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Domestic Relations court is a Disaster that destroys families. I'll share my experience in this broken system, hopefully my posts and your comments can educate all of us.
About Me
Divorced Dad
In March 2005, my wife decided to take our child from his bed and start this painful journey through a system that is serving no one's needs. The final divorce decree was issued May 2007, but the system continues to exact its toll. Many elements of the final decree remain unfinished to this day.
View more personal background
Updated 09/12/08
View more personal background
Updated 09/12/08
Announcements & Updates
- New Humor Blog - 08/20/08
- Legal Notice - 01/04/08
- New SlideShow on JQ's Life 12/04/07
- Companion Web Site Redesigned 09/05/07
- Terminology Page Added 08/27/07
- Personal Blog Added 07/15/07
- Tempate/Sidebar - 07/15/07
Related Blogs
Labels
- a Labels Explained (1)
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- Blog Ann (39)
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- Editorial (2)
- Encouragement (27)
- Ex (17)
- Financial (9)
- Legal Abuse (96)
- Legal Notice (8)
- My Case (65)
- Personal (62)
- Political (20)
- Pop Culture (18)
- Process (20)
- Son (28)
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- ToBe Updated (15)
- ToBe UpOld (44)
- UnCat (24)
- Visitation (54)
Blog Archive
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2007
(209)
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May
(50)
- Collateral Damage
- Whatsa Shit Shift?
- So what's the difference?
- POC3
- Another big error
- Emails IRL
- Congratulations from the lawyer
- And now the fun begins - NOT!
- A laugh a day keeps depression at bay
- So who is the hired bitch?
- Thanks for the crossed fingers
- Do I have to tell you everything?
- What silver lining?
- No peace...
- What do you see?
- In case you think I have more to give...
- My Tech Pride and Joy
- Tag team - 3 on 1
- Game Day # 8 Part 2; T-5 hours
- My neice and son...
- Feeding me to the Shark
- And the pendulum swings back
- A pleasant surprise...
- BTW, these are new errors
- Showing my hand...
- Senior Partner Notified of Chump Change
- What do you consider chump change?
- Hey pussy, ya seem a little jumpy
- Why be anxious?
- A special message to my own lawyer
- Put me out of misery - JFSM
- Deadbeat again
- Laying it all on the line
- Game Day Details
- Game Day T-2
- Game Day T-4 Hours
- Game Day T-12 Hours
- Game Day T-30 Hours
- Don't pull a Kim on me...
- You better not call
- So Who should hear it?
- So which is it?
- Game time D-4
- BIC, be damned!
- Now here's a game...
- The worst part of the game...
- Hey Bossman...
- Breathe
- SGDD
- Thank God For Small Miracles
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May
(50)
Copyright © 2005-2009
Due to ongoing litigation the terms of service forbid access to parties of the litigation. If you are a party (or related to a party in any way) to this litigation or if you are related to a media outlet you must exit now. Use of this web site constitutes agreement to full legal notice found here.
19 comments:
I know that feeling.
It ain't worth it JQ.
It will get better.
Life is short :)
and getting shorter.
But at the point when you've lost everything, it seems way too long.
I know it's hard JQ, but try to stop dotting the i's and crossing the t's. At the end of the day, nobody in the legal system gives a damn. They just want your money.
I know you've been at this for a while, but really if there's any way you can cut to the chase, that's what you should do for your childs sake.
It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong. There's a very good chance justice will never be served here.
Life is too short for this crap JQ.
I want to see a happy post from you. A means to an end. There must be a way? The trail you are following now can do no-one any favours apart from dragging on the legal process and robbing you and your stbx and child of money.
WE know you're right JQ. In ten years no-one is gonna give a shit and you may be dealing with emotional problems from what your child is suffering now.
Please find a way to end the legal battle JQ, and get on with what's important before it's too late.
I'm not making myself understood. I have tried to settle, and each time the bar gets moved higher.
Like Lucy moving the football when Charlie Brown tries to kick it.
