I just moved to the new (previously called beta) Blogger. As of now I am still using the old template. I will be updating the template in the near future to conform with the new layout features. If you notice a problem, please comment or email.
My email address and profile name are the same, but the profile HTML link has a new number, but from what I see my old profile number is forwarded to the new one so you should still be able to find me easily.
I have started implementing labels, this will be inconsistent for a while until I settle on their definition and go back and update old posts.
Best wishes to all for a Happy New Year...
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Monday, December 25, 2006
Christmas Eve Visitation
This can be a difficult time of year when you are suffering. I know, I have been preoccupied with my difficulties and its hard to enthusiastically wish someone a Merry Christmas when you are under such stress. I hope you all can be diverted from this stress for at least a short time and try to have a wonderful Christmas. Our family had a wonderful time at my brother's house.
Since the Parenting Plan I was extorted into signing under duress of multiple threats forbids me from driving my son more than 10 miles a day, it seemed that my son & I would be spending the holiday alone. My brother & his daughter came over to my house and took us to their house, my son and his cousin were having so much fun they didn't even bother asking about all the presents.
My son and his cousin had a great time all day. Later they opened presents together, my parents were there too. Of course, each of the presents were played with after opening which had stuff spread across their spacious living room, and we all helped them assemble & play. My sister-in-law made a wonderful meal. My niece didn't want my son to go. When we got back to my house, my son dove right into the presents, even though his Mom was coming very soon. He wasn't going to go to the door. He was having such a great time.
He'll be over 60 miles away on Christmas Day with her. On Tuesday and Wednesday I get an "extended" visit of 5 hours.
As for our divorce status: The Custody requirements for the divorce will be complete when the judge accepts the signed and executed Parenting Plan. Property settlement and support issues are still remaining after this 21 month ordeal.
After a tremendous amount of aggravation and arguing all week, I finally got an agreement, subject to threat of withdrawal faxed at the last minute on Thursday, to allow my son to visit from 10am to 8pm on Christmas Eve. There are very few long visitation days included in the Parenting Plan. There is no provision for weekend or overnight visitation, the visitation is restricted to 4 hours in a day. My wife's intention was to have sole custody with full control of visitation.
Other terms included reducing my visitation by 30 minutes a day, 3 months supervised visitation, mandatory mediation of visitation issues (one thing in my favor). There are many other difficult issues in the 29 page agreement.
The Guardian for my son characterized the changes demanded by my wife as "disgusting", but my lawyer claimed that the judge could not do anything even when the Guardian representing the best interest of the child (BIC) to which the court is beholden describes it as not (BIC) is his best interest.
I'm more likely to believe that the overly cozy, borderline conflict of interest, close working relationship that the court and its officers share clouds their objectivity (translation: they all are too busy kissing each other's ass to do their sworn job).
When I said good bye to my son in the backseat of her car, she was waiting outside to talk to me at the other side of the car. When I closed his door, she said in a sad tone, "Merry Christmas John". It wasn't her usual snippy sarcastic tone. I was caught off guard and simply replied "Merry Christmas" in a flat emotionless tone. Odd, why did she bother? A slight attack of a conscience buried underneath all that vengeance? This is the woman who refused to answer when I'd see my son for Christmas for the last week (hell, the last month). Did her preacher have something to say that hit a nerve?
I'm glad for today. I'll need to get back to the final Parenting Plan, reformat that sloppy piece of crap so it's readable and I can find all the critical clauses. Financial Settlement is also next. What depressing tasks for the holiday. The mind is a funny thing. Now that my lawyer is reflecting on his pussyiness, my anger is spent, I'm numb again.
This system is such a thick tall brick wall, nothing seems to make much of a dent. It's amazing how people will band together to defend and propagate such a crappy system to maintain their own selfish personal comfort level. It's an important lesson for all of us to be more skeptical, thoughtful, questioning, responsible, participants in life.
But for one day, it was all good, Thanks to my brother's family for setting up that great day. And thanks to you my readers for your support this year.
I received an email invitation from two divorced friends I met nearly two years ago. We've kept in touch, in the beginning we met every two weeks for dinner, it's slowed down, conflicting schedules. Last year while one divorcee was not dating we went to see her cousin play in a live band on New Year's Eve. We talked, we had hoped 2006 would look up. She's got a steady boyfriend now. The invitation is to meet for a Dec 30 dinner, movie, and relaxing hot tub talk. I'll see how the other divorcee is doing now, and we can both wish for 2007 to be our year. Divorcee number two's situation has improved in the last 4 months.
Given all the hurdles in my divorce settlement and her lawyer's ability to have her own way, I'm thinking 2007 will be my "rebuilding year" (sports cliche) and I'll have to wait until 2008, but then again I am the third divorcee in the group, so I guess that's how long it is taking, so it should be my year.
Why? Why, so long? Life is too short, don't people know that?
Two years of my son's life have already gone by!
I sincerely hope that one way or another you can have a very Merry Christmas and Best Wishes in the New Year.
Status: Second Draft - Updated 01/02 1 am
Since the Parenting Plan I was extorted into signing under duress of multiple threats forbids me from driving my son more than 10 miles a day, it seemed that my son & I would be spending the holiday alone. My brother & his daughter came over to my house and took us to their house, my son and his cousin were having so much fun they didn't even bother asking about all the presents.
My son and his cousin had a great time all day. Later they opened presents together, my parents were there too. Of course, each of the presents were played with after opening which had stuff spread across their spacious living room, and we all helped them assemble & play. My sister-in-law made a wonderful meal. My niece didn't want my son to go. When we got back to my house, my son dove right into the presents, even though his Mom was coming very soon. He wasn't going to go to the door. He was having such a great time.
He'll be over 60 miles away on Christmas Day with her. On Tuesday and Wednesday I get an "extended" visit of 5 hours.
As for our divorce status: The Custody requirements for the divorce will be complete when the judge accepts the signed and executed Parenting Plan. Property settlement and support issues are still remaining after this 21 month ordeal.
After a tremendous amount of aggravation and arguing all week, I finally got an agreement, subject to threat of withdrawal faxed at the last minute on Thursday, to allow my son to visit from 10am to 8pm on Christmas Eve. There are very few long visitation days included in the Parenting Plan. There is no provision for weekend or overnight visitation, the visitation is restricted to 4 hours in a day. My wife's intention was to have sole custody with full control of visitation.
Other terms included reducing my visitation by 30 minutes a day, 3 months supervised visitation, mandatory mediation of visitation issues (one thing in my favor). There are many other difficult issues in the 29 page agreement.
The Guardian for my son characterized the changes demanded by my wife as "disgusting", but my lawyer claimed that the judge could not do anything even when the Guardian representing the best interest of the child (BIC) to which the court is beholden describes it as not (BIC) is his best interest.
I'm more likely to believe that the overly cozy, borderline conflict of interest, close working relationship that the court and its officers share clouds their objectivity (translation: they all are too busy kissing each other's ass to do their sworn job).
When I said good bye to my son in the backseat of her car, she was waiting outside to talk to me at the other side of the car. When I closed his door, she said in a sad tone, "Merry Christmas John". It wasn't her usual snippy sarcastic tone. I was caught off guard and simply replied "Merry Christmas" in a flat emotionless tone. Odd, why did she bother? A slight attack of a conscience buried underneath all that vengeance? This is the woman who refused to answer when I'd see my son for Christmas for the last week (hell, the last month). Did her preacher have something to say that hit a nerve?
I'm glad for today. I'll need to get back to the final Parenting Plan, reformat that sloppy piece of crap so it's readable and I can find all the critical clauses. Financial Settlement is also next. What depressing tasks for the holiday. The mind is a funny thing. Now that my lawyer is reflecting on his pussyiness, my anger is spent, I'm numb again.
This system is such a thick tall brick wall, nothing seems to make much of a dent. It's amazing how people will band together to defend and propagate such a crappy system to maintain their own selfish personal comfort level. It's an important lesson for all of us to be more skeptical, thoughtful, questioning, responsible, participants in life.
But for one day, it was all good, Thanks to my brother's family for setting up that great day. And thanks to you my readers for your support this year.
I received an email invitation from two divorced friends I met nearly two years ago. We've kept in touch, in the beginning we met every two weeks for dinner, it's slowed down, conflicting schedules. Last year while one divorcee was not dating we went to see her cousin play in a live band on New Year's Eve. We talked, we had hoped 2006 would look up. She's got a steady boyfriend now. The invitation is to meet for a Dec 30 dinner, movie, and relaxing hot tub talk. I'll see how the other divorcee is doing now, and we can both wish for 2007 to be our year. Divorcee number two's situation has improved in the last 4 months.
Given all the hurdles in my divorce settlement and her lawyer's ability to have her own way, I'm thinking 2007 will be my "rebuilding year" (sports cliche) and I'll have to wait until 2008, but then again I am the third divorcee in the group, so I guess that's how long it is taking, so it should be my year.
Why? Why, so long? Life is too short, don't people know that?
Two years of my son's life have already gone by!
I sincerely hope that one way or another you can have a very Merry Christmas and Best Wishes in the New Year.
