Another Big Day

At the risk of being redundant, I was thinking of another running log, but I think this post is pretty long already. One week from today is supposed to be the final day in the Phase II Forced Negotiation Shadow Trial Date. Yeah just like last time. My wife claims to think the divorce will be over by then. I don’t think she believes that, not with what her lawyer is claiming.

UnF—king believable. I opened my mail. If it wasn’t serious, I’d be rolling on the floor laughing, but she (hired bitch lawyer) is going to strut her matronly old ass into court and declare with confidence that her claim is valid. And everyone will listen. How do I know? It’s happened before, I saw it personally.

It went on, stalemated for six months. You know what broke the stalemate, ME! You know why, I don’t kiss ass, I don’t need her as a friend, I don’t lie, I know her weakness (one trick pony), I know math. Of course that was very advanced post-graduate math, these a—holes (all lawyers, child enforcement, my wife) can’t add or subtract. Give my son a calculator and he could beat them.

Come on, lawyer’s know this stuff, they can do better than you. No, they have a big flaw, they have to be friends with their adversaries, they can’t push them too far, they won't call it what it really is – bulls—t. The court is too refined for that kind of language, even though the room is drowning in the stinky stuff. See they’re in the club, they play by their rules, I’m not, I don’t. That makes us very different and has it’s pros and cons.

I will admit, if we were talking about the finer points of law, I’d be a pompous ass to think I could beat a lawyer. But we’re talking about math and bulls—t games played by a one trick pony who does not know how to improvise. Well I’m no thespian, but as a technician I analyze, I solve, I find alternatives, I surround a problem, I draw on 30 years (yeah, I’m an old man, no one guessed I’m 50, hey but I can be a lot of fun, so it’s just a number) of experience in crushing problems. I’ve had tough ones, but perseverance is something I have plenty of, maybe to a fault. So you fix big ass computers these are people, oh, but for half my career I handled acquisition and vendor management, people, big money, contracts. I was a director in a startup, how much does that expose you to?

Could that be why my lawyer is excited to get me “in the box” in a Phase III trial? Because he can have me say what he’s to big a pussy to say? He didn’t want me on the stand for my son, he saw I’m too emotional about that, they’d call me a nut case when I blasted them. Is it nuts to love your son, to want reasonable access to him? Is it nuts to be frustrated and irritated at the people who keep him from you? YES, in the court’s f—ked up view. But see this is all about money now, the parenting plan is signed. I’ll be less emotional, and even if you want to call me a nut (because I don’t play by your rules), you can’t take my money away for that reason. Now it’s making sense.

First rule of problem solving, you gotta understand what’s going on, and the second rule is if it doesn’t make sense, you’re no where near a solution. That is one of the points of this Blog, I want to share my hard earned experience with you. No one should have to go through all this crap to break into this secret society.

So hired bitch, if you’re reading this, you’re going down in flames, you’re a blood sucking gnat on my ass. You don’t know what I’m gonna do, and a pony has no stripes to change. You’re an old dog who hasn’t learned any new tricks in decades, your mind is atrophied from lack of use. You’re a legal dinosaur who just hasn’t died yet. And you’re up against University boy who sucks in knowledge like he sucks in air, it makes me feel alive. It’s an unquenchable thirst.

Ya know lawyer’s don’t like surprises, and I’ve got some duzzies. And I’m not done, I’ll be coming up with them non-stop right up to the Trial Date and during the Trial. I don’t play by your rules, so don’t whine foul, you asked for it, you’re gonna get all barrels. I’d say I’m gonna teach you a new trick, but I won’t, you’ll just go away scratching your head wondering what went wrong.

Hey judge you gonna stress me out by keeping me there till 2am, huh, that’s only a double, I can do that without breaking a sweat. Pussy, make it a triple, I can do those too. Hell go all the way, I can do more than 24 hours. Done it before, hell I’ve been in your court after being up that long. And I work on my case while in the hallway, not sit there like some “respectful” statue. Haven't found an open access point yet so I have State Family Law and County Local Rules offline on my hard drive.

So come on, just be reasonable, just give in and get it over with, you might advise me. Well I sure would be tempted, but it’s beyond ridiculous, it’s f—king impossible. So I have no decision to make. Impossible you might say, come on you are exaggerating, no I’m not with her inability to do simple math she is simply asking for more money than I could ever get a hold of (legally that is).

So how far off are we, way off, so far off, that it would be impossible for me to settle. First she's counting retirement assests as if they were cash, they aren't there are huge tax implications. Second she is couting all assests as marital, including those from 14 years prior to the marraige when I worked multipe jobs and saved a huge amount of my income. And of course she’s asking for legal fees, at least $30,000.

Oh, we’re not done yet, she’s also claiming household furnishings. Well those were agreed to before separation, and formally ordered by the court shortly afterwards, but what the hell she’s famous for reneging on deals. She only took two moving van loads out of the house. And what she didn’t take she bought on a credit card she had issued in my name after the separation. Yep, the card company was stupid enough to send a card to a different address without verifying it with me.

Oh guess what else, college costs. Hmm, I finished college a decade before I met her, no college debt, I worked my ass off. I taught at college part time for extra income. I took post degree college courses at no charge since I was on the full time professional staff. Oh yeah, she took college classes for free as my spouse, since I worked at the University. Is this lady full of s—t? Um, yeah.

Actually she’s throwing anything she can possibly think of at the wall to see what sticks. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous it is if it’s done with confidence. And this lady leaves a slime trail of cockiness like a snail. Better wear your non-slip shoes, you’re gonna get pushed hard.

So six more days, then the big day. Outcome? My bet is a stalemate. With pussy being up against one trick pony, it’ll be a draw. Another expensive day gone bust.

Hey Guardian you're not off the hook, this isn't BIC, so unless you want a close call with violation of fiduciary responsibility, I suggest you weigh in as friend of the court. And pussy (my lawyer), don’t think you’re getting off so easy by having me do your dirty work. Oh it feels like Christmas, I have surprise gifts for everyone, even you judge, oh I feel so generous.

Hey judge, bang your gavel, throw this crap out on the big day or get me on the stand to say what pussy is too scared to say. There’s no more blood to squeeze out of this rock.

Rough Draft – Updated 1/20/07 2:20 am