Politicians are ...

how can I say this...

Politicians? Insert your expletives here.

I was at a large job fair recently and there was a booth from our US congressional representative. He wasn't there of course, he's in Washington, DC, there was a "staffer" manning the booth.

This guy was getting softball questions, I figured I'd challenge him a little. I asked him what our representative thought of his home town these days, the corruption, the federal dawn raids, the state supreme court investigations of 3 hour work days and fluffing cases on unelected visiting judges.

His body language gave him away, he was uncomfortable. Why? Is he tied into the local corruption? He is a local staffer, spending his time in our town, not DC. I wasn't indicting him or his boss. I was just saying that our hometown boy needs to come home from DC and "talk to some of the local movers and shakers and move some out and shake some up".

So what does someone who is uncomfortable do, deflect! I asked if we needed a law that makes it illegal for a judge to work 3 hour days (like mine did, as investigated and reported by our major media outlet). His response, well that's out of their jurisdiction, our county courts are subject to state law, it would have to be a federal court for our US congressman to consider legislation. OK, 2 points for the technicality, bullshit deflection. I repeated my challenge, our hometown boy needs to come home from DC and talk to some people here.

He handed me his card, encouraged me to write to the congressman, and dismissed me, no doubt happy to see me go. I'll have to remember his name, in case he ever seeks election.


So how would I complete the sentence?
Politicians are full of shit!
Leave your comments on how you'd complete the sentence.

Do you know HTML?

Today my son and I were doing one thing and my ex was doing her own thing at another table. While I was away from my laptop keyboard for a moment, my young son (from memory, just observing me), launched KompoZer an open source web building tool, like a Dreamweaver Lite and started building a web page. He wanted to spice it up so he launched Word and searched for clipart, then dragged it from Word to KompoZer.

He wanted some words to be big, bigger than Header 1, so he asked. Hmm, well, that's not a standard feature, we'll just edit the source HTML. He watched and read along with me the HTML source code that was generated by KompoZer. Rather than old style (pre XHTML) coding, I used a CSS style tag. Last time I showed him a simple JavaScript, I haven't shown him the more complicated version I wrote to cope with Microsoft's attempt to break javascript.

I showed him the customized iGoogle home page I set up for him, with Nasa photos and his favorite comics. I started to show him a Google Site where you can use their Web builder software since he can't install KompoZer on his Mom's or a library computer.

But here's the interesting part. My ex is looking at this job lead and it specifies that a "familiarity with HTML" is needed. She asks me, Do you know HTML? Duh, yeah, I thought. I responded, Yes and as a matter of fact, our son is getting familiar with it too.

So maybe he'll help her with that, just like he helps her with other computer questions.

She seems to be letting up a little on her technical phobia. Maybe she thought about it a bit and realized that the web site we set up presents no danger. Certainly not that she took my word, she probably consulted a bunch of non-technial friends who couldn't see what her fuss was about.

Actually her phobias aren't limited to technology. She woried when my son watched me use power tools or did any kind of work around the house. It didn't matter that I taught him saftey (wear eye protection) and the dangers of power tools and that he couldn't use them at his age. I actually spent time in court over that. Have any of you been called into court because your child saw you use a powertool? Sound crazy? Because it is?

Well he apparently learned a few things. When the handle fell off her briefcase, my son said no problem and repaired it for her. Guess he's getting to be a little handy man.

She should be happy I spend time teaching my son how to be a boy so he can help her with her problems. Maybe someday she'll admit the obvious. I'm not holding my breath, it will take a long time. It took her 4 years to finally admit that lawyers had ripped us off, but she still didn't learn her lesson on that one either. Some people are just...

Tech Phobia

As I mentioned on Valentines Day we had a disagreement about a web site for my son.

