As I mentioned, my son's last family vacation was summer 2004, that will be the last vacation he'll have with his father until possibly 2009, my current expectation of normal visitation. Five years out of a life of a 10 year old (in 2009) is more than the math suggests.
But this year, this past 4 days, my son was told he was on vacation. For the entire summer, my ex dumped him in day camp, deprived me of one hour per day in court ordered visitation (with no consequences to her) and now she plans a 4 day trip as his first "vacation" since 2004. Most people would probably just call it a long weekend. My ex was going to ignore the parenting plan as usual and me pointing out that she was ordered by the court to provide a daily itinerary, lodging, and cell contact made her quite angry, no doubt because of not being in control. Welcome to my world bitch. Look for sympathy on that issue elsewhere. To show her displeasure she raced her car in my driveway with our son in it and nearly ran me over as I was closing his door.
Originally because of a past history of credible, witnessed threats of kidnapping, multiple warnings regarding that and then finally her violation of a mediated agreement not to take my son from the county, I had asked for some court protection in this regard. My first request was that she put up a bond, much like a bail bond, where she would pledge collateral that would be taken by the bond underwriter (an insurance company) in the event that she kidnapped my son and costs were incurred to locate them. The lawyers acted as if this standard insurance product was a request to go to the moon. Their suggestion was that I simply let it happen again and spend another $5000 tracking fee as I had done before. Seeing this as very reactive rather than proactive I continued to complain and eventually won a 30 day notice of all out of town transportation of more than 24 hours.
So my ex takes my son down to friends living near the state capital about 160 miles away. He went to the Science and Industry Museum, the Zoo, swam in a nice pool at one friends house. He seemed to have fun and that's good. But one of the days, I received a cell call from my brother-in-law's phone, it was my son. He was down there visiting too. And as I found out, my ex was somewhere else. She had dumped my son while on "vacation", jeez...
A long weekend with relatives/friends and you still dump the kid. All the while keeping a tight grip on when his own father (me) can see him. BIC be damned. And she calls that a vacation.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Cabin Fever
Whoa, time flies, wish I could say I've been having fun... Been plodding along with post decree enforcement of orders and contemplating strategy for the next lawsuit in a few weeks...
Things are moving slowly, it could be the 90 degree summer days, but its more likely chronic cabin fever, the culmination of too many years, YES YEARS of uninterrupted caustic divorce irritation eating at my mind and emotion like a cancer.
The key is uninterrupted... Everyone outside the US understands the need for a Holiday (vacation) to recharge. We fail to grasp that simple fact in the US. This divorce just makes it all the worse.
For the entire litigation (over 2 years) with its constant threats, demands, case management needs, court appearances, I had no time to leave town. Not only did I quickly use up all vacation and sick days, I took a fair amount of "unpaid personal time" off. So much so that my company started questioning whether I was a full time employee. How could that be, well there was the two weeks tracking down my son's kidnapping in 2005, 35 scheduled court appearances, 10 scheduled days of trial, each with a similar amount of time before and after for prep and response. Just to emphasize the ridiculous the month of May 2007 I spent 3 full days per week, every week. on the divorce, by court order, that my ex was excused from, to finalize the case, mainly due to the oppositions legal game maneuvers, which still go on today three months after the final decree. One of those three days per week was spent in the court house.
So OK, two years high stress, no vacation, BFD (big fuckin deal), we've all done that, well higher... The last vacation was summer 2004. OK, three years, still BFD. Let me tell you about the last "family" vacation. I think my son enjoyed the trip to Orlando at almost 5. He went to DisneyLand of course, saw Aligators, Cape Canerival, rode in an air boat, almost got a ride in a swamp buggy. Somewhere I have the last "family portrait" taken at a returant of the three of us. So why whine, that sounds great.
It was pure torture for me, not just because I knew this would never be again, but because of my ex's constant and cruel taunting every fuckin chance she could get like a Chinese water torture designed to drive you insane. And it was no accident, nothing my ex does ever is, she is cold and calculating - literally - earning her one of my very few epitaphs of bitch.
Before, during, and after this "vacation" came the constant taunts, "Should we do the divorce before the vacation and get it over with", "Well as soon as we get back", every conceivable variation at every opportunity. Imagine when I'm standing in her cousin's kitchen who is a fundamentalist Christian who wanted our two families to join hands in a circle to recite a prayer of thanks to the Lord for bringing the two "families" together on this occasion. She was sincere, she didn't know, I bore no malice to this sweet inlaw who I knew and visited before on my several business trips to the area. No, but my wife joining hands and hypocritically praying to God about our "family" that she had all desire and intention of destroying was almost too much to bear. I half expected a bolt of lightening to come down and strike the bitch dead where she stood, and I secretly prayed that it would strike me dead and put me out of my misery. That's a vacation? JFSM!
Well let's go back another year, summer of 2003, four years ago. That was a real family vacation. No divorce talk, no taunting. My nearly 4 year old son pronounced Niagara in an interesting way. It was so funny, but has faded from my mind. He loved the Falls, he marveled at the power and majesty of them. He noticed everything about the trip, even the "Muffin Lady" who served breakfast muffin's every morning. He was and still is big for his age, he just made the height to go on the Hurricane deck. It is a daunting experience that has a bypass ramp that even some adults use as they near the power of the Falls. But like the brave trooper he is, he walked ahead right up to the closest point, water crashing down all around. I watched him closely, wondering if he was scared frozen or OK... After a few moments, he mater of factly said "We can go now". That moment sticks with me, my brave and wonderful son.
That was my last real break, 4 years ago, 4 years of unrelenting hell and shit, yearning for relief, to breath free, to fly free. But this divorce has grounded me. I am so hoping to be free again. To experience a break in this world of litigation that seemingly has no end as at least two more actions are already guaranteed for at least two more years. I can't last that long, I won't last to the end of this year. I had a doctor who heard of my situation after writing a script for some lab tests, scribbled another one and gave it to me, I should post it... On an official doctors Rx pad, the Latin slang phrase for "Don't let the Bastards Get You Down". Well when the bastards send armed law enforcement to your front door, even when you are with your child, a piece of Rx paper and those wise words just don't work. And I wish I meant only once. No better way to make friends with your neighbors than have police parked in your driveway regularly.
But under the best circumstances I can only hope for a personal vacation, a family vacation (well with my son, not my ex) is out the question, my ex bitch has seen to that. I can't even take him to the zoo let alone on a vacation. That is one of the two post decree actions that will continue for another two years, my effort to move toward normal visitation through a mediation process ordered by the court, a hard fought concession to her being the sole guardian with no rights for me as she demanded. But that will have to do for now. It's time, I'm overdue for a break. That's the Rx I really needed.
Sometimes the best way to not to let the bastards get you down is just to get the hell away from them. (jqism).
For another view of this topic see my latest entry in my Personal Blog.
Things are moving slowly, it could be the 90 degree summer days, but its more likely chronic cabin fever, the culmination of too many years, YES YEARS of uninterrupted caustic divorce irritation eating at my mind and emotion like a cancer.
The key is uninterrupted... Everyone outside the US understands the need for a Holiday (vacation) to recharge. We fail to grasp that simple fact in the US. This divorce just makes it all the worse.
For the entire litigation (over 2 years) with its constant threats, demands, case management needs, court appearances, I had no time to leave town. Not only did I quickly use up all vacation and sick days, I took a fair amount of "unpaid personal time" off. So much so that my company started questioning whether I was a full time employee. How could that be, well there was the two weeks tracking down my son's kidnapping in 2005, 35 scheduled court appearances, 10 scheduled days of trial, each with a similar amount of time before and after for prep and response. Just to emphasize the ridiculous the month of May 2007 I spent 3 full days per week, every week. on the divorce, by court order, that my ex was excused from, to finalize the case, mainly due to the oppositions legal game maneuvers, which still go on today three months after the final decree. One of those three days per week was spent in the court house.
So OK, two years high stress, no vacation, BFD (big fuckin deal), we've all done that, well higher... The last vacation was summer 2004. OK, three years, still BFD. Let me tell you about the last "family" vacation. I think my son enjoyed the trip to Orlando at almost 5. He went to DisneyLand of course, saw Aligators, Cape Canerival, rode in an air boat, almost got a ride in a swamp buggy. Somewhere I have the last "family portrait" taken at a returant of the three of us. So why whine, that sounds great.
It was pure torture for me, not just because I knew this would never be again, but because of my ex's constant and cruel taunting every fuckin chance she could get like a Chinese water torture designed to drive you insane. And it was no accident, nothing my ex does ever is, she is cold and calculating - literally - earning her one of my very few epitaphs of bitch.
Before, during, and after this "vacation" came the constant taunts, "Should we do the divorce before the vacation and get it over with", "Well as soon as we get back", every conceivable variation at every opportunity. Imagine when I'm standing in her cousin's kitchen who is a fundamentalist Christian who wanted our two families to join hands in a circle to recite a prayer of thanks to the Lord for bringing the two "families" together on this occasion. She was sincere, she didn't know, I bore no malice to this sweet inlaw who I knew and visited before on my several business trips to the area. No, but my wife joining hands and hypocritically praying to God about our "family" that she had all desire and intention of destroying was almost too much to bear. I half expected a bolt of lightening to come down and strike the bitch dead where she stood, and I secretly prayed that it would strike me dead and put me out of my misery. That's a vacation? JFSM!
