I am so F--kin Pissed

This is so much BullS--t!

Only hours from the ultimatum and I've been up a good part of the night. I still see very sloppy errors in this Parenting Plan.

Well I am not having this thing rammed down my throat, they can all kiss my ass.

You will need a little background here. Screw being nice. Let me give you some dirt.

My Wife

My wife is the sort to hold very long term grudges, well beyond what anyone would consider healthy. As a teenager, her father made an unpopular decision and moved from a home she apparently loved, and I mean loved. Her reaction, decades later, she talked of an intense hate for her father over that decision. She talked of her need to make sure he knew how terrible he was before he died.

Silly me, I counseled her on this obsession. I told her that hate would only eat her up, that her father, if he actually understood her, would be amused. That he just would never understand how bad he was (mainly because he's a real mean a--hole, I should have gotten to know him better before marrying her, and realized that she does have his genes). I've seen him harass his daughter-in-law to the point of tears, and she's a strong willed woman (nurse) just not prone to that kind of emotion. I actually think she transferred some of her hate for him to me.

She is the type who can not be satisfied. Through out this divorce, ever increasing demands have been made of me. I have conceded to many of them or negotiated some common ground. But the pattern is clear to anyone, meet the goals, raise the bar, repeat.

I have told everyone, she needs help. This case can not be resolved as long as the bar continually rises. She'll never be happy unless she is in complete control. She would be the type of person to kill someone then bring them back to kill them again.

Her Lawyer

My wife's lawyer is a snake, no it's not that I don't like her nor am I making a figurative slur. No this women can tip toe on the line of the law like a well trained ballerina, except at her age and occupation she is not anywhere near as fit. Many people who know her secretly joke that she has a bigger pair of brass balls than any man in court. She is famous throughout the state.

One of her skills of course is deception and reneging on agreements. Last fall my lawyer negotiated an increase in visitation from 4 to 8 hours on school days off (no weekends). My lawyer (18 years in divorce court) was very proud of this accomplishment against such an adversary. Since my wife's lawyer made the motion for parenting time allocation first, she was controlling the motion. I asked repeatedly that a motion be filed on my behalf but that was deemed redundant. Talking about calling the kettle black, lawyers are the very definition of redundant. I was in the hall when her lawyer told mine she would journalize the new visitation hours.

She never did, my lawyer never followed up. After six months of having just a few school days here and there extended. At 10:30 pm before Spring Break I was told by my wife that she was advised to revert from 8 hours to 4 hours. I fought this ever since then, all through the (second) summer I got half the time. I fired that lawyer, demanded a Pro Se appearance, and protested directly to the trial judge. But they all stick together and they'd move Heaven and Earth not to admit their own mistake.

Progress Since April 2006

So we have discussed the intent and spirit of this parenting plan and the justification for me to make so many concessions. If this year taught me anything it has been forget intent get it in writing.

Two very important foundations of this plan are binding mediation required before post decree court action and the parenting time allocation. Well after my own lawyers indignant response to my questions on this and many hours of review of Revised Code and cross referencing all clauses in the 30+ page agreement I saw that

• Binding Mediation could be bypassed.
• The 50/50 Christmas Break visitation was negated by careless merging of sole custody and shared custody plan clauses.
• My visitation was actually shortened by 30 min per day.

My lawyer, as many do, takes this all in stride, no big deal, they violate the intent, take em back to court. Look A--Hole, maybe you chose to live your life in court, but I didn't, not at your rates. After almost two years, it isn't F--Kin fun anymore. Stop the F--Kin ride, I want to get off before I puke. Now I'm not one to shy away from a business fight or even a personal attack, but this involves my son and it is just an obscene abuse of an innocent child. Plain and simple and there isn't enough sugar in the world to coat that turd to make it taste any better than the shit that it is.

So What Happened

I was nice, I said I didn't see the clause. He said, so you're an expert. I thought so you're an insecure neurotic? Just save the ego and point out the clause. Well it isn't there. I insisted, it must be. Oh yeah he says as if it's no big deal. It is a big deal, the 30 pages are worthless if it has to go to court for every little BS prank she tries. What is so F--Kin hard to understand, if the intent is X, then write X. Geez.

He asks am I still your lawyer, we had a big disagreement. I responded well that happens between people sometimes. He wanted a yes or no, I'm pissed, I didn't give him a yes or no.

He starts complaining about how long this is taking. I said well let's stop complaining about that, every concern I have brought is valid. Opposing counsel is in control, take it back. [Stand up, be a man, don't tell me her balls are bigger than yours]. You need to meet the goal we agreed on, unfettered access to my son. I have made the concessions that you've asked. [But we have not met that goal, JUST DO IT].

So half way through he's looking at his watch, his computer is getting a ring tone for incoming email, his intercom buzzes, his Treo keeps makin some kind of noise and people are doing sign language through his window. He says we need to finish this today so I can sign it.

I look at him and I said in a very firm and confident voice. "That is not happening, it's not the way I do things". We can finish reviewing it, you give me a final draft, and I'll get back to you. [Tell me, who makes a 15 year deal without reading the updated agreement, a naive idiot].

I could tell he was pissed. It's not just you I'm dealing with, he says, I've got six others. I start to write down, Plaintiff, Custody Eval, GAL, Judge, [that's only 4] I stop writing and look up at him puzzled. [Don't exagerate, we're all under stress] He says never mind. [Hey you signed up for this stressed out job.]

I told him, look I'm not having fun with this either. I'm just sticking to the original goal. I haven't raised the bar, I haven't made new demands. I'm reasonable, you need to take this up with the opposition. He's looking like a vein will pop. I said, hey get help, make the others take a stand. [Damn this shouldn't be about ego, just meet the goal].

My wife wants to restrict my driving because of a sleep disorder which has been under control for three years. She has a night blindness / panic problem and frequently drives our son over 60 highway miles to her family's home. I asked that she should have her long distance driving restricted to daylight hours. He asks is that a deal breaker? Well you propose it and tell me the response or remove all the driving restrictions, I'll take either. They won't agree to no restrictions for you nor restrictions for her, so is it a deal breaker? Why, what reason? No reason.

I said look, I'm not deciding something without a reason. I'll tell you what, tell the Guardian that she often drives my son 60 miles on a limited access highway and when it is dark she will panic and say she can't see the road ahead. There is heavy truck traffic and few exits. When we were together and I was fatigued, this would wake me up and scare the living shit out of me, my adrenalin would be pumping because we're going 70 mph and the driver next to me says she can't see the road. So ask the Guardian what her opinion is of the best interest of the child. OK?

Tell me, is that so f--kin hard? Why do I need a lawyer? I know what needs to be done and how to do it. I'm just too frustrated and impatient to play their damn stupid little games.

Am I being unreasonable? Tell me, please.

Next

Well it wouldn't be my case if something major didn't happen at the end of the day. I thought I was pissed going in, oh there was something much worse in store. That will be the next post.

But in the midst of this serious challenge I am going to make an effort to find inspiration in Don Henley's words and remember that my perseverance through challenges have molded me into who I am.

I will also try to take solace in the faith that God has put me on a path for a reason that only HE understands and that HE wouldn't put me here if HE didn't think I could handle it.


Status: First Draft, updated Wed 11/22 5 am.

Watching music videos
U2 and Green day - The Saints Are Coming,
the song for the many cheaters out there - Pink - U + UR Hand
and a bunch of others