As I mentioned, my son's last family vacation was summer 2004, that will be the last vacation he'll have with his father until possibly 2009, my current expectation of normal visitation. Five years out of a life of a 10 year old (in 2009) is more than the math suggests.
But this year, this past 4 days, my son was told he was on vacation. For the entire summer, my ex dumped him in day camp, deprived me of one hour per day in court ordered visitation (with no consequences to her) and now she plans a 4 day trip as his first "vacation" since 2004. Most people would probably just call it a long weekend. My ex was going to ignore the parenting plan as usual and me pointing out that she was ordered by the court to provide a daily itinerary, lodging, and cell contact made her quite angry, no doubt because of not being in control. Welcome to my world bitch. Look for sympathy on that issue elsewhere. To show her displeasure she raced her car in my driveway with our son in it and nearly ran me over as I was closing his door.
Originally because of a past history of credible, witnessed threats of kidnapping, multiple warnings regarding that and then finally her violation of a mediated agreement not to take my son from the county, I had asked for some court protection in this regard. My first request was that she put up a bond, much like a bail bond, where she would pledge collateral that would be taken by the bond underwriter (an insurance company) in the event that she kidnapped my son and costs were incurred to locate them. The lawyers acted as if this standard insurance product was a request to go to the moon. Their suggestion was that I simply let it happen again and spend another $5000 tracking fee as I had done before. Seeing this as very reactive rather than proactive I continued to complain and eventually won a 30 day notice of all out of town transportation of more than 24 hours.
So my ex takes my son down to friends living near the state capital about 160 miles away. He went to the Science and Industry Museum, the Zoo, swam in a nice pool at one friends house. He seemed to have fun and that's good. But one of the days, I received a cell call from my brother-in-law's phone, it was my son. He was down there visiting too. And as I found out, my ex was somewhere else. She had dumped my son while on "vacation", jeez...
A long weekend with relatives/friends and you still dump the kid. All the while keeping a tight grip on when his own father (me) can see him. BIC be damned. And she calls that a vacation.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Cabin Fever
Whoa, time flies, wish I could say I've been having fun... Been plodding along with post decree enforcement of orders and contemplating strategy for the next lawsuit in a few weeks...
Things are moving slowly, it could be the 90 degree summer days, but its more likely chronic cabin fever, the culmination of too many years, YES YEARS of uninterrupted caustic divorce irritation eating at my mind and emotion like a cancer.
The key is uninterrupted... Everyone outside the US understands the need for a Holiday (vacation) to recharge. We fail to grasp that simple fact in the US. This divorce just makes it all the worse.
For the entire litigation (over 2 years) with its constant threats, demands, case management needs, court appearances, I had no time to leave town. Not only did I quickly use up all vacation and sick days, I took a fair amount of "unpaid personal time" off. So much so that my company started questioning whether I was a full time employee. How could that be, well there was the two weeks tracking down my son's kidnapping in 2005, 35 scheduled court appearances, 10 scheduled days of trial, each with a similar amount of time before and after for prep and response. Just to emphasize the ridiculous the month of May 2007 I spent 3 full days per week, every week. on the divorce, by court order, that my ex was excused from, to finalize the case, mainly due to the oppositions legal game maneuvers, which still go on today three months after the final decree. One of those three days per week was spent in the court house.
So OK, two years high stress, no vacation, BFD (big fuckin deal), we've all done that, well higher... The last vacation was summer 2004. OK, three years, still BFD. Let me tell you about the last "family" vacation. I think my son enjoyed the trip to Orlando at almost 5. He went to DisneyLand of course, saw Aligators, Cape Canerival, rode in an air boat, almost got a ride in a swamp buggy. Somewhere I have the last "family portrait" taken at a returant of the three of us. So why whine, that sounds great.
It was pure torture for me, not just because I knew this would never be again, but because of my ex's constant and cruel taunting every fuckin chance she could get like a Chinese water torture designed to drive you insane. And it was no accident, nothing my ex does ever is, she is cold and calculating - literally - earning her one of my very few epitaphs of bitch.
