And the winner is...

NOBODY!!!

When one party decides to play child custody games, everyone is a looser. If the system worked, the first incident of this would be greeted by mandatory inpatient mental health confinement until the offending party learned the folly of their ways. No instead, there is money to be made in these games, so there is an industry built up around supporting the custody abuser, insuring employment for all manner of magistrates, lawyers, guardians, evaluators, social workers, etc.

So it is simple math, BIC is statistically outnumbered by special interests who hurt children under the rhetorical banner of BIC. Oh sure its a lie, propaganda, but the trick is to keep repeating it and the constant dripping of the message will convince people.

So I knew no one would take my sucker bet, but the combined pressure from myself, my brother, the fact that my ex needs something in legal arena and the judge is denying it and that means she needs my cooperation (as I am Pro Se now) and I am not kissing her lawyer's ass as mine had was just enough incentive to almost get her to comply with the court order.

The key to being an NCP is to set your expectations low enough. To think that you, the NCP, the looser, could expect the winner, the residential parent, the only parent that matters to the system, to comply with asswipe orders is just not realistic. The very best you can hope for is close. You can also expect to have to fight for close which will cause you aggravation that you must conceal to prevent the self fulling prophecy of you being labeled a "poor litigant" with a "poor attitude", if you continue to push for what's right the system may retaliate by calling you "nuts", no one else is standing up for their rights so you must be "nuts" for doing so. Neat game, if your the winner.

So she only shorted my son by by one hour of visitation, a mere 10%. Not bad, 90% compliance with the law. My ex on the other hand had all of her visitation and extended it too, so she had 370%, which makes cheating me out of 10% seem all the more petty and unacceptable. Now if you don't have leverage or are not willing to put up with the aggravation, expect a much lower compliance level. You can not depend on the system to ensure compliance, only the good will of your ex in understanding the true meaning of BIC.

As an NCP, never expect to receive 100%, but do expect to give over 100%. (jqism).
Divorce court grief, the "gift" that keeps on giving. (jqism).

Place your bets...

... on what my son's visitation for Christmas will be...

Well it should be easy right? There is a visitation schedule, what does it say? Doesn't matter really, oh technically maybe, but practically, its just more asswipe (worthless court order) coming from an asshole (judge).

First off, since my ex wanted no visitation for me and I wanted shared 50/50 parenting, the plan concessions are unique and complex. There are four ambiguous schedules that need to be merged. Why? Lawyers wrote it, and they don't speak English so they can ensure future business.

After you go through that schedule merge, my son should see his NCP (previously known as father) from 10 am to 8 pm on Christmas day, by order of the court. Any deviation by over 15 minutes is a violation of court order (asswipe), and subject to motion to show cause, contempt of court citation and review of parenting plan for offending party. Happy Horse Shit, practical value, none!

First the winner (custodial parent) can do what they want with the asswipe including, using it as asswipe, hence the name. Surely the custodial parent is assumed to be making decisions, as they've been granted authority to do, in the best interest of the child (BIC). Now that's just bullshit. Seeing a pattern forming.

First, there is no way to get the order enforced in real time, police won't do it, courts won't do it, it just doesn't happen. Second, a simple denial of visitation done even on a major holiday like Christmas, won't be entertained by the court, its likely to not be scheduled. The victim must bear the burden to prosecute this violation that isn't likely to yield a correction of the poor behavior.

Why such a cynical view? Historic observation, plain and simple.

• The first year, I was notified on Dec 23, that new, impossible conditions were arbitrarily put on my visitation for Dec 25. Legal challenges were made until 5 pm Dec 24th before the issue was resolved, costing thousands of dollars.
• The second year, an extortion threat was faxed to my lawyer while I was meeting with him, threatening Christmas Eve visitation once again 4 days prior to the day.
• This year it was suggested that my ex's schedule, which includes Christmas Eve and two days prior didn't allow for meeting my son's 10 hours of court ordered visitation would be reduced by 4 hours (40%). After some bickering and because of my status as Pro Se, my ex updated her plans and will "try" to get "close" to the court ordered 10 hour visitation, but may be "off by" two hours.
• And since she can get away with this continuing aggravation, it insures the NCP will always be the looser, even if I do finally get the full visitation awarded by the court, because her goal of making my life difficult after I have been granted the "freedom" of our dysfunctional domestic relations court's divorce process has been achieved. (jqism)
  

So you want to place your bet, how much visitation will my son get? My bet is 8 hours, a 20% short fall, vs the 38 hours my ex will have. Not quite 50/50 is it? Not even 80/20. But nothing is fair for the NCP. (jqism).

Since...

...Domestic Relations judges main output is asswipe (orders that are meaningless and unenforced), then...

It seems that would make them assholes?

Well maybe not in the strictest sense, but surely there can be no argument that assholes and asswipe naturally belong together.

Pinch me....

...LOL...Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while...

I have a stack of court notices I've saved up to open when I feel like being aggravated. So I open them up Motion to Compel the State Public Employee Retirement System (PERS), the usual heavy handed tactics. Opps a surprise, notice from assigned judge:

Plaintiff motion dismissed w/o prejudice, full costs assigned to Plaintiff

Yee Ha, who woke up the judge? Six months after the final decree and the Plaintiff is still issuing needless 10 page motions and the judge finally realizes she's milking a case long after the final decree. Thank God for the little miracles.

I just want to know what took the asshole so long. Maybe its because someone at State PERS asked what the hell the littlest court was doing trying to compel it. They say "better late, then never", personally in this case, I think that's splitting hairs.

Coincidence - I think not!

My mom was the first to make this observation, but the chance of it being a coincidence was completely blown away today.

My mom observed that the times that my son is allowed to visit her (or me) seem to be optimized to maximize the meals that his host provides. For me that is usually just one, because the most I get him is 4 hours. But occasionally my mom will get him for 6 hours timed to be between two meals.

Now neither of us have a problem with feeding him, but because we only get him for such limited time, this just further chips away at the quality time that we can spend with him. For example the time I get my son straddles his meal time making it impossible for me to do much at all with him. My ex is paid child support that is higher in dollar and percentage of anyone that I know of. In one case my support payment is 9 times higher.

Sometimes this has been very blatant. On school holidays she is ordered to allow him to visit at 2pm to 7pm, which she has trouble complying with. She has brought him over after 2 without lunch, so I am expected to feed him twice in less than 5 hours. I really don't want to sound petty, I feed my son well, but is it fair that of my extra holiday time of only 5 hours that 40% of that time be spent on feeding him. If she isn't going to feed him lunch, why not bring him over at noon, instead of after 2pm. Now if I had normal visitation where he was staying the whole day and overnight, then feeding him would not take such a large chunk of time out of our visitation. It also seems quite unreasonable that he hasn't had lunch by 2pm.

As an NCP I am nothing more than an unpaid restaurant and baby sitter to be used or not at the discretion of the "winner" who withholds visitation without consequence.

Well today, I was scheduled for a full eye exam that should have made me an hour late for visitation. I have had significant problems in my right eye and warned my ex that this could run over, but I had little flexibility for scheduling this appointment. Things didn't go so well, the techs could not get a consistent Rx on my right eye. A surgeon was called as a consult and intensive tests were done requiring several rounds of local anesthetic to the eye. I was told that a very dense cataract needed to be removed and replaced with an artificial lens. It would be a higher risk procedure because of other conditions with this eye, but they said I "was practically blind in that eye now", so that didn't leave me with much choice. Most people have no difficulty seeing the top letter in an eye chart, I could not see any formed letters and was only aware of the bright light and its general shape.

So I was delayed 3 hours with these extra difficulties and only had one hour of visitation left. Now by this late hour, he should have eaten. My ex is well aware of the intense exam I would have gotten. What did my son say as he walked in for a mere one hour of visitation as I just concluded 3 hours of poking, prodding, and bright lights shined into my eyes? Hi Daddy, what's for dinner? You mean you haven't eaten yet? Nope! If I feed him that late she complains, but then that's typical for her rules for me not to apply to her.