Status: Second Draft - Updated 01/02 1 am
Friday, December 22, 2006
My Son's Christmas
At the very last minute as we sat in my lawyers office, a Fax was delivered. It was yet one more demand. Sign the agreement today or you will not see your son on Christmas or Christmas Eve.
My lawyers advice - do it or else it will be even worse.
The longer you wait the more painful she will make it, the more your son will loose access to you. Is this BIC? "No!" says the lawyer. Why is it allowed? "It is our fucked up system, we've discussed this before", says the lawyer impatiently and indignity. This is extorsion, isn't it? "Yes" says the lawyer.
In many ways, this agreement, as modified up to 9am today, takes away rights I have had. During school, I have lost 30 minutes per day, every school day. I have no weekends, except if a holiday falls on it. No overnights, ever. Three month supervision. HIPPA waivers on all records, all providers are in the order, taking away my HIPPA rights.
There is only one main advantage, a mediator, and the promise that if I jump through enough hoops, I may reach normal visitation someday.
For now, I'll tell you I signed it, I'll explain later. It is a very long and complicated story. The signature makes it an agreed judgment entry (AJE, no mention of duress is included) and then the judge will sign it as an order, it will then be enforceable by the court, including fines/jail.
I feel dirty, a failure, a sellout of my son's rights. I have caved, sunk to their level, prostituted myself. I hope to remedy this to some degree soon, not in the same pathetic and apathetic way my lawyer did, but in a substantive way. He is a pussy by choice.
So my signature means I will see him for 10 hours on Christmas Eve. At least in theory anyway. Last year her lawyer prevented a visitation decision until 12/24 5pm. So in truth, I will not know until he arrives on 12/24 morning. And even then she could come and demand him back before the day ends.
I told him today. He asked, will you be home on Christmas Day, I said, I suppose so, why? Can I stop by for a little visit on Christmas Day too? No snaps my wife, we are going to see your grandmother (60 miles away). I can call, he asked. Sure, you can call me anytime. (That is our right in the agreement).
I am restricted (by this agreement) from driving him more than 10 miles in one day. My parents live 20 miles away, my brother lives 35 miles away. The urgent care center is 15 miles round trip. The zoo (a favorite) is past this 10 mile round trip.
My son has not vomited in two days. His last regular meal was over one week ago. He has lost over 15% of his body weight. He only needed that one day/night in the hospital for IV fluids. Today he had an egg, some crackers, not much else. That would be one light meal for a whole day. By Sunday, he may be able to eat the equivalent of one full meal and a few snacks. Then in his weakened condition he'll be transported 120 miles by my wife. BIC? Not in my book. I wouldn't take him half that far, but then again, I am ordered not too.
Status: First Draft - Minor Updates 12/23 8pm
My lawyers advice - do it or else it will be even worse.
The longer you wait the more painful she will make it, the more your son will loose access to you. Is this BIC? "No!" says the lawyer. Why is it allowed? "It is our fucked up system, we've discussed this before", says the lawyer impatiently and indignity. This is extorsion, isn't it? "Yes" says the lawyer.
In many ways, this agreement, as modified up to 9am today, takes away rights I have had. During school, I have lost 30 minutes per day, every school day. I have no weekends, except if a holiday falls on it. No overnights, ever. Three month supervision. HIPPA waivers on all records, all providers are in the order, taking away my HIPPA rights.
There is only one main advantage, a mediator, and the promise that if I jump through enough hoops, I may reach normal visitation someday.
For now, I'll tell you I signed it, I'll explain later. It is a very long and complicated story. The signature makes it an agreed judgment entry (AJE, no mention of duress is included) and then the judge will sign it as an order, it will then be enforceable by the court, including fines/jail.
I feel dirty, a failure, a sellout of my son's rights. I have caved, sunk to their level, prostituted myself. I hope to remedy this to some degree soon, not in the same pathetic and apathetic way my lawyer did, but in a substantive way. He is a pussy by choice.
So my signature means I will see him for 10 hours on Christmas Eve. At least in theory anyway. Last year her lawyer prevented a visitation decision until 12/24 5pm. So in truth, I will not know until he arrives on 12/24 morning. And even then she could come and demand him back before the day ends.
I told him today. He asked, will you be home on Christmas Day, I said, I suppose so, why? Can I stop by for a little visit on Christmas Day too? No snaps my wife, we are going to see your grandmother (60 miles away). I can call, he asked. Sure, you can call me anytime. (That is our right in the agreement).
I am restricted (by this agreement) from driving him more than 10 miles in one day. My parents live 20 miles away, my brother lives 35 miles away. The urgent care center is 15 miles round trip. The zoo (a favorite) is past this 10 mile round trip.
My son has not vomited in two days. His last regular meal was over one week ago. He has lost over 15% of his body weight. He only needed that one day/night in the hospital for IV fluids. Today he had an egg, some crackers, not much else. That would be one light meal for a whole day. By Sunday, he may be able to eat the equivalent of one full meal and a few snacks. Then in his weakened condition he'll be transported 120 miles by my wife. BIC? Not in my book. I wouldn't take him half that far, but then again, I am ordered not too.
Status: First Draft - Minor Updates 12/23 8pm
Thursday, December 21, 2006
I'm proud of my Dad
The meeting with my lawyer and the changes to the agreement were nothing short of severe abuse. More on that later when I can recover from the shock.
For the first time in any of these meetings I brought someone with me. I think it helped a lot, I felt more calm, less attacked, more confident. But there was one big surprise.
I mentioned that my Dad often was the lead Union Contract Negotiator. I remember as a teenager seeing my Dad with his pocket contract, a narrow booklet that fit in your pocket. Sometimes during boring TV he would read it and mark it up.
At the meeting, I was reviewing a procedural issue because of her latest revision, the lawyer seems dumb founded and keeps repeating well there's nothing that can be done. My Dad is reading the document for the first time as we are jumping through the markups. Before the lawyer could finish telling me you are screwed, my Dad pipes up, well you could use the 14 day make up clause. The lawyer looked punch drunk for 5 seconds, then said, "well you know that clause wasn't intended for that purpose". So what! It could be used, right? Yeah.
This document has been twisted and abused with terrible impact on myself and my son's ability to see me. And you'd suggest that I honor some undefined intent to the detriment of my son.
But the amazing part is - How does my retired Father without a law degree beat a lawyer at his own game? The same way I do, I guess. It's simple really, you have to care about your work. Guess where I learned it, from a master of it, my Dad. Thanks for coming with me, Dad. Its a skill I hope to pass to my own son.
For the first time in any of these meetings I brought someone with me. I think it helped a lot, I felt more calm, less attacked, more confident. But there was one big surprise.
I mentioned that my Dad often was the lead Union Contract Negotiator. I remember as a teenager seeing my Dad with his pocket contract, a narrow booklet that fit in your pocket. Sometimes during boring TV he would read it and mark it up.
At the meeting, I was reviewing a procedural issue because of her latest revision, the lawyer seems dumb founded and keeps repeating well there's nothing that can be done. My Dad is reading the document for the first time as we are jumping through the markups. Before the lawyer could finish telling me you are screwed, my Dad pipes up, well you could use the 14 day make up clause. The lawyer looked punch drunk for 5 seconds, then said, "well you know that clause wasn't intended for that purpose". So what! It could be used, right? Yeah.
This document has been twisted and abused with terrible impact on myself and my son's ability to see me. And you'd suggest that I honor some undefined intent to the detriment of my son.
But the amazing part is - How does my retired Father without a law degree beat a lawyer at his own game? The same way I do, I guess. It's simple really, you have to care about your work. Guess where I learned it, from a master of it, my Dad. Thanks for coming with me, Dad. Its a skill I hope to pass to my own son.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
My lawyer...
Man or Pussy?
That is the question I asked him today. Why can't he stand up to my wife's lawyer? Why didn't he insist on a ruling Monday? Why didn't he argue that less than seven days notice for a holiday is unreasonable. Oh he and the guardian were disgusted, they expressed blah, blah, blah. Don't express, demand a hearing, a ruling. Get results.
Her lawyer has an established history in my case as well as others for pulling this last minute bulls--t. Well if you aren't happy you can discharge me. Oh yeah and do I get a refund for your kiss ass, don't want to offend the opposition, failed tactics? Isn't that great, you fail, you walk away with a smile and my money. I don't know how he grew up, but in our house, in my neighborhood, to be a man you clean up your mess, you persevere, you don't fail & walk away telling yourself what a good job you did. And if you weren't a man, well then you were a mouse, a percy, or a pussy.
So lawyer, make your choice - man or mouse - victory or failure.
And just in case you need help with that concept, which you have trouble hearing from me, try giving my Korean War Vet Dad some of your bulls--t. He's my unannounced surprise visitor. My Father is an interesting mixture of calm mediation and no-shit. It came in handy for years as a Union Contract Negotiator.
And if you think I have low tolerance for shit, wait till you meet the man that taught me. He'll be listening when you tell me why my son won't be seeing his grandparents on Christmas. You try to give him a BS answer or treat him like shit and see what happens.