Before, during, and after this "vacation" came the constant taunts, "Should we do the divorce before the vacation and get it over with", "Well as soon as we get back", every conceivable variation at every opportunity. Imagine when I'm standing in her cousin's kitchen who is a fundamentalist Christian who wanted our two families to join hands in a circle to recite a prayer of thanks to the Lord for bringing the two "families" together on this occasion. She was sincere, she didn't know, I bore no malice to this sweet inlaw who I knew and visited before on my several business trips to the area. No, but my wife joining hands and hypocritically praying to God about our "family" that she had all desire and intention of destroying was almost too much to bear. I half expected a bolt of lightening to come down and strike the bitch dead where she stood, and I secretly prayed that it would strike me dead and put me out of my misery. That's a vacation? JFSM!
Well let's go back another year, summer of 2003, four years ago. That was a real family vacation. No divorce talk, no taunting. My nearly 4 year old son pronounced Niagara in an interesting way. It was so funny, but has faded from my mind. He loved the Falls, he marveled at the power and majesty of them. He noticed everything about the trip, even the "Muffin Lady" who served breakfast muffin's every morning. He was and still is big for his age, he just made the height to go on the Hurricane deck. It is a daunting experience that has a bypass ramp that even some adults use as they near the power of the Falls. But like the brave trooper he is, he walked ahead right up to the closest point, water crashing down all around. I watched him closely, wondering if he was scared frozen or OK... After a few moments, he mater of factly said "We can go now". That moment sticks with me, my brave and wonderful son.
That was my last real break, 4 years ago, 4 years of unrelenting hell and shit, yearning for relief, to breath free, to fly free. But this divorce has grounded me. I am so hoping to be free again. To experience a break in this world of litigation that seemingly has no end as at least two more actions are already guaranteed for at least two more years. I can't last that long, I won't last to the end of this year. I had a doctor who heard of my situation after writing a script for some lab tests, scribbled another one and gave it to me, I should post it... On an official doctors Rx pad, the Latin slang phrase for "Don't let the Bastards Get You Down". Well when the bastards send armed law enforcement to your front door, even when you are with your child, a piece of Rx paper and those wise words just don't work. And I wish I meant only once. No better way to make friends with your neighbors than have police parked in your driveway regularly.
But under the best circumstances I can only hope for a personal vacation, a family vacation (well with my son, not my ex) is out the question, my ex bitch has seen to that. I can't even take him to the zoo let alone on a vacation. That is one of the two post decree actions that will continue for another two years, my effort to move toward normal visitation through a mediation process ordered by the court, a hard fought concession to her being the sole guardian with no rights for me as she demanded. But that will have to do for now. It's time, I'm overdue for a break. That's the Rx I really needed.
Sometimes the best way to not to let the bastards get you down is just to get the hell away from them. (jqism).
For another view of this topic see my latest entry in my Personal Blog.
Things are moving slowly, it could be the 90 degree summer days, but its more likely chronic cabin fever, the culmination of too many years, YES YEARS of uninterrupted caustic divorce irritation eating at my mind and emotion like a cancer.
The key is uninterrupted... Everyone outside the US understands the need for a Holiday (vacation) to recharge. We fail to grasp that simple fact in the US. This divorce just makes it all the worse.
For the entire litigation (over 2 years) with its constant threats, demands, case management needs, court appearances, I had no time to leave town. Not only did I quickly use up all vacation and sick days, I took a fair amount of "unpaid personal time" off. So much so that my company started questioning whether I was a full time employee. How could that be, well there was the two weeks tracking down my son's kidnapping in 2005, 35 scheduled court appearances, 10 scheduled days of trial, each with a similar amount of time before and after for prep and response. Just to emphasize the ridiculous the month of May 2007 I spent 3 full days per week, every week. on the divorce, by court order, that my ex was excused from, to finalize the case, mainly due to the oppositions legal game maneuvers, which still go on today three months after the final decree. One of those three days per week was spent in the court house.