Well as usual I tried to make the best out of the limited time, talking from the kitchen asking him about various things. But it falls short of the fatherhood I remember when he was young.

Life as an NCP sucks, it does not even come close to being a real parent! (jqism)

The littlest court

The standing of Domestic Relations court is tragically and pathetically ironic.

Consider the following about the Domestic Relations court.

• is at the bottom of the US judicial system
• is extremely inefficient and error prone
  
• exercises more power and control of the litigants than any other court
• is routinely ignored or circumvented by entities that would sue a spouse for the results caused by the Domestic Relations court
• routinely denies the litigants their rights to

• -due process
• -self representation
• -trial by jury
• -trial by non-prejudicial bench

• routinely issues stranglehold restraining orders
• fail to properly oversee lawyer abuse
• allow lawyers to pad the case to fleece the litigants of the little money they have
• operate in secret, proceedings in chambers, no court reporter, no record of abuses
• suspend civil rules on acceptable evidence
• accept prejudicial statements from lawyers as evidence

There is no simple band-aid solution, the corruption must be killed as a cancer that it is on the justice system and the Domestic Relations Court needs to be rebuilt with citizen's needs and constitutional rights as the top priority.

This won't be easy as a Divorce Industry has grown up around the Domestic Relations Court corruption and is dependent on it for their own survival. This special interest lobby, as all of them, are working directly against the interests of the majority of the citizens interest. This is the process that has bastardized the democratic rule of the people.

This post will be the basis for follow up posts describing these issues in more detail. Feel free to comment on your experiences or which of these issues you are more concerned about.

Birthday Update

Well, I hope the turnaround trend continues.... Some good fortune and a bunch of last minute coordination has turned things around.

Visitation

The court order does not grant me flexibility to schedule a birthday celebration that includes my other family members, its does grant me Thanksgiving Day every other year, but my ex has ignored the visitation schedule when it suits her without consequences. One of the reasons I was going to travel is because I would not be allowed to celebrate my birthday or Thanksgiving with my son, so traveling would have helped distract me from this NCP reality.

Well I got some unexpected gifts at the last minute. A major tactic to prevent my representation in court was defeated because my investment adviser claimed the court had no direct jurisdiction to circumvent their fiduciary responsibility to me. It pays to develop strong partnerships that will stand beside you in contempt for the contemptible family court. This may have been the trigger for the following two events, my ex broke up her long weekend plans to accommodate my son celebrating my birthday with my family. She also is giving me visitation on Thanksgiving day for the first time in a long time.

Each year I review the 4 conflicting parenting schedules, in the 35 page parenting order, apply the rules in a priority sequence and mark all the special rules on a calendar. In a few cases the order is so ambiguous that I mark more than one schedule in a day. Why is it this complex? Because the lawyers and Guardian drafted them that way. Why did I sign it? Because my ex's hired bitch faxed a threat to take away Christmas visitation last Christmas if I didn't sign it, just like the year before. I paid a few thousand in legal fees the first year to get the Christmas visitation that year, so last year I submitted to the hired bitch's extortion on advice of counsel and accepted the unacceptable overly complicated, overpriced, unusable parenting schedule.

So after checking my court calendar, I saw that in fact, I should have my son from 10am to 8pm on Thanksgiving, so this wasn't any special favor but compliance with the court order. So what did she do, follow the order to a T? Hell no, she is cutting my time short by 2 hours because the weather forecast calls for 2 inches of snow and that will increase her travel time. My suspicion is she wants to get him earlier to take him to her parents. And as usual, the NCP gets the short end of the stick.

My Son

At my son's class last week, the teacher wished me a good holiday and I said that it was my birthday too. So after their usual thank you of a class cheer, the whole class sang Happy Birthday to me. It was very cute. Oh and finally that PC that I diagnosed, was back in service.

Family Celebration

My brother has been involved in a very large project working many hours and it was unclear when we could get together. Well he came through and brought his family to my parents. My son and his cousin had a very good time together as usual. It was very nice to have the whole family together. We all had a very great time.

My ex

My ex asked what my dinner plans were for my birthday. I said well I have a couple of ideas, why do you ask. She cooked for my birthday "so I didn't have to go to McDonalds on my birthday". I responded, well I was thinking more upscale then McDonalds. Rather an odd comment, I think there was some subtle sarcasm implied. I am not a frequent visitor to McDonalds or any other fast food restaurant. I actually shop and prepare food. I'm no chef, I take advantage of shortcuts. I could have prepared something easy or gone to a medium scale restaurant with my son. There are three new restaurants in the area I was considering, None of them using infrared heating lamps.

So I accepted. It doesn't begin to fix the last three years, but I have no need to give her cause to call be ungrateful or who knows what.

So while my ex was making a birthday dinner for my son and I, my son decided that fresh baked cookies would be the natural addition to the meal and he even offered to help. So she made cookies with some help from my son too.

And we ate it all and suffered no ill effects. Wonders will never cease. LOL

Birthday Bummer

Well, how could my birthday pass without its usual bump. As a teenager, I had an accident that broke a front tooth, it wasn't capped, it was pinned and rebuilt, it wasn't expected to last over a decade, but it lasted several. Until my birthday when it finally gave way and broke, leaving a hole for the holidays. So the next day I called the dentist, expecting that I'd be sporting an odd smile for a while and guess what? More luck, when I called, they said they just got a cancellation and could get me in that day. So now I have my old smile back, just in time for a thankful Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving

My son probably can not remember the last time he celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. Well this year he will finally have the chance.

Status: Actively Being Updated - Last Update 11/21/07 1am

Halloween

Well apparently I have an avid computer using neighbor.
How do you like his pumpkin smiley?

And here's my son, hamming it up for the camera in a scary mask.

My son had fun decorating my house, putting lights in the windows, spiders, skeletons, ghosts, and eyeballs. He keeps opening and eating Halloween candy so I had to run to the store on Halloween day and get some.

Check out my ex, the bitch, on Halloween dressed as herself, a monster. LOL

Display censorship by bitch



Halloween was on Wednesday, my visitation day, but as usual the ex shows up to supervise the trick or treating. I wouldn't necessarily mind if I saw similar flexibility as it relates to me, but my ex likes one way streets, her way, or no way.



The next day was my volunteer morning for my son's computer class. I brought left over Halloween candy to the class. That made me even a bigger hit with the kids than usual.

This year's computer class is such a marked difference from the prior year. My son's teacher can see that I am a big help and occasionally leaves me with the whole class. She has an interesting custom, my son gets to select one of several class "cheers" that the class will do to thank me. Last year's teacher, preferred to use two inexperienced helpers rather than me and closed me out of every volunteer opportunity. Another teacher in this grade that follows my son's class prefers to use no helpers and I have sat through her class and its a zoo compared to my son's class. Just an interesting social observation. I'm happy to contribute and since their other coursework is integrated into the computer lab (in other words they use the computer to do course work not just for the sake of using a computer) I get a closer look at what's going on in my son's class. Funny my ex had signed up for computer lab, but then decided to switch to a different subject (Art I think). Just as well, I don't really need to see that "monster" any more than necessary.

Birthday Bombs

Well my son's birthday has long passed, had some thoughts to blog about but I was overwhelmed with the events surrounding post decree harassment (PDH). Not much progress there. The courts are acting against me, without representation, the county clerk of courts forwards me the results of their decisions but never am I called in for a hearing to present my side. My birthday is fast approaching as is the six month past post decree point.

My Son's Birthday

My son's birthday party is awkward. In order to invite his child friends it is held on the weekend, when I have no visitation rights. My ex invites his friends, her family and my family. The trouble is that my family are not good actors or hypocrites. They saw what my ex's actions did to me and my family, they saw that as they tried to help our marriage stay together, her family placed no value for the marriage knew in advance of the kidnapping and assisted in it.

