continued attempt to limit my son's access to me and continue her obsessive control of me using my son as a weapon.

It is vile, disgusting and should be illegal. But instead it is an example of the once free democracy of the once greatest country in the world failing to meet the goals of the founding father's mighty intentions.

Let this be a call to action, to take back the freedoms and government that we are entitled to.

You can find a link to Louise's Disgusted with the system Blog as well as another very informative site for NCPs - SPARC on my sidebar.

Placeholders

What's with these placeholders...

I haven't posted in a while, and that happens on many blogs, but usually for different reasons, people start to run out of topics after writing hundreds of posts. I have different problems in between posts.

First I have so many topics for this blog and even a bunch for other blogs. some of which are not launched yet, that I don't know which one to do first. This blog in particular being started 18 months after my potential topics started piling up has a large backlog of partially written posts. In fact the reason this got started is because I had dozens of pages of word document on potential topics.

Second, being a recovering perfectionist, I tend to go through a few drafts to try to cover the topic adequately. I may delay the post because i want to add a photo or because some background should be established first.

Third, and maybe this is more common with my fellow bloggers, sometimes I am just too stressed to write. I may know what I want to cover, know the key points, but just can't sit down and put the sentences together. This happens especially for more emotionally charged subjects.

So rather than have people checking the blog continually and seeing nothing new, I thought I'd think out loud a little. I'd take the skeleton of the post and publish it as is, and then fill it in, hopefully by the end of the week. That way you'll know I'm still here, you'll get a taste for whats coming.

Now granted it means that you may have to scroll down several posts to see the finished versions of the placeholders. And I realize that's kind of inconvenient, so I don't intend on making this a new writing style. I just wanted to give a good explanation by way of illustration.

I also did it as a way to force myself out of being comfortably numb and back into writing. By having the placeholders out there I will embarrass myself into finishing them.

If you didn't notice it, I gave another demonstration of my personal writing challenge in a post that had very strong positive and negative aspects to it. I normally would have split that into two posts concentrating on each end of the experience. Instead I intermingled it, which is confusing, but its the way things are for me IRL... Good and bad are constantly intertwined like a bowl a spaghetti.

In yet another post I tried to add an uncharacteristic (for me) sports analogy spin on a post.

Note: After this post was written a turn of events has taken me from numb to severe panic to be explained here.

You just have to amuse yourself

otherwise who else will...

Another blogger mentioned the reaction you get from unexpected simple human interactions, things that can bring a glow to you and others. Things like a stranger saying hello with a smile. I try to practice that in a vain attempt to build up positive karma to override all the negative shit in my life. Sometimes I just crack myself up while cracking others up too.

Football in the drugstore

While getting a few things in the drugstore, I saw these small footballs with our home team on them. And I thought of my son who's too young to get his hands around an official size football, especially as you would need to do to throw a spiral pass. Now I'm not a rabid sports fan so I wasn't buying it out of any personal fan loyalty, although I try to see our home teams once in a while.

So I get to the cash register and the lady gives the football a double take, I said "It's for my son", she said "Suuure it is", so I showed her the photo of my son in my wallet and said "Does that look like me?" She still seemed disbelieving, so I explained further, "Yeah I need a smaller ball to teach him to throw a spiral". She said you just do this, and she motioned. I said no that's not how you do it. The other younger clerk said, like this and motioned the same overhand toss. I said, "No you have to get some spin on the ball like this". So the younger clerk is assuring me she can throw a spiral and I said no you can't, not like that, here you throw me one.

So there we are in the drugstore about 15 feet apart passing a small home team football back and forth. See if you don't get spin on it, it wobbles or worse will go end over end. When I was done several employees and customers were looking, smiling, in disbelief about the spiral football passing demonstration. I left the store with a broad smile too. Hey maybe they thought who is that crazy guy? But what's so crazy about having fun?