So OK, two years high stress, no vacation, BFD (big fuckin deal), we've all done that, well higher... The last vacation was summer 2004. OK, three years, still BFD. Let me tell you about the last "family" vacation. I think my son enjoyed the trip to Orlando at almost 5. He went to DisneyLand of course, saw Aligators, Cape Canerival, rode in an air boat, almost got a ride in a swamp buggy. Somewhere I have the last "family portrait" taken at a returant of the three of us. So why whine, that sounds great.
It was pure torture for me, not just because I knew this would never be again, but because of my ex's constant and cruel taunting every fuckin chance she could get like a Chinese water torture designed to drive you insane. And it was no accident, nothing my ex does ever is, she is cold and calculating - literally - earning her one of my very few epitaphs of bitch.
Before, during, and after this "vacation" came the constant taunts, "Should we do the divorce before the vacation and get it over with", "Well as soon as we get back", every conceivable variation at every opportunity. Imagine when I'm standing in her cousin's kitchen who is a fundamentalist Christian who wanted our two families to join hands in a circle to recite a prayer of thanks to the Lord for bringing the two "families" together on this occasion. She was sincere, she didn't know, I bore no malice to this sweet inlaw who I knew and visited before on my several business trips to the area. No, but my wife joining hands and hypocritically praying to God about our "family" that she had all desire and intention of destroying was almost too much to bear. I half expected a bolt of lightening to come down and strike the bitch dead where she stood, and I secretly prayed that it would strike me dead and put me out of my misery. That's a vacation? JFSM!
Well let's go back another year, summer of 2003, four years ago. That was a real family vacation. No divorce talk, no taunting. My nearly 4 year old son pronounced Niagara in an interesting way. It was so funny, but has faded from my mind. He loved the Falls, he marveled at the power and majesty of them. He noticed everything about the trip, even the "Muffin Lady" who served breakfast muffin's every morning. He was and still is big for his age, he just made the height to go on the Hurricane deck. It is a daunting experience that has a bypass ramp that even some adults use as they near the power of the Falls. But like the brave trooper he is, he walked ahead right up to the closest point, water crashing down all around. I watched him closely, wondering if he was scared frozen or OK... After a few moments, he mater of factly said "We can go now". That moment sticks with me, my brave and wonderful son.
That was my last real break, 4 years ago, 4 years of unrelenting hell and shit, yearning for relief, to breath free, to fly free. But this divorce has grounded me. I am so hoping to be free again. To experience a break in this world of litigation that seemingly has no end as at least two more actions are already guaranteed for at least two more years. I can't last that long, I won't last to the end of this year. I had a doctor who heard of my situation after writing a script for some lab tests, scribbled another one and gave it to me, I should post it... On an official doctors Rx pad, the Latin slang phrase for "Don't let the Bastards Get You Down". Well when the bastards send armed law enforcement to your front door, even when you are with your child, a piece of Rx paper and those wise words just don't work. And I wish I meant only once. No better way to make friends with your neighbors than have police parked in your driveway regularly.
But under the best circumstances I can only hope for a personal vacation, a family vacation (well with my son, not my ex) is out the question, my ex bitch has seen to that. I can't even take him to the zoo let alone on a vacation. That is one of the two post decree actions that will continue for another two years, my effort to move toward normal visitation through a mediation process ordered by the court, a hard fought concession to her being the sole guardian with no rights for me as she demanded. But that will have to do for now. It's time, I'm overdue for a break. That's the Rx I really needed.
Sometimes the best way to not to let the bastards get you down is just to get the hell away from them. (jqism).
For another view of this topic see my latest entry in my Personal Blog.
Friday, August 10, 2007
I did it !!!
I have long fuse, but it isn't infinite...
So I guess I've gone and done it, I opened the door to the media. I listed quite a number of abuses in the half hour conversation with the senior editor along with the importance of the story. He seemed to agree. We'll see what comes of it.
Hopefully I won't regret it. But then I'm sure if I kept it to my self, allowed injustice, condoned it with my silence, I would regret it. There comes a time to decide, stand and fight, or run and hide. I have stood and fought this long. Doesn't seem like I should start running now.