They view this as unforgivable and literally can not stand to be near them. I am forced to put up with a lot, just to see my son. My son wonders why my family doesn't come to the party with his friends. For the good of my son, I put up with the pain of being amongst those who helped plot and execute his kidnapping. Sometimes I wish my parents could do the same, but I understand how difficult that would be. So my son and my family celebrate his birthday separately.

My Birthday

After six months of being divorced I was hoping that would be the end of the post decree chapter and the start of something new. But alas my ex's hired bitch plans to make this a career of torturing me. If I just sold the house so she could lay claim to the $100K equity that is locked away in it for fees it might end quicker, so I guess in that respect I have chosen the torturous route, but is that fair, I ask stupidly and rhetorically, I think not is my answer.

I was hoping that I'd celebrate my birthday with a nice vacation, maybe meet some friends, and have fun. So just before my birthday, I get sick, then I find some of my planned destinations are not open, a friend decided that they couldn't meet me, so everything started falling apart.

But then what was I thinking, I have a bit of a birthday curse. Over the years many of my major illness, injurys, car accidents, occurred on my birthday. So being sick for several weeks before my birthday could have been easily anticipated. But I've been working hard in the week prior to my birthday to get things back on track...

So for the latest status on my birthday see my latest post.

This is Child Protection?

A blogger buddy of mine researches and writes about some truly horrifying aspects of the family court arena. I must thank her for this timely article that helps set the stage for me to finally be able to tell my personal experiences with CPS abuse.

Please read this very informative article. Disgusted with the system: This is Child Protection?

You may have seen my earlier post from events over three weeks ago. The subject is filled with so much intense emotional pain and stress that I have been unable to write about it and shared the details among only a very few close trusted people.

Thanks to Louise's post, I think I may finally be able to find the courage to publicly disclose the details of how CPS is being used by my ever vengeful ex in her continued attempt to limit my son's access to me and continue her obsessive control of me using my son as a weapon.

It is vile, disgusting and should be illegal. But instead it is an example of the once free democracy of the once greatest country in the world failing to meet the goals of the founding father's mighty intentions.

Let this be a call to action, to take back the freedoms and government that we are entitled to.

You can find a link to Louise's Disgusted with the system Blog as well as another very informative site for NCPs - SPARC on my sidebar.

Placeholders

What's with these placeholders...

I haven't posted in a while, and that happens on many blogs, but usually for different reasons, people start to run out of topics after writing hundreds of posts. I have different problems in between posts.

First I have so many topics for this blog and even a bunch for other blogs. some of which are not launched yet, that I don't know which one to do first. This blog in particular being started 18 months after my potential topics started piling up has a large backlog of partially written posts. In fact the reason this got started is because I had dozens of pages of word document on potential topics.

Second, being a recovering perfectionist, I tend to go through a few drafts to try to cover the topic adequately. I may delay the post because i want to add a photo or because some background should be established first.

Third, and maybe this is more common with my fellow bloggers, sometimes I am just too stressed to write. I may know what I want to cover, know the key points, but just can't sit down and put the sentences together. This happens especially for more emotionally charged subjects.

So rather than have people checking the blog continually and seeing nothing new, I thought I'd think out loud a little. I'd take the skeleton of the post and publish it as is, and then fill it in, hopefully by the end of the week. That way you'll know I'm still here, you'll get a taste for whats coming.

Now granted it means that you may have to scroll down several posts to see the finished versions of the placeholders. And I realize that's kind of inconvenient, so I don't intend on making this a new writing style. I just wanted to give a good explanation by way of illustration.

I also did it as a way to force myself out of being comfortably numb and back into writing. By having the placeholders out there I will embarrass myself into finishing them.

If you didn't notice it, I gave another demonstration of my personal writing challenge in a post that had very strong positive and negative aspects to it. I normally would have split that into two posts concentrating on each end of the experience. Instead I intermingled it, which is confusing, but its the way things are for me IRL... Good and bad are constantly intertwined like a bowl a spaghetti.

In yet another post I tried to add an uncharacteristic (for me) sports analogy spin on a post.

Note: After this post was written a turn of events has taken me from numb to severe panic to be explained here.

You just have to amuse yourself

otherwise who else will...

Another blogger mentioned the reaction you get from unexpected simple human interactions, things that can bring a glow to you and others. Things like a stranger saying hello with a smile. I try to practice that in a vain attempt to build up positive karma to override all the negative shit in my life. Sometimes I just crack myself up while cracking others up too.

Football in the drugstore

While getting a few things in the drugstore, I saw these small footballs with our home team on them. And I thought of my son who's too young to get his hands around an official size football, especially as you would need to do to throw a spiral pass. Now I'm not a rabid sports fan so I wasn't buying it out of any personal fan loyalty, although I try to see our home teams once in a while.

So I get to the cash register and the lady gives the football a double take, I said "It's for my son", she said "Suuure it is", so I showed her the photo of my son in my wallet and said "Does that look like me?" She still seemed disbelieving, so I explained further, "Yeah I need a smaller ball to teach him to throw a spiral". She said you just do this, and she motioned. I said no that's not how you do it. The other younger clerk said, like this and motioned the same overhand toss. I said, "No you have to get some spin on the ball like this". So the younger clerk is assuring me she can throw a spiral and I said no you can't, not like that, here you throw me one.

So there we are in the drugstore about 15 feet apart passing a small home team football back and forth. See if you don't get spin on it, it wobbles or worse will go end over end. When I was done several employees and customers were looking, smiling, in disbelief about the spiral football passing demonstration. I left the store with a broad smile too. Hey maybe they thought who is that crazy guy? But what's so crazy about having fun?

Picking Buckeyes

There is a buckeye tree next to my son's bus stop, so I've been watching the tree for a few weeks, anxiously waiting for the buckeyes to get ripe and fall. I've picked some and cut them apart for my son so he can see how they form. First there is the outer green prickly shell that keeps any animal from eating the seed before its developed. Then the shell starts getting brown, less needles and begins to crack open. At this point they may be fully developed and may fall to the ground. Eventually the outer shell opens enough for the buckeyes to fall out.

So for the last week I've been collecting buckeyes before and after my son gets off the bus. And this week they are fully developed and we've been picking dozens of them. I don't know what about picking buckeyes is so fun. Maybe its opening the shell and finding the prize inside, different shapes & sizes of buckeye, some with flat sides, some more round. I remember doing it as a kid. So now my son and I are sifting through all these buckeyes. It's still kind of fun.

Why not keep your eye out for a buckeye tree and see what kind of prize you may find?

So...

What do you do to amuse yourself? Leave your suggestions in the comments...

Stress Continum

Placeholder check back

When a person is stressed what happens? I like to think of things on a spectrum, from one extreme to another, with a balancing point in the middle. This is admittedly an analytical approach, some may say overly analytical, but I'll write off that criticism as an occupational hazard from spending my lifetime in an analytical career.

Stress is impossible to avoid, and can serve a positive purpose if successfully managed. To be managed you need to be self aware, where are you on the spectrum, which way are you headed and what corrective action should you take to reach balance.

Now those who feel this is overly analytical or are believers in ignorance is bliss may want to stop reading now, for once ignorance is pushed aside, bliss may be gone forever. As for me, my analytical instincts are nearly uncontrollable, like a moth to a flame, I am continually on a quest for the reasons, even though I sometimes know I won't like them, I somehow can't leave well enough alone. Oh well, we all have to have our flaws.

So what does the stress continuum look like? Well it can vary from paralyzed with fear, to effectively dealing with it, to just paralyzed. Lets explore the spectrum.

Scared Shitless

yyy

Panic

yyy

Effective

yyy

Comfortably Numb

yyy

Zombie

yyy

Importance of Self Awareness

yyy

Dangers of Ignorance

yyy

What a difference a week makes

EXISTING VISITATION ENDANGERED ONE WEEK after overnight visitation miracle.