There is only one way for this to end and that will be the end of me. My wife will be engeful to my dying breath (or maybe longer, she'd descreate my dead body if she could).
I don't expect justice from a corrupt system. I gave up on that a long time ago.
I have not provided the details of the settlement here, it literally is no win either way.
MY WIFE IS ROBBING MY CHILD, I HAVE MADE COMPROMISE AFTER COMPROMISE AND STILL IT GOES ON UNTIL MY WIFE STOPS HER LAWYER OR I DO - THE ROBBERY WILL CONTINUE. THATS A FACT PERIOD.
It is already too late, my lawyer will take it to trial to preserve my assets for their own fees. It is now a battle between the vultures of who is going to pick my bones clean.
Read my post closer, I told my lawyer he was not authorized to request a trial. He did anyway and the judge agreed. It is out of my hands.
All rational methods are exhausted, it will take some drastic measure.
And I have been quietly reviewing my drastic options. Now I must choose. They are all very unpleasant.
Sell up and move to the hills JQ. Disappear if you have to with a knapsack and a tent.
Don't focus on the problems, only possible solutions.
Sorry if I seem harsh. I really feel for you. I have been there. There is ALWAYS a way!!! ALWAYS....
I know there is always a way, and sometimes that way is unspeakable and terrible.
What would be the difference to my son if I were dead or simply gone because severe financial impact made it necessary? Or the difference of the sudden absence vs seeing the destruction of his father first hand over a period of months?
Those are all ways. How do you choose among the least worst when all are terrible?
Flip a coin? JFSM, please!
PLEASE!
NO!! NO!!
JQ, I will not shoot you and nor will any of the people who see the true story here.
You are an intelligent man with so much to offer to the world. You are a father with a son that you love very much and he loves you too. He needs you, and you really DO need him as well.
You are not allowed to bail out of this JQ. You have invested far too much already(time that is, money is irrelevant) and at the end of the day.....IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!!
It's bed time here...will you please send back something a little more positive so that I can sleep in peace.
Sure, I'll give you my official line on that topic.
I am a perfectionist procrastinator so suicide would take too long, I couldn't come up with a perfect way, that's why I said JFSM.
Hey, good luck JQ
Thanks for luck NBK, because so far skill, strategy, intelligence, and compromise have met with failure.
Hey Solaris or somebody, help me get the JFSM (all spelled out) out of the Google cache. I changed the oo's to zeros. But how can I get this out of cache so my lawyer doesn't find it?
John, maybe your doc could give you something for depression, short term.
Hi JQ -
First of all, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, but just remember that although the court might favor your wife with regards to your son, there is plenty that you may still be able to do. For example, you can still email, call, webcam - there are so many ways of keeping in contact with your son. The two of you can even get yourselves "Sidekicks" and instant message/picture/call each other back and forth. (I'm sure he'll love that). I know it's not what you're looking for, but something is better than nothing. I'm sure that your son loves you, and he'll want to look for you regardless of whether his mom "wins" this court case or not.
For you to say, "JFSM" and I hate to come down on you - (but hey you came down on me once lol - and we're friends ;) ), is a little bit too much and it serves no one's - especially your son's needs. How about when he turns 18 and wants to leave his mother's home. What if he wants to live with you? At 18, no one is going to stop him. And you'll want to be there for him, no? This "JSFM" business is just not worth it.
Finally, about the website - if you don't want your lawyer or other so-called authorative asshole to find your website, I suggest very strongly that you refrain from putting up information that may put you at any type of risk.
But, being that us bloggers are a group of stubborn #$%%^ (lol), I completely understand your request to eliminate the site from cache.
To prevent google's web crawlers and robots from caching your site in general, you basically have two choices - the first is to force a redirect to
http://example.com/index.html when http://example.com/ is called, then exclude index.html.
The second and much easier method is to use a meta noindex element on the page:
< meta name="robots" content="noindex" >
(no spaces between "m" in
meta" and "<" )
Hope this helps.
