As I mentioned, my son's last family vacation was summer 2004, that will be the last vacation he'll have with his father until possibly 2009, my current expectation of normal visitation. Five years out of a life of a 10 year old (in 2009) is more than the math suggests.
But this year, this past 4 days, my son was told he was on vacation. For the entire summer, my ex dumped him in day camp, deprived me of one hour per day in court ordered visitation (with no consequences to her) and now she plans a 4 day trip as his first "vacation" since 2004. Most people would probably just call it a long weekend. My ex was going to ignore the parenting plan as usual and me pointing out that she was ordered by the court to provide a daily itinerary, lodging, and cell contact made her quite angry, no doubt because of not being in control. Welcome to my world bitch. Look for sympathy on that issue elsewhere. To show her displeasure she raced her car in my driveway with our son in it and nearly ran me over as I was closing his door.
Originally because of a past history of credible, witnessed threats of kidnapping, multiple warnings regarding that and then finally her violation of a mediated agreement not to take my son from the county, I had asked for some court protection in this regard. My first request was that she put up a bond, much like a bail bond, where she would pledge collateral that would be taken by the bond underwriter (an insurance company) in the event that she kidnapped my son and costs were incurred to locate them. The lawyers acted as if this standard insurance product was a request to go to the moon. Their suggestion was that I simply let it happen again and spend another $5000 tracking fee as I had done before. Seeing this as very reactive rather than proactive I continued to complain and eventually won a 30 day notice of all out of town transportation of more than 24 hours.
So my ex takes my son down to friends living near the state capital about 160 miles away. He went to the Science and Industry Museum, the Zoo, swam in a nice pool at one friends house. He seemed to have fun and that's good. But one of the days, I received a cell call from my brother-in-law's phone, it was my son. He was down there visiting too. And as I found out, my ex was somewhere else. She had dumped my son while on "vacation", jeez...
A long weekend with relatives/friends and you still dump the kid. All the while keeping a tight grip on when his own father (me) can see him. BIC be damned. And she calls that a vacation.
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6 comments:
She sure deserves a little taste of your world John.
This whole situation with your visitation is just sureal!
That little boy deserves his daddy!
Yeah, and she complains already without a taste of my world. She wouldn't last a month with our roles reversed.
The visitation seems surreal, but it is not uncommon. I've sat in large room full of Father's in my situation at a local gathering of Divorced Father's and I got nodding heads from the politicos and a commitment to review the abuses in my case in June. My hearing has not been scheduled yet 2 months later. But what else should I expect from politicians who make an appearance on Father's Day, give a speech full of hot air, pose for the camera and then don't do shit.
Such a simple concept LW, a little boy deserves his Daddy, yet this screwed up system can't or won't understand it.
Thanks for your comment.
How come she doesnt have to follow the guidelines but you have too?
Isnt that like contempt of court or something?
Well first the rules are different, she won, I lost, she's residential parent, I'm non-custodial parent (NCP).
Second even where she violates rules, its a matter of enforcement and enforcement is always stronger against the NCP. The screwed up design requires me to take her too court at my expense. I have attempted to do this several times with poor results. For example I have notified my lawyer at least three times that she has violated visitation orders the entire summer shorting my son of over 30 hours of visitation with me to no avail.
And yes it is a violation that should be ruled contempt of court if the judge would rule, but post decree violations are common and getting that ruling post decree is uncommon.
I have implied this in my previous posts on legal disclaimer and order shmorder, but I need to write a post on the topic of the parties violating orders without consequence. That's why this post is labeled TOFOLLOWUP and has invisible HTML **** comments.
So you are understanding this correctly, I just have some more posts in draft (tons more in fact) that will complete the picture.
I've joked that I should write a book and there are a few of you who could receive advance autographed copies... LOL
My god! she denies you the joy of taking your son on holidays, I'm sure you would have practically cut off a limb to be able to spend that kind of time with him, to dump him on relatives! she's sick.
You have called her a bitch but I can think of a few titles that are better suited to her! (probably not appropriate for blogworld though)
Hey, listen, I feel for you. I am the ncp, a mom. The court basically just wants you to shut up and pay and go with exactly what the court documents say.... you seem to react to each and every turn and fuck yourself on an ongoing basis. How's it workin' for ya?? Huh!! You go on and on and on and on. Ya, I know it sucks, but suck it up, shut up, stop making it fester and grow. Keep working your life away, pay you bills, pay your spouse support, child support, live on the streets if you have to. Overcome the obsticales with the best, logical, smart plan that you can. Is it being your best by constantly complaining about rhetoric shit?!! We ALL know it sucks, but when you present it like a raving lunatice, as you DO, than you will be treated as such and with little regard. DO- work your ass off, and suffer like a poor bastard that you are- the hand you were dealt sucks- but all I can say is suck it up. Shut the fuck up, and when you do speak, stick to brief facts in the court. Save you long winded shit for this website, or whatever, but stop reacting all the time-- I realize that ANYONE in your situation would react/feel this way-- But you are Out of Control. Until you gain control, you're all done-- a ship being blown around. Try sailing with the shit and do what you are supposed to do to the best of your ability, and for God's sake too-- it's tough seeing your child (yes, we are all "children of God" and act just like "children"- it's time for you to stop. Is this blog just taking away from the real business of your life? Maybe you need a distraction that is more pushing you to a better way of accepting the shit you are in now, actually dealing with it in a manner that will actually improve your life... Daily. Maybe you should think about limiting the time complaining and start focusing on making a krappy situation better, or at least as good as it can be right now. Just as it is. do it
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