Well let's go back another year, summer of 2003, four years ago. That was a real family vacation. No divorce talk, no taunting. My nearly 4 year old son pronounced Niagara in an interesting way. It was so funny, but has faded from my mind. He loved the Falls, he marveled at the power and majesty of them. He noticed everything about the trip, even the "Muffin Lady" who served breakfast muffin's every morning. He was and still is big for his age, he just made the height to go on the Hurricane deck. It is a daunting experience that has a bypass ramp that even some adults use as they near the power of the Falls. But like the brave trooper he is, he walked ahead right up to the closest point, water crashing down all around. I watched him closely, wondering if he was scared frozen or OK... After a few moments, he mater of factly said "We can go now". That moment sticks with me, my brave and wonderful son.
That was my last real break, 4 years ago, 4 years of unrelenting hell and shit, yearning for relief, to breath free, to fly free. But this divorce has grounded me. I am so hoping to be free again. To experience a break in this world of litigation that seemingly has no end as at least two more actions are already guaranteed for at least two more years. I can't last that long, I won't last to the end of this year. I had a doctor who heard of my situation after writing a script for some lab tests, scribbled another one and gave it to me, I should post it... On an official doctors Rx pad, the Latin slang phrase for "Don't let the Bastards Get You Down". Well when the bastards send armed law enforcement to your front door, even when you are with your child, a piece of Rx paper and those wise words just don't work. And I wish I meant only once. No better way to make friends with your neighbors than have police parked in your driveway regularly.
But under the best circumstances I can only hope for a personal vacation, a family vacation (well with my son, not my ex) is out the question, my ex bitch has seen to that. I can't even take him to the zoo let alone on a vacation. That is one of the two post decree actions that will continue for another two years, my effort to move toward normal visitation through a mediation process ordered by the court, a hard fought concession to her being the sole guardian with no rights for me as she demanded. But that will have to do for now. It's time, I'm overdue for a break. That's the Rx I really needed.
Sometimes the best way to not to let the bastards get you down is just to get the hell away from them. (jqism).
For another view of this topic see my latest entry in my Personal Blog.
Friday, August 10, 2007
I did it !!!
I have long fuse, but it isn't infinite...
So I guess I've gone and done it, I opened the door to the media. I listed quite a number of abuses in the half hour conversation with the senior editor along with the importance of the story. He seemed to agree. We'll see what comes of it.
Hopefully I won't regret it. But then I'm sure if I kept it to my self, allowed injustice, condoned it with my silence, I would regret it. There comes a time to decide, stand and fight, or run and hide. I have stood and fought this long. Doesn't seem like I should start running now.
- I was very tired, overtired, irritable
- I got the morning paper, the front page story was about a parental kidnapping
- Reading the article poured salt in my old wounds
- I called the reporter, he said he didn't have time to discuss the broken justice system
- Now I'm really steamed, I called the News editor
- They weren't in but I made it clear that I was not to be blown off
- A Senior editor took the call, listened, asked questions, expressed concern (guess that's how he got his position)
- So .... the next step
So I guess I've gone and done it, I opened the door to the media. I listed quite a number of abuses in the half hour conversation with the senior editor along with the importance of the story. He seemed to agree. We'll see what comes of it.
Hopefully I won't regret it. But then I'm sure if I kept it to my self, allowed injustice, condoned it with my silence, I would regret it. There comes a time to decide, stand and fight, or run and hide. I have stood and fought this long. Doesn't seem like I should start running now.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Order, Shmorder...
We don't abide by no f--kin orders...
The Playas
What did I do?
Note: This post (as all posts whether containing notice or not) is bound by the legal disclaimer addendum.
The Playas
The usual suspects - defendant (me), pussy, bitch, hired bitchThe Orders
Holder of assets - Brokerage, Bank
Creditors - Named as co-defendants
Multiple orders, over 91 pages, addendumsThe Game
QDRO, DOPO, division of property settlement
All connected under a Journal Entry (JE) of Divorce
As before, I am advised to follow orders under "threat and pain of the full force of the law and contempt of court sanctions".And we roll the dice
Also as before, the hired bitch causes delays to induce stress and cause hardship with no penalty whatsoever as "an officer of the court acting on its behalf".
And my lawyer, well he's a pussy.
Of course the Asset Holders, as I do, are threatened to follow orders.
Enter a new Playa, who is bold and resistant to orders - the creditor.
The division of property states that I will execute a QDRO and release assets to my wife who will pay a share marital debt first. The order further states that I am no longer responsible for the debt. I have released the funds, but the hired bitch is sitting on the QDRO and the creditor is asking me to pay the debt.The way it really is
I inform the creditor that there is an order that absolves me of the debt, that I have released funds to pay it, that the hired bitch is holding it up and how they can contact them.
We don't follow orders in divorce decrees, we believe our contract with you remains intact despite a court order to the contrary. We will hold you to that contract and litigate in another court jurisdiction.
Who the Fuck do they think they are? I am threatened with contempt, fines, and jail every time I turn around, and the hired bitch and now the creditor moon the judge with no consequences? How the fuck is anyone to take an order or a contempt threat seriously?
So I advice the creditors that may be typical boilerplate but in my particular case they were named as defendants and notified by the court. Well we show no record of receiving that and we have filed no answer to the court recognizing their jurisdiction over us in this matter. I continue that their professed ignorance of notification does not constitute a faulty notification and their choice not to respond does not prevent the court from exercising a default judgment against them.
Apparently creditors are given a courtesy immunity to not be involved. The issue remains between the primary parties.Options?All because the creditor refuses to recognize the order to reallocate the debt (and even the assets to pay it) to the other party.
- I release money.
- Her lawyer delays the receipt of the money.
- The creditor sues me for defaulting on a contract that has been superseded by a court order they refuse to recognize.
- I sue my ex for default on payment for funds she has not received because of her own lawyers actions.
- Her lawyer successfully defends my suit because my wife has not violated the order through any fault of her own, only through the fault of her own lawyer but that doesn't count as she is an officer of the court, treated with the same respect and exemptions as the court itself.
- I loose my lawsuit to the creditor and to my ex.
- Having little money to spare, I can take comfort in the 91 sheets of asswipe that are the divorce orders.
- Hope you don't get screwed. - Easiest, Riskiest
- Ask everyone to do the right thing. - Modest effort, Little hope
- Solve the problem by doing everyone else's job and then continuously monitor that the implementation is on track. - Most work, best hope
What did I do?
I did the first two and they failed. My wife ignored all suggestions because her trusty lawyer said (correctly) she didn't have to worry about it. Thanks to the big brass balls of the creditor she was off the hook for her obligation. So I negotiated a six month extension with payment plan with no interest and the promise of a balloon payment at the end. I twisted my ex's arm to provide a bank account from which they can draw the principal payments.Lessons Learned
But what good is a plan without a backup plan. I maintain an online connection to the account to verify that the payments are made on time and I have set up a back up account with my own limited funds in it to prevent her from defaulting and it reverting to 32% interest plus a lawsuit.
So it's not a problem now, why am I whining? You want to sit on the edge of your seat with one lawsuit filed and another on the way. You want to spend the time calling these arrogant assholes and trying to get something done only to monitor it every week to be sure her check didn't bounce. Send me an email, I'll give you a stack a shit to try out for a while and you tell me how much fun it is. Mind you its not my burden I have an asswipe order that says so. I can send ya that too.
So is this theory or paranoia or snowball chance in hell? Nope, it has already happened with one of the creditors. My pretrial on that lawsuit is less than a month again. So a few more weeks to study that area of law and off I go into the court system for another year or two.
- Orders really don't have to be followed
- Contempt is just hot air
- Only you can protect yourself
- I could be wrong about all of the above
Note: This post (as all posts whether containing notice or not) is bound by the legal disclaimer addendum.
A Conversation with a boy and his NCP
NCP: How was the Science Museum at Camp today?
Boy: Great Dad, I saw a Telsa Coil, --- , a Dinosaur on the really big screen.
NCP: Oh, you got to see it on IMAX.
Boy: Yeah, Daddy, it was so realistic, xxx, one of the other campers was scared, but I wasn't.
Boy: Daddy, can we go their together sometime?
NCP: Well we don't have a lot of time together, and the court doesn't let me drive you that far?
Boy: Daddy, when I'm older, maybe 12 (he's 7 now)?
NCP: Oh I sure hope so.
Boy: Daddy, how old before I can take you there, like when I can drive? Can the court stop me from taking you there?
NCP: No, they can't but I sure hope we don't have to wait that long.
Boy: Well we'll go then for sure...
When you live life as an NCP you forget what its like to be a real Dad. (jqism)
Being sentenced to an NCP is a long term sentence, not unlike an emotional death sentence. (jqism)
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Legal Disclaimer
I already have a legal disclaimer in my legal notice. I am not a lawyer, I am not allowed by law to dispense legal advice, laws vary from region to region, blah blah blah, except you won't get a big bill from me.
Items in this blog are my personal observation, seek professional help, blah blah blah...
I have some personal observations and experience that lets say literally flies in the face of the law, actually appears to be against the law, that I think would be interesting to talk about. However, that is not to say that something I saw someone (maybe even me, without giving up my 5th amendment rights) get away with would work again for them or even work the first time for you.