*hugs*
littlewig, that's been done, but short of putting me in a stupor, there is nothing that can take the edge off of loosing everything by force.
The lawyers have worked together with the judge to seize all of my remaining assets, over $100K.
It took 15 years of very hard work to build a $200K portfolio. In just over 2 years of runaway litigation that could only exist because a judge refused to manage his docket, this will be gone.
The word "depression" does not begin to describe the feeling one experiences when they loose everything they worked their adult life to archive.
Thanks for the thought and the suggestion.
John, I understand what you are saying. I can only imagine what it would feel like to lose everything you had worked a lifetime to achieve.
But John, you have a beautiful little son who needs you, and all the money in the world couldn't replace him.
Yes. Your stbx wife was a very expensive piece of ass.
But you do have your son. Nothing will change that, ever.
Sol, good suggestions, and I also have a book recommendation on the staying connected with kids topic.
My wife watched Oprah and she said that webcams turn kids into child prostitutes. While I wouldn't downplay internet risks I think I know a thing or two that Oprah may have overlooked. I have to believe the ratio of webcams to prostitutes is far less than 1:1. For about 10 years I was on the technical steering committee of the statewide University ISP, we dealt with security, hacking, porn, library access, doom traffic overflows etc. I picked up a few things. I think I can protect my child.
She also restricts and monitors calls in violation of a court order.
I have thought about just buying him a cell phone or your idea (sidekick) is even better. I would still be faced with her not allowing him to have it as she will not allow him to have a PC I built for him.
Some of these issues will be worked out in the custody mediation expected to last one or two more years.
Oh, Sol, touche, what are friends for if not to remind their friends of their own advice. I just gave someone advice the other day and told them to remind me if I forgot.
It's the paradox of high stress, even under stress, I can calmly see potential solutions to other peoples problems, but my own, it's too close too see for me. So that's fair.
The deal with the web site is when my lawyer patronizingly asked me how I was (as if he could give 2 shits) not long after I posted, I slipped and said JFSM. Then I thought if he Googles that he'll get here. And certainly you know the perils of Google. Then I worried if he did, could I catch him in time. I just now realized that my site stats will show attempts, I got that idea from you too (thanks). So if I see some searches on that I can go offline for a little bit (damn I hate to have the problems you & Kate had).
I was more concerned with removing just that post with those keywords from the cache.
Thanks again, I think I've seen that meta statement before & forgot about it.
The other thing I thought of right away to have it slide out of cache is I updated the oo's to zeros.
Hearing from my friends always helps and you had some good tips too.
But as I mentioned to littlewing, there is no cure for this level of attack, the only option is multiple minimizing techniques. So I welcome every little one, hopefully they'll add up to enough.
Littlewing, yeah, that is the only thing left and she tries to interfere with that too.
This is what has led me to contemplate another disturbing possibility.
My hands are tied until Final Decree. If things get worse for access to my son, I will either be stuck in this cycle of decline or need to break free.
There is a possibility that she could reduce my visitation even more. She is also a flight risk and has threatened interstate kidnapping.
If things degrade, I will not allow my son to see me die a slow death, I will go on the most aggressive financial rebuild campaign possible, work anywhere, in the middle east, what ever, where ever to achieve the goal, build a war chest and take her down. Sole custody. I'll let her have liberal visitation, but I will take all her power from her.
I don't want to do that, but if it comes to self preservation then that's what I'll do. I can not allow her to run my life for the rest of it. I will not allow her to use my son as power over me.
For the courts to allow this is child abuse, plain and simple.
Oh, expensive to be sure, and not worth it in the least.
JQ - you have excellent skills. You can most certainly build yourself up financially especially if you go the government and counsulting routes. High tech security is in high demand.
In the meantime, get the sidekicks. :) You guys will have fun with them.
Almost forgot - yes it's very difficult and emotionally draining to be bothered about the blog. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have my blog - it was my gateway to network with others who had similar problems, and believe me it helped me tremendously. So when I saw the evil attorney bitches IP on there, I prepared myself for another round of insults but at least I had support.
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