- I was very tired, overtired, irritable
- I got the morning paper, the front page story was about a parental kidnapping
- Reading the article poured salt in my old wounds
- I called the reporter, he said he didn't have time to discuss the broken justice system
- Now I'm really steamed, I called the News editor
- They weren't in but I made it clear that I was not to be blown off
- A Senior editor took the call, listened, asked questions, expressed concern (guess that's how he got his position)
- So .... the next step
So I guess I've gone and done it, I opened the door to the media. I listed quite a number of abuses in the half hour conversation with the senior editor along with the importance of the story. He seemed to agree. We'll see what comes of it.
Hopefully I won't regret it. But then I'm sure if I kept it to my self, allowed injustice, condoned it with my silence, I would regret it. There comes a time to decide, stand and fight, or run and hide. I have stood and fought this long. Doesn't seem like I should start running now.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Order, Shmorder...
We don't abide by no f--kin orders...
The Playas
What did I do?
Note: This post (as all posts whether containing notice or not) is bound by the legal disclaimer addendum.
The Playas
The usual suspects - defendant (me), pussy, bitch, hired bitchThe Orders
Holder of assets - Brokerage, Bank
Creditors - Named as co-defendants
Multiple orders, over 91 pages, addendumsThe Game
QDRO, DOPO, division of property settlement
All connected under a Journal Entry (JE) of Divorce
As before, I am advised to follow orders under "threat and pain of the full force of the law and contempt of court sanctions".And we roll the dice
Also as before, the hired bitch causes delays to induce stress and cause hardship with no penalty whatsoever as "an officer of the court acting on its behalf".
And my lawyer, well he's a pussy.
Of course the Asset Holders, as I do, are threatened to follow orders.
Enter a new Playa, who is bold and resistant to orders - the creditor.
The division of property states that I will execute a QDRO and release assets to my wife who will pay a share marital debt first. The order further states that I am no longer responsible for the debt. I have released the funds, but the hired bitch is sitting on the QDRO and the creditor is asking me to pay the debt.The way it really is
I inform the creditor that there is an order that absolves me of the debt, that I have released funds to pay it, that the hired bitch is holding it up and how they can contact them.
We don't follow orders in divorce decrees, we believe our contract with you remains intact despite a court order to the contrary. We will hold you to that contract and litigate in another court jurisdiction.
Who the Fuck do they think they are? I am threatened with contempt, fines, and jail every time I turn around, and the hired bitch and now the creditor moon the judge with no consequences? How the fuck is anyone to take an order or a contempt threat seriously?
So I advice the creditors that may be typical boilerplate but in my particular case they were named as defendants and notified by the court. Well we show no record of receiving that and we have filed no answer to the court recognizing their jurisdiction over us in this matter. I continue that their professed ignorance of notification does not constitute a faulty notification and their choice not to respond does not prevent the court from exercising a default judgment against them.
Apparently creditors are given a courtesy immunity to not be involved. The issue remains between the primary parties.Options?All because the creditor refuses to recognize the order to reallocate the debt (and even the assets to pay it) to the other party.
- I release money.
- Her lawyer delays the receipt of the money.
- The creditor sues me for defaulting on a contract that has been superseded by a court order they refuse to recognize.
- I sue my ex for default on payment for funds she has not received because of her own lawyers actions.
- Her lawyer successfully defends my suit because my wife has not violated the order through any fault of her own, only through the fault of her own lawyer but that doesn't count as she is an officer of the court, treated with the same respect and exemptions as the court itself.
- I loose my lawsuit to the creditor and to my ex.
- Having little money to spare, I can take comfort in the 91 sheets of asswipe that are the divorce orders.
- Hope you don't get screwed. - Easiest, Riskiest
- Ask everyone to do the right thing. - Modest effort, Little hope
- Solve the problem by doing everyone else's job and then continuously monitor that the implementation is on track. - Most work, best hope
What did I do?