Picking Buckeyes

There is a buckeye tree next to my son's bus stop, so I've been watching the tree for a few weeks, anxiously waiting for the buckeyes to get ripe and fall. I've picked some and cut them apart for my son so he can see how they form. First there is the outer green prickly shell that keeps any animal from eating the seed before its developed. Then the shell starts getting brown, less needles and begins to crack open. At this point they may be fully developed and may fall to the ground. Eventually the outer shell opens enough for the buckeyes to fall out.

So for the last week I've been collecting buckeyes before and after my son gets off the bus. And this week they are fully developed and we've been picking dozens of them. I don't know what about picking buckeyes is so fun. Maybe its opening the shell and finding the prize inside, different shapes & sizes of buckeye, some with flat sides, some more round. I remember doing it as a kid. So now my son and I are sifting through all these buckeyes. It's still kind of fun.

Why not keep your eye out for a buckeye tree and see what kind of prize you may find?

So...

What do you do to amuse yourself? Leave your suggestions in the comments...

Stress Continum

Placeholder check back

When a person is stressed what happens? I like to think of things on a spectrum, from one extreme to another, with a balancing point in the middle. This is admittedly an analytical approach, some may say overly analytical, but I'll write off that criticism as an occupational hazard from spending my lifetime in an analytical career.

Stress is impossible to avoid, and can serve a positive purpose if successfully managed. To be managed you need to be self aware, where are you on the spectrum, which way are you headed and what corrective action should you take to reach balance.

Now those who feel this is overly analytical or are believers in ignorance is bliss may want to stop reading now, for once ignorance is pushed aside, bliss may be gone forever. As for me, my analytical instincts are nearly uncontrollable, like a moth to a flame, I am continually on a quest for the reasons, even though I sometimes know I won't like them, I somehow can't leave well enough alone. Oh well, we all have to have our flaws.

So what does the stress continuum look like? Well it can vary from paralyzed with fear, to effectively dealing with it, to just paralyzed. Lets explore the spectrum.

Scared Shitless

yyy

Panic

yyy

Effective

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Comfortably Numb

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Zombie

yyy

Importance of Self Awareness

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Dangers of Ignorance

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What a difference a week makes

EXISTING VISITATION ENDANGERED ONE WEEK after overnight visitation miracle.

NEW DEVELOPMENTS ON 2 WEEKS after overnight visitation miracle on 10/8 at 8PM - THINGS HAVE GOTTEN MUCH WORSE

The court is now involved and actively considering suspending my visitation entirely.

This is not an unusual occurrence with an NCP during contested custody.

I am no longer numb, I am scared shitless... on 10/8

On 10/15 feeling better thanks to details in Louise's article and CPS not contacting me yet. I am trying to remain hopeful that they will understand this is a bogus complaint.

On 11/07 still no contact from CPS, so that's good. But I have yet to meet with the person who reported my ex's bias account. That was scheduled for tomorrow, but I have a conflict so it may have to wait another month. Depending how that meeting went I could feel better.

I suppose, as I mentioned somewhere, the worst of it is, I can never feel free, as long as I choose to see my son, the threat of CPS abuse looms over me, thanks to a very dysfunctional and often abused system.

I'll finalize this post when that meeting occurs...

Status: Actively updated as of 11/07/07 6 am

Nothing Short of a Miracle...

ROUGH DRAFT

I can't believe it... OMG...

You know how my son doesn't get to be overnight with me... supposedly because of my sleep apnea. Well my brother and sister-in-law have wanted him to spend the night so he could have a longer visit with their daughter, his niece. They have a lot of fun together.

Well she confirmed that she'd let him go there from noon to 5 to celebrate his birthday with his cousin. So then I said (and my son could hear in the background) how about if he stayed for a bonfire with marshmallows and popcorn and then camped out there. She said, ummm, he said yes, she said well that's a long day, I said that's the point..., she said OK!!!!

She's gonna take him there at noon Sat and he'll spend the day and stay over night... I'll be there too... This is only the second overnight since March 2005.

I really can hardly believe it...