I also do not want to encourage anyone to break the law, seek professional help to be sure you are on reasonably firm quick sand, that's the best you can hope for from the system. (jqism)
Let me summarize a few of my radical opinions here and I'll go into further examples latter...
It's kind of an extension of "Don't get caught". See the law is no better than the pirates code, actually the pirates code was a well organized set of rules to accomplish their goals... and be understandable to the common man. There was no room for lawyers and their games on a pirate ship, Comon sense ruled. In Pirates of the Caribbean # 1, Capt Barbosa said the perfect line, "They are really more like guidelines than rules".
It is important to understand this so the first time you see your opponent violate a restraining order and nobody does anything or when your own lawyer asks how many thousand dollars you are willing to pay to get some more worthless orders (asswipe) written that you don't act with naive indignation.
It is equally important to understand that when you are ready to bungee jump from a tall bridge (without bungee cords) because some order put you in an impossible situation where there is no alternative, that you understand there always is. Lawyers and orders will try to tell you otherwise, but my response is "You wake up every morning and you make choices all day long, and I am a very out of the box thinker and I will make choices, maybe choices you'd never dream of, about this without being hindered by your artificial limitations."
Now this drives your lawyer nuts because he thinks he'll get his ass kicked by the judge for not "controlling his client". I have had some success with this intimidation tactic spurring my lawyer to become a little more "creative". I've also had them threaten to drop me if did not follow their advice. It also risks a contempt of court charge. But I've had so many threats of those, I don't take them seriously anymore.
What ??? Who's running the show here? Good question, kind of like dogs running in circles trying to bite each others tail, who's in front? No real answer. (jqism)
Okay and now the formal part:
Status: Second Draft - last updated 08/01/07 08:30 pm
Items in this blog are my personal observation, seek professional help, blah blah blah...
I have some personal observations and experience that lets say literally flies in the face of the law, actually appears to be against the law, that I think would be interesting to talk about. However, that is not to say that something I saw someone (maybe even me, without giving up my 5th amendment rights) get away with would work again for them or even work the first time for you.
I also do not want to encourage anyone to break the law, seek professional help to be sure you are on reasonably firm quick sand, that's the best you can hope for from the system. (jqism)
Let me summarize a few of my radical opinions here and I'll go into further examples latter...
- Against the law is not black or white, its kinda gray and murky like the weather in London, this is why lawyers can make so much money dancing in the fog...
- First there is the interpretation of the law, where skilled people can argue fine points
- Then there is the contradictions that occur within the law
- Then there is whether anyone even decides to push an issue, why not push for justice?
Lack of funds to access the system, lawyers lack of interest in pursuing it even though you paid them, judges lack of interest or supervision, many more.... - An order may exist, but without formal notification, it is in limbo, despite the common conception that you can not "plead ignorance", many do. Or in many cases they take steps to avoid being served, and thus successfully evade the order.
- Once a person is formally notified, they can seek another jurisdiction, or claim lack of jurisdiction, it is deceit to the court they go to, but it is common.
- The courts tend to take short cuts because of their immense case load, these often result in short changing justice too.
- The high cost of using the courts means that people must settle for injustice. But even if they make the sacrifice to engage the courts these other imperfections create roadblocks to justice.
- After notification your order should protect you, but there is no guarantee that it won't be ignored. It must be notified, verified, implemented, monitored, and enforced. All at additional cost. An order is a decision, it does not make it so.
It's kind of an extension of "Don't get caught". See the law is no better than the pirates code, actually the pirates code was a well organized set of rules to accomplish their goals... and be understandable to the common man. There was no room for lawyers and their games on a pirate ship, Comon sense ruled. In Pirates of the Caribbean # 1, Capt Barbosa said the perfect line, "They are really more like guidelines than rules".
It is important to understand this so the first time you see your opponent violate a restraining order and nobody does anything or when your own lawyer asks how many thousand dollars you are willing to pay to get some more worthless orders (asswipe) written that you don't act with naive indignation.
It is equally important to understand that when you are ready to bungee jump from a tall bridge (without bungee cords) because some order put you in an impossible situation where there is no alternative, that you understand there always is. Lawyers and orders will try to tell you otherwise, but my response is "You wake up every morning and you make choices all day long, and I am a very out of the box thinker and I will make choices, maybe choices you'd never dream of, about this without being hindered by your artificial limitations."
Now this drives your lawyer nuts because he thinks he'll get his ass kicked by the judge for not "controlling his client". I have had some success with this intimidation tactic spurring my lawyer to become a little more "creative". I've also had them threaten to drop me if did not follow their advice. It also risks a contempt of court charge. But I've had so many threats of those, I don't take them seriously anymore.
What ??? Who's running the show here? Good question, kind of like dogs running in circles trying to bite each others tail, who's in front? No real answer. (jqism)
Okay and now the formal part:
The "content" as defined in the full legal notice, has not been reviewed by legal counsel. No "content" is to be construed as an admission of fact or guilt. Fifth amendment rights can and will be considered if any challenge is made to the "content". If advised by legal counsel, it is possible that "content" will be revised or retracted to maintain author's rights.So keep all this in mind when you read some "creative" posts coming up.
Status: Second Draft - last updated 08/01/07 08:30 pm
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
It's only by luck
I'll put this draft post up in case you didn't notice the comment...
I was lucky, and make no mistake it was merely luck, not skill, not predicable, not repeatable, just luck, or maybe it was divine intervention...
After being quite clear that my son wasn't going to get to go back to the carnival not even with Daddy (and him paying too). I was pleasantly surprised to get a call Sunday morning asking if I wanted to take my son to the carnival right now! Oh life as an NCP leaves no room for advance scheduling, its part of the control games my wife likes to play to fuck with me. She's doing a lot more fucking now than during the marriage, that's for sure! Ah, but I digress out of frustration no doubt.
So she's behind in her work and just got out of church (hence the potential for divine inspiration), since she left our faith, I don't know what the reading or sermon was about. I had to slow her down a bit, it's Sunday, "Are the hours the same today, are they open yet?" They weren't, so we met at the entrance just after they opened. She was only going to let him be there for two hours, I haggled and got it to three.
I try very hard to enjoy the time I have with my son and overlook the bullshit games, but the stench is always present and always offensive and I just can't help calling a turd a turd. It's irritating, its unfair, and it needs to change. I will not be free and not consider the system just until the system is reformed as it should be and NCPs are no more, until a child is always entitled to both their parents (on equal footing) who just don't happen to be living together anymore. Not until, my son stops asking "Is Mommy the boss of both of us Daddy?"
I was lucky, and make no mistake it was merely luck, not skill, not predicable, not repeatable, just luck, or maybe it was divine intervention...
After being quite clear that my son wasn't going to get to go back to the carnival not even with Daddy (and him paying too). I was pleasantly surprised to get a call Sunday morning asking if I wanted to take my son to the carnival right now! Oh life as an NCP leaves no room for advance scheduling, its part of the control games my wife likes to play to fuck with me. She's doing a lot more fucking now than during the marriage, that's for sure! Ah, but I digress out of frustration no doubt.
So she's behind in her work and just got out of church (hence the potential for divine inspiration), since she left our faith, I don't know what the reading or sermon was about. I had to slow her down a bit, it's Sunday, "Are the hours the same today, are they open yet?" They weren't, so we met at the entrance just after they opened. She was only going to let him be there for two hours, I haggled and got it to three.
So we had a good time... I have some photos - public and private. I'll try to finish this post up soon.
I try very hard to enjoy the time I have with my son and overlook the bullshit games, but the stench is always present and always offensive and I just can't help calling a turd a turd. It's irritating, its unfair, and it needs to change. I will not be free and not consider the system just until the system is reformed as it should be and NCPs are no more, until a child is always entitled to both their parents (on equal footing) who just don't happen to be living together anymore. Not until, my son stops asking "Is Mommy the boss of both of us Daddy?"
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Nothing to discuss...
Among all the court ordered restrictions on my son's access to me are a few protections. One is that my son is entitled to contact me by phone daily. So when I didn't hear from him I started calling. My ex answered her cell, she's out, and dumped him on a baby sitter. She called the baby sitter who called me. The baby sitter has limited minutes and didn't want my son to use them. So I called him on a landline. And I have another "dumpee" in my caller ID.
So we were able to talk. I talked to him about the carnival that was in town that he went to yesterday. He had a lot of fun. I asked, did you go today. "No", he said sadly, "Mommy said I went yesterday". Well that's just like her, being a cheapskate and all, I thought to myself. So I said, "Maybe Mommy would let me take you." "No", he said, sounding even worse. "Did you ask?", I said in surprise. "Yes, she said you couldn't take me either."
So she decided for me, didn't need to discuss it. I'm only an NCP, I used to be his Father, until the court decided, as they almost always do to take that away.
Well, I could understand and even support that as a good parenting decision under normal circumstances. But if things were normal, this Blog wouldn't even exist. My son hasn't had a summer vacation for three years. This summer has been spent at a day camp, and while he has "age appropriate" fun (another post coming), it is no substitute for fun with parents. So to go to the carnival for an extra day is a pretty poor substitute for what he should get. It's the very least his parents can do given that this divorce cheated him from a vacation and so much more.