I did the first two and they failed. My wife ignored all suggestions because her trusty lawyer said (correctly) she didn't have to worry about it. Thanks to the big brass balls of the creditor she was off the hook for her obligation. So I negotiated a six month extension with payment plan with no interest and the promise of a balloon payment at the end. I twisted my ex's arm to provide a bank account from which they can draw the principal payments.Lessons Learned
But what good is a plan without a backup plan. I maintain an online connection to the account to verify that the payments are made on time and I have set up a back up account with my own limited funds in it to prevent her from defaulting and it reverting to 32% interest plus a lawsuit.
So it's not a problem now, why am I whining? You want to sit on the edge of your seat with one lawsuit filed and another on the way. You want to spend the time calling these arrogant assholes and trying to get something done only to monitor it every week to be sure her check didn't bounce. Send me an email, I'll give you a stack a shit to try out for a while and you tell me how much fun it is. Mind you its not my burden I have an asswipe order that says so. I can send ya that too.
So is this theory or paranoia or snowball chance in hell? Nope, it has already happened with one of the creditors. My pretrial on that lawsuit is less than a month again. So a few more weeks to study that area of law and off I go into the court system for another year or two.
- Orders really don't have to be followed
- Contempt is just hot air
- Only you can protect yourself
- I could be wrong about all of the above
Note: This post (as all posts whether containing notice or not) is bound by the legal disclaimer addendum.
A Conversation with a boy and his NCP
NCP: How was the Science Museum at Camp today?
Boy: Great Dad, I saw a Telsa Coil, --- , a Dinosaur on the really big screen.
NCP: Oh, you got to see it on IMAX.
Boy: Yeah, Daddy, it was so realistic, xxx, one of the other campers was scared, but I wasn't.
Boy: Daddy, can we go their together sometime?
NCP: Well we don't have a lot of time together, and the court doesn't let me drive you that far?
Boy: Daddy, when I'm older, maybe 12 (he's 7 now)?
NCP: Oh I sure hope so.
Boy: Daddy, how old before I can take you there, like when I can drive? Can the court stop me from taking you there?
NCP: No, they can't but I sure hope we don't have to wait that long.
Boy: Well we'll go then for sure...
When you live life as an NCP you forget what its like to be a real Dad. (jqism)
Being sentenced to an NCP is a long term sentence, not unlike an emotional death sentence. (jqism)
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Legal Disclaimer
I already have a legal disclaimer in my legal notice. I am not a lawyer, I am not allowed by law to dispense legal advice, laws vary from region to region, blah blah blah, except you won't get a big bill from me.
Items in this blog are my personal observation, seek professional help, blah blah blah...
I have some personal observations and experience that lets say literally flies in the face of the law, actually appears to be against the law, that I think would be interesting to talk about. However, that is not to say that something I saw someone (maybe even me, without giving up my 5th amendment rights) get away with would work again for them or even work the first time for you.
I also do not want to encourage anyone to break the law, seek professional help to be sure you are on reasonably firm quick sand, that's the best you can hope for from the system. (jqism)
Let me summarize a few of my radical opinions here and I'll go into further examples latter...
It's kind of an extension of "Don't get caught". See the law is no better than the pirates code, actually the pirates code was a well organized set of rules to accomplish their goals... and be understandable to the common man. There was no room for lawyers and their games on a pirate ship, Comon sense ruled. In Pirates of the Caribbean # 1, Capt Barbosa said the perfect line, "They are really more like guidelines than rules".
It is important to understand this so the first time you see your opponent violate a restraining order and nobody does anything or when your own lawyer asks how many thousand dollars you are willing to pay to get some more worthless orders (asswipe) written that you don't act with naive indignation.
It is equally important to understand that when you are ready to bungee jump from a tall bridge (without bungee cords) because some order put you in an impossible situation where there is no alternative, that you understand there always is. Lawyers and orders will try to tell you otherwise, but my response is "You wake up every morning and you make choices all day long, and I am a very out of the box thinker and I will make choices, maybe choices you'd never dream of, about this without being hindered by your artificial limitations."