NEW DEVELOPMENTS ON 2 WEEKS after overnight visitation miracle on 10/8 at 8PM - THINGS HAVE GOTTEN MUCH WORSE

The court is now involved and actively considering suspending my visitation entirely.

This is not an unusual occurrence with an NCP during contested custody.

I am no longer numb, I am scared shitless... on 10/8

On 10/15 feeling better thanks to details in Louise's article and CPS not contacting me yet. I am trying to remain hopeful that they will understand this is a bogus complaint.

On 11/07 still no contact from CPS, so that's good. But I have yet to meet with the person who reported my ex's bias account. That was scheduled for tomorrow, but I have a conflict so it may have to wait another month. Depending how that meeting went I could feel better.

I suppose, as I mentioned somewhere, the worst of it is, I can never feel free, as long as I choose to see my son, the threat of CPS abuse looms over me, thanks to a very dysfunctional and often abused system.

I'll finalize this post when that meeting occurs...

Status: Actively updated as of 11/07/07 6 am

Nothing Short of a Miracle...

ROUGH DRAFT

I can't believe it... OMG...

You know how my son doesn't get to be overnight with me... supposedly because of my sleep apnea. Well my brother and sister-in-law have wanted him to spend the night so he could have a longer visit with their daughter, his niece. They have a lot of fun together.

Well she confirmed that she'd let him go there from noon to 5 to celebrate his birthday with his cousin. So then I said (and my son could hear in the background) how about if he stayed for a bonfire with marshmallows and popcorn and then camped out there. She said, ummm, he said yes, she said well that's a long day, I said that's the point..., she said OK!!!!

She's gonna take him there at noon Sat and he'll spend the day and stay over night... I'll be there too... This is only the second overnight since March 2005.

I really can hardly believe it...

I wonder if its got anything to do with that court order that just came through where she gets the whole $60K appreciation rather than the $39K in the settlement. Nah, she'd have to be one callous bitch to sell an overnight visit for $21K. The last one cost me 1/10 as much.

So......

CHECK BACK

Court Actions Pending

PLACEHOLDER CHECK BACK

Well boy do I have my hands full now, all these court actions are pending against me...

Court Action 1 - Post decree implementation

There are still implementation items outstanding from 4 months ago that are yet to be taken care of. Nearly all of my parental rights notification were left undone because the lawyer refused to take care of them. For example it I rushed my son to the hospital I would not be allowed to consent to treatment, he would have to wait for his mother or a hospital decision. I have considered writing the needed letters and sign them with a phony name on phony letterhead with a phony lawyers registration number. No one would bother to check, and if they did I'd just be asking for the rights already granted to me in the decree but people will accept it in a letter from me since I am the NCP, loosing party.

In some ways, I can now see why people are proposing gay marriage to obtain legal rights for their "partner", now that I have lost legal rights for my own son. I would have to say that we should restore Father's rights before we get busy establishing gay rights. Something to ask any politician who has misplaced priorities in this area.

Court Action 2 - Debt lawsuit

The judge granted my ex's request for more than half the assets and less than half the debt on the grounds that men are more capable of earning money, even when harassed out of a job. When I objected to this, there was some prejudicial consideration of my premarital safety net, even though the judge ordered it seized for legal fees. This was the point where he said he'd take my house unless I "agreed" to take on an extra $30,000 debt. This lawsuit is scheduled for a hearing in Dec 2007 and for a multi-year trial to begin in March 2008.

Court Action 3 - Deadbeat Enforcement

As mentioned in the previous post, I received another notice on an enforcement action, all future federal and state tax refunds will automatically be seized. I have received a State Department warning. The next actions to follow quickly will be passport revocation and drivers license suspension. Without a driver's license I will find it impossible to maintain meaningful employment in my city. I will be forced to relocate to the inner city along a bus line and accept employment as a day laborer.

Court Action 4 - No representation

The judge granted my lawyer's request to withdraw ex parte, without allowing me a chance to voice the effect on me. As a three lawyer looser, I will be unable to obtain legal counsel, not that I could afford it anyway. But with a dozen actions pending this is getting to be a little more than I can handle.

Court Action 5 - Ex Parte Decisions

The trial judge, having dismissed my counsel, and determined not to allow me to represent myself, is now accepting ex parte requests from opposition counsel to allow her to request a hearing in my absence, present only one side and then have him render an opinion under a little known local rule regarding an "uncooperative" party.

Court Action 6 - Seizure of Pension

My ex has know made a motion to the court to seize the public employment retirement pension that I built up 15 years prior to marriage. Having been in that system nearly long enough to retire leaves me with insufficient Social Security credits to collect from that pension, leaving me with the prospect of working until I drop dead at work.

Court Action 7 - Failed Service

A new court action has been taken and I don't know what it is because I evaded service. As I am now being sued in two municipal courts, domestic relations court and county common please court, I have some docket searching to do to track this down.

Court Action 8 - Visitation Reduction Request

My ex has a need for absolute control for a variety of reasons, likely stemming from deep seated and currently untreated emotional problems. Visitation has been a constant struggle, she is not satisfied to simply allow me or even my family access to my son without anal retentive control. When she drops him off, she'll have a list of suggested activities, snacks, food, clothing, etc. It concerns me because living in a bobble or with those short "apron strings" would make the most well adjusted person neurotic.

Every opportunity she gets she looks for "concerns" to bring up. These have cost me tens of thousands in evaluation interviews all of which have come up with no other concern then "we look at things differently"... and that's being kind, I'd say that her obsessive, phobic, neurotic behavior presents a danger to my son's healthy up bringing. But that has fallen on deaf ears, mothers are "wired" to be the perfect nurturing parent, what the hell could a sperm donor lend to the situation after conception?

At any rate, even post decree, she is still reporting her "concerns" and now that the divorce is final and I have been deemed the "looser", my risk of loss of visitation has increased substantially. During the divorce when the looser wasn't declared there seemed to be at least the protection that I would get some visitation. That protection is gone.

Court Action 9 - Visitation Mediation

xxx

Court Action 10 - Supervised Visitation Request

xxx

Court Action 11 - County Prosecutor Audit

During the course of reviewing supporting documents for the final decree, I found a fax from the county prosecutors office to the opposition counsel responding to child support audit request. This request would normally be an administrative matter handled by the support agency. By making the request to the prosecutor, knowing that she had diverted in excess of $5000 of support outside the agency records she knew the audit would come up as eligible for action by the prosecutor. At no time did she indicate her deliberate action to hide funds paid to her client, thereby deceiving the prosecutor. I had asked for a full disclosure of all correspondence to the prosecutor and a letter to the prosecutor bringing to light the facts with held. My counsel, already uncooperative at the time refused to implement my request. This action remains pending.

Court Action 12 - Opposition Legal Fees

My counsel needlessly exposed me to opposition legal fees twice after the judge had made a ruling on the level of my wife's fees I would be expected to pay. First when the fee negotiation cut her fees in half, no record of that discussion or the detailed fee schedule was provided as I had repeatedly asked for. This allows her to simply submit a new fee schedule and claim its the correct version, post decree as she has not settled her fee with my ex yet, leaving the door open to collect it from me.

Second, when I repeatedly asked for a sanction for the delay in the QDRO transaction, and it was ignored this allowed the opposition to pursue delay charges against me since none were lodged against her. My lawyer then claimed he had notified me a month earlier when my records show I was unable to reach him or the senior partner because they were out of the office. When I asked for proof of the notification, none was provided. My voicemail boxes, caller ID logs, and email contained no record of any attempted contact by my counsel which was very untypical. With the support of my counsel against me in an ex parte hearing, it was determined that the delay was my fault on my counsel's word. This is the second exposure to fees.