So why didn't she discuss this with me? What gives her the right to make this unilateral decision? The courts did, a winner and a loser. She is under no obligation to discuss these things with a mere NCP by order of the court.
So while my ex is out on a Saturday night looking to going "off to the next one", my son and his NCP are the losers. Doesn't seem fair, not even a discussion, because it isn't fair.
PS: If you haven't already heard the song lyrics about going "off to the next one" from last month, click here. The audio link has been fixed !
So we were able to talk. I talked to him about the carnival that was in town that he went to yesterday. He had a lot of fun. I asked, did you go today. "No", he said sadly, "Mommy said I went yesterday". Well that's just like her, being a cheapskate and all, I thought to myself. So I said, "Maybe Mommy would let me take you." "No", he said, sounding even worse. "Did you ask?", I said in surprise. "Yes, she said you couldn't take me either."
So she decided for me, didn't need to discuss it. I'm only an NCP, I used to be his Father, until the court decided, as they almost always do to take that away.
Well, I could understand and even support that as a good parenting decision under normal circumstances. But if things were normal, this Blog wouldn't even exist. My son hasn't had a summer vacation for three years. This summer has been spent at a day camp, and while he has "age appropriate" fun (another post coming), it is no substitute for fun with parents. So to go to the carnival for an extra day is a pretty poor substitute for what he should get. It's the very least his parents can do given that this divorce cheated him from a vacation and so much more.
So why didn't she discuss this with me? What gives her the right to make this unilateral decision? The courts did, a winner and a loser. She is under no obligation to discuss these things with a mere NCP by order of the court.
So while my ex is out on a Saturday night looking to going "off to the next one", my son and his NCP are the losers. Doesn't seem fair, not even a discussion, because it isn't fair.
PS: If you haven't already heard the song lyrics about going "off to the next one" from last month, click here. The audio link has been fixed !
Thursday, July 26, 2007
An 11th hour reprieve
Several months ago, an uncooperative creditor refused to join the divorce settlement, instead preferring to play hard ball in a superior court. Of course my lawyers were made aware of this and as is their custom, said it was nothing to worry about. Of course it was nothing to worry about they weren't getting sued (yet). This Monday my lawyers remained non-committal on what they could do about my upcoming hearing on Wednesday for this lawsuit against me. No word on Tuesday. Damn useless lawyers. So Tuesday night I take all the various thoughts that had been rattling around for some time and try to format them for the court.
Trust my own damn lawyers to come through on the 11th hour, do I look fuckin stupid? No Plan B was overdue. Actually Plan B failed, this was Plan C. So here it is:
Your Honor,
Trust my own damn lawyers to come through on the 11th hour, do I look fuckin stupid? No Plan B was overdue. Actually Plan B failed, this was Plan C. So here it is:
Your Honor,
My legal representation assured me they would take care of this matter since it was their negligence and breach of duty in addition to Plaintiff's inflexibility that caused this matter to be before this court. I made extreme efforts to resolve this matter with both the original creditor and with their agent who now comes before this Court as Plaintiff, neither expressed any interest in resolving it realistically. I was under the jurisdiction of another court and by order of that court my options to resolve this matter were extremely limited. They ignored this reality thinking that wasting this court's time would be a better option.Ah but the senior partner understood his risks, and he came through Wednesday morning with an 11th hour reprieve, just hours before I was scheduled to appear. Five more weeks to refine Plan C and design Plan D.
Since this case involves misbehavior of lawyers I have had significant difficulty obtaining representation willing to bring these significant factors to light. They are central to the case and this case would not exist if not for these factors. For this reason I can not accept the entire burden and forgive the contributory negligence of my counsel and opposition counsel in this matter.
At this time, I ask for a liberal continuance of this matter given its unfortunate complexity. I also ask that my former counsel, [pussy] and opposition counsel [hired bitch] be added as co-defendants for contributory negligence and that Judge [casual observer] be added as co-defendant for judicial negligence in failing to manage the lawyers in the case before him designated [case #], in the Domestic Relations Division of this Court.
I intend to show that none of the parties named acted in a reasonable fashion, that an opportunity existed to resolve this matter satisfactorily, that other creditors chose that route successfully and that due to the negligence of the Plaintiff and the Plaintiff's agent that they made an active decision to ignore that opportunity which has now contributed to their own complaint. I ask for a dismissal with prejudice in that the Plaintiff caused their own injuries. Failing that, I ask that each party be accessed a portion of the prayer amount in proportion to their contribution to it.
I intend to invoke my right to trial by a jury of my peers and seek the jury's findings in allocation of responsibility for this matter.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Managing those who control your life
What does that mean and what are all the implications of that simple statement? Can someone truly control your life? I continue to receive advice on these topics and it is somewhat interesting.
In the case of law enforcement and the court system (judicial branch), ultimately they can incarcerate you, fine you, and compel you to do things under the threat of the aforementioned. One could take a risk, as I have done many times, and say I do have a choice, despite being ordered to do something. I may have consequences to that choice, anxiety over the punishment or the actual punishment. But then ignoring the choice may leave me with a larger problem, as in my case, three attempts to foreclose on my home with over 50% equity.
In a practical sense, lawyers are your interface to the judicial branch, and by extension during times when you are under control of the judiciary you are under control of your lawyer and opposition counsel or the prosecutor. You may think control is too strong a word given they are just under your employ, but then you would be mistakenly underestimating the power of the judiciary.
So how do you relate to these people who are under your employ that would control your life? Well in general, you should manage employees to measurable goals, monitor that these results are achieved and direct the employees to carry out your desired priorities. In practice, lawyers make this very difficult, they do not appreciate an informed, demanding client. As a professional they feel they are entitled to a wide range of trust and and limitations on that trust are viewed as insulting to their profession. They are good at playing this victim role while they are in fact victimizing you.
It is you that have to live with the consequences of their decisions. How can they possibly have the arrogance and audacity to think you should have complete and blind trust in a stranger who has "no skin in the game"? The short answer is they do in fact have the arrogance and audacity and when you attempt to manage them in the slightest way it will rear its ugly head.
So what level of management is correct, what level of monitoring for this "professional" with nothing at risk in the outcome of the case? Well wide latitude would be appropriate if we were talking about business results and this employee was a stakeholder in the business and would suffer risk dependent on the outcome (not get paid, loose their job). But with lawyers they suffer no such risk, so a closer, typically non-professional supervision is called for. Is there something else to consider? How about conflict of interest, built into the judiciary where all the lawyers and judges are beholden to the State Bar? How about the potential to run out of funds because of their steep fees? Well any auditor or risk manager would be waving red flags high in the air at this point. Implement strict controls, checks and balances, close supervision and pre-authorization is an absolute prerequisite, would be their strong recommendation.
Too strong you may think? Well what are we talking about, your life, your child's access to you for over a decade. And how is the risk proportioned - 100% on you. Wow! Still think its over bearing. Well I say the MM word now. Yep, you will be accused of micromanaging them. Uhhh, that's bad. Is it? Well you don't (hopefully) micromanage your own life, so isn't this the same thing? If you said yes go back and re-read, unlike you, they don't live with the consequences of their foul ups, they are encumbered by conflicts.
So the professional advice I received from someone who has many qualifications to offer such advice is, yes there is an exception to micromanaging. You need to micromanage those who would control your life, or suffer the consequences.
Status: First Draft
In the case of law enforcement and the court system (judicial branch), ultimately they can incarcerate you, fine you, and compel you to do things under the threat of the aforementioned. One could take a risk, as I have done many times, and say I do have a choice, despite being ordered to do something. I may have consequences to that choice, anxiety over the punishment or the actual punishment. But then ignoring the choice may leave me with a larger problem, as in my case, three attempts to foreclose on my home with over 50% equity.
In a practical sense, lawyers are your interface to the judicial branch, and by extension during times when you are under control of the judiciary you are under control of your lawyer and opposition counsel or the prosecutor. You may think control is too strong a word given they are just under your employ, but then you would be mistakenly underestimating the power of the judiciary.
So how do you relate to these people who are under your employ that would control your life? Well in general, you should manage employees to measurable goals, monitor that these results are achieved and direct the employees to carry out your desired priorities. In practice, lawyers make this very difficult, they do not appreciate an informed, demanding client. As a professional they feel they are entitled to a wide range of trust and and limitations on that trust are viewed as insulting to their profession. They are good at playing this victim role while they are in fact victimizing you.
It is you that have to live with the consequences of their decisions. How can they possibly have the arrogance and audacity to think you should have complete and blind trust in a stranger who has "no skin in the game"? The short answer is they do in fact have the arrogance and audacity and when you attempt to manage them in the slightest way it will rear its ugly head.
So what level of management is correct, what level of monitoring for this "professional" with nothing at risk in the outcome of the case? Well wide latitude would be appropriate if we were talking about business results and this employee was a stakeholder in the business and would suffer risk dependent on the outcome (not get paid, loose their job). But with lawyers they suffer no such risk, so a closer, typically non-professional supervision is called for. Is there something else to consider? How about conflict of interest, built into the judiciary where all the lawyers and judges are beholden to the State Bar? How about the potential to run out of funds because of their steep fees? Well any auditor or risk manager would be waving red flags high in the air at this point. Implement strict controls, checks and balances, close supervision and pre-authorization is an absolute prerequisite, would be their strong recommendation.
