What a difference a generation makes…

When I was growing up, I remember my parents or grandparents telling me stories of the old days without this or that. The stories seemed almost unbelievable to my young mind.

My parents told me of a time without TV. I remember when all TV was black and white and the first color TV we had. I remember the first VCRs. You could tape your favorite programs, you had to program in a bunch of parameters to tape it, you had to watch for repeats, you had to change the programming when the TV schedule changed.

Well now, there is TIVO. You don’t watch channels, you don’t care about when the program is on or if the schedule changes, you don’t get repeats. TIVO takes care of it. You tell it the types of programs you like, it finds the channel and time and you replay from hard disk at your convenience. Great educational programming on Travel,. History, Discovery, and The Learning Channels and so many more. This way my son can actually watch quality shows in our limited time. I’ll get the complaint “Dad it won’t fast forward”, “Sorry you’re watching that show live”. Back in the old days we had to watch all shows live. One day my son just made his own remote.

As a young boy, I remember my Uncle’s darkroom, he was a photojournalist. I remember his safe lights, his big medium format equipment, prints hanging on a line to dry. In college, I started into 35mm photography in a big way. I have darkroom equipment for BW and color printing.

Since my son was small, I’ve used a digital camera. Since he was little he’s seen the digital camera and often asks me to see the shot. Occasionally when he sees his grandparents ot me use a 35mm camera he asks, how come I can’t see the picture. I’ve been exposing him to more advanced photography, using a tripod to make a steady shot or to get in the shot, when to use flash. One of these days we’ll have to shoot with my higher powered 35mm stuff.

The little silver camera in the middle is my older 3 MP digital camera surrounded by my two black 35mm cameras, one with wide angle and the other with a mirror telephoto (small telescope). Notice the size of the 35mm flash head next to the small flash on the digital camera. This 35mm outfit can still give any digital a run for it’s money. It’s a lot bulkier and heavier though. Someday I’ll replace it with a DSLR.

And to think how I reacted to the stories of the old days, and now I find myself talking about the old days. Time marches on...

Really good sock missing

Five minutes after my wife picked up my son, my cell rings. I know it’s her, I have a special ring tone. Not part of the text msg generation, but custom ring tones are handy. My land line phones even have it, not as fancy with songs, but different tones based on caller ID & local phonebook.

Lot’s of snow out, just walking one house over from the bus stop my son manages to find all the deep spots. So he’s all wet. Even though he never spends a whole day with me, I do have several spare sets of clothing for him. So he changes into dry clothes and I put his wet clothes in a bag.

She called to ask me to find a missing sock. She just bought them and they’re good socks. Actually that’s good, his socks seemed all stretched out. But what’s the emergency, if I had the sock I’d see it.

I sent him back with all but one sock and with a full set of nice clothing, much better than he went to school with. I don’t know what to make of it. Is she anal retrentive, worried that I would sell the new sock?

I’ve got an idea, instead of thinking about socks; why not reconsider the lying harassment that is costing my son tens of thousands in legal fees? How many socks can we buy with a divorce? Hard question. How many socks can we buy with a single hour of one lawyer? I’m still not sure, the price for a pair of socks is round-off error. I have bigger fish to fry.

Help me with this one. How can she worry about a pair of socks? She was irritated when I said I didn’t think I had it, it must be stuck in his pants. Is the divorce and its costs just round off to her? Is she the opposite of me? Is it reasonable? A bit strange?

Or is she just f—kin nuts?

Nutritious?

So my son has a snow day and I get to see him a little bit early. My visitation was cut back 30 minutes (to 7 pm) so my son could go to bed earlier. I thought kids went to bed later as they got older (seven years old). My niece is 2 years younger and she goes to bed later.

I get to see him earlier despite it being one of those things my lawyer didn’t think to slip in when they took away the 30 minutes. Luckily I did think to slip it in and they left it alone, since most days he’s in school and I can’t get him at 2 pm.

Hundreds of dollars per hour and they can’t think of that. Why? Because you’ve got to care, to be interested, to give two shits.

So my wife brings him over at 2 pm, he runs into the house, and she hands me a Burger King bag. Yep, he hadn’t eaten lunch yet at 2 pm. She got him a cheeseburger & fries (hey why not the healthy option of applesauce or apple slices?). She did get him milk.

Doesn’t sound like a big deal, a little fast food now and then doesn’t hurt. But this is coming from my wife, who accused me in court of not feeding him or feeding him unhealthy food. This false accusation was broadcast loudly among all the court officers.

Now, I’m no executive chef (one lives next door), but I can do more than boil water. Puleeeze, I can feed myself, and my son knows how to open the refrigerator. There are plenty of foods that are not hard to prepare.

So let’s compare. Burger, fries, milk from the nutritious nut (aka wife). For dinner at my house (aka the unhealthy male), yogurt, cottage cheese, roast beef with gravy on the side, corn, apple juice, a smoothie and chocolate pudding.

Guess he was hungry, he usually is when he comes over. Some of that seems like an odd combination, but he choose it and as long as its not bad, I let him have a variety. Whoa, he’ll get fat. Well actually he’s tall and skinny and he’ll stop when he’s full.