Status: Second Draft - Last update 10/9/07

Deadbeat Again Dilemma

It's almost unbelievable...

In the US, the federal government mandates a nationwide child enforcement bureaucracy that has the dubious distinction of over collecting from those who are honest and not collecting at all from those who are not.

I have continually been on the deadbeat dad enforcement action list since I was first registered with them. In fact the very first month, they claimed I was $3000+ behind because they used the wrong starting date. I have never been behind in child support and at times have had as much as 2.5 years of support held in escrow. Wait, how could that be, that means I would have prepaid all my support to date... Yep, and I did, except the judge ordered 2/3 of my son's support seized for legal fees. Because the judge decided it was BIC for my lawyers to get the money rather than my son. Where was my son's guardian on this issue, protecting his interests? Nope, she had her hand out too and got part of that 2/3.

Last year I came within 2 weeks of loosing my driver's license and only thorough shouted threats at my lawyer every few days did I obtain the court order that notified the agency that they were in error. One year later and I'm at the same ridiculous point. Every single month I call the agency get someone to run an audit and audio tape their response. Last month they said I was at a surplus in my support payments. This month I received a notice that said I was 3 months behind and enforcement would be escalated by seizure of both federal and state tax refunds. How could this be? A bunch of do nothing, could give 2 hits, careless, government employees who screw up constantly. I may start posting these audio tapes...

How can you be at a surplus and behind? Well child support is broken into two segments, support sent to the mother with no accounting for how it is spent, and "poundage" a fee (2%) collected as a percentage of the support amount to support the inefficient error prone government bureaucracy something you thought taxes paid for.

This creates two interesting problems. First, depending how they apply the money they get, they can have an excess in support and a short fall in poundage. If they allow this shortfall to go uncorrected for a few months, then you will be targeted for enforcement. So last month when I had thought I was even and they reported a surplus that should have been my warning sign to file for a court ordered intense audit. Something that I am likely too late for.

But the second problem is more insidious, a built in conflict of interest and the reason why every Dad is labeled a Deadbeat. Their very existence, their paycheck is funded by poundage, by the level of support they claim you owe. By inflating their estimated outstanding support obligations, they inflate their poundage and hence their own budget. That's right, the government learned a lesson in creative bookkeeping from the private sector, ala Enron.

I have also received the Federal Sate Department warning that my passport is eligible for seizure. Being on the sate department list, my travel by major means can be scrutinized and denied. At the last minute going through airport checkin, my boarding could be denied just as any terrorist's could be. See in America, Divorced Dads are viewed with the same contempt by the government as terrorists.

Well almost, because if you are a terrorist in the US, the government will not interfere with your driving privileges. But as a Divorced Dad, we are subjected to automatic suspension of our driver's license if listed for enforcement action. And just as an enemy combatant we are relieved of our due process. Oh they say you can apply for an appeal, but your license is taken first then good luck ever getting the appeal.

How does this happen? Deceitful people "working" the system and those responsible to keep things in control (judges) allowing them to do it. The easiest way to achieve this is by forcing support payments to be made outside of the enforcement agency, to write ambiguous support order adjustments, and to communicate conflicting information to related government agencies.

Over the last few months I've let my beard grow in, maybe I could travel more freely under false ID looking like a terrorist.

And the saddest part of this whole story is this is typical.

In the US, all Divorced Dads are labeled as Deadbeat Dads, some by error, some for cause. (jqism)
Divorced Dads don't run away, they are chased away by the courts. (jqism)

Status: Second Draft

Welcome to my Roller Coaster Life

IRL I don't much like roller coasters, maybe its because my life seems like one huge roller coaster...

Last week in just 4 days...

• For only the second time since she took my son in March of 2005, she was going to allow my son to spend overnight with me. Not at my house but at my brother's to celebrate his birthday. This is huge progress!
  
• My son's overnight visit (Sat to Sun) went very well.
• After my son left I spent some time with just my brother, first time in a long time, we walked the lagoon/lakefront for hours
• I missed a message on my cell Sun afternoon, in the evening I found it was a fairly serious medical problem with my Father.
• Monday morning I got Sat's mail to find three serious court actions.
• The first was stepped up deadbeat dad enforcement after I have paid extra support and had monthly audits the last which said I was at a surplus, I called and raised a big shit, got to the county directors office, all kinds of finger pointing and they say I'm OK. But I'm not - court action is initiated by the State, and when I get called into state court and tell them the county director said it was OK, they say it wasn't in their jurisdiction. The next steps will be a permanent travel ban like a fuckin terrorist and then they will take my driver's license and prevent me from being employed.
• Number 2 court action is ex parte rulings against me, I am no longer being represented by a lawyer, nor being allowed to represent myself. My ex's lawyer is getting judgments against me without due process.
  
• Number 3 court action is a seizure of my public employment retirement account that I have instead of Social Security, without that I will have to work to my fucking dying day which I hope comes so very soon.
• Then I find out my son is very sick and can't even leave the apt, I had no contact not even by phone on Monday....
• I felt like shit, how do I get past this... I pushed and pushed myself and decided, I will go to a concert, I'll do something for me. I got dressed in a typical old style California Cool, all black. I was lucky to get a ticket, the mosh pit and seating were full, SRO (standing room only). It was a cool concert, kind of mellow. I enjoyed myself...
• Got up Tuesday, worn out, a little hung over, and in the mail a fourth court action attempted service, don't even know what it is...
• Later on that day I had personal misunderstandings that just added to my stress.
  
• At least on Wednesday my Father's condition was stable.

The Chinese say may you live in interesting times... My times are too fucking interesting, I am ready to be bored. Or at least climb a mountain and stay there for a while before crashing down at high speed. So after Wednesday did things settle down, did they get tolerable? Fuck no, things are continuing to plummet downward at high speed....

Another one bites the dust....

It been one week since my lawyers CYA email and my response, I got the pussy's response by mail.

Motion to Withdraw as Counsel of Record

This motion is made "for cause" of "no longer able to work together" and he is obligated to withdraw "pursuant to the Code of Professional Responsibility".

Well good riddance pussy, not gonna miss ya, just one question, when you ignored my explicit directions where was your fuckin code then huh??? And does the Code include taking responsibility for your fuckups rather than your obligation to walk away from them?

You ignored your fuckin code, when you exceeded your authority, when you refused to follow directives, when you trusted opposition's word and failed to obtain agreements in writing. Now we can't work together so you invoke the most honorable fuckin Code. Well la de fuckin da. Thank God for your Code of Unprofessional Irresponsibility or whatever you like to call it.

This will be amusing. If the Honorable Judge accepts the Motion, I will be Pro Se, something he refused to allow in the past and something that opposition counsel will object to vehemently. In the past the judge refused to release counsel until I had new counsel appear. But I will submit evidence of malpractice and financial hardship. I will petition for reassignment to the Administrative (most senior) Judge for a hearing on the matter.

Now interestingly enough there was an attempt to serve me by certified mail today... This game I know. As my wife did, as my current lawyer advised me, you simply don't accept certified mail and the process service fails, not forever, but it delays formal notification. And without notification, the court can not proceed.

And that will frustrate the other playas, tough shit, welcome to my world.

Welcome to my newest reader

Well site statistics can be a mixed blessing, sometimes they are amusing, sometimes predictable, and rarely alarming...

How interesting that my latest reader is from the US Federal Court system. Welcome to my Blog. Or maybe you are already a reader, who just happened to be killing time between court sessions and you used their PC to access my site.

You no doubt have figured that I am a frustrated participant in the system as so many are. But I have made some careful observations along the way and they aren't just disappointing, they are damn near criminal.

So if you are interested in details, drop me a line, here in the comments, or look at my profile to find my email address. That actually goes for all my readers...

I'm OK

PLACEHOLDER - Rough draft status update

The custody evaluation went as well as to be expected. To say OK doesn't make sense, because the mere fact that some stranger is 2nd guessing your decisions and your custody just isn't OK.

