This can be a difficult time of year when you are suffering. I know, I have been preoccupied with my difficulties and its hard to enthusiastically wish someone a Merry Christmas when you are under such stress. I hope you all can be diverted from this stress for at least a short time and try to have a wonderful Christmas. Our family had a wonderful time at my brother's house.
Since the Parenting Plan I was extorted into signing under duress of multiple threats forbids me from driving my son more than 10 miles a day, it seemed that my son & I would be spending the holiday alone. My brother & his daughter came over to my house and took us to their house, my son and his cousin were having so much fun they didn't even bother asking about all the presents.
My son and his cousin had a great time all day. Later they opened presents together, my parents were there too. Of course, each of the presents were played with after opening which had stuff spread across their spacious living room, and we all helped them assemble & play. My sister-in-law made a wonderful meal. My niece didn't want my son to go. When we got back to my house, my son dove right into the presents, even though his Mom was coming very soon. He wasn't going to go to the door. He was having such a great time.
He'll be over 60 miles away on Christmas Day with her. On Tuesday and Wednesday I get an "extended" visit of 5 hours.
As for our divorce status: The Custody requirements for the divorce will be complete when the judge accepts the signed and executed Parenting Plan. Property settlement and support issues are still remaining after this 21 month ordeal.
After a tremendous amount of aggravation and arguing all week, I finally got an agreement, subject to threat of withdrawal faxed at the last minute on Thursday, to allow my son to visit from 10am to 8pm on Christmas Eve. There are very few long visitation days included in the Parenting Plan. There is no provision for weekend or overnight visitation, the visitation is restricted to 4 hours in a day. My wife's intention was to have sole custody with full control of visitation.
Other terms included reducing my visitation by 30 minutes a day, 3 months supervised visitation, mandatory mediation of visitation issues (one thing in my favor). There are many other difficult issues in the 29 page agreement.
The Guardian for my son characterized the changes demanded by my wife as "disgusting", but my lawyer claimed that the judge could not do anything even when the Guardian representing the best interest of the child (BIC) to which the court is beholden describes it as not (BIC) is his best interest.
I'm more likely to believe that the overly cozy, borderline conflict of interest, close working relationship that the court and its officers share clouds their objectivity (translation: they all are too busy kissing each other's ass to do their sworn job).
When I said good bye to my son in the backseat of her car, she was waiting outside to talk to me at the other side of the car. When I closed his door, she said in a sad tone, "Merry Christmas John". It wasn't her usual snippy sarcastic tone. I was caught off guard and simply replied "Merry Christmas" in a flat emotionless tone. Odd, why did she bother? A slight attack of a conscience buried underneath all that vengeance? This is the woman who refused to answer when I'd see my son for Christmas for the last week (hell, the last month). Did her preacher have something to say that hit a nerve?
I'm glad for today. I'll need to get back to the final Parenting Plan, reformat that sloppy piece of crap so it's readable and I can find all the critical clauses. Financial Settlement is also next. What depressing tasks for the holiday. The mind is a funny thing. Now that my lawyer is reflecting on his pussyiness, my anger is spent, I'm numb again.
This system is such a thick tall brick wall, nothing seems to make much of a dent. It's amazing how people will band together to defend and propagate such a crappy system to maintain their own selfish personal comfort level. It's an important lesson for all of us to be more skeptical, thoughtful, questioning, responsible, participants in life.
But for one day, it was all good, Thanks to my brother's family for setting up that great day. And thanks to you my readers for your support this year.
I received an email invitation from two divorced friends I met nearly two years ago. We've kept in touch, in the beginning we met every two weeks for dinner, it's slowed down, conflicting schedules. Last year while one divorcee was not dating we went to see her cousin play in a live band on New Year's Eve. We talked, we had hoped 2006 would look up. She's got a steady boyfriend now. The invitation is to meet for a Dec 30 dinner, movie, and relaxing hot tub talk. I'll see how the other divorcee is doing now, and we can both wish for 2007 to be our year. Divorcee number two's situation has improved in the last 4 months.
Given all the hurdles in my divorce settlement and her lawyer's ability to have her own way, I'm thinking 2007 will be my "rebuilding year" (sports cliche) and I'll have to wait until 2008, but then again I am the third divorcee in the group, so I guess that's how long it is taking, so it should be my year.
Why? Why, so long? Life is too short, don't people know that?
Two years of my son's life have already gone by!
I sincerely hope that one way or another you can have a very Merry Christmas and Best Wishes in the New Year.
Status: Second Draft - Updated 01/02 1 am
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6 comments:
I am so glad you had your son for Christmas Eve and it all went well.
Merry Christmas JQ. I am glad you caught to spend some time with your son!
They say in sports that to come back you have to hit rock bottom. Buddy I think you have. Now it is all up from here!
I'm very glad, JQ, that you had a good time with your son and overall with your family.
I thought about your stbx wife - maybe she really meant it? I'm sure she doesn't feel the same way she did when this whole thing started. Maybe she's a little less angry.
But I know how you feel - maybe because she had already started this mean legal fight, you can't possibly see how she can be an ounce nice today.
Happy Holidays John. I hope that your new years is an enjoyable night/day and that 2007 IS a year of rebuilding and PEACE both inside and out!!
*I love to hear how much happiness your son brings to your life even when things are down!
Hey. How can Saddam be tried and hung before you can even get this dang custody thing handled?? Other countries don't goof around I guess!!
Thanks for the nice posts.
Mac, you bring up an interesting note. Those thoughts of my son help me feel better too. I’ll try to think more about these and post them to help myself and my readers.
Your observation should seem obvious, but while under pressure, it can easily be clouded out, it’s a nice benefit of Blogging that it can be brought back to mind.
Now that I think of it more, I saw a similar suggestion Help In Coping or go directly to his post at Coping.
As for the pace of our justice system, it is ripe for so many improvements. As American’s we often times are quick to brag how great we are, but we mustn’t let that slow down an unending quest for improvement, lest we be passed up. I think we’re seeing that in our educational systems already.
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