My ex has a long history of tech phobia. For one birthday before separation she gave me a pair of web cams and said this is how you are going to see your son. A bit of a cruel streak too. But then she won't let him use it because Oprah said that web cams make child prostitutes. As if Oprah is technically competent to understand the Internet and protecting children on it. I actually have extensive experience in networking technology, advised the state government ISP, supported global networks, worked on computer security, and even set up the work from home network that my ex still uses.

My son has a little club and he wanted a web site for it, so he asked his Dad who has a career in computers and has plenty of web sites (that she is thankfully ignorant of). He asked me to set up a membership application and email it to his mom. She about jumped out of her chair, don't put her email on the web site. OK, I'll use an email address that I set up for my son. It contains his initials. She was worried about that. How is someone going to compromise my son's safety from a password protected web site with just his initials? The email isn't listed on the password protected site, its embedded in HTML. He actually doesn't access this email address directly, I get it and forward it to her.

Paranoia and ignorance are a dangerous combination (jqism).

He wanted to include a membership roster and I said no to that one as she was about to have a stroke. Here again, a first name isn't really a problem, its when sufficient personal info is given to identify the person and location. No location info is specified or even implied (on purpose).

I had to take his first name off everything to satisfy her which also deprives him of pride of ownership of the site that he is sharing with friends. I showed the web site to another educator of young children I work with and she thought it was neat and had no concerns.

I think my ex got over her concern now, maybe she called Oprah and got the OK, I don't know.

I don't mind debating these issues with my colleagues in the computer security industry at a logical level, but I'd rather not entertain my ex-wife's emotional hysteria or Oprah's sensationalism. Working in the computer and educational environments for 20 years and being selected to advise the state ISP and library systems on these and other network issues I feel confident in my ability to review and eliminate risks of internet access by my son. Unfortunately my ex doesn't share this confidence, she lets her roller coaster emotions be her guide.

I guess you can see my sarcasm and frustration, but I really take a more calm and logical approach. My ex takes an emotional leap to pedophile or death as the consequence to many perceived dangers. I know this has caused credibility problems with my son as I wrote in a previous post where my ex actually told my son he could die of tetanus from handling a (rusty) railroad spike. He knows that's not true and I really see no point in exaggerating.

As for use of technology, it's going to happen, it's everywhere. Rather than tell doom and gloom stories, crying wolf, and attempting to ban it, I know my son will respond better to giving logical rules.

Status: Second Draft - Last Updated 02/18/09 11 am

Valentine's Day for the Divorced?

Some people talk about celebrating divorce, I see little to celebrate.

First the divorce wrecked havoc on myself, my ex, and worst of all my son who didn't deserve this.

Second, many people equate divorce with freedom. Not me, I am still faced with her because of my son. Ask me again in a decade when my son is an adult.

St. Valentine's Day holds some special meaning for me, while planning to celebrate it in some romantic way, my ex (and her perverse sense of timing) announced her decision to end the marriage. No need to discuss anything or work on it for the sake of our innocent son, just do what she thinks would make her "happy".

So how should divorcee's commemorate the day?

As for me, I'll be spending it with my ex. Yee Ha! (sarcasm!) Since my ex insists on supervising my visitation, it looks like I'll be spending time with my son and my tag along ex on Valentine's Day. How many people will be doing that? I don't particularly want to see her any day let alone Valentine's Day. My focus will be on my son.

At another divorce blog I like a lot, someone posted a Valentine's Day cocktail.

Let's see what drink would be appropriate? My usual drink is CC and Ginger. A smooth Canadian Whiskey and a not too sweet mix. 7 & 7 is too sweet.

But for this occasion I think that the better choice would be a "Snake Bite".

2 oz of Yukon Jack over ice with a splash of Rose's Lime juice.

No substitutions - Yukon Jack is a strong (100 proof) Canadian Whiskey with a unique taste (strong bite).

Yukon Jack is the "black sheep of Canadian Whiskeys", "a taste born of hoary (gray or white with or as if with age) nights, when lonely men struggled to keep their fires lit and cabins warm."

Yep that will be my Saturday toast. I checked and I have the ingredients.