I received two large legal notices today, fuckem, I'll read them later.

The pussy is disregarding my response and is leaving me at risk of contempt. I may get a chance for a bench warrant and the involuntary opportunity to tell the asshole judge what I think of him. That may be my new nickname for the judge, the asshole that produces asswipe. I kinda like that... Casual readers may miss that so maybe I'll refer to him as asshole (judge).

The due process lie

One of our most important freedoms is due process under the law, the right to face our accuser, the right to a trial, etc.

But in family court and many other courts, there is a way to short circuit the justice system that frees you of your rights (catch the pun). It is called pre-trial settlement.

Family courts routinely take away parental rights from the "looser" of the divorce, typically the Father, but sometimes the Mother.

Here's briefly how it works... Family Court

• denies your constitutional right to represent yourself
• denies you the right to know the accusations or face your accuser
• denies you the right to trial
• accepts lawyer's statements as evidence in violation of "rules of evidence"
• has no sworn statements
• has no court reporters, no record of hearings
• practices intimidation to avoid trials, again with no court reporters or record of the conversation
• chooses the looser (NCP) with an all powerful judge with no room for due process nor practical challenge
• allows the all powerful judge to have wide latitude on how he chooses to mistreat his chosen looser (NCP)
  

The result is someone

• who never committed a crime,
• who never had due process,
• who never had a trial,
• but is stripped of their parental rights none the less
• by arbitrary decision of one overly powerful person
• who is elected by accident of careless, clueless voters
  

This happens every day in this land of the free, wrecking havoc on the NCP and on a whole generation of children who are denied access to their NCP.

And that my friend just isn't free, it is how "justice" is administered in many other parts of the world that we criticize. Oh yeah we have a justice system capable of being better, especially for those that can afford it, but it just isn't typical in family court. And it is this typical reality that counts, not any theoretical possibilities.

Fun, But only one hour please

WARNING - HIGHLY OFFENSIVE MATERIAL

I usually write in drafts, but I thought I'd give you a treat and let you see the creative process. Why sugar coat a turd, just not to offend the patriotic ass kissers who think this is a good country we live in, fuck it, here it is a raw core dump from my tormented mind straight to the web, no editing.

I was a very bad Dad yesterday, I exceeded my court allotted fun time with my son. I was irresponsible and set a very poor example for him. And coincidently I will be answering to the court again later today. I am such a fuckup...

Regular readers know I am limited to after school visitation only, 4 hours max, on some days. During this time I need to settle him down, feed him, help him get his home work done, and IF, only (fuckin) IF, there is some time left over after my parental responsibilities, then fun is optional, but limited to only one fuckin hour please, by order of the honorable court of the county of [xxx] in the State of [xxx], you may kiss the honorable judges sacred ass now.

And people complain about organized religion with a pope who would have you kiss his ring as a sign of respect, he would never demand you kiss his ass, but we, the puppet people "citizens" of this "greatest country on Earth" deluded by patriotic propaganda continue to allow our government to abuse us. I am frankly fed up with this fucked up government and most of its droned thoughtless citizens. Just seeing if you are paying attention. Present company excluded of course.

What do you worship that you are so fuckin proud of? Job? Money? Possessions? Past greatness of our country? I'm breakin the golden rule, don't talk religion or politics. You know who made that rule, the greedy mother fuckers running our country. If we talk, if we look at the train wreck of today's society we might stand up and take the country back from them.

Have courage, stand up, don't look away, drink in the ugliness, then ACT to change it. Don't walk away shaking your head. Try this, next time you vote for a judge, find out how big an asshole they are before you say yes, find out how corrupt, how lazy, how cruel. Oh you don't vote, you are part of the problem then.

Well my son gets off the bus and decides he wants to go for a little walk before we go home. Against my ex's specific orders of no fun, and God knows I report to the Bitch as part of my court punishment (for marrying the crazy bitch as my lawyers advise me at high bill rates), Tell her to Fuck Off? No not if I ever want to see my son again. I have been stripped of Fatherhood and relegated to NCP. Submit to the Bitch or leave my son, that's my choice. And so many times I've wished I could summon the courage and be strong enough to do what all the rest of America's Fathers are doing by the wishes of the Fucked Up American "[sic non-]Justice" System and leave my son to be single-parented.

Are you so fucked in the head that you think Father's run away from their off-spring? No, no, no they are chased away by fucked up "Justice". I know, they've beat me for over 2 years and my maschoism keeps me coming back for more. Beat me, beat the fuck out of me, I'll be back for more. Love for my son overcomes a lot.

So I should have said NO, we can't have fun first. Well you do have the whole day off tomorrow, but you have to do homework today on Daddy's time, fun is only on Mommy's time by order of the honorable court. So practically you can only have fun with your NCP in one hour increments.

So I am irresponsible and I walk with him. Go ahead tell me how bad I am, I don't get enough shit from the Bitches (my wife, her lawyer, my lawyer, my son's guardian) in my life. Should we see the new flood control project, I ask my son. His eyes light up, clearly something "age inappropriate" as the court would say. So we walk to a small gravel access road and follow it into a wooded area and come into an cleared open field with a very large basin carved into the land about 20 feet deep, 600 feet long by 400 feet wide. A stream is winding through the middle of this basin. At regular intervals the creek is partially dammed to slow it down. If the water raises about 5 feet it will rise and head for the pipe that runs through a new subdivision (the cause of the flooding). But it has to fill this basin completely by 5 feet first as water seeks its own level. That's a lot of cubic feet to fill. And it will need to rise about 20 feet until it over flows the basin and comes racing down the subdivsion boundary toward my property.

Before this flood control project, it would raise only 3 feet before overflowing its banks and flowing toward my house in a 20 feet wide by 1 foot deep torrent. That's why I have 2 three feet deep gravel filled pits running the length of my property line and directly behind my foundation. When the water would rise I'd have to sand bag the back of my house and wade through the water to clear a cistern connection I have directly to the city storm sewers. It's lucky I made that property improvement because this flood control was caught up in -- our efficient court system for 15 years. Many of my neighbors have had basement floods of several feet deep.

We followed the creek to a very interesting railroad underpass, running across it we found a petroleum line (we have some small gas/oil exploration) and another pipeline refitted for fiber optic telecom cable. So this is an area of abandoned railroad tracks we have yet to explore. So we walk the tracks, looking for a variety of things. Landmarks to tell us where we are relative to major roads. I point out how to identify poison sumac frequently found near railroads in our area. Thistles and monkey ball thorns grow frequently, we dodge them, I don't dodge so well, I'm a bigger target, he laughs, Daddy, you've got badges (monkey balls sticking to clothes). Of course we stop by a buckeye tree, they are almost ready, but still in their thorny shells. The green ones aren't developed yet, the trick is to find the brown ones that have crack lines, they have nicly formed buckeyes inside. We look for various things, spikes, bolts, even heavy iron tie mounts. We find a beach ball next to the tracks and a golf ball too. We walk across a narrow bridge and find someone's ATV track. while walking there my son walked up on a deer that went scampering quickly through the woods. As we walked some more we could see the railroad crossing and knew we would be reaching a major road over a mile from home. So we piled up our treasures and drove a spike in to a tie to mark the spot to find it. We found the control box near the track that turned on the warning lights. We looked at how it worked.

After getting off the tracks we could walk quicker now and got home in 2.5 hours. We were pooped. Relaxed for a half hour, Ate, did a little homework. Dad can we get the stuff with the car, we'll be quick. Well it'll be there, I assure him. "Plleeeeaaaassseee???? We'll be quick..." I knew I shouldn't... But I did. It took another half hour, drive up there, park close by the crossing. Walk back find the marker, get it. The tie plates were the toughest, over 40 pounds, he carried the odds & ends, spikes, tie straps, nuts. Now we can make some industrial art. For the last 100 yards I set down the plates and helped him. Then he carried half the plates for that last distance, one strong kid he's getting to be.