Too strong you may think? Well what are we talking about, your life, your child's access to you for over a decade. And how is the risk proportioned - 100% on you. Wow! Still think its over bearing. Well I say the MM word now. Yep, you will be accused of micromanaging them. Uhhh, that's bad. Is it? Well you don't (hopefully) micromanage your own life, so isn't this the same thing? If you said yes go back and re-read, unlike you, they don't live with the consequences of their foul ups, they are encumbered by conflicts.
So the professional advice I received from someone who has many qualifications to offer such advice is, yes there is an exception to micromanaging. You need to micromanage those who would control your life, or suffer the consequences.
Status: First Draft
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Life is too damn short...
...to play shitty games.
How is it that people get so busy they can't understand how fragile life is? And then worse yet, spend time with bullshit like the adversarial divorce system and trying to make someone else miserable and they can't see how utterly stupid that is in the grand scheme of things?
I was trudging through my post decree work list, third foreclosure avoided (hooray), a big lawsuit against me is looming this week (boo). And I get a call, at first I thought it was a friendly, how's it going call...
And then the news, another cousin died. That would be a younger cousin, I only have two cousin's that are older than me.
He sat on his front porch and just dropped dead, at only 42. It's only been a few years since his Father (my Uncle) died. It's bad enough to see your Aunt's & Uncle's die, but cousins (!) before 50 (!!) , it just doesn't seem right. That's the age I was when my son was born.
So I call to make arrangements to switch visitation days so I can say goodbye to my cousin. No answer, just 1 minute later, my phone rings, it isn't the distinctive ring tone of my ex, caller ID says its my brother-in-laws cell phone (lots of entries for where my son is in my caller ID). The voice is my son's, we talk for a while and then I ask to talk to his mother, she's not there.
Hey Bitch, yeah you, my ex, I'm tired of this game of dump my son on anyone handy except his Father. Your reward for fuckin me after the divorce awaits you. And I can only hope its all the pain you've caused me plus interest.
But that's what makes this world go round, shitty people, playin shitty games to fuck over good people, until our time is up. (jqism)
Goodbye cousin, I'll see you tomorrow...
How is it that people get so busy they can't understand how fragile life is? And then worse yet, spend time with bullshit like the adversarial divorce system and trying to make someone else miserable and they can't see how utterly stupid that is in the grand scheme of things?
I was trudging through my post decree work list, third foreclosure avoided (hooray), a big lawsuit against me is looming this week (boo). And I get a call, at first I thought it was a friendly, how's it going call...
And then the news, another cousin died. That would be a younger cousin, I only have two cousin's that are older than me.
He sat on his front porch and just dropped dead, at only 42. It's only been a few years since his Father (my Uncle) died. It's bad enough to see your Aunt's & Uncle's die, but cousins (!) before 50 (!!) , it just doesn't seem right. That's the age I was when my son was born.
So I call to make arrangements to switch visitation days so I can say goodbye to my cousin. No answer, just 1 minute later, my phone rings, it isn't the distinctive ring tone of my ex, caller ID says its my brother-in-laws cell phone (lots of entries for where my son is in my caller ID). The voice is my son's, we talk for a while and then I ask to talk to his mother, she's not there.
Hey Bitch, yeah you, my ex, I'm tired of this game of dump my son on anyone handy except his Father. Your reward for fuckin me after the divorce awaits you. And I can only hope its all the pain you've caused me plus interest.
But that's what makes this world go round, shitty people, playin shitty games to fuck over good people, until our time is up. (jqism)
Goodbye cousin, I'll see you tomorrow...
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Does time matter?
Quantity vs Quality is a constant struggle. Given that I have such limited time with my son I try to make it quality time. So does that mean its OK to cheat me out of time with him? People associated with the case and my son's well being seem to think so. They are tired of hearing me complain about all my limitations. They want this fuckin NCP, that's me, to move on, don't focus on your limited time or the bitch that brought it to you, just enjoy it and shut the fuck up already. Does that make sense?
Well I guess if I were them and if I were an SOB/bastard/bitch, and if I were a lazy ass who did not want to take responsibility for my own incompetence and how it screwed other people's lives, then maybe I'd say the same thing. But I could not live with that sleaze of a person. Thank God, I'm not them, that would be my personal hell.
I do enjoy the limited time and so does he, but is it either/or black/white? NO! That is a recognized cognitive distortion requiring therapy. Well there could be examples where you are faced with that choice, but in my particular case its not a choice, its not logic, its just bullshit. Its one person's (the “winner's”) choice who doesn't care about their son and frankly takes joy in any misery she can cause me. If I was a good actor and could convince her that I hated spending time with my son, she'd increase visitation in a heartbeat.
But I'm disadvantaged. I was taught discipline, work ethic, the commandments, the golden rule, the value of education. Everything but what I really needed to get ahead in life, to manipulate, to lie, to take advantage of others, to take the easy way out. I never learned that, but my ex sure did, from her father who I should have met and got to know earlier. And my ex hates him, the person that gave her the tools she used so successfully on me.
Not being taught the cruel tools people use on each other has one advantage, you learn to recognize it the hard way, it is burned into your very being, so I will not fall for the propaganda, the positive spin, the sugar coated turd. No, my friends, I've swallowed one too many. I am a skeptic, cynical, and realistic. Save the happy horse shit for someone who wants to live in dream land or is into gardening, this boy has had his fill.
I will enjoy the limited time I have, but I will not give up until my son can see me whenever he wants and there is equality in the time I can spend with him. So cheat me out of time with my son and I will spend that time fighting back, until I win.
Well I guess if I were them and if I were an SOB/bastard/bitch, and if I were a lazy ass who did not want to take responsibility for my own incompetence and how it screwed other people's lives, then maybe I'd say the same thing. But I could not live with that sleaze of a person. Thank God, I'm not them, that would be my personal hell.
I do enjoy the limited time and so does he, but is it either/or black/white? NO! That is a recognized cognitive distortion requiring therapy. Well there could be examples where you are faced with that choice, but in my particular case its not a choice, its not logic, its just bullshit. Its one person's (the “winner's”) choice who doesn't care about their son and frankly takes joy in any misery she can cause me. If I was a good actor and could convince her that I hated spending time with my son, she'd increase visitation in a heartbeat.
But I'm disadvantaged. I was taught discipline, work ethic, the commandments, the golden rule, the value of education. Everything but what I really needed to get ahead in life, to manipulate, to lie, to take advantage of others, to take the easy way out. I never learned that, but my ex sure did, from her father who I should have met and got to know earlier. And my ex hates him, the person that gave her the tools she used so successfully on me.
Not being taught the cruel tools people use on each other has one advantage, you learn to recognize it the hard way, it is burned into your very being, so I will not fall for the propaganda, the positive spin, the sugar coated turd. No, my friends, I've swallowed one too many. I am a skeptic, cynical, and realistic. Save the happy horse shit for someone who wants to live in dream land or is into gardening, this boy has had his fill.
I will enjoy the limited time I have, but I will not give up until my son can see me whenever he wants and there is equality in the time I can spend with him. So cheat me out of time with my son and I will spend that time fighting back, until I win.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Life alone can be dangerous
I've been thinking about this topic for some time, since my wife left with my son, I'm living alone, and there can be some new dangers to consider. Another Blogger faced the ultimate in dangers, choking. See the details on his Blog at Danger of Living Alone.
Luckily Bryan came through OK. Later he found this article on performing Heimlich on yourself. Very good to know in case of emergency. His readers mentioned having backup plans.
Living with a family for some time and then suddenly living alone you are adjusting to a variety of things and may miss some of these high risk but not often thought about consequences. Bryan probably encountered the most dangerous risk in living alone, because without being able to speak, and unable to breathe, even 911 would be of little help.
But you need to consider all aspects of your life, even little things like locking yourself out of the house can become a bothersome inconvenience. A simple solution may be to let a neighbor have a key or buy the type of lockbox used by Realtors. Having neighbors phone numbers in your cell phone is probably a good idea too. Oh yeah, a cell phone that you always carry and keep charged, so you can call for help, since no one is going to notice you're late for some time.
I wanted to get this post out because of Bryan's high risk problem and his important solution. I'd like to offer a bunch more tips in the future. Feel free to leave your comments here for solo living risks and what you've done about them.
Luckily Bryan came through OK. Later he found this article on performing Heimlich on yourself. Very good to know in case of emergency. His readers mentioned having backup plans.
Living with a family for some time and then suddenly living alone you are adjusting to a variety of things and may miss some of these high risk but not often thought about consequences. Bryan probably encountered the most dangerous risk in living alone, because without being able to speak, and unable to breathe, even 911 would be of little help.
But you need to consider all aspects of your life, even little things like locking yourself out of the house can become a bothersome inconvenience. A simple solution may be to let a neighbor have a key or buy the type of lockbox used by Realtors. Having neighbors phone numbers in your cell phone is probably a good idea too. Oh yeah, a cell phone that you always carry and keep charged, so you can call for help, since no one is going to notice you're late for some time.
I wanted to get this post out because of Bryan's high risk problem and his important solution. I'd like to offer a bunch more tips in the future. Feel free to leave your comments here for solo living risks and what you've done about them.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Time crunch for no reason
We were celebrating my Father's Birthday so it would be nice for my son to participate. Most weekends he stays over the whole weekend with her parents, brother and cousins. He gets to see my parents once every few months for 5-6 hours. His Uncle and neice (on my side) even less often.