I wonder if its got anything to do with that court order that just came through where she gets the whole $60K appreciation rather than the $39K in the settlement. Nah, she'd have to be one callous bitch to sell an overnight visit for $21K. The last one cost me 1/10 as much.

So......

CHECK BACK

Court Actions Pending

PLACEHOLDER CHECK BACK

Well boy do I have my hands full now, all these court actions are pending against me...

Court Action 1 - Post decree implementation

There are still implementation items outstanding from 4 months ago that are yet to be taken care of. Nearly all of my parental rights notification were left undone because the lawyer refused to take care of them. For example it I rushed my son to the hospital I would not be allowed to consent to treatment, he would have to wait for his mother or a hospital decision. I have considered writing the needed letters and sign them with a phony name on phony letterhead with a phony lawyers registration number. No one would bother to check, and if they did I'd just be asking for the rights already granted to me in the decree but people will accept it in a letter from me since I am the NCP, loosing party.

In some ways, I can now see why people are proposing gay marriage to obtain legal rights for their "partner", now that I have lost legal rights for my own son. I would have to say that we should restore Father's rights before we get busy establishing gay rights. Something to ask any politician who has misplaced priorities in this area.

Court Action 2 - Debt lawsuit

The judge granted my ex's request for more than half the assets and less than half the debt on the grounds that men are more capable of earning money, even when harassed out of a job. When I objected to this, there was some prejudicial consideration of my premarital safety net, even though the judge ordered it seized for legal fees. This was the point where he said he'd take my house unless I "agreed" to take on an extra $30,000 debt. This lawsuit is scheduled for a hearing in Dec 2007 and for a multi-year trial to begin in March 2008.

Court Action 3 - Deadbeat Enforcement

As mentioned in the previous post, I received another notice on an enforcement action, all future federal and state tax refunds will automatically be seized. I have received a State Department warning. The next actions to follow quickly will be passport revocation and drivers license suspension. Without a driver's license I will find it impossible to maintain meaningful employment in my city. I will be forced to relocate to the inner city along a bus line and accept employment as a day laborer.

Court Action 4 - No representation

The judge granted my lawyer's request to withdraw ex parte, without allowing me a chance to voice the effect on me. As a three lawyer looser, I will be unable to obtain legal counsel, not that I could afford it anyway. But with a dozen actions pending this is getting to be a little more than I can handle.

Court Action 5 - Ex Parte Decisions

The trial judge, having dismissed my counsel, and determined not to allow me to represent myself, is now accepting ex parte requests from opposition counsel to allow her to request a hearing in my absence, present only one side and then have him render an opinion under a little known local rule regarding an "uncooperative" party.

Court Action 6 - Seizure of Pension

My ex has know made a motion to the court to seize the public employment retirement pension that I built up 15 years prior to marriage. Having been in that system nearly long enough to retire leaves me with insufficient Social Security credits to collect from that pension, leaving me with the prospect of working until I drop dead at work.

Court Action 7 - Failed Service

A new court action has been taken and I don't know what it is because I evaded service. As I am now being sued in two municipal courts, domestic relations court and county common please court, I have some docket searching to do to track this down.

Court Action 8 - Visitation Reduction Request

My ex has a need for absolute control for a variety of reasons, likely stemming from deep seated and currently untreated emotional problems. Visitation has been a constant struggle, she is not satisfied to simply allow me or even my family access to my son without anal retentive control. When she drops him off, she'll have a list of suggested activities, snacks, food, clothing, etc. It concerns me because living in a bobble or with those short "apron strings" would make the most well adjusted person neurotic.

Every opportunity she gets she looks for "concerns" to bring up. These have cost me tens of thousands in evaluation interviews all of which have come up with no other concern then "we look at things differently"... and that's being kind, I'd say that her obsessive, phobic, neurotic behavior presents a danger to my son's healthy up bringing. But that has fallen on deaf ears, mothers are "wired" to be the perfect nurturing parent, what the hell could a sperm donor lend to the situation after conception?