But it's not a priority, it's not "age appropriate", it's not what his mother would do, it's what fathers would do. But who the fuck do I think I am, by order of the court I was reduced to NCP, I'm not his father anymore, the court decided that. Well biologically I am, but it is an irrelevant technicality, so is any sperm donor, that is far different from having paternal parental rights. Now that would almost be a funny oxymoron if it wasn't so fucking sad - male and parental rights. Give me a fuckin break, rare occurrence indeed.

Why didn't I do the priority things first and save the fun for his day off, cuz I don't get him on his days off - NEVER EVER. I just don't, by order of the honorable court. I'm only a fuckin NCP, I'm not his father anymore, weren't ya listening. And if I hadn't fought as hard as I did, I wouldn't see him EVER, NOT EVEN 4 HOURS, that was her wish, her goal, it STILL IS, and it could still happen, cause the Bitch hasn't given up. That's why I have to defend my custody again this afternoon.

But it sounds like we had a great time. Yeah we did, until the bitch showed up. BUT, we'll have to answer to a custody evaluator today.

Because you see, livin life as an NCP you are never ever free. (jqism)

See there are so many people in this supposedly free country that will never know freedom, who never committed a crime, who never had due process, who never had a trial, but were stripped of their rights none the less. And that my friend just isn't free, so you see you are all eating a bullshit sandwich if you are STUPID enough to think you have rights and you are free. You are living a cozy lie, an illusion, a vision of what once was, but is no more. You are living under the radar, your freedoms can be taken at any moment. It happens every day in this once great country.

Really we got one president busy getting blow jobs and another who probably couldn't pass a GED. You think that's great, are you proud of that leadership, are they are best this land has to offer, you are FUCKING JOKING and I'm not laughing. Turn off reality TV and tune into the real decline. And you wonder why terrorists blow people up.

This USED TO BE the GREATEST country in the world, but we stopped doing, we stopped participating in our government, we sat on our hands and rested on our prior accomplishments. WE ARE FUCKIN HAS BEEN's reminiscing about the good old days. We have ceded our constitutional rights to a bunch of opportunistic assholes who are running this country into the ground while we are absent from our responsibility to control them.

Honorable court, what's so fuckin honorable about what you do, JUDGE R. You are a cheating, lying, threatening, SON OF BITCH, that disgraces the office you hold because assholes who don't even know a damn thing about you still vote for your famous fucked up last name, KISS MY ASS YOU FUCKIN INCOMPETENT, I spit on you and your fucked up concept of honor.

What a treat, eh ??? Welcome to my nightmarish life of contradiction. Just as in the matrix, I have taken the pill, and I see the ugly reality, and it sucks shit big time. You can be happy in dreamland, or you can wake up, and take this country back.

Don't like what I said, don't bitch to me about it, get off your ass, get informed, and help fix our fucked up government. The truth hurts. Tough shit. I'll speak it anyway.

Didn't know the games your government played. OK, sorry I was so harsh, then don't take what I said personally, I'll give you a pass, this time. But now you know. And if you are unsure, you know someone who cares enough to answer your questions. Keep reading, I have so much more shit in draft...

Mood: Pissed, JFSM please please please !!!
Note if there are any terms you don't recognize see general terms here or legal terms here.

Please wish me luck at 3pm EST Thursday... for my custody evaluation.

CYA from the pussy...

My pussy lawyer sent a CYA today. He was out last month spending his windfall profit from my case and didn't have time to followup on the enforcement of the final decree orders. So now after the hired bitch caused at least a 5 month delay she's ready to call me in for contempt yet again...

So here's my lawyers CYA to me

[Pussy] wrote:

JQ,

As I have previously advised, prior to our execution of the QDRO, you need to give me your consent. The attached is a document and correspondence which will be filed by your ex wife's attorneys today with the court. Be advised, you are subjecting yourself to a sanction for attorney fees if the court determines that your consent to this QDRO was inappropriately withheld.

Please advise,

[Pussy]

And my response is:

Frankly I am surprised you are going through the charade of pretending you need my input in light of your past behavior. I find this CYA letter disingenuous and somewhat dishonest in view that you have acted without my permission or in opposition of my explicit instructions on areas you committed to resulting in severe damages to myself. Your actions in direct opposition of stated instructions already subject me to any arbitrary fees the opposition wishes to pass my way since you (and my previous counsel) could not follow the elementary school principle of getting it in writing. Instead, much to my peril, and your dereliction of duty, you have allowed the "fucking cunt" as you yourself call the opposition counsel to run roughshod over your own client. You prefer to hold me responsible for a delay caused by absences from your office. I have received this document on Aug 27 and in view of opposition's delay of 5 months I feel it reasonable that I have 5 weeks to obtain a competent advocate who has some rudimentary financial ability to review and advise me on this matter prior to acceptance as was extended to the opposition.

I could also accept this document now contingent on an independent evaluation that will supersede and with expenses being charged to opposition should any irregularity or deliberate attempt to put me at disadvantage is found. If you are so confident in your dismal math and financial abilities and the opposition's sincerity and trustworthiness than this contingency should not need to be exercised.

Please advise.

JQ

These notes were both copied to the senior partner... Damn why hasn't my phone rung yet, they must be at lunch. LOL.

Update: The pussy responded a week later by withdrawing as my lawyer, click here.

Status: First Draft, last updated - 09/11/07 11:55 am

Dutch or Date

Last week my son went to the eye doctor and we found out that he, like his parents, is very near sighted. When he was younger his vision was great, but lately he has had complaints and sure enough he needs glasses and will need to wear them all the time. So I went to the doctor with him and his mother, then to an optometrist to pick out frames.

Since it was so late and we were at a place where she likes to take him in a food court (Chinese) we ate together. I picked different food, so I met them at the table. She bought an adult serving and split it with him. He's not a small boy anymore, I've seen him eat adult servings himself. And my ex is no small woman either, lol, well she used to be. That could explain why he's always starving when he's at my place.

So the next week, I meet my son and his mother at the optometrist, every thing was quicker this time. So he was thrilled with his improved vision, looking at everything and happy not to be squinting. I assumed they'd eat there again.

As she headed for the door, I asked, aren't you going to eat here? She asked, "Are you treating?" "Damn, lady we're divorced, why the hell would I treat you to anything but a good swift kick in the ass I'm only suffering your presence to be with my son, jeez, don't flatter yourself bitch. What do ya think, this is a date? No, no, no After divorce its dutch!" I thought...

So after thinking (not saying) that I actually say, "Well I'll treat him". So she turns her back to me, grabs his hand and walks away. I'm standing there like a jackass, dumbfounded. I took a few steps in her direction, then thought WTF am I supposed to do now? Offer to buy her dinner, ask her out? I actually thought about it, not because of her, I'd be happy to never see her again, but just to see my son and talk to him about his new glasses that he was excited about.

Well as I hesitated there thinking, I figure the further away she gets (and they were walking fast), the dumber this is going to look. So I walked away thinkin more fuckin games, 2nd time this week.

So since I was just a few miles from my parents house, I invited them to a nearby restaurant (not the food court). Then I went back to their house for a visit.

I'm Back....

My entire career has been in computer support. I was lucky enough to be in a school system that had a computer program in the 11th grade back in 1973. Back then that was unusual and it also necessitated having a big room and waiting quite a while to run programs. I went from there to college to get a Bachelors degree in Computer Science and nearly got a second degree in Mathematics (my favorite subject before computers).

Back then it was a science, not a ubiquitous tool. Today when you say you are in computers its almost like saying you are in autos. Do you drive one, change the oil/tires, or actually rip the engine apart and put it back together. I am trained in Enterprise Class Systems Programming, I'm the one who puts the engine back together after the parts have been scattered all over the floor.