So with some arranging, she allowed him to attend a celebration for his grandfather for 3 hours because she had plans that evening which included getting him home for a babysitter. After some discussion she agreed to make it 4 hours by getting ready earlier. Two hours to visit his Uncle and cousin and 2 hours to celebrate his grandfather's birthday.
She arrived a half hour late. So we had 3.5 hours to do everything. A quick walk on the marsh followed by seeing the large beach, dinner with the family, then some play time with his cousin, then picked up on time and off to the baby sitter while we continued to celebrate for another 4 hours and my niece kept asking to go to a neighbor to find a child to play with since her cousin was gone.
So instead of spending a day with his extended family he spent half a day with them and half watching his mother get ready and with a babysitter. BIC? Bullshit !
It's not just the NCP who looses out, its their whole extended family.
So with some arranging, she allowed him to attend a celebration for his grandfather for 3 hours because she had plans that evening which included getting him home for a babysitter. After some discussion she agreed to make it 4 hours by getting ready earlier. Two hours to visit his Uncle and cousin and 2 hours to celebrate his grandfather's birthday.
She arrived a half hour late. So we had 3.5 hours to do everything. A quick walk on the marsh followed by seeing the large beach, dinner with the family, then some play time with his cousin, then picked up on time and off to the baby sitter while we continued to celebrate for another 4 hours and my niece kept asking to go to a neighbor to find a child to play with since her cousin was gone.
So instead of spending a day with his extended family he spent half a day with them and half watching his mother get ready and with a babysitter. BIC? Bullshit !
It's not just the NCP who looses out, its their whole extended family.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Ahmed and I
How ironic, I just made a joke about Achmed and here there is an Kafeel Ahmed in the news. Carlos Mencia an irreverent comedian often jokes about all stereotypes in an equal opportunity sarcastic manner (see disclaimer below) and he uses the name Achmed to refer to Islamic fundamentalist terrorists.
So half jokingly I refer to Achmed in the second half of my post on how I too am on a Passport Watch List just as terrorists are. I can thank my wife's lawyer who I affectionately refer to as the hired bitch. See she worked the enforcement system, violated their rules, diverted payments around the support agency and then repeatedly asked for audits that she had designed to fail. That has kept me on the deadbeat dad and escalated enforcement lists continuously since the divorce action was filed, despite that all child support was paid and at twice the calculated rate during some periods.
It's so fuckin sad, I have to joke about it so I don't cry. I've taken so much shit and I can't even take a break in the summer. I would need to sneak across the border like an illegal alien or a terrorist. My crime, an irate wife, incompetent representation with the help of a negligent judge. But as far as the US government is concerned, I might just as well be an illegal alien or a terrorist.
So what's the latest dysfunction in confusing the guilty and innocent in the land of the free? Another one of my pet peeves, exporting jobs offshore without proper concern for security or risk. See all big companies in a follow-the-lemmings management style try to save a few bucks by outsourcing things to third world countries where it is still legal to exploit your fellow human beings. Oh, management calls this fiscal responsibility or giving them an opportunity, that sounds so much better.
Kafeel Ahmed was just identified as the terrorist in the Glaskow Airport bombing. OK, so thats why we have security, right? Well that's half the story, he worked for an outsourcing firm in India as an aeronautical engineer. So what did he work on? Boeing, Air Bus and Pratt & Whitney engines (used by over half of the commercial airlines). For more on the story, click here or here.
How much money should you save to adequately justify putting the world's innocent travelers at risk?
Hmm, so next time you book a flight, ask if Ahmed worked on the design, odds are he did. Since he wanted to bomb an airport, how well did he design that last project that involved the aircraft you are flying on?
But we're busy persecuting innocent US citizens like JQ for crimes of the screwed up American Court System. Yeah now that makes good fuckin sense.
Ahmed and I, we have something in common, and nothing in common.
So half jokingly I refer to Achmed in the second half of my post on how I too am on a Passport Watch List just as terrorists are. I can thank my wife's lawyer who I affectionately refer to as the hired bitch. See she worked the enforcement system, violated their rules, diverted payments around the support agency and then repeatedly asked for audits that she had designed to fail. That has kept me on the deadbeat dad and escalated enforcement lists continuously since the divorce action was filed, despite that all child support was paid and at twice the calculated rate during some periods.
It's so fuckin sad, I have to joke about it so I don't cry. I've taken so much shit and I can't even take a break in the summer. I would need to sneak across the border like an illegal alien or a terrorist. My crime, an irate wife, incompetent representation with the help of a negligent judge. But as far as the US government is concerned, I might just as well be an illegal alien or a terrorist.
So what's the latest dysfunction in confusing the guilty and innocent in the land of the free? Another one of my pet peeves, exporting jobs offshore without proper concern for security or risk. See all big companies in a follow-the-lemmings management style try to save a few bucks by outsourcing things to third world countries where it is still legal to exploit your fellow human beings. Oh, management calls this fiscal responsibility or giving them an opportunity, that sounds so much better.
Kafeel Ahmed was just identified as the terrorist in the Glaskow Airport bombing. OK, so thats why we have security, right? Well that's half the story, he worked for an outsourcing firm in India as an aeronautical engineer. So what did he work on? Boeing, Air Bus and Pratt & Whitney engines (used by over half of the commercial airlines). For more on the story, click here or here.
How much money should you save to adequately justify putting the world's innocent travelers at risk?
Hmm, so next time you book a flight, ask if Ahmed worked on the design, odds are he did. Since he wanted to bomb an airport, how well did he design that last project that involved the aircraft you are flying on?
But we're busy persecuting innocent US citizens like JQ for crimes of the screwed up American Court System. Yeah now that makes good fuckin sense.
Ahmed and I, we have something in common, and nothing in common.
PC Disclaimer
Well let me get this out of the way in a separate post. Here is my political correctness disclaimer. From now on, I can simply refer anyone who points out an exception to this post and say “I told you so”.
I don't consider myself a liberal, I believe, especially with age, that I am open minded. I am an independent thinker, sometimes I've been accused of being too independent, eg non-conformist or politically incorrect. It's gotten me in trouble, it will no doubt continue to. But it will require a damn good reason for me not to be me. I can't think of one.
As someone who started his career in a University environment I was exposed to diversity before it became politically correct. I was nearly lynched by my all male technical staff when I simply explained that the openly and aggressively gay candidate would be interviewed, when I hired a Muslim candidate long before 9/11, it wasn't long before people found his pre-prayer rituals “different”, he did his job well, was a peaceful and polite family man and I defended his “differences” in some cases this defense had to be forceful. I criticize lawyers in this Blog, only to find that a long term Blogging Buddy is considering this as a career. Obviously I'm not alone in my criticism, in fact that Blogger Buddy has been known to criticize a lawyer or two.
The point is there is an exception to every rule, never say never, nor always, nor everyone. When I make a broad or general statement, it is generally true, not always true, not applying to everyone. Now technically the semantics I use may imply that it is a universal statement, but it is overridden by this disclaimer. It is simply for expediency in communication, so I don't have distracting footnotes covering every exception.
Only God and Fools can make universal statements and I am neither. (jqism)
I don't consider myself a liberal, I believe, especially with age, that I am open minded. I am an independent thinker, sometimes I've been accused of being too independent, eg non-conformist or politically incorrect. It's gotten me in trouble, it will no doubt continue to. But it will require a damn good reason for me not to be me. I can't think of one.
As someone who started his career in a University environment I was exposed to diversity before it became politically correct. I was nearly lynched by my all male technical staff when I simply explained that the openly and aggressively gay candidate would be interviewed, when I hired a Muslim candidate long before 9/11, it wasn't long before people found his pre-prayer rituals “different”, he did his job well, was a peaceful and polite family man and I defended his “differences” in some cases this defense had to be forceful. I criticize lawyers in this Blog, only to find that a long term Blogging Buddy is considering this as a career. Obviously I'm not alone in my criticism, in fact that Blogger Buddy has been known to criticize a lawyer or two.
The point is there is an exception to every rule, never say never, nor always, nor everyone. When I make a broad or general statement, it is generally true, not always true, not applying to everyone. Now technically the semantics I use may imply that it is a universal statement, but it is overridden by this disclaimer. It is simply for expediency in communication, so I don't have distracting footnotes covering every exception.
Only God and Fools can make universal statements and I am neither. (jqism)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
The Unexpected
As regular readers know I have very limited visitation, only 4 hours in a day max, even in the summer, no travel, no vacations, no overnights, 10 mile max driving. Technically I would not be allowed to take him to the closest emergency room should something happen.
Sometimes I come up with creative ideas that can cram interesting things to do in that limited time. Sometimes he just wants to “putz around” doing odd things around the house.
Today was a putz around day, playing in the yard, helping with yard work, playing on a water slide with super soaker squirt guns, doing things in his two “forts”, he asked me about my wireless headphones, so I picked a radio station, and he tried them on. He thought it was so cool that he walk around the house, go outside and still hear the music. He commented, there's a little static here as we walked by the chimney in the family room. I told him, sure, the whole wall by the fireplace is large cemented rocks on the inside and brick on the outside, walk by the back porch and it will come back. It did, he thought it was cool to swing and listen to music while he touched the leaves on a nearby tree.