At any rate, even post decree, she is still reporting her "concerns" and now that the divorce is final and I have been deemed the "looser", my risk of loss of visitation has increased substantially. During the divorce when the looser wasn't declared there seemed to be at least the protection that I would get some visitation. That protection is gone.

Court Action 9 - Visitation Mediation

xxx

Court Action 10 - Supervised Visitation Request

xxx

Court Action 11 - County Prosecutor Audit

During the course of reviewing supporting documents for the final decree, I found a fax from the county prosecutors office to the opposition counsel responding to child support audit request. This request would normally be an administrative matter handled by the support agency. By making the request to the prosecutor, knowing that she had diverted in excess of $5000 of support outside the agency records she knew the audit would come up as eligible for action by the prosecutor. At no time did she indicate her deliberate action to hide funds paid to her client, thereby deceiving the prosecutor. I had asked for a full disclosure of all correspondence to the prosecutor and a letter to the prosecutor bringing to light the facts with held. My counsel, already uncooperative at the time refused to implement my request. This action remains pending.

Court Action 12 - Opposition Legal Fees

My counsel needlessly exposed me to opposition legal fees twice after the judge had made a ruling on the level of my wife's fees I would be expected to pay. First when the fee negotiation cut her fees in half, no record of that discussion or the detailed fee schedule was provided as I had repeatedly asked for. This allows her to simply submit a new fee schedule and claim its the correct version, post decree as she has not settled her fee with my ex yet, leaving the door open to collect it from me.

Second, when I repeatedly asked for a sanction for the delay in the QDRO transaction, and it was ignored this allowed the opposition to pursue delay charges against me since none were lodged against her. My lawyer then claimed he had notified me a month earlier when my records show I was unable to reach him or the senior partner because they were out of the office. When I asked for proof of the notification, none was provided. My voicemail boxes, caller ID logs, and email contained no record of any attempted contact by my counsel which was very untypical. With the support of my counsel against me in an ex parte hearing, it was determined that the delay was my fault on my counsel's word. This is the second exposure to fees.

Status: Second Draft - Last update 10/9/07

Deadbeat Again Dilemma

It's almost unbelievable...

In the US, the federal government mandates a nationwide child enforcement bureaucracy that has the dubious distinction of over collecting from those who are honest and not collecting at all from those who are not.

I have continually been on the deadbeat dad enforcement action list since I was first registered with them. In fact the very first month, they claimed I was $3000+ behind because they used the wrong starting date. I have never been behind in child support and at times have had as much as 2.5 years of support held in escrow. Wait, how could that be, that means I would have prepaid all my support to date... Yep, and I did, except the judge ordered 2/3 of my son's support seized for legal fees. Because the judge decided it was BIC for my lawyers to get the money rather than my son. Where was my son's guardian on this issue, protecting his interests? Nope, she had her hand out too and got part of that 2/3.

Last year I came within 2 weeks of loosing my driver's license and only thorough shouted threats at my lawyer every few days did I obtain the court order that notified the agency that they were in error. One year later and I'm at the same ridiculous point. Every single month I call the agency get someone to run an audit and audio tape their response. Last month they said I was at a surplus in my support payments. This month I received a notice that said I was 3 months behind and enforcement would be escalated by seizure of both federal and state tax refunds. How could this be? A bunch of do nothing, could give 2 hits, careless, government employees who screw up constantly. I may start posting these audio tapes...

How can you be at a surplus and behind? Well child support is broken into two segments, support sent to the mother with no accounting for how it is spent, and "poundage" a fee (2%) collected as a percentage of the support amount to support the inefficient error prone government bureaucracy something you thought taxes paid for.

This creates two interesting problems. First, depending how they apply the money they get, they can have an excess in support and a short fall in poundage. If they allow this shortfall to go uncorrected for a few months, then you will be targeted for enforcement. So last month when I had thought I was even and they reported a surplus that should have been my warning sign to file for a court ordered intense audit. Something that I am likely too late for.