Or you could just do the right thing. Finish this job, opposing counsel's feelings be damned. Or do what you told me and be damned with her. Will our Creator accept your legal argument to deny a child to see his father and extended family? Will He recognize your license to f--k with people? Wake up and join the real world, at least on His birthday.
Status: First draft - Last Update 12/21 2:40 am
PS: I added a major comment in response to a reader on 12/21 1am. Please check it out.
That is the question I asked him today. Why can't he stand up to my wife's lawyer? Why didn't he insist on a ruling Monday? Why didn't he argue that less than seven days notice for a holiday is unreasonable. Oh he and the guardian were disgusted, they expressed blah, blah, blah. Don't express, demand a hearing, a ruling. Get results.
Her lawyer has an established history in my case as well as others for pulling this last minute bulls--t. Well if you aren't happy you can discharge me. Oh yeah and do I get a refund for your kiss ass, don't want to offend the opposition, failed tactics? Isn't that great, you fail, you walk away with a smile and my money. I don't know how he grew up, but in our house, in my neighborhood, to be a man you clean up your mess, you persevere, you don't fail & walk away telling yourself what a good job you did. And if you weren't a man, well then you were a mouse, a percy, or a pussy.
So lawyer, make your choice - man or mouse - victory or failure.
And just in case you need help with that concept, which you have trouble hearing from me, try giving my Korean War Vet Dad some of your bulls--t. He's my unannounced surprise visitor. My Father is an interesting mixture of calm mediation and no-shit. It came in handy for years as a Union Contract Negotiator.
And if you think I have low tolerance for shit, wait till you meet the man that taught me. He'll be listening when you tell me why my son won't be seeing his grandparents on Christmas. You try to give him a BS answer or treat him like shit and see what happens.
Or you could just do the right thing. Finish this job, opposing counsel's feelings be damned. Or do what you told me and be damned with her. Will our Creator accept your legal argument to deny a child to see his father and extended family? Will He recognize your license to f--k with people? Wake up and join the real world, at least on His birthday.
Status: First draft - Last Update 12/21 2:40 am
PS: I added a major comment in response to a reader on 12/21 1am. Please check it out.
Five days to Christmas
Do you know if you'll see your children for Christmas?
I Don't ! Not Yet, Maybe I'll know Thursday.
Last year, visitation was arranged only 1 week before Christmas. On Friday 12/23 I was notified that visitation would be withdrawn. I was so upset, I had to leave work immediately. Legal arguments continued until 12/24 at 5pm, when my visitation for Christmas Day was finally reinstated. One day visit, cost about $2000 in legal bills.
This year I started asking mid-November. I was promised a schedule on the Big Day 12/18. Didn't get it. Oh we can trust her, she'll review it the next day. She did, now there are more changes, but some litigation emergency has my lawyer tied up, so he won't get to it on Wednesday as expected, he's taking Friday off.
WTF? - Why not take care of it when it was before the court on the big day, when all parties were there, just 1 week before Christmas, why wait for someone who always delays, why trust someone who cluster-f--ks you? I let my hired a--hole off easy, with an apology, rather than calling the senior partner as planned. Well, I'll fix that in the morning. The boss can clean up the mess junior left.
A reader asks, how long can this go on. Remember, lawyers have a license to f--k with you. And some lawyers f--k right through the Holiday. As my lawyer told me on the Big Day, "we're getting cluster-f--ked, but I think we'll come out OK". He thunk wrong. And I pay over $200/hr for that thinking.
I ask my wife nicely, let's just take care of this now. NO!
Another year, another couple of grand wasted. Help me. Would I be better just telling my son I don't celebrate Christmas and banking the $2,000 in his name? In hind sight I think so. I'd give anything, if all this f--kin wasted money could have been put in his name.
Well actually, it wouldn't be that easy, I couldn't do that, her hired bitch already thought of that and named my son as defendant so she could control him too. After death where do mother's who sue to control their kids money go? After divorce where do father's go -- to an early grave.
Maybe I'll ask my parish priest tomorrow. It would be so much easier if I just wasn't around. Most "Deadbeat Dads" are beaten to death by the Disastrous Domestic Relations "process".
Merry Christmas, enjoy your kids, some don't get too.
Status: First Draft - Updated 3am
I Don't ! Not Yet, Maybe I'll know Thursday.
Last year, visitation was arranged only 1 week before Christmas. On Friday 12/23 I was notified that visitation would be withdrawn. I was so upset, I had to leave work immediately. Legal arguments continued until 12/24 at 5pm, when my visitation for Christmas Day was finally reinstated. One day visit, cost about $2000 in legal bills.
This year I started asking mid-November. I was promised a schedule on the Big Day 12/18. Didn't get it. Oh we can trust her, she'll review it the next day. She did, now there are more changes, but some litigation emergency has my lawyer tied up, so he won't get to it on Wednesday as expected, he's taking Friday off.
WTF? - Why not take care of it when it was before the court on the big day, when all parties were there, just 1 week before Christmas, why wait for someone who always delays, why trust someone who cluster-f--ks you? I let my hired a--hole off easy, with an apology, rather than calling the senior partner as planned. Well, I'll fix that in the morning. The boss can clean up the mess junior left.
A reader asks, how long can this go on. Remember, lawyers have a license to f--k with you. And some lawyers f--k right through the Holiday. As my lawyer told me on the Big Day, "we're getting cluster-f--ked, but I think we'll come out OK". He thunk wrong. And I pay over $200/hr for that thinking.
I ask my wife nicely, let's just take care of this now. NO!
Another year, another couple of grand wasted. Help me. Would I be better just telling my son I don't celebrate Christmas and banking the $2,000 in his name? In hind sight I think so. I'd give anything, if all this f--kin wasted money could have been put in his name.
Well actually, it wouldn't be that easy, I couldn't do that, her hired bitch already thought of that and named my son as defendant so she could control him too. After death where do mother's who sue to control their kids money go? After divorce where do father's go -- to an early grave.
Maybe I'll ask my parish priest tomorrow. It would be so much easier if I just wasn't around. Most "Deadbeat Dads" are beaten to death by the Disastrous Domestic Relations "process".
Merry Christmas, enjoy your kids, some don't get too.
Status: First Draft - Updated 3am
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Big Day = Big Bust
The Big Day was supposed to be the last trial day, four trial days at $5K each plus 18 months of pretrial expenses would have been both stressful and a final relief.
Results - The worst of all possibilities, all the stress, none of the relief, and it still goes on.
When will my son and I see relief? When my wife's revenge is satisfied. How much revenge does a mother need to take against her child? Only the mentally ill know for sure.
I have said countless times, my wife keeps raising the bar and the divorce can not be resolved until she resolves her issues. It is ignored every time I say it.
Results - The worst of all possibilities, all the stress, none of the relief, and it still goes on.
When will my son and I see relief? When my wife's revenge is satisfied. How much revenge does a mother need to take against her child? Only the mentally ill know for sure.
I have said countless times, my wife keeps raising the bar and the divorce can not be resolved until she resolves her issues. It is ignored every time I say it.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Count Down to the Big Day
Monday the 18th is game day.
No surprise, her lawyer won't respond, she's waiting for the trial day. The game is simple - the last person standing wins. So much for justice, it's all about endurance at game play.
That's her one trick, stonewall, raise the bar, lie. Use the "justice" system to wear out the opponent, so she wins by default, not because she should win, but because she plays the game better.
It's all about the game.
There is no room for justice.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday afternoon: Still waiting for word from my lawyer for status & prep for Monday...
Friday 3:30 pm: Finally get the call. No word from anyone. Lawyer gets pissed at me, he wants more info & time from me but can't get my wife's cooperation. I gotta give, give, give, she just gets to abuse me and my son. Guess it's time to call the senior partner again...
Friday night: You know these a--hole lawyers are almost as bad as my bitch wife. If everything isn't easy, if they need to actually work for their money they get all huffy & shit. And with all the shit I take from my wife, I should take more from the whiney lawyer. Happy to take the $300 but don't ask them to work for it. That is bulls--t.
Fri/Sat Midnight: She called. My son was in/out of doctors all day and in the hospital last night (I was with him, long story for next week) and she returned my call to tell me how he was. So I asked what about the Christmas schedule, lets wait until after court. I told her why not do the right thing for our son, Christmas is the same time every year, what does the court and a whole bunch of strangers who could possibly give 2 shits matter for our son's Christmas. Well it's covered in the parenting plan to be argued Monday she says. Well the first part of the plan that no one has argued about says to do the right thing for my son. So forget the rest and lets do what everyone has agreed on - the right thing.
NO! she says as she hangs up. Her typical response.
Sat after midnight: Gosh, what a mood change - you must be wondering why? Besides no Christmas visitation agreement (just like last year) my wife thought it would be in the best interest of our child (BIC) to expose him to a terrible stomach illness rather than leave him with me for a few days. My son's non-stop vomiting for 30+ hours caused him to need IV liquids to sustain his life. That does tend to sour your mood.
For more frosting on the cake, my whiney lawyer sarcastically asks if I'd like to pay him to fix the screwed up court system. How about you do your [f--king] job and work around the system like your opponent - [a--hole]?