I'm watchin the time, I'm gonna have to get him to quit playing and eat. I'm always watchin the time, its part of being an NCP. I hear my ex's distinctive ring, she's calling to say she's going to be an hour and a half late because her mother was delayed coming out of surgery. And she's still in her home town over 60 miles away. Now normally she stays over at her parents house, but she'll be coming back to town to get him.
She's reviewing his bedtime routine and expects him to be ready to go straight to bed. Now that's really no problem, it has been over 2 years since I put him to bed, the night he was kidnapped, but I still remember the routine, hell, I have a bed he never sleeps in and pajamas and clothes he rarely wears.
Turns out she knew this was a possibility, she left his night time reading book in his backpack from camp. But she chose to tell me 20 minutes before it was time to pick him up. And that was OK too, as an NCP still stugling to get my orders enforced, I haven't restarted much of a social life, so I can be flexible. It's power for the course, why should she treat me with any respect, why should she ask me a day a head of time, why start treating me like a human now?
My son likes my large whirlpool tub, he tries to swim in it. He's getting a little big for that. I'm kind of lenient about him splashing in the tub, I know his mother bitches up a storm about it. So he fills it all the way, I'm getting dinner ready, I come back to check on him and he's been reading a book on the Titanic. So he starts making a wave and a big gush of water splashed over and landed on the power cord. Luckily I remodeled this bathroom and have found and rewired all electric violations in the house. The bathroom is on a separate circuit breaker with supplemental fast tripping ground fault interrupts, wiring contains drip loops and is isolated from all plumbing so he blew one circuit. We took a little time to talk about that.
So he gets in a pair of pajamas, gets comfortable on the couch, and does his bedtime reading. Before his mother arrived he said, “Dad, you know what, I think this was my best day ever”, “Really", I said, trying not to sound too shocked, "why is that”. “Well I just had a lot of fun”. “I'm glad you did”
Wow, that comment was unexpected. You know you try the best you can, but you always want to do more and you aren't sure if you are doing enough. Well I guess that is the only metric that counts. My son had fun with his Dad. To the rest of the world I'm just another fuckin NCP, but to him, I'm a fun Dad. Wow!
But on the other hand ignorance is bliss and love is blind. I do consider myself lucky that despite the court's poor treatment, despite the restrictions, I still have the love of my son. It is a precious gift that I fought hard for. Given by God, restricted by lawyers. But as an NCP, I also know that these are the first steps toward PAS, so I must cherish that gift while I remain lucky enough to have it until the courts or my ex take away what God has given me.
My son is very smart, but luckily not smart enough to understand it all, to still be able to have some bliss. I talked to a young woman at a bank while setting up an account for my son. She shared that her parents were getting divorced, but unlike my son, she understood more about it and it was driving her nuts.
This is the second time my ignorant ex decided to race her ass back to town to minimize time with my son. The idea of win-win, BIC is as foreign to her as anything. She could have spent the extra time with her parents and my son could have spent the night, but she didn't want to allow that.
So it appears my son will always be ignorant of the Father I could be as long as these mother fuckers refuse to loosen the ropes around my neck, arms, and legs. I try not to hate, knowing that it is a self defeatist emotion. But occasionally the emotion crepes in for those who truly work hard enough to deserve it.
Note: NCP means non-custodial parent, the 2nd class looser parent often with less rights then teachers, doctors, in-laws, etc.
Status: First Draft
Sometimes I come up with creative ideas that can cram interesting things to do in that limited time. Sometimes he just wants to “putz around” doing odd things around the house.
Today was a putz around day, playing in the yard, helping with yard work, playing on a water slide with super soaker squirt guns, doing things in his two “forts”, he asked me about my wireless headphones, so I picked a radio station, and he tried them on. He thought it was so cool that he walk around the house, go outside and still hear the music. He commented, there's a little static here as we walked by the chimney in the family room. I told him, sure, the whole wall by the fireplace is large cemented rocks on the inside and brick on the outside, walk by the back porch and it will come back. It did, he thought it was cool to swing and listen to music while he touched the leaves on a nearby tree.
I'm watchin the time, I'm gonna have to get him to quit playing and eat. I'm always watchin the time, its part of being an NCP. I hear my ex's distinctive ring, she's calling to say she's going to be an hour and a half late because her mother was delayed coming out of surgery. And she's still in her home town over 60 miles away. Now normally she stays over at her parents house, but she'll be coming back to town to get him.
She's reviewing his bedtime routine and expects him to be ready to go straight to bed. Now that's really no problem, it has been over 2 years since I put him to bed, the night he was kidnapped, but I still remember the routine, hell, I have a bed he never sleeps in and pajamas and clothes he rarely wears.
Turns out she knew this was a possibility, she left his night time reading book in his backpack from camp. But she chose to tell me 20 minutes before it was time to pick him up. And that was OK too, as an NCP still stugling to get my orders enforced, I haven't restarted much of a social life, so I can be flexible. It's power for the course, why should she treat me with any respect, why should she ask me a day a head of time, why start treating me like a human now?
My son likes my large whirlpool tub, he tries to swim in it. He's getting a little big for that. I'm kind of lenient about him splashing in the tub, I know his mother bitches up a storm about it. So he fills it all the way, I'm getting dinner ready, I come back to check on him and he's been reading a book on the Titanic. So he starts making a wave and a big gush of water splashed over and landed on the power cord. Luckily I remodeled this bathroom and have found and rewired all electric violations in the house. The bathroom is on a separate circuit breaker with supplemental fast tripping ground fault interrupts, wiring contains drip loops and is isolated from all plumbing so he blew one circuit. We took a little time to talk about that.
So he gets in a pair of pajamas, gets comfortable on the couch, and does his bedtime reading. Before his mother arrived he said, “Dad, you know what, I think this was my best day ever”, “Really", I said, trying not to sound too shocked, "why is that”. “Well I just had a lot of fun”. “I'm glad you did”
Wow, that comment was unexpected. You know you try the best you can, but you always want to do more and you aren't sure if you are doing enough. Well I guess that is the only metric that counts. My son had fun with his Dad. To the rest of the world I'm just another fuckin NCP, but to him, I'm a fun Dad. Wow!
But on the other hand ignorance is bliss and love is blind. I do consider myself lucky that despite the court's poor treatment, despite the restrictions, I still have the love of my son. It is a precious gift that I fought hard for. Given by God, restricted by lawyers. But as an NCP, I also know that these are the first steps toward PAS, so I must cherish that gift while I remain lucky enough to have it until the courts or my ex take away what God has given me.
My son is very smart, but luckily not smart enough to understand it all, to still be able to have some bliss. I talked to a young woman at a bank while setting up an account for my son. She shared that her parents were getting divorced, but unlike my son, she understood more about it and it was driving her nuts.
This is the second time my ignorant ex decided to race her ass back to town to minimize time with my son. The idea of win-win, BIC is as foreign to her as anything. She could have spent the extra time with her parents and my son could have spent the night, but she didn't want to allow that.
So it appears my son will always be ignorant of the Father I could be as long as these mother fuckers refuse to loosen the ropes around my neck, arms, and legs. I try not to hate, knowing that it is a self defeatist emotion. But occasionally the emotion crepes in for those who truly work hard enough to deserve it.
Note: NCP means non-custodial parent, the 2nd class looser parent often with less rights then teachers, doctors, in-laws, etc.
Status: First Draft
Monday, July 09, 2007
Progress...
So, after countless phone calls, pages of spreadsheets, no help from my pussy lawyer, I've made some progress, not done yet, but some significant progress, so I'm finally breathing a little easier.
It's like I've been holding my breath for weeks trying to get this all together, and now I've exhaled and am exhausted. Whew.
Progress
So this weekend, I'll be out of my financial hole and celebrate my Dad's birthday and then depending on the lawsuit, I'll have to see if I can finally get that break to clear my head. But no air travel or border crossings until I'm off the State Dept list.
Moral of the story: The final decree is the beginning of your post decree activities.
It's like I've been holding my breath for weeks trying to get this all together, and now I've exhaled and am exhausted. Whew.
Progress
I have quashed two creditor lawsuits (total of $34,000) and reached a settlement, and avoided the third foreclosure attempt on my house from both mortgages.Left to Do
I made a huge withdrawal in cash from one bank and hand delivered it to two other banks. I'm walking through the parking lot in denim shorts, gray T-shirt and tennis shoes carrying a few thousand in cash so everybody would post the deposits without a bank hold. That was the first half of the transaction, the second half, even bigger, which I have a funds transfer in progress for, will be this week.
Each of these four creditors could have filed suit and I'd be in court for at least another two years. Shit, I didn't need that.
That's the good news...
Now I still have to respond to the lawsuit filed by the last creditor, I mentioned below, by July 24 and appear in court on the 25th.
Then I need to enforce my child support order that finally recognizes that I have never missed my support obligation and force them to stop their enforcement actions, take me off the IRS No Refund and State Department Banned Passport Lists (Yes me and Achmed will both be cavity searched if we go into an airport), then I can renew my passport.
The legal system's misuse of the child support enforcement agency is part of homeland terrorism. It's no wonder that some men have taken the attitude that if your gonna screw me even when I pay the whole bill, why should they pay and then still be screwed. Remember when they said they were gonna fix it for me? Haven't heard from them. They're too busy taking enforcement actions against innocent people who comply with the law.