But the second problem is more insidious, a built in conflict of interest and the reason why every Dad is labeled a Deadbeat. Their very existence, their paycheck is funded by poundage, by the level of support they claim you owe. By inflating their estimated outstanding support obligations, they inflate their poundage and hence their own budget. That's right, the government learned a lesson in creative bookkeeping from the private sector, ala Enron.

I have also received the Federal Sate Department warning that my passport is eligible for seizure. Being on the sate department list, my travel by major means can be scrutinized and denied. At the last minute going through airport checkin, my boarding could be denied just as any terrorist's could be. See in America, Divorced Dads are viewed with the same contempt by the government as terrorists.

Well almost, because if you are a terrorist in the US, the government will not interfere with your driving privileges. But as a Divorced Dad, we are subjected to automatic suspension of our driver's license if listed for enforcement action. And just as an enemy combatant we are relieved of our due process. Oh they say you can apply for an appeal, but your license is taken first then good luck ever getting the appeal.

How does this happen? Deceitful people "working" the system and those responsible to keep things in control (judges) allowing them to do it. The easiest way to achieve this is by forcing support payments to be made outside of the enforcement agency, to write ambiguous support order adjustments, and to communicate conflicting information to related government agencies.

Over the last few months I've let my beard grow in, maybe I could travel more freely under false ID looking like a terrorist.

And the saddest part of this whole story is this is typical.

In the US, all Divorced Dads are labeled as Deadbeat Dads, some by error, some for cause. (jqism)
Divorced Dads don't run away, they are chased away by the courts. (jqism)

Status: Second Draft

Welcome to my Roller Coaster Life

IRL I don't much like roller coasters, maybe its because my life seems like one huge roller coaster...

Last week in just 4 days...

• For only the second time since she took my son in March of 2005, she was going to allow my son to spend overnight with me. Not at my house but at my brother's to celebrate his birthday. This is huge progress!
  
• My son's overnight visit (Sat to Sun) went very well.
• After my son left I spent some time with just my brother, first time in a long time, we walked the lagoon/lakefront for hours
• I missed a message on my cell Sun afternoon, in the evening I found it was a fairly serious medical problem with my Father.
• Monday morning I got Sat's mail to find three serious court actions.
• The first was stepped up deadbeat dad enforcement after I have paid extra support and had monthly audits the last which said I was at a surplus, I called and raised a big shit, got to the county directors office, all kinds of finger pointing and they say I'm OK. But I'm not - court action is initiated by the State, and when I get called into state court and tell them the county director said it was OK, they say it wasn't in their jurisdiction. The next steps will be a permanent travel ban like a fuckin terrorist and then they will take my driver's license and prevent me from being employed.
• Number 2 court action is ex parte rulings against me, I am no longer being represented by a lawyer, nor being allowed to represent myself. My ex's lawyer is getting judgments against me without due process.
  
• Number 3 court action is a seizure of my public employment retirement account that I have instead of Social Security, without that I will have to work to my fucking dying day which I hope comes so very soon.
• Then I find out my son is very sick and can't even leave the apt, I had no contact not even by phone on Monday....
• I felt like shit, how do I get past this... I pushed and pushed myself and decided, I will go to a concert, I'll do something for me. I got dressed in a typical old style California Cool, all black. I was lucky to get a ticket, the mosh pit and seating were full, SRO (standing room only). It was a cool concert, kind of mellow. I enjoyed myself...
• Got up Tuesday, worn out, a little hung over, and in the mail a fourth court action attempted service, don't even know what it is...
• Later on that day I had personal misunderstandings that just added to my stress.
  
• At least on Wednesday my Father's condition was stable.

The Chinese say may you live in interesting times... My times are too fucking interesting, I am ready to be bored. Or at least climb a mountain and stay there for a while before crashing down at high speed. So after Wednesday did things settle down, did they get tolerable? Fuck no, things are continuing to plummet downward at high speed....