I'd have to be in a coma to ignore this shit. I know I should react differently, not allow it to effect me, but first I'm human, and second I am so saturated, so tired of non-stop shit for 2 years. I need it to stop, it must stop. I'm being driven to take more forceful action on this issue. And that's the whole fuckin point of the game, someone must crack. It won't be her, she's got everything - my son, my money, no stress, even the whole damn society gender bias behind her. Why on earth should she crack? Put her in my shoes for a week and she'd be in a padded room.
I am sincerely grateful for the support I get, but how can that compete with all of her advantages and a system that won't stop her abuse of me? Is it not the very definition of hopeless?
Saturday 3 am: Great diversion (sarcasm) thanks to Blogger Bugs. Their wonderful editor screwed up my HTML because I kept getting "lost connect" warnings while typing and it wasn't obvious where the errors were. Well it screwed it but good. Thanks to a great tool I have - PSPad, I found about 5 bad HTML violations, with line and column numbers and suggested fixes. It also has an automatic tag matching feature, click a tag and the matching paired tag gets hightlighted.
Saturday 8:30 am: Her lawyer just can't stop playing games. She calls my lawyer Friday after 6pm with a new stunt for Monday. God this lady either thinks a lot of herself or thinks she's made of total Teflon. There is no end to her stunts. They aren't creative or clever, they're just non-stop. I found this out because my lawyer called this morning to apologize for his tirade and promise to get a Christmas schedule from the Guardian before Monday. Well it's about time don't ya think? He also went over his new game plan to deal with her stunt and to ask my patience in playing it. Where to sit, what to say, what BS, this is what makes a parent? Trouble with your marriage, better get to Joe's Court Acting Academy before you file for divorce. My strength is in technology, math, science, not as a thespian. Boy have I screwed up.
Saturday 11 am: How ironic, I was at risk for contempt for showing my true feelings for the court, now my wife's lawyer's stunt is so blatant that it could actually get her in trouble. Now what's the etiquette here, am I under any obligation to bail her sorry ass out? Is it better to take my son to visit her or maybe just make up an excuse that she had to visit someone? Is it bad that I should joke about what she planned for me? My lawyer is much happier now, this stunt makes his job easier.
Saturday 11 pm: I got a chance to see my son, he can only eat a little light food, he's sleep deprived and cranky, but he's been through a lot since Wednesday. Hopefully he'll actually eat a meal tomorrow. He's dropped weight too. Between the lawyer and him and the all night hospital, I'm kinda wiped out too. So far I'm not showing signs of picking up what he and his mom had. Hopefully I sleep better tonight, I need a sharp mind for trial prep. It's real unclear now whether her lawyer's stunt will derail the trial date or if the judge will use his power to get past it and go forward. I guess if I'm lucky enough, the judge could get real pissed at the stunt and render a default judgment in my favor. Anything short of that will still leave me under more pressure than I'm up to after all this time. It is possible, because this stunt is considered a no-no.
Sunday 5:30 pm: I found out that my son's vomiting restarted yesterday. I was puzzled on how that could occur given the medicine prescribed at the hospital. Oh, she says, he was doing well, I didn't fill it. Another day goes by without any significant food. Now she has an excuse for not showing up tomorrow and delaying this case into 2007. The original excuse was that her lawyer was afraid she would get sick from my wife. Now she can say that she had to take care of my son. Such a noble gesture considering she made him sick because she refused to allow him to stay with me while she was sick, and she decided to ignore the hospital's Rx. Oh but how crass of me to question her actions. Maybe two years of criticism for every action I take in my son's interest is making me crass. I suppose so.
Sunday 6 pm: I got my required hair cut this afternoon as advised by my lawyer. How do you want it cut? Cut for court, conservative, off the ears, collar, just a little longer than a military cut. I'm supposed to make holiday small talk to the court officers. Hmm, well I'll have to make it up. Not because they aren't my friends and I find it hypocritical to give them more than a head nod (which is certainly true), but because of their prejudice against me.
If I was talking to any of my friends, I'd describe how my son and I looked at his broken headphones and I described how to take them apart, desolder the broken wire, strip it, check polarity, and resolder it. I use a cold heat soldering tool, it will not heat unless it is touching metal, so if you touch it, chance of burn is slim. His maternal grandfather, on the other hand, uses a well worn traditional soldering iron that stays hot, uses a much higher voltage and if not held properly could shock and burn you at the same time. The people I am to make small talk to don't understand the difference between my uncaring/unsafe father-in-law and myself.
My son did so well with his electric project kit for his birthday, that I'm thinking he's ready for the full or advanced kit. I'm afraid to give it to him while the litigation is open for fear of it being called a "dumb" move as nearly everything I've tried to do (you've seen my scary tip postings) for his benefit. If it were up to them he'd be in a plastic bubble, without even art paper or puzzles for fear of a paper cut. So I'll have to make some things up, safe things, things that can't be criticized. Things that sell myself short as a Father playing down my role and unique value as a Father. And they don't understand my frustration. Do you?
Sunday 10 pm: End of day check on my son, he vomited again today, on applesauce. I think he needs to go back to the doctor, but since I need to be play acting in court while Ms Clueless takes him in, not much will be accomplished. I'd take him, but the doctors may not recognize my parental rights. Once anyone (doctor, school, police) knows there is divorce litigation, they take an arms length approach to the NCP/NRP (father), of course BIC.
Sunday 11:30 pm: OK, I'll answer yesterday's questions seriously. I'll call her parents and they can put up the money to bail her out. I'll make up an excuse so my son doesn't know she's in jail. Since she tried getting me thrown in jail, I can't get too teary eyed if she got what's coming to her. But of course that would never happen, it's all a fantasy, to relieve the pressure of the unfairness of it all, my second class parental status. She's Teflon, she's favored, nothing will happen to her, regardless of how outrageous her abuse of the system or my son. Opinion? No, repeatedly observed fact! Am I negative, fatalistic? No, to expect it to be different without anything else changing is the definition of mental illness. I am realistic. I do make my meager efforts to inject change in this screwed up system, with some limited success. It's the best I can do. It's all I can do. As for sleeping better, didn't happen.
Monday 1 am: Well I should call it end of day, maybe I'll get more than 2-3 hours sleep tonight, maybe not? Wish me luck, I need to do a good job. Help me lie, Bullshit, act, pretend, be hypocritical just like the system, to prove to them that I am a good Father who deserves to see his son on Christmas.
Ya see, I've been found guilty of the highest crime in court, being a poor litigant, a free thinker, an exerciser of free speech, which makes me a bad person in the eyes of the court and all that work there. There is no room for honesty or justice. It is a system of status quo, of ancient tradition, beliefs, and ceremony. It is a system more interested in disposing of case load than solving problems. There is no room for constructive criticism, for change, for any improvement. I live in industry, a place of continuous change and improvement. I might as well live on Mars, I am a fish out of water, unable to survive on the foreign inhospitable landscape of the court. It's lies, ineffectiveness, and hypocrisy make me sick.
Monday 2 am: I didn't prepare as I would have liked to. I'm too worn out in so many ways. The trial is likely to be a bust anyway. My lawyer said not to worry, that I know these settlement terms better than he does, that I know every word in them. I suppose he's correct, but we have differing views. He thinks I'm obsessed, I think it's my only son and the most important 14 years of his life. How can I take that too seriously?
Monday 4 am: I'm still up, feel like crap. Preped a page of talking points. Add that to my two outstanding settlement terms faxes and I feel a little more ready. Ready for what, probably to sit out in the hall like a jackass, not helping, but not hurting my case by having a poor (but honest) performance. Didn't do a full analysis on my financial or MOU (memo of understanding for litigation strategy). Not so worried, her lawyer wants to delay financials, she's an idiot, that just gives me a chance to go to CDFP/CPA and sharpen the numbers, it was generous, because I was too tired to fight but pushing this pain through the holidays (no accident) is gonna cost her if that's the fuckin game she wants to play. As for the MOU, I trust the word of the senior partner for now. I'll do it after Monday when I feel a little relief, sometime when I don't have visitation and I'm staring at my four walls. Then my bases will be covered. God I hope the judge wakes up and kicks that lawyer's ass, she so has it coming.
Monday 8 am: I was going to get 4 hours sleep, but only had 3 when I got a wakeup call from my lawyer wanting to know how I'm doing. Just f--kin peachy. He already knows my son is staying home from school, my wife didn't tell me, I guessed it because my son was awake at 10pm when I called. He knew from the Guardian who talked to my wife yesterday. So that will be sufficient to excuse her from court.
Now my wife is claiming she can't do anything agreeable with the parenting plan because she is afraid of her lawyer. What BS, from a woman who gives shit to anybody, hiding behind her lawyers skirt. It will be interesting if her lawyer sells her out and says it was all my wife's idea. That's what she told my last lawyer when I was prepared to file an ethics violation against my wife's lawyer.
I said I needed a signed agreement today to allow me to have my son treated without her permission. He wasn't sure if he could get that. I was quite pissed.
So off I go for my acting debut, be in the holiday spirit, show them what a great Dad you are. BIC be damned. Ho, Ho, Ho, boy does this system blow.
Last post before I go... Wish me luck, skill and justice have nothing to do with it.