Now this drives your lawyer nuts because he thinks he'll get his ass kicked by the judge for not "controlling his client". I have had some success with this intimidation tactic spurring my lawyer to become a little more "creative". I've also had them threaten to drop me if did not follow their advice. It also risks a contempt of court charge. But I've had so many threats of those, I don't take them seriously anymore.
What ??? Who's running the show here? Good question, kind of like dogs running in circles trying to bite each others tail, who's in front? No real answer. (jqism)
Okay and now the formal part:
Status: Second Draft - last updated 08/01/07 08:30 pm
Items in this blog are my personal observation, seek professional help, blah blah blah...
I have some personal observations and experience that lets say literally flies in the face of the law, actually appears to be against the law, that I think would be interesting to talk about. However, that is not to say that something I saw someone (maybe even me, without giving up my 5th amendment rights) get away with would work again for them or even work the first time for you.
I also do not want to encourage anyone to break the law, seek professional help to be sure you are on reasonably firm quick sand, that's the best you can hope for from the system. (jqism)
Let me summarize a few of my radical opinions here and I'll go into further examples latter...
- Against the law is not black or white, its kinda gray and murky like the weather in London, this is why lawyers can make so much money dancing in the fog...
- First there is the interpretation of the law, where skilled people can argue fine points
- Then there is the contradictions that occur within the law
- Then there is whether anyone even decides to push an issue, why not push for justice?
Lack of funds to access the system, lawyers lack of interest in pursuing it even though you paid them, judges lack of interest or supervision, many more.... - An order may exist, but without formal notification, it is in limbo, despite the common conception that you can not "plead ignorance", many do. Or in many cases they take steps to avoid being served, and thus successfully evade the order.
- Once a person is formally notified, they can seek another jurisdiction, or claim lack of jurisdiction, it is deceit to the court they go to, but it is common.
- The courts tend to take short cuts because of their immense case load, these often result in short changing justice too.
- The high cost of using the courts means that people must settle for injustice. But even if they make the sacrifice to engage the courts these other imperfections create roadblocks to justice.
- After notification your order should protect you, but there is no guarantee that it won't be ignored. It must be notified, verified, implemented, monitored, and enforced. All at additional cost. An order is a decision, it does not make it so.
It's kind of an extension of "Don't get caught". See the law is no better than the pirates code, actually the pirates code was a well organized set of rules to accomplish their goals... and be understandable to the common man. There was no room for lawyers and their games on a pirate ship, Comon sense ruled. In Pirates of the Caribbean # 1, Capt Barbosa said the perfect line, "They are really more like guidelines than rules".
It is important to understand this so the first time you see your opponent violate a restraining order and nobody does anything or when your own lawyer asks how many thousand dollars you are willing to pay to get some more worthless orders (asswipe) written that you don't act with naive indignation.
It is equally important to understand that when you are ready to bungee jump from a tall bridge (without bungee cords) because some order put you in an impossible situation where there is no alternative, that you understand there always is. Lawyers and orders will try to tell you otherwise, but my response is "You wake up every morning and you make choices all day long, and I am a very out of the box thinker and I will make choices, maybe choices you'd never dream of, about this without being hindered by your artificial limitations."
Now this drives your lawyer nuts because he thinks he'll get his ass kicked by the judge for not "controlling his client". I have had some success with this intimidation tactic spurring my lawyer to become a little more "creative". I've also had them threaten to drop me if did not follow their advice. It also risks a contempt of court charge. But I've had so many threats of those, I don't take them seriously anymore.
What ??? Who's running the show here? Good question, kind of like dogs running in circles trying to bite each others tail, who's in front? No real answer. (jqism)
Okay and now the formal part:
The "content" as defined in the full legal notice, has not been reviewed by legal counsel. No "content" is to be construed as an admission of fact or guilt. Fifth amendment rights can and will be considered if any challenge is made to the "content". If advised by legal counsel, it is possible that "content" will be revised or retracted to maintain author's rights.So keep all this in mind when you read some "creative" posts coming up.
Status: Second Draft - last updated 08/01/07 08:30 pm
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