So what did my hundreds of dollar an hour lawyer say in my defense? “Well I feed my kids fast food and hot dogs”. Wow, with a defense like that no wonder I’m being screwed. When I found out my lawyer’s “defense”, I responded, “Well great for you, but I don’t feed my son that way. Why didn’t you tell them that it wasn’t true?”

Good question. Because lawyers don’t let the truth muddle their thoughts. It isn’t part of their game.

Finally a few photos

I guess I'm old school, I shoot digital but I use large memory cards and I easily get over 100 photos on a card. If I have an overbearing reason to take the card out early, I will, otherwise I'll leave it in for a while. When the card is 75% full or so I'll burn them to CD, copy them to disk, fix them with PhotoShop Elements, copy the ones I want to another directory, custom crop and resize with Infraview. Bunch of steps right now. I think I'm going to stream line it.

I had a post awhile ago titled "Yeah I'm a Bad Dad". Follow that link and take another look at some photos that I just added. Check out my son's nailing, perfect.

I hope to put some more photos of projects & stuff out soon.

Extra Visitation

Last Saturday and this Monday I got extra visitation. Cool, is she coming around? No !

In one case my son was going to a birthday party at a movie theatre. She was concerned that it was a public area. She felt the parents would not be able to watch all the children so wondered if I wanted to go otherwise she would. OK, extra time. The other time, I kind of helped with. Since he had a day off school, the school had organized a pool party for the afternoon part of the school day. I knew he’d like it and mentioned it casually to her a while ago.

At the Birthday Party, I brought a camera to take a few photos. While talking to the parents and the one other mother who stayed, my son asked for the camera. He had a ball taking photos. I sat with him during the movie. If it was up to me (or us), we might have seen a different movie or done something else. But some time is better than no time.

I arrived at the pool three hours before my normal visitation. My son was very happy to see me and came right over to the side of the pool. She kind of kept her distance, then eventually left.

When we were getting ready to leave the pool, my son asked what time he’d have to go back to Mommy’s. I said the usual time, 7pm. Oh, he said with excitement, since you came to the pool, we got extra time. I said, yeah I guess we did.

Kind of odd, measuring time with your Dad.

I was going to use an alternate title “Free babysitting by sperm donor”. The realistic view is somewhere in between. I don’t like that extra visitation is only at her convenience and with a preplanned set of activities. It’s not related to my son’s needs.

Its just another demonstration of her control. She’s divorcing me, to get her freedom, but I don’t get my freedom. Guess I have a title for another post – "One Way Divorce".

Road Trippin

Off to see my people, my professional colleagues.

When I was downtown, I thought of my time working down there at the University, the diversity of academia, of downtown, traffic was a pain, but it was pretty cool to be in the center of everything.

So I’m headed to the state capital, it’s a few hours drive. Load up some fresh CDs into the car’s CD changer. That will be my backup if the weather interferes with my XM radio reception. Turn on Radar / Laser detector, ready to roll.

Oh, it’s after 6:30 am, I’m gonna hit rush hour a little until I get out of our metro area. Bumper to bumper, but moving well. Then the open road, tunes cranking, road condition decent.

Great set of speakers & participants. One company in attendance was making the trade press for a very successful project. Not only was scalability of their application becoming impossible, even with over 300 Unix servers, but there were illusive performance problems that could not be found. They were able to consolidate over 100 servers onto a single mainframe with the newest virtualization software. The higher level tools available were able to pinpoint the performance problem to a memory leak.

Comparison of the newest virtualization techniques, performance monitoring and improvement, various operating systems. Advanced script writing. Great topics of conversation.

We have free time for discussions. It’s a great place to learn and grow, a free exchange of ideas. That 20 something I mentioned in Tagged will not be found there, he doesn’t want to learn, he wants to just get by, he wants to play the system. He'd rather talk sports than technology. There are even many experienced people who have the same opinion or maybe their bosses are keeping them so busy because they see no value in their staff having an opportunity to learn.

Speaking of bossy people. My wife was one of those who came not to appreciate this, although likely for another reason. Before my son was born she accompanied me on several trips to national conventions. Not crazy, have a good time, Vegas conventions. No, these are the kind where you are working, presenting, some by invitation only, or by call for papers. She would come to see my presentations and was proud of me.

Somewhere down the line, she changed her tune, she criticized my involvement in professional activities, she would say “not another boy scout meeting”. She felt she needed to do more with her life. She criticized me in many areas, as if I were competition. Well that’s a bigger story then will fit here.

So it was a good day. Interesting exercise for my mind. Good to see other experts from around the state and a few experts who flew in for the occasion. We know each other and take out work seriously. Boy scouts are always prepared and have high ethical principles and camaraderie. Why would someone think badly of that?

Long ride back home. Not going to make it back before my son’s bedtime. So I’ll stop at the next rest stop & give him a good night call. He wants to draw via telephone. He’s going to draw a cell phone and I’ll draw another yellow submarine. This one by hand. We describe what we’re drawing to each other.

