My ex is a control freak

A reader asks:

Is she always there when you get to see your son? Do you always have to have your joy at seeing your son dampened by seeing her too?

She never wanted me to have my own visitation with my son, but the court order does allow me to see him without her after school on three nights.

She will often "suggest" what I should do with my son or what he should eat. She questions him and I after nearly every visit. Not that she's so damn good herself, she has left him in questionable care, he has gotten hurt in her care, and he eats more fast food with her than I. Why? Double standard. What she does is OK.

One of the big restrictions is justified by my sleep apnea. She fears that I will be too fatigued to care for him or that I will get in a car accident. But I am very aware and am treated for sleep apnea and it hasn't been a problem. She on the other hand used to be asleep when I got home from 3rd shift and my son was up, unsupervised. Why? You don't need a sleep disorder to be fatigued, and she often is in the morning to the point where he is rushed to school at the last minute. What is the difference? My condition is documented AND treated, hers isn't!

Two months ago she decided that she wanted more control and has stopped him from coming to my house after school. So in the mean time I only see him once a week with her present, a violation of the existing court ordered visitation.

Yes that does dampen the visit and yes it does piss me off. Like I said in my Happy Birthday post it is awkward. And that's an understatement. But I focus on him. And hopefully an upcoming hearing is going to deny her request for more restrictive visitation.

But that's what she wants, for her to be in control and for me to be uncomfortable. I have often said, she has more control over me now than when we were married. But it's not just me. She is very controlling of my son and I'm sure that he's uncomfortable too.

She has many untreated phobias, germs too. She always has her bottle of Purell (hand sanitizer) that she uses way too much of. And sure enough it came out in the bowling alley. When he was a child she could not watch him swing, not because he would swing too high, but just because of the repetitive movement on the swing. I have a swing in my back yard that he uses and he uses the school playground at recess, but his mom doesn't swing.

I have this little glimmer of hope, that this new magistrate will see her for what she is, will see her untreated phobias and unreasonable restrictions and force them both to be fixed. Sometimes she can push things just too far and they could back fire. It would be so good if this magistrate finally applied a little justice to an unjust situation.