========== COMPOSED AT THE COURTHOUSE ==========
Monday 5 pm: Well I'm finally back home and logged on. I was making entries on my laptop while I was in the court house. Now I'll upload them chronologically without changing their content. I'm posting this quickly so I can see my son and may do a little cleanup latter.
===================
Monday 11 am: This morning my lawyer said it would only be an hour. So I'm wearing dark dress pants, white dress shirt, my festive but conservative tie with OSU colors and small Santas. I smile & nod politely, with a hearty friendly hello. I shake the judges hand and wish him a pleasant holiday. I really would prefer a stunt double, this is so unnatural. Not because I'm not a friendly person, I am - to my real friends. I don't enjoy giving or receiving patronizing remarks that are beyond courtesy and represent a complete lie. Is that so bad? Is it a requisite for the 21st century that we must all live in a phony world, constantly making up new lies and trying to remember them. This truly is the century of multitalents. Previously you just did your job and if you were good you'd be rewarded. Now you have vicious office politics, societal political correctness, the need to constantly sell something (idea, yourself, etc.), entrepreneurialism. May you live in interesting times, well at times you can overload on all these personalities. Have we all forgotten another important thing - moderation?
Monday 1 pm: So here I sit in the hall, more than 2 hours later. What do I see, her lawyer red marking the document that already had her acceptable changes. Earlier she came out and was easily heard complaining, how dare the Guardian talk to her client. Well that is her right to protect the BIC. When the Guardian makes a decision or supports a complaint against me it's fine, but when she finally sees the light and complements me on being cooperative and then exercises her right to contact the other party, oh that's not OK. If it were slanted any further it would be vertical. When do you call it enough?
My mood is sinking. I am so concerned that the treadmill will never stop. I hate when my realism or skepticism on these matters is correct. Please come out, I need a pleasant surprise.
Monday 1:45 pm: So my lawyer comes out looks at me sitting there with my laptop, looks confused & says, I gotta talk to you and I gotta pee. I say well go, he says I wanted to talk to you while I pee. Now that's strange, and he called me strange when I brought a stapler in my briefcase to a meeting. I told him, I'm a guy and I don't invite others to go pee with me. Even for more socialable female rules, would that be OK?
I hurried to find my laptop lock cable, but he got back before I was all done securing it to the court bench (OK, I didn't hurry). He says my wife's lawyer made all kinds of changes but they were not substantive, well I've heard that bullshit before, so we'll have to see. I've got my flash drive and my compare tools so I can make a quick determination.
If she's gonna do all these silly changes, I at least need to reformat this doc with auto numbering, page breaks and table of contents. These provide a practical value when dealing with a reference document.
Monday 2 pm: The guardian came out, she says the parenting plan is done. I'm confused, I thought it was done last week, what doneness was added in the last 3 hours ($2400)? They are waiting to talk to the Judge. Waiting... A sheriff walks by, he does a double take on my extension cord and laptop charger plugged in. He slows down and stares at my laptop, "Hello Officer", he walks by. Hey if you're gonna keep me here so long, my battery doesn't last all day. Finally an hour later my lawyer says I can pack up and go. So where are things?
Her lawyer made all kinds of miscellaneous changes that should not have been necessary (for $2500, BIC of course). Then she will show it to my wife tomorrow (more money) and make more changes and then we'll see if it is still OK. I did not get my Christmas schedule yet, the lawyers are hoping my wife agrees to the full parental agreement with expanded Holiday time for me. I'm hoping for a million bucks to fall out of the sky and land at my feet, and that's more likely. Seems as likely as a green sunrise. I said why wait take care of it now. No we'll wait for something unlikely and then my lawyer will issue an emergency motion (just like I asked for last year and was told they didn't do those, somebody's lying).
As for financials there was so much ink on that I couldn't see the original document, so I have a meeting on Wednesday to review that. But like I said, I'm taking it to a CPA, these lawyers aren't too good with math. When he gets done, she'll wish she hadn't asked any questions.
============== LIVE COMPOSITION ==============
Monday 3 pm: The lawyer tells me everybody was impressed with the new artificial me, smiling and talking to these people who've been screwing me for 2 years, wearing a Santa tie. Wow no complaints and you are deemed a perfect parent. So, while I'm driving home, I call my wife to see how my son is and tell her I'd like to visit. Well he vomited again today and he's sleeping now, then she'll give him something to drink at 5 or so, then he'll go back to bed so I can't see him. You can see him Thursday, well, that would be my Holiday time anyway.
She's playing ignorant, although it's believable, because she could give a hoot about court orders so I can believe that she hadn't read the document. In fact, in the hall today, I quoted a possibly troublesome phrase, my lawyer looked at me as if he didn't know it was in there, I told him which section (from memory), then I showed him the exact reference, section, subsection, and page. I know the document better than anyone, I have the most vested in it, my wife has every protection she could want in it, so why be familiar with the details.
Monday 4:15 pm: Pick up pizza, lawyer called back to schedule a meeting to conflict with my Holiday visitation that is in the document that only I seem to know about. So he reschedules for Wed. I complained that I need the Holiday schedule, my son has grandparents and an Uncle & cousin that would like to see him and they can't leave their holiday wide open just because I married a bitch. We'll wait till after tomorrow he repeats like a broken record.
Monday 7 pm: Heard from my son, tired, worn out. Maybe she'll take him to the doctor tomorrow. She's not going to meet with her lawyer or have him leave the house, so that means the Christmas Schedule is unlikely, and missing another day of visitation is likely.
Monday 9 pm: So to summarize, the big day is a bust. Instead of a marathon, last day of trial, it's a big breath of hot air doing nothing but adding to more legal bills. Now that it is no longer perceived to me my fault (it never was), I don't see a lot of push yet. So I guess we'll schedule trial day # 5, for another $5K. What a waste.
So we've now come to the end of this marathon post. I thought it would be interesting to capture the micro changes during this count down. It was supposed to be the end of the trial, that would have been a worthwhile count down, instead it was a count down to further frustration.
Status: Active Draft was updated throughout the weekend -
Being cleaned up - last update: 12/19 1:50 am
No surprise, her lawyer won't respond, she's waiting for the trial day. The game is simple - the last person standing wins. So much for justice, it's all about endurance at game play.
That's her one trick, stonewall, raise the bar, lie. Use the "justice" system to wear out the opponent, so she wins by default, not because she should win, but because she plays the game better.
It's all about the game.
There is no room for justice.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friday afternoon: Still waiting for word from my lawyer for status & prep for Monday...
Friday 3:30 pm: Finally get the call. No word from anyone. Lawyer gets pissed at me, he wants more info & time from me but can't get my wife's cooperation. I gotta give, give, give, she just gets to abuse me and my son. Guess it's time to call the senior partner again...
Friday night: You know these a--hole lawyers are almost as bad as my bitch wife. If everything isn't easy, if they need to actually work for their money they get all huffy & shit. And with all the shit I take from my wife, I should take more from the whiney lawyer. Happy to take the $300 but don't ask them to work for it. That is bulls--t.
Fri/Sat Midnight: She called. My son was in/out of doctors all day and in the hospital last night (I was with him, long story for next week) and she returned my call to tell me how he was. So I asked what about the Christmas schedule, lets wait until after court. I told her why not do the right thing for our son, Christmas is the same time every year, what does the court and a whole bunch of strangers who could possibly give 2 shits matter for our son's Christmas. Well it's covered in the parenting plan to be argued Monday she says. Well the first part of the plan that no one has argued about says to do the right thing for my son. So forget the rest and lets do what everyone has agreed on - the right thing.
NO! she says as she hangs up. Her typical response.
Sat after midnight: Gosh, what a mood change - you must be wondering why? Besides no Christmas visitation agreement (just like last year) my wife thought it would be in the best interest of our child (BIC) to expose him to a terrible stomach illness rather than leave him with me for a few days. My son's non-stop vomiting for 30+ hours caused him to need IV liquids to sustain his life. That does tend to sour your mood.
For more frosting on the cake, my whiney lawyer sarcastically asks if I'd like to pay him to fix the screwed up court system. How about you do your [f--king] job and work around the system like your opponent - [a--hole]?
I'd have to be in a coma to ignore this shit. I know I should react differently, not allow it to effect me, but first I'm human, and second I am so saturated, so tired of non-stop shit for 2 years. I need it to stop, it must stop. I'm being driven to take more forceful action on this issue. And that's the whole fuckin point of the game, someone must crack. It won't be her, she's got everything - my son, my money, no stress, even the whole damn society gender bias behind her. Why on earth should she crack? Put her in my shoes for a week and she'd be in a padded room.
I am sincerely grateful for the support I get, but how can that compete with all of her advantages and a system that won't stop her abuse of me? Is it not the very definition of hopeless?
Saturday 3 am: Great diversion (sarcasm) thanks to Blogger Bugs. Their wonderful editor screwed up my HTML because I kept getting "lost connect" warnings while typing and it wasn't obvious where the errors were. Well it screwed it but good. Thanks to a great tool I have - PSPad, I found about 5 bad HTML violations, with line and column numbers and suggested fixes. It also has an automatic tag matching feature, click a tag and the matching paired tag gets hightlighted.