He asks "Aren’t you going to color it?"
"Well I didn’t bring anything to color it with."
"You can color it when you get home", he suggests.
"OK, I will, we'll look at them together on Monday."

He’s going to bed, I’ll be driving another hour.

Nearing the end of a long day, long week. TGIF.

Start-me-up

After pulling an all night cram session to prepare for settlement talks (which turned out to be overkill), I got several hours sleep, and now it’s time to get going.

I’m not much of a morning person, never have been, so I’ve got to get started. To clear out the head, I start with a well caffeinated tea, Tazo black chia, or Morning Thunder (actually herbal). I never did get into the coffee habit, more of a tea or cola person.

My son learned one of the uses of a putty knife, which caused me to start the shower repair/repaint project, now I use my whirlpool bath. Ahhh, oversized, stretch out my legs, jets going, white noise, clear out the brain.

OK, get my stuff together, an energy drink, what do I have, usually Full Throttle, Red Bull, or Amp. Tunes are already in the car. Gather all the laptop stuff (my hard drive is filling up with this legal crap). Toss all the stuff on my desk into a briefcase.

Let’s see which cases of court files should I take? Screw it, I’ll fax something if needed. Off I go, to his downtown office, worked so long downtown, I can get their on autopilot.

What a bust, it’s like a refresher course. I answer all his questions, point out things he overlooked. I even handled the opponent's last minute faxed in questions.

On one hand, seems like a waste of money. Why can’t he organize this stuff so we don’t have to repeat it. Overbooking. Too many clients, too many delays.

On the bright side, I saved money by him taking my stuff, he seems so clueless on finding this stuff that I’m quite sure it would have cost me a fortunate if he just searched for it himself.

I wonder what else he’s doing inefficiently that costs me a fortune.

Oh, don’t get me started.

Posts Piling Up

Well TGIS, S for Saturday. It’s been a busy week, post ideas have been piling up. So I’ll see if I can catch up with them this weekend. Of course I have more BS legal work to do, but damn it I’m not in the mood. So here they come…

Cranked Up, Get Ready for Battle

Home stretch to lawyer’s meeting for settlement conference. Got my home theatre cranked. Lucky my neighbors are far enough away not to hear it. Although if I opened any doors or windows they would (in the summer).

So I’m pouring through piles of paper work in my home office, scanning in the evidence, updating spreadsheets, a bunch of documents open at once - financial, settlement analysis, memo of understanding (in my legal representation), trial prep issues, outstanding issues…

What the hell was that, some strange rattling? I know I can vibrate the walls, but that just sounded weird. I go back into my living room to find the source of the odd sound. Geez, the newspaper on the chair next to the sub-woofer is vibrating like a reed musical instrument. It’s not crazy loud, it’s just that when you send a low digital signal through my home theatre the sub-woofer can knock out those low sounds. OK, clear away anything close to the sub-woofer, so I don’t get anymore scary sounds.

Back to work. Gotta leave a little time for packing. By now I’ve almost memorized what documents address what issues. Let’s see, for the finance, that’ll be 2 cases, recent correspondence on this phase, another case, recent file drawer another case. God what a work out, I think I’ll pack lighter and fax it later.

Of course, he should have all this, but it takes him too long to put his hands on it and he can’t even remember what he has. Most of the time, I spread out on his conference table, rifle some papers and say here, call in your assistant and copy this. Why? Is he incompetent? No, he has high ratings, he’s done more than the others, but it’s still half-assed. Why? You gotta care, other wise your actions are half assed. That’s my advantage. Kinda simple, huh?

I’ll park in this office garage, go up to the 29th floor with an overstuffed briefcase (not my formal leather one), my laptop, 2 GB of flash, a stack of CD-Rs, the rest I’ll leave in my car trunk just in case. As I look out over the nice view from his corner office, a smile will creep across my face. How thick is that glass? I should throw the pussy out. Hey I won’t do it, don’t want to be Bubba’s prison bitch, but it will help me tolerate him better.

Then hustle back home, try to chill out, to pick up my son from the bus stop & have fun like nothing ever happened. Take a short break after he leaves then start up again to prep for the next day’s settlement conference.

Life in the litigation lane… (sucks)

I’ve been here so long; I hardly remember what regular life was like…

Status – Rough Draft - Updated 1/23/07 5 am

Sucker Bet

While I was feelin good, I forgot to look at the calendar. I’m stressin, over a sucker bet. You want in? Only two days.

The bet is ten grand or my house? Stakes too high? I don’t get a choice, that’s the bet. Default on a 403B loan and owe the IRS ten grand in taxes and penalty or pay it up and risk that my other assets won’t be unfrozen in time to avoid foreclosure.

Probably doesn’t matter, my wife promised to throw my ass out of the house, promised that I would live under a bridge. And that’s the way its been heading. I staved it off with the 403B loan, but I may have just delayed the inevitable. The delay game is meant to drive me under.

I had so much saved for retirement and my son’s future. All down the toilet. If she can’t have it all, then neither can I (or my son). I didn’t even get a choice, I tried settlement offers over 18 months ago, no response, just delay. You can’t settle with a deaf-mute, or a brick wall. Well, she can explain it to him.

