Five minutes after my wife picked up my son, my cell rings. I know it’s her, I have a special ring tone. Not part of the text msg generation, but custom ring tones are handy. My land line phones even have it, not as fancy with songs, but different tones based on caller ID & local phonebook.
Lot’s of snow out, just walking one house over from the bus stop my son manages to find all the deep spots. So he’s all wet. Even though he never spends a whole day with me, I do have several spare sets of clothing for him. So he changes into dry clothes and I put his wet clothes in a bag.
She called to ask me to find a missing sock. She just bought them and they’re good socks. Actually that’s good, his socks seemed all stretched out. But what’s the emergency, if I had the sock I’d see it.
I sent him back with all but one sock and with a full set of nice clothing, much better than he went to school with. I don’t know what to make of it. Is she anal retrentive, worried that I would sell the new sock?
I’ve got an idea, instead of thinking about socks; why not reconsider the lying harassment that is costing my son tens of thousands in legal fees? How many socks can we buy with a divorce? Hard question. How many socks can we buy with a single hour of one lawyer? I’m still not sure, the price for a pair of socks is round-off error. I have bigger fish to fry.
Help me with this one. How can she worry about a pair of socks? She was irritated when I said I didn’t think I had it, it must be stuck in his pants. Is the divorce and its costs just round off to her? Is she the opposite of me? Is it reasonable? A bit strange?
Or is she just f—kin nuts?
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15 comments:
I wish there was a simple answer. I think the little things show there true colours when it gets down and dirty.
Hope you have a good day tomorrow.
i think you had it right with the last line.
She is fucking nuts!
Yea, I gonna go with the last line also.......
Was the missing sock located?? :)
Hope you had a good day.
Good question, she didn't bring it up. I looked I didn't find it. I think she found it. I'll have to ask her next time I talk to her.
I'll keep you posted on this hot topic right here until we get to the bottom of this.
She did bring back the clothes he wore yesterday.
I was not overly bothered by this nonsense, I just was amused and confused. It was like an annoying song I had to get out of my mind.
PS: Day was so-so. I jinxed myself.
I found your post to be hysterically funny, I was cracking up, JQ!!!!! You posted it with great humour!!!!
I use humor as a coping method for stress. This can be a little dangerous as it hides the true level of stress I’m under.
I also use sarcasm in dealing with the provokers of my stress. And lastly good comedy revolves around the truly ridiculous. Put them all together and you get a funny post.
There is no end to divorce and lawyer jokes, why? Because the divorce system and its lawyers are truly ridiculous. They are the definition of a big joke. Unfortunately a sad joke, a sick joke.
But we still can’t help but laugh at it, maybe nervously. It is the only thing that can stop us from crying at the true tragedy of it all.
My wife fiddles with socks, while my son’s heritage and birthright burns. Who knew I married Nero.
I hold back the tears of a clown. Ironic. Funny. Sad.
PS: jd, I mean no criticism or sarcasm toward you. You really have helped illuminate a point in this odyssey. I will need to write this observation up further in a future post.
.....and JQ, I did not in any way mean to undermine the stress and hardships you have been under, I know it has been hell for you and still is. But I was just pleasantly entertained by your sock post, and yes, I understand totally your need to use humor to help you cope.
jd, nothing personal, I’ll take a compliment on my comedy, any day. I never figured that you were undermining my stress or hardship. It's just that your observation made me think...
I should remind people that humorous things sometimes have a serious side.
I use humor to boost my own mood, and so I don’t depress the living shit out of my readers.
So it’s OK to laugh. I do. It helps.
But at least you get it (both the humor and the stress). I am so sure that if my wife or anybody in the court read this post, they’d scratch their heads and not see either.
Hey, ya know what, you just gave me another idea for some posts. I use this sense of humor with my lawyer too. And guess what, he doesn’t get it. One time he hesitated answering my question and then said “Oh this is confidential” (maybe it was that lawyers have a license to fuck), I responded, “Oh I won’t tell anybody, I’ll just post it on the Internet”. We both laughed and I did post it that night.
These lawyers are so full of shit. I’ll be on the look out for jokes like that to post. There was another time I had him on speaker phone and he knows I record conversations. So he calls the opposition lawyer a “fuckin cunt”, I posted that too. I guess he’s under some false sense that I respect lawyers, even though I called him a “fuckin pussy who had smaller balls then his female opposition”.
Gosh, lawyers are dumb. And that’s no joke.
PS: I’ve gotta thank jd for getting me on that train of thought and making me laugh… And of course a few more post ideas.
" My wife fiddles with socks, while my son’s heritage and birthright burns. Who knew I married Nero."........Stop! Jq you are killing me! You have some crazy wisdom and humor I gotta tell you! I am loving it!
Jq, maybe we could contact The Bureau of Missing Socks! Where the hell ARE all of these missing socks??????!!!!!!!
Now this one will knock your socks off. I have an answer about where socks go. Thanks to being a Dad, you know things that non-parents don’t know.
There is a set of Disney Movies called HalloweenTown. In these movies, there is a junk collector in HalloweenTown (can’t remember his name) who gets all things that are lost. A spell is cast and he and the main Witch character are trying to find matches to a huge pile of missing single socks (a fools task).
So see Disney actually thought about and made a movie about where missing socks go.
A young lawyer dies and is sent to heaven. (Ha Ha)
Upon his arrival, he meets St. Peter at the Gate. St. Peter asks the lawyer his name and looks up his entry in the Great Big Book.
St. Peter then looks at the lawyer and says, “You look very good for being 138 years old.”
Astonished, the lawyer replies, “There must be some mistake, I am only 32.”
St. Peter responds, “Not according to your billable hours.”
Good one jd, I was really LOL.
So funny because it is so true. They should be audited to ensure they don't bill for more than 24 hr per day.
Now there's yet another post topic...
My favorite rip off is either when they bill you for telling you it can't be done or billing you for covering the same ground that was already covered. (Didn't we discuss that 2 months ago)?
But the crazy thing is when my lawyer says he's going to have fun kicking my wife's lawyer at trial (with me on the stand). Kind of like punching someone with some else's hand.
I said if you are having so much fun, turn the meter off. Not likely.
Jq, in all seriousness I will never understand how any woman could do this to their own child.
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