Saturday 8:30 am: Her lawyer just can't stop playing games. She calls my lawyer Friday after 6pm with a new stunt for Monday. God this lady either thinks a lot of herself or thinks she's made of total Teflon. There is no end to her stunts. They aren't creative or clever, they're just non-stop. I found this out because my lawyer called this morning to apologize for his tirade and promise to get a Christmas schedule from the Guardian before Monday. Well it's about time don't ya think? He also went over his new game plan to deal with her stunt and to ask my patience in playing it. Where to sit, what to say, what BS, this is what makes a parent? Trouble with your marriage, better get to Joe's Court Acting Academy before you file for divorce. My strength is in technology, math, science, not as a thespian. Boy have I screwed up.
Saturday 11 am: How ironic, I was at risk for contempt for showing my true feelings for the court, now my wife's lawyer's stunt is so blatant that it could actually get her in trouble. Now what's the etiquette here, am I under any obligation to bail her sorry ass out? Is it better to take my son to visit her or maybe just make up an excuse that she had to visit someone? Is it bad that I should joke about what she planned for me? My lawyer is much happier now, this stunt makes his job easier.
Saturday 11 pm: I got a chance to see my son, he can only eat a little light food, he's sleep deprived and cranky, but he's been through a lot since Wednesday. Hopefully he'll actually eat a meal tomorrow. He's dropped weight too. Between the lawyer and him and the all night hospital, I'm kinda wiped out too. So far I'm not showing signs of picking up what he and his mom had. Hopefully I sleep better tonight, I need a sharp mind for trial prep. It's real unclear now whether her lawyer's stunt will derail the trial date or if the judge will use his power to get past it and go forward. I guess if I'm lucky enough, the judge could get real pissed at the stunt and render a default judgment in my favor. Anything short of that will still leave me under more pressure than I'm up to after all this time. It is possible, because this stunt is considered a no-no.
Sunday 5:30 pm: I found out that my son's vomiting restarted yesterday. I was puzzled on how that could occur given the medicine prescribed at the hospital. Oh, she says, he was doing well, I didn't fill it. Another day goes by without any significant food. Now she has an excuse for not showing up tomorrow and delaying this case into 2007. The original excuse was that her lawyer was afraid she would get sick from my wife. Now she can say that she had to take care of my son. Such a noble gesture considering she made him sick because she refused to allow him to stay with me while she was sick, and she decided to ignore the hospital's Rx. Oh but how crass of me to question her actions. Maybe two years of criticism for every action I take in my son's interest is making me crass. I suppose so.
Sunday 6 pm: I got my required hair cut this afternoon as advised by my lawyer. How do you want it cut? Cut for court, conservative, off the ears, collar, just a little longer than a military cut. I'm supposed to make holiday small talk to the court officers. Hmm, well I'll have to make it up. Not because they aren't my friends and I find it hypocritical to give them more than a head nod (which is certainly true), but because of their prejudice against me.
If I was talking to any of my friends, I'd describe how my son and I looked at his broken headphones and I described how to take them apart, desolder the broken wire, strip it, check polarity, and resolder it. I use a cold heat soldering tool, it will not heat unless it is touching metal, so if you touch it, chance of burn is slim. His maternal grandfather, on the other hand, uses a well worn traditional soldering iron that stays hot, uses a much higher voltage and if not held properly could shock and burn you at the same time. The people I am to make small talk to don't understand the difference between my uncaring/unsafe father-in-law and myself.
My son did so well with his electric project kit for his birthday, that I'm thinking he's ready for the full or advanced kit. I'm afraid to give it to him while the litigation is open for fear of it being called a "dumb" move as nearly everything I've tried to do (you've seen my scary tip postings) for his benefit. If it were up to them he'd be in a plastic bubble, without even art paper or puzzles for fear of a paper cut. So I'll have to make some things up, safe things, things that can't be criticized. Things that sell myself short as a Father playing down my role and unique value as a Father. And they don't understand my frustration. Do you?
Sunday 10 pm: End of day check on my son, he vomited again today, on applesauce. I think he needs to go back to the doctor, but since I need to be play acting in court while Ms Clueless takes him in, not much will be accomplished. I'd take him, but the doctors may not recognize my parental rights. Once anyone (doctor, school, police) knows there is divorce litigation, they take an arms length approach to the NCP/NRP (father), of course BIC.
Sunday 11:30 pm: OK, I'll answer yesterday's questions seriously. I'll call her parents and they can put up the money to bail her out. I'll make up an excuse so my son doesn't know she's in jail. Since she tried getting me thrown in jail, I can't get too teary eyed if she got what's coming to her. But of course that would never happen, it's all a fantasy, to relieve the pressure of the unfairness of it all, my second class parental status. She's Teflon, she's favored, nothing will happen to her, regardless of how outrageous her abuse of the system or my son. Opinion? No, repeatedly observed fact! Am I negative, fatalistic? No, to expect it to be different without anything else changing is the definition of mental illness. I am realistic. I do make my meager efforts to inject change in this screwed up system, with some limited success. It's the best I can do. It's all I can do. As for sleeping better, didn't happen.
Monday 1 am: Well I should call it end of day, maybe I'll get more than 2-3 hours sleep tonight, maybe not? Wish me luck, I need to do a good job. Help me lie, Bullshit, act, pretend, be hypocritical just like the system, to prove to them that I am a good Father who deserves to see his son on Christmas.
Ya see, I've been found guilty of the highest crime in court, being a poor litigant, a free thinker, an exerciser of free speech, which makes me a bad person in the eyes of the court and all that work there. There is no room for honesty or justice. It is a system of status quo, of ancient tradition, beliefs, and ceremony. It is a system more interested in disposing of case load than solving problems. There is no room for constructive criticism, for change, for any improvement. I live in industry, a place of continuous change and improvement. I might as well live on Mars, I am a fish out of water, unable to survive on the foreign inhospitable landscape of the court. It's lies, ineffectiveness, and hypocrisy make me sick.
Monday 2 am: I didn't prepare as I would have liked to. I'm too worn out in so many ways. The trial is likely to be a bust anyway. My lawyer said not to worry, that I know these settlement terms better than he does, that I know every word in them. I suppose he's correct, but we have differing views. He thinks I'm obsessed, I think it's my only son and the most important 14 years of his life. How can I take that too seriously?
Monday 4 am: I'm still up, feel like crap. Preped a page of talking points. Add that to my two outstanding settlement terms faxes and I feel a little more ready. Ready for what, probably to sit out in the hall like a jackass, not helping, but not hurting my case by having a poor (but honest) performance. Didn't do a full analysis on my financial or MOU (memo of understanding for litigation strategy). Not so worried, her lawyer wants to delay financials, she's an idiot, that just gives me a chance to go to CDFP/CPA and sharpen the numbers, it was generous, because I was too tired to fight but pushing this pain through the holidays (no accident) is gonna cost her if that's the fuckin game she wants to play. As for the MOU, I trust the word of the senior partner for now. I'll do it after Monday when I feel a little relief, sometime when I don't have visitation and I'm staring at my four walls. Then my bases will be covered. God I hope the judge wakes up and kicks that lawyer's ass, she so has it coming.
Monday 8 am: I was going to get 4 hours sleep, but only had 3 when I got a wakeup call from my lawyer wanting to know how I'm doing. Just f--kin peachy. He already knows my son is staying home from school, my wife didn't tell me, I guessed it because my son was awake at 10pm when I called. He knew from the Guardian who talked to my wife yesterday. So that will be sufficient to excuse her from court.
Now my wife is claiming she can't do anything agreeable with the parenting plan because she is afraid of her lawyer. What BS, from a woman who gives shit to anybody, hiding behind her lawyers skirt. It will be interesting if her lawyer sells her out and says it was all my wife's idea. That's what she told my last lawyer when I was prepared to file an ethics violation against my wife's lawyer.
I said I needed a signed agreement today to allow me to have my son treated without her permission. He wasn't sure if he could get that. I was quite pissed.
So off I go for my acting debut, be in the holiday spirit, show them what a great Dad you are. BIC be damned. Ho, Ho, Ho, boy does this system blow.
Last post before I go... Wish me luck, skill and justice have nothing to do with it.
========== COMPOSED AT THE COURTHOUSE ==========
Monday 5 pm: Well I'm finally back home and logged on. I was making entries on my laptop while I was in the court house. Now I'll upload them chronologically without changing their content. I'm posting this quickly so I can see my son and may do a little cleanup latter.
===================
Monday 11 am: This morning my lawyer said it would only be an hour. So I'm wearing dark dress pants, white dress shirt, my festive but conservative tie with OSU colors and small Santas. I smile & nod politely, with a hearty friendly hello. I shake the judges hand and wish him a pleasant holiday. I really would prefer a stunt double, this is so unnatural. Not because I'm not a friendly person, I am - to my real friends. I don't enjoy giving or receiving patronizing remarks that are beyond courtesy and represent a complete lie. Is that so bad? Is it a requisite for the 21st century that we must all live in a phony world, constantly making up new lies and trying to remember them. This truly is the century of multitalents. Previously you just did your job and if you were good you'd be rewarded. Now you have vicious office politics, societal political correctness, the need to constantly sell something (idea, yourself, etc.), entrepreneurialism. May you live in interesting times, well at times you can overload on all these personalities. Have we all forgotten another important thing - moderation?