I still have that old lawsuit where he wants to take my car. I have a new lawsuit that I just haven't had time for (because its small).
Her lawyer is still playing delaying games, so a motion to show cause should be filed this week. I have to review all the notification and enforcement actions that are needed, the pussy is playing dumb (comes naturally) and has been no help.
So this weekend, I'll be out of my financial hole and celebrate my Dad's birthday and then depending on the lawsuit, I'll have to see if I can finally get that break to clear my head. But no air travel or border crossings until I'm off the State Dept list.
Moral of the story: The final decree is the beginning of your post decree activities.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
SOS Live Earth
My politics aren't defined along political party lines, I make up own mind. We aren't likely to turn the clock backwards and get rid of modern conveniences, but irresponsible statements like one recently from the director of NASA pretending that "we can't be sure that more CO2 would really cause harm, climates change" are just ridiculous.
Oddly I hadn't noticed tons of hype that one would expect for an undertaking as large as the Live Earth event. As someone who appreciates music, I enjoyed it (I TIVOed it in its entirety). if you missed it, musicians from around the world held concerts on 7 continents for 22 hours to address global warming. Al Gore was a major mover behind this event, so it has been labeled as liberal and politicized. So naturally conservatives need to criticize it, implying that the whole event has had a negative impact on the earth, although I doubt that there could be a more effective way to reach possibly 2 billion people across the entire Earth.
So then the news media who like to antagonize to sell news implied that Al Gore should run for president, I have to laugh at that idea, even the president can't mobilize 2 billion people in one day. He's a bigger threat to the entrenched status quo now as an activist than being in politics. Its a great example of what a small group of determined people can do.
It is a hopeful message, it is a reminder of the founding father's intent, we the people are to run the government, all we must do is act.
For more info on Climate Change:
Live Earth Website - http://www.liveearth.org/It used to be called Global Warming, so some politicians needed to change the name. It is a lot simpler to use semantics than corrective actions. This political slight of hand is often practiced in family law too.
Wiki on Live Earth - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Live_Earth
Alliance for Climate Protection - http://www.climateprotect.org/
It is an interesting lesson on the entrenched status quo, resistance to change, even if it would endanger the planet. Now that's a serious spectacle to observe. Being conservative does not require resisting change at all costs.
Melisa Etherage wrote a song for the event asking where had the American spirit gone, the spirit that questions injustice, that exercises its freedom, have they become too busy to care?
I couldn't help but notice that this attitude isn't limited to the global warming issue, it is pervasive. Our government is running on autopilot. The politicians and special interests are being allowed to run things due to the negligence of the public. Our founding fathers provided so many avenues for public participation in government at a time when people were less educated than today, why? Because freedom isn't free. It requires active, informed, participation.
Can we be too busy to be sure we remain free? Well we are. And we are loosing freedoms because of it. The abuses I describe in this Blog could be stopped by a judge. What do most people know about a judge? We had a terrible candidate almost win because of name recognition. These judges decide our fate.
What would you do if you were in front of a judge who was going to have a major impact on your life, like I was, and you knew how poorly the public exercises its responsibility to select qualified candidates? Well you'd know how I feel.
Get involved, be informed, before you are affected by a government on autopilot.
Maybe we need a "Live Family " or "Live Together" or "Live Free" event ! ! !
Monday, July 02, 2007
Should I kick myself?
Damn it, I am so fuckin pissed at myself.
I saw it coming, I must have half a dozen emails and recordings on the topic and thousands in legal bills. And I still missed it. Damn hired bitch fucked me in the ass and I missed it. How?
Stress dulls your senses. But it was not accidental. That is the hired bitch's MO, lots of revisions, rapidly changing, and then the faxed ultimatum. I should have told that bitch to kiss my fuckin ass. I can't write what I'm thinking, I am so fuckin pissed, I'm pounding the keyboard with only half the profanity that I'm thinking.
I expect the hired bitch to fuck me every chance she gets. I expect the pussy to fuck up every chance he gets. But I just don't expect that I would drop the ball that I'd miss it, I expect that I am better than those assholes. And if I'm not, JFSM.
Yeah, the parenting plan is convoluted, it has three major contradictory (standard sole custody, provisional shared custody, and post decree mediation) commingled sections, and countless subsections that are also contradictory in a big bowl of twisted conditions that reference and superceed each other, plus the sealed addendum plus the provisional addendum, none of it properly outlines or numbered, toping out at nearly 40 pages, but I thought I had all the issues ironed out.
My ex was born on the 4th of July, a holiday mentioned in standard sole custody parenting plan. I knew very well that this was going to be a point of contention and confusion. Rather than use standard language, I wanted to replace all language dealing with that day, with one set that made it clear and unambiguous. Is that too much to ask. Damn straight it is if you are talking to pompous ass unresponsive divorce lawyers.
The multiple contradictory clauses (sole holidays, shared holidays, special days) were updated numerous times related to that single day increasing billable hours. The last version had a parenthesized addition (4th condition) that I was satisfied with. The fuckin bitch removed it on Dec 23, sent a fax threatening to take away Christmas visitation if I didn't sign it and didn't point out the removed clause and I fuckin missed the removed clause.
And I could beat myself to an inch of consciences for making such a stupid fucking mistake. I know better, I really do. I was worn down, I was too tired, too dulled to see it. Why didn't I call their bluff, why didn't I call the media, why didn't I call the judge (who could give two shits anyway). I have been a perfectionist, I know why that's not good, but I set my bar high, I know what I am capable of and I expect more of myself.
I wanted to be able to take my son to the 4th of July fireworks occasionally or go with him and my ex to the fireworks. Or if nothing could be worked out, I was willing to give her that holiday in exchange for another holiday. That would mean changing standard language, but this three way merge was stitched together like Frankenstein with so much non-standard language that it would hardly matter. So what happened with the removal of the 4th condition, that my asshole pussy lawyer never caught. She gets every 4th July, is exercising her out of town rights, won't allow me to see him on that holiday EVER! If the pussy would have done as I requested the 4 clauses would have been replaced by one clause and it would have been clear who got what. Now I loose out on that holiday and have no replacement day.
Moral of the story: Let lawyers do what they want only if you want to be fucked,
but they will likely do what they want despite your objections so you're fucked anyway! (jqism)
Acronym: JFSM - Just Fuckin Shoot Me (jqism)
I saw it coming, I must have half a dozen emails and recordings on the topic and thousands in legal bills. And I still missed it. Damn hired bitch fucked me in the ass and I missed it. How?
Stress dulls your senses. But it was not accidental. That is the hired bitch's MO, lots of revisions, rapidly changing, and then the faxed ultimatum. I should have told that bitch to kiss my fuckin ass. I can't write what I'm thinking, I am so fuckin pissed, I'm pounding the keyboard with only half the profanity that I'm thinking.
I expect the hired bitch to fuck me every chance she gets. I expect the pussy to fuck up every chance he gets. But I just don't expect that I would drop the ball that I'd miss it, I expect that I am better than those assholes. And if I'm not, JFSM.
Yeah, the parenting plan is convoluted, it has three major contradictory (standard sole custody, provisional shared custody, and post decree mediation) commingled sections, and countless subsections that are also contradictory in a big bowl of twisted conditions that reference and superceed each other, plus the sealed addendum plus the provisional addendum, none of it properly outlines or numbered, toping out at nearly 40 pages, but I thought I had all the issues ironed out.
My ex was born on the 4th of July, a holiday mentioned in standard sole custody parenting plan. I knew very well that this was going to be a point of contention and confusion. Rather than use standard language, I wanted to replace all language dealing with that day, with one set that made it clear and unambiguous. Is that too much to ask. Damn straight it is if you are talking to pompous ass unresponsive divorce lawyers.
The multiple contradictory clauses (sole holidays, shared holidays, special days) were updated numerous times related to that single day increasing billable hours. The last version had a parenthesized addition (4th condition) that I was satisfied with. The fuckin bitch removed it on Dec 23, sent a fax threatening to take away Christmas visitation if I didn't sign it and didn't point out the removed clause and I fuckin missed the removed clause.
And I could beat myself to an inch of consciences for making such a stupid fucking mistake. I know better, I really do. I was worn down, I was too tired, too dulled to see it. Why didn't I call their bluff, why didn't I call the media, why didn't I call the judge (who could give two shits anyway). I have been a perfectionist, I know why that's not good, but I set my bar high, I know what I am capable of and I expect more of myself.
I wanted to be able to take my son to the 4th of July fireworks occasionally or go with him and my ex to the fireworks. Or if nothing could be worked out, I was willing to give her that holiday in exchange for another holiday. That would mean changing standard language, but this three way merge was stitched together like Frankenstein with so much non-standard language that it would hardly matter. So what happened with the removal of the 4th condition, that my asshole pussy lawyer never caught. She gets every 4th July, is exercising her out of town rights, won't allow me to see him on that holiday EVER! If the pussy would have done as I requested the 4 clauses would have been replaced by one clause and it would have been clear who got what. Now I loose out on that holiday and have no replacement day.
Moral of the story: Let lawyers do what they want only if you want to be fucked,
but they will likely do what they want despite your objections so you're fucked anyway! (jqism)
Acronym: JFSM - Just Fuckin Shoot Me (jqism)
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