If you don't have that, then how about a "Screwdriver" (to celebrate being screwed by your divorce).

2.5 oz vodka
4 oz fresh orange juice

Cheers...

Guess I'll have to stop by here on Sunday and let everyone know how it went.

Feel free to comment here and tell me how you plan to "celebrate" the day or how it went.

Update:

---

So I had a decent day, despite my ex being there as a tag along and being a pain. Actually I had two days... On Friday I went swimming with my son for a few hours. My visitation is supposed to be four hours on the weekend, usually on Saturday. When I asked her about Saturday (Valentine's Day) she seemed a little curt, less than enthused. I suppose she could have tried to schedule it for Sunday, but she didn't. Maybe in some perverse way she'd rather see that I wasn't with anyone else on that day. I had been dating last year, but am not seeing anyone now.

My son called me a few times on Valentine's Day morning, asking me to bring some things. The court said 4 hours, she said 3, no one tells her what to do, but it turned out to be 6 hours. On the one hand she left us alone a lot to make calls or whatever, on the other hand she had to be her controlling self. She insisted he do some school work. So we did.

We had some fun too. I brought him a bouquet of Tootsie Pops, Valentine's Day cards (from me, my parents, and his cousin), and some brownies with real frosting just like his aunt (my brother's wife) made him a few weeks ago. See my ex only makes "healthy" brownies without frosting (kind of like a hard chocolate cake, yuk). My son is tall and thin, he doesn't need to be on a diet. I could see her getting ready to raise a fuss when I brought out the brownies, but she bit her tongue and let him have it.

He was making some labels and it wasn't working so we figured it out. We had a bit of a disagreement when my son asked me to set up a web site for him. Her protectionism and control kicked in. More on that later in another post. After I got home, my son continued to call me about the web site.

In the evening, I watched some movies, dabbled on the web (for my son), had a couple of snake bites and relaxed.

All in all, a decent day. Could have been better, but these days I have to be (somewhat) happy with what I can get (jqism).

Status: Second Draft

Our courts don't work !

A reader of my post from Dec "My ex is a control freak" commented:

"I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you're dealing with a major control freak. I'm not sure how the court system works where you are but here in NYC she can't just change your visitation without going to court first. If I were you I would tell her that your visitation will remain the same until the court says otherwise, or somehow document the fact that she has not been allowing you to have your scheduled meetings with your son. That will play in your favor in future proceedings. Speak with your lawyer and find out what is the best plan moving forward for both you and your son's sake."

Thanks for the empathy... How do our courts work here? They don't, not just my opinion, our newspaper reported that our State Supreme Court has labeled our county divorce courts as inefficient, non-compliant, slow, and the worst in the state. What's been done about it. Nothing ! Actualy worse than nothing, see this post.

No one, and I mean no one, tells my ex anything, she doesn't answer to me, she doesn't answer to the courts, and she doesn't even answer to God (not yet anyway), when her religion frowned on the divorce, she changed it.

Our divorce courts pick a winner (residential parent) and a loser (NCP). I was designated the loser. My rights are practically unenforceable. Offically, my asswipe court order says we have shared parenting. BULLSHIT. See the long list of visitation problems I have had. But as I said before, I don't settle, I fight, but its an uphill battle.

My ex wanted to allow me 1 hour per week. The magistrate bumped that up to 2 hours after school 1 day a week and 4 hours on the weekend. I pointed out that this is still short of my (fairly limited) court ordered 4 hours after school 3 days a week. She did make a concession to allow one overnight and possibly some extended weekend visits.

At this point in time I can not afford a lawyer. That's not necessarily a bad thing, they don't work well in this county either as my many legal abuse posts show. Thanks for the encouragement. I think I'll get my visitation back, but it is a slow process that started in Nov 2008 and isn't likely to conclude at our next hearing in March 2009.

I do thank you for your encoragement, it helps me continue the fight for what is right.