Monday 1 pm: So here I sit in the hall, more than 2 hours later. What do I see, her lawyer red marking the document that already had her acceptable changes. Earlier she came out and was easily heard complaining, how dare the Guardian talk to her client. Well that is her right to protect the BIC. When the Guardian makes a decision or supports a complaint against me it's fine, but when she finally sees the light and complements me on being cooperative and then exercises her right to contact the other party, oh that's not OK. If it were slanted any further it would be vertical. When do you call it enough?
My mood is sinking. I am so concerned that the treadmill will never stop. I hate when my realism or skepticism on these matters is correct. Please come out, I need a pleasant surprise.
Monday 1:45 pm: So my lawyer comes out looks at me sitting there with my laptop, looks confused & says, I gotta talk to you and I gotta pee. I say well go, he says I wanted to talk to you while I pee. Now that's strange, and he called me strange when I brought a stapler in my briefcase to a meeting. I told him, I'm a guy and I don't invite others to go pee with me. Even for more socialable female rules, would that be OK?
I hurried to find my laptop lock cable, but he got back before I was all done securing it to the court bench (OK, I didn't hurry). He says my wife's lawyer made all kinds of changes but they were not substantive, well I've heard that bullshit before, so we'll have to see. I've got my flash drive and my compare tools so I can make a quick determination.
If she's gonna do all these silly changes, I at least need to reformat this doc with auto numbering, page breaks and table of contents. These provide a practical value when dealing with a reference document.
Monday 2 pm: The guardian came out, she says the parenting plan is done. I'm confused, I thought it was done last week, what doneness was added in the last 3 hours ($2400)? They are waiting to talk to the Judge. Waiting... A sheriff walks by, he does a double take on my extension cord and laptop charger plugged in. He slows down and stares at my laptop, "Hello Officer", he walks by. Hey if you're gonna keep me here so long, my battery doesn't last all day. Finally an hour later my lawyer says I can pack up and go. So where are things?
Her lawyer made all kinds of miscellaneous changes that should not have been necessary (for $2500, BIC of course). Then she will show it to my wife tomorrow (more money) and make more changes and then we'll see if it is still OK. I did not get my Christmas schedule yet, the lawyers are hoping my wife agrees to the full parental agreement with expanded Holiday time for me. I'm hoping for a million bucks to fall out of the sky and land at my feet, and that's more likely. Seems as likely as a green sunrise. I said why wait take care of it now. No we'll wait for something unlikely and then my lawyer will issue an emergency motion (just like I asked for last year and was told they didn't do those, somebody's lying).
As for financials there was so much ink on that I couldn't see the original document, so I have a meeting on Wednesday to review that. But like I said, I'm taking it to a CPA, these lawyers aren't too good with math. When he gets done, she'll wish she hadn't asked any questions.
============== LIVE COMPOSITION ==============
Monday 3 pm: The lawyer tells me everybody was impressed with the new artificial me, smiling and talking to these people who've been screwing me for 2 years, wearing a Santa tie. Wow no complaints and you are deemed a perfect parent. So, while I'm driving home, I call my wife to see how my son is and tell her I'd like to visit. Well he vomited again today and he's sleeping now, then she'll give him something to drink at 5 or so, then he'll go back to bed so I can't see him. You can see him Thursday, well, that would be my Holiday time anyway.
She's playing ignorant, although it's believable, because she could give a hoot about court orders so I can believe that she hadn't read the document. In fact, in the hall today, I quoted a possibly troublesome phrase, my lawyer looked at me as if he didn't know it was in there, I told him which section (from memory), then I showed him the exact reference, section, subsection, and page. I know the document better than anyone, I have the most vested in it, my wife has every protection she could want in it, so why be familiar with the details.
Monday 4:15 pm: Pick up pizza, lawyer called back to schedule a meeting to conflict with my Holiday visitation that is in the document that only I seem to know about. So he reschedules for Wed. I complained that I need the Holiday schedule, my son has grandparents and an Uncle & cousin that would like to see him and they can't leave their holiday wide open just because I married a bitch. We'll wait till after tomorrow he repeats like a broken record.
Monday 7 pm: Heard from my son, tired, worn out. Maybe she'll take him to the doctor tomorrow. She's not going to meet with her lawyer or have him leave the house, so that means the Christmas Schedule is unlikely, and missing another day of visitation is likely.
Monday 9 pm: So to summarize, the big day is a bust. Instead of a marathon, last day of trial, it's a big breath of hot air doing nothing but adding to more legal bills. Now that it is no longer perceived to me my fault (it never was), I don't see a lot of push yet. So I guess we'll schedule trial day # 5, for another $5K. What a waste.
So we've now come to the end of this marathon post. I thought it would be interesting to capture the micro changes during this count down. It was supposed to be the end of the trial, that would have been a worthwhile count down, instead it was a count down to further frustration.
Status: Active Draft was updated throughout the weekend -
Being cleaned up - last update: 12/19 1:50 am
Monday, December 11, 2006
Big Day Bias
The final day of the Phase II trial is the last opportunity for settlement before the next phase begins. The Phase III trial will involve witness, experts, court reporters, swearing in (finally no lies, at least in theory).
There is tremendous pressure to settle to avoid the formal trial. In the case of my judge, that involves as much as 16 hours of non-stop pressure. But it doesn't start on a clean slate, with the equal balance of justice. It starts where we left off, advantage plaintiff (I'm the defendant), all lies intact, gender bias on full (who needs dad anyway?), etc.
So how does it work, give & take, fairest, best justified position wins? Are you kidding, why start now. It is simply an endurance test, who can hold out longer, who can lie convincingly, who cracks first and calls this for what it is - BullS--t.
Hmm, well all things being equal. What the hell am I saying? Equal? As defendant, underdog, and unneeded gender, I've been going through hell for 2 years. It's all I can do to arrive at court without a suitcase of C4. A top Hollywood acting skill would be insufficient to maintain calm. Maybe I can get an Rx to zone me out, so I don't tell anybody what I think of their piece of shit system, but I still need a sharp mind to make decisions on the settlement terms.
It's gonna be one long shitty day, that's for sure. I can only hope that I can keep it together and come out OK. I say OK, because I've already had to concede to supervised visitation for 3 months and the "shared" parenting plan is slanted as far in her direction as possible. But it was either that or go for a full Phase III trial and start from the beginning.
I'll give you a quick update on how it went next Tue 12/19/06 as soon as I can.
Status: Draft - Last update 1/8 4 am
There is tremendous pressure to settle to avoid the formal trial. In the case of my judge, that involves as much as 16 hours of non-stop pressure. But it doesn't start on a clean slate, with the equal balance of justice. It starts where we left off, advantage plaintiff (I'm the defendant), all lies intact, gender bias on full (who needs dad anyway?), etc.
So how does it work, give & take, fairest, best justified position wins? Are you kidding, why start now. It is simply an endurance test, who can hold out longer, who can lie convincingly, who cracks first and calls this for what it is - BullS--t.
Hmm, well all things being equal. What the hell am I saying? Equal? As defendant, underdog, and unneeded gender, I've been going through hell for 2 years. It's all I can do to arrive at court without a suitcase of C4. A top Hollywood acting skill would be insufficient to maintain calm. Maybe I can get an Rx to zone me out, so I don't tell anybody what I think of their piece of shit system, but I still need a sharp mind to make decisions on the settlement terms.
It's gonna be one long shitty day, that's for sure. I can only hope that I can keep it together and come out OK. I say OK, because I've already had to concede to supervised visitation for 3 months and the "shared" parenting plan is slanted as far in her direction as possible. But it was either that or go for a full Phase III trial and start from the beginning.
I'll give you a quick update on how it went next Tue 12/19/06 as soon as I can.
Status: Draft - Last update 1/8 4 am
Sunday, December 10, 2006
And now we wait...
My part of Plan B is done, so Plan B is in play. Odds are the one trick pony (my wife's lawyer) will do what she always does, wait till the last minute and go for the full court press (nice basketball pun). We're in trial mode, but no court reporters, so opposing counsel can continue her lies.
But behind the scenes important parties are growing tired of these antics. Her trick has been that I won't concede to her unreasonable demands. She has lied/bluffed that she has no problem allowing me access to my son with the assumption that I will not agree to her demands. Well I can't, I was advised not to because of how bad the terms were; but through some crafty language, some oversights on her part, and with behind the scenes support building, it was brought to a form I did accept (given much lowered expectations). So now her bluff will be called and she will have to justify further delays, not just to me, but to the wider support base that has been built.
The final Phase II Trial date is scheduled for just over a week from now. The judge has quite a reputation for pulling a hard line to force settlement in Phase II before a full Phase III trial is scheduled. I have been warned by several lawyers to expect that this could last up to 16 hours with few breaks, sometimes without a dinner break.
I still have lots of preparation activities. So in just over a week we'll see how the "game" will be played out.