But computers change, and so did I. I still love the Mainframe Monsters, the Enterprise Class Infrastructure. It is the most challenging, the most impressive. More on that when I launch my Mainframe Adventures Blog. But you gotta keep up with stuff. So I have stayed current with the Mainframe Monsters, but now there are more platforms to deal with too. So I need at least a conceptional understanding of the other platforms and the network topologies that connect them. So its been a non-stop education, which I've enjoyed.

Imagine my surprise to learn when my son entered Kindergarten four years ago that our school had an aggressive K-12 computer technology curriculum. And when they said they needed volunteers to help with the class I signed right up. And they enjoyed my assistance and I enjoyed seeing a new generation learning today's computer technology.

So that went fine for two years, then last year, things went awry, my wife got to the teacher first, this teacher did not relate to me as the other's did. I had a good relationship with his two previous teachers, his gym teacher, the counselor, the principal, but I could feel the tension with this teacher. She chose other volunteers and never used me for the whole year in any computer class or any other volunteer opportunity she had control over. I mentioned this as the Collateral Damage of Divorce in a post 4 months ago.

So this year I made sure things were different. I got to the teacher first, and better yet, it was while my son was visiting. No tension, first impression went well, an involved Father brings his Son to meet the teacher. Then I arrive at curriculum night early, find the sign up sheets and sign up as computer volunteer first. The counselor asked, gonna sign up as a computer volunteer this year. I said sure thing, Guess he didn't know I did last year too. At the end of the night I was the only name on the list.

So the next day I go in and whee was it fun to be back helping with the computer class again. The class with my son and his classmates. I fixed a couple problems they had, they were thrilled they didn't have to call the school board and fill out a work order. Made a great impression on the teacher who now could see what I was capable of, that I am much more than just a computer user. The kids even did a "class cheer" to thank me.

So it's great to be back. Everything looks perfect, well almost... See at the end of the sign up, the writers workshop list was full and my ex hadn't signed up for anything. So what did she do... Sign up to be a computer volunteer. Well she does use a computer (doesn't everyone), but my son can help her with it, his skills passed hers last year. So I asked her, well can you do Excel charts? Well no, so I can learn with them. Yeah the kids can help her. Its just the principal of the thing, she may volunteer with me, we'll see. It doesn't bother me much, it's just the principal, the meddling, the not leaving me alone. ** Big Sigh. **

Well if the fruit cake shows up I can ignore her (she didn't the first day). There's no way I'm letting her scare me away from what I like to do. I'm just glad to participate.

But unlike marriage, divorce and its harassing games are forever. I've been told I need to accept that as a new fact of life.

Take time to...

...listen to the lake.

Well there were no roses to smell, and growing up on the North Coast with a Great Lake in our backyard (literally as a child) its a reasonable substitute....

After leaving court, instead of taking my usual 80 mph 20 minute sterile freeway commute home, I took the scenic route and added 3 hours to my ride home via a slow drive along the lake front, stopping to get out and walk right up to the water front.

I stopped to look out over the lake, to see the breakwalls, the harbor lights, small light houses, sail boats. Lean against the iron pilings and watch the water slapping against them. Listening to the water, the seagulls, the occasional jet ski and Lear jet taking off from our downtown executive airport. I walked through several grassy parks near the lakefront hearing Canadian Geese honking and flying in for a landing or waddling through the grass, keeping it trimmed. I watched little groups of ducks swimming in the rivers leading to the lake or in harbors.

At one location I looked out over the breakwall and walked over the top of the 3ft x 5ft rocks. As I walked I had to adjust my gate so as not to fall into the 3 ft crevices. I walked all the way out to the warning lights at the end of the breakwall where the sounds of shore faded away to be over taken by seagulls wondering why I had invaded their calm space.

I was just there to share it with them, to recharge, to relax, to take time out of the daily urgency to do something important.

Inspired by Stephen Covey's book The 7 Habits of Successful People discussing the difference between Urgency and Importance.

And a decade coming up too

While I'm talking about anniversaries I might as well mention that one decade ago the career I loved at the University was rapidly approaching its end in a tumultuous time they called a "transformation" that devastated staff in the University, nearly caused rioting by the students, and kept our local newspaper filled with front page stories until it finally culminated in the President leaving in criticism and disgrace.

Ten years ago as the writing was on the wall that middle managment in the Univeristy IT department was passe and unneeded, as we were all fed the tainted "Who moved my Cheese" propaganda, someone came to me with an offer to good to be true. Join him, build a company, partner with Big Blue. Escape the death throws politics of a University who may not survive the chemo they had taken. Start in a company a new.

Who could resist such an intoxicating proposition? Oh and it comes with a signing bonus, and a big fat salary and quite an impressive title with responsibilities to match. And I said Yes, and it was good, and the devastation to University IT middle management did come to pass.

But then four years later came the tech burst. My little dot com went to a dot bomb as I would say with a nervous snicker. It was great while it lasted. And that my friends did not help the marriage. My ex, growing into her own midlife crisis, did not need the extra weight of a non-Camelot partnership. Although we weathered the storms very successfully and most would suggest you grow stronger, her commitment grew weaker. She only heard the priest say "for better...".

After a period of difficulty overcoming my overqualified label as a senior person in a small startup company, I started the shit shift and nearly got my self killed with undiagnosed sleep apnea. This required me to live 50 miles from home for 2 months because I could not drive. For some this absence would make the heart grow fonder, instead it made the idea of living with my stuff but without me seem like the best of both worlds. My ex claimed that is when she made her irrevocable decision, but thought she'd wait until I was fully treated and back home to announce it to me, to "let me down easy".

Well I traded shit 3rd shift for long solo shit weekend shifts on first, for my own health's sake. Then after the mediation I suggested did not meet with my wife's expectations (too balanced), she started this oddesy in 2005. Depleted my life savings, left me alone in an empty house with a nice bedroom my child never sleeps in, dragged my ass to court for 45 appearances only to get my employer to toss their top excellence performance awarded person (me) for "absenteeism".

I do have several more years of litigation to go... but it should be on a reasonable schedule.

Wow, Sept 1997 to Sept 2007, from rescue to collapse, is there a Phoenix ready to rise from the ashes in Oct 2007? I hope so, I really don't need to explore this cavern any deeper. It's dark and dank down here and I long for the sunlight, to breathe deeply and soar to new heights. Would you cheer me on and come along for the ride...

One year already...

I was so worked up on my court bullshit that my one year here has come and gone...

I may say more when I get a chance, but let me say some things off the top of my tired head before too much more time slips away.

A very sincere thanks for all the support, a few who have stuck by the entire time, some who have come and gone under different names or Blogs. Many to our northern neighbors in Canada. Some from half way around the world who provided interesting conversation when I should have been sleeping but couldn't. And some who are no longer around.

I can't claim the highest stats, like one of my good friend's mega posts over 100 comments. But I can claim some seriously good quality comments among the 1000+ comments to my 260+ posts which doesn't include the 2000+ emails, most of which came from just a few close friends. Then there are the IRL and silent readers. They comment directly to me. I hadn't realized how many other blogs were feeding traffic, that didn't just look and leave, but kept on looking. Occasionally I will get a note from them too. Thanks to those blogs for directing traffic my way. It's nice to know that in the midst of seeking and receiving help, that I can simultaneously give it too.

Some have chosen anniversaries as an occasion to leave. Some have asked my intentions. No plans for that... I have had periods of sporadic posting, but I have a ton of material to disseminate yet.

I have launched a JQ's Life Blog. Keep an eye on my sidebar that's where new things will show up. I have a photo site. I have redesigned my companion pages with hints of things to come, do let me know if they look OK on your system. I have two technology blogs that will launch sometime when I get around to it.

I have some serious challenges to overcome before the end of the year. If things finally turn out the way they should, next year could be very encouraging...