Status: Finalized 12/12 1am
But behind the scenes important parties are growing tired of these antics. Her trick has been that I won't concede to her unreasonable demands. She has lied/bluffed that she has no problem allowing me access to my son with the assumption that I will not agree to her demands. Well I can't, I was advised not to because of how bad the terms were; but through some crafty language, some oversights on her part, and with behind the scenes support building, it was brought to a form I did accept (given much lowered expectations). So now her bluff will be called and she will have to justify further delays, not just to me, but to the wider support base that has been built.
The final Phase II Trial date is scheduled for just over a week from now. The judge has quite a reputation for pulling a hard line to force settlement in Phase II before a full Phase III trial is scheduled. I have been warned by several lawyers to expect that this could last up to 16 hours with few breaks, sometimes without a dinner break.
I still have lots of preparation activities. So in just over a week we'll see how the "game" will be played out.
Status: Finalized 12/12 1am
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Glad that's over
We reached a verdict and it's a relief, now back to the grind, call up my lawyer tomorrow.
This has been my fourth call to jury duty. I'd say I always took it more seriously than average, but my last two years in the justice system have added to my concern.
I have found that many people look for "reasonable doubt" and while there is a presumption of innocence, I've always had some concern for the victim. I've also found people saying they could decide if they had this or that, which of course is against the judicial instructions. I'm not bashful in calling another juror on this, in fact, I've even called in a judge to re-instruct the jury if I see people blatantly ignoring the instructions.
So if you take things seriously, jury duty can be a significant responsibility. But if you also know how flawed the system is, it can be downright disconcerting.
So what do I get? A poorly prosecuted, very serious, multi-felony case. The most important witnesses, alleged victim and defendant, were both clearly lying. I wanted to find the detective and prosecutor guilty. Our county court is the busiest in the entire state, our judge was handling over 500 pending cases. There are hundreds on staff in the prosecutors office.
The defendant was poor, naive, and likely didn't hire his lawyer. He lucked out, he had a very good lawyer. I wonder how things would have turned out if that had not have been the case.
It was admitted by both sides that some of the elements of the crime had occurred. So now we're on fine technicalities, was the alleged victim a party to it or not.
The jury's first response, poor prosecution, not proven 100%. Whoa nelly, that is not reasonable doubt. I lobby the jurors, we spent three days in trial, let's not be hasty. I remember a trial that let someone off for poor prosecution, we found out shortly after the trial about evidence that was not admitted, a guilty guy walked. Let's be sure.
Here's the most crucial item required to convict, let's review each witness and each exhibit to see what it says. Witnesses were problematic, but the exhibits were revealing. A very reliable exhibit contradicted the prosecutor. That's rather disturbing. Then we found that the defendant had never been arrested for this crime. The alleged victim made a complaint, it was sent to a grand jury and he was indicted.
It's hard to summarize the week here, but in the end, in an effort to protect a potential victim, a defendant was on trial for multiple felonies.
Deja vu, in an effort to protect my son, unproven allegations are used to restrict his visitation with me.
Innocent until proven guilty, well that's the theory, but then humans, and reality get in the way.
I'm relieved, I'm satisfied, we found him not guilty, not from emotion, not from poor prosecution, not out of timidness to declare a guilty verdict, but by full and careful review of all the evidence, in context.
Anything less would be irresponsible and I will never sign a jury verdict form or a divorce decree without being responsible.
That's just me. That's my principle.
That's what separates me
from the rest of the animal kingdom.
This has been my fourth call to jury duty. I'd say I always took it more seriously than average, but my last two years in the justice system have added to my concern.
I have found that many people look for "reasonable doubt" and while there is a presumption of innocence, I've always had some concern for the victim. I've also found people saying they could decide if they had this or that, which of course is against the judicial instructions. I'm not bashful in calling another juror on this, in fact, I've even called in a judge to re-instruct the jury if I see people blatantly ignoring the instructions.
So if you take things seriously, jury duty can be a significant responsibility. But if you also know how flawed the system is, it can be downright disconcerting.
So what do I get? A poorly prosecuted, very serious, multi-felony case. The most important witnesses, alleged victim and defendant, were both clearly lying. I wanted to find the detective and prosecutor guilty. Our county court is the busiest in the entire state, our judge was handling over 500 pending cases. There are hundreds on staff in the prosecutors office.
The defendant was poor, naive, and likely didn't hire his lawyer. He lucked out, he had a very good lawyer. I wonder how things would have turned out if that had not have been the case.
It was admitted by both sides that some of the elements of the crime had occurred. So now we're on fine technicalities, was the alleged victim a party to it or not.
The jury's first response, poor prosecution, not proven 100%. Whoa nelly, that is not reasonable doubt. I lobby the jurors, we spent three days in trial, let's not be hasty. I remember a trial that let someone off for poor prosecution, we found out shortly after the trial about evidence that was not admitted, a guilty guy walked. Let's be sure.
Here's the most crucial item required to convict, let's review each witness and each exhibit to see what it says. Witnesses were problematic, but the exhibits were revealing. A very reliable exhibit contradicted the prosecutor. That's rather disturbing. Then we found that the defendant had never been arrested for this crime. The alleged victim made a complaint, it was sent to a grand jury and he was indicted.
It's hard to summarize the week here, but in the end, in an effort to protect a potential victim, a defendant was on trial for multiple felonies.
Deja vu, in an effort to protect my son, unproven allegations are used to restrict his visitation with me.
Innocent until proven guilty, well that's the theory, but then humans, and reality get in the way.
I'm relieved, I'm satisfied, we found him not guilty, not from emotion, not from poor prosecution, not out of timidness to declare a guilty verdict, but by full and careful review of all the evidence, in context.
Anything less would be irresponsible and I will never sign a jury verdict form or a divorce decree without being responsible.
That's just me. That's my principle.
That's what separates me
from the rest of the animal kingdom.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
My son will be blogging
Since I've been in high end data center support for 30 years, I am fascinated by what they are teaching children these days. So in this week's 2nd grade newsletter, my son's teacher announced that the class and each student had been registered with a Blog to discuss various class assignments and post their writing journal assignments.
My computer illiterate wife (she uses one for work and match.com) is like, "you help him with that". Thankfully she knows nothing of my Blog.
I can't wait till I get some visitation (only getting 2 hours and I have to feed him & make sure he does his home work in that time, not much time left), hopefully next week & I can help him with it.
My computer illiterate wife (she uses one for work and match.com) is like, "you help him with that". Thankfully she knows nothing of my Blog.
I can't wait till I get some visitation (only getting 2 hours and I have to feed him & make sure he does his home work in that time, not much time left), hopefully next week & I can help him with it.
Competing Emotions
You already know that this divorce process and in particular the very contentious parenting plan consume a tremendous amount of emotional energy. Jury duty this week is taking more than half of my very limited visitation. So when was I going to work on Plan B, by giving up the rest of a visitation half day?
And as I said in the previous post, she's giving me grief on the makeup time.
Then frosting on the cake, my number gets called, a very serious multi-felony case. Oh boy, how can a concentrate on all the competing interests. Call my lawyer, give him the update. He says, gotta put Plan B on hold, it's in good hands. They understand me now, call him when I'm off the case.
I feel relief now, I'm fully concentrating on the case, confident that the rest is under control. This is my fourth call to jury duty and I take the job very seriously, so I wouldn't feel right unless I could dedicate the proper amount of attention to it. If you don't hear from me it will be because I'm stuck in deliberations.
And as I said in the previous post, she's giving me grief on the makeup time.
Then frosting on the cake, my number gets called, a very serious multi-felony case. Oh boy, how can a concentrate on all the competing interests. Call my lawyer, give him the update. He says, gotta put Plan B on hold, it's in good hands. They understand me now, call him when I'm off the case.
I feel relief now, I'm fully concentrating on the case, confident that the rest is under control. This is my fourth call to jury duty and I take the job very seriously, so I wouldn't feel right unless I could dedicate the proper amount of attention to it. If you don't hear from me it will be because I'm stuck in deliberations.
Plan B Update
Well my wife has been making things difficult, breaking even her version of the weakened agreement. She won't commit to makeup time for my missed visitation for jury duty nor the Christmas holiday's. She pulled yet another stunt on Friday, just when I was supposed to meet on the Plan B update.
It was early morning when my son was going to school. I got so pissed I called each phone number right down the line at my lawyers firm. Well guess who was in the office early. Yup, the senior partner. So I tell him of the latest and how can anything get done. He calls me a Fatalist, I said, Oh no, I've had years to ponder this question and I am being realistic. He says, OK, let me think about these new items and I'll get back to you.
So at the end of the day I get a call, reschedule the meeting, we're going to strengthen Plan B to address your concerns.
I'm being heard. Great...
It was early morning when my son was going to school. I got so pissed I called each phone number right down the line at my lawyers firm. Well guess who was in the office early. Yup, the senior partner. So I tell him of the latest and how can anything get done. He calls me a Fatalist, I said, Oh no, I've had years to ponder this question and I am being realistic. He says, OK, let me think about these new items and I'll get back to you.
So at the end of the day I get a call, reschedule the meeting, we're going to strengthen Plan B to address your concerns.
I'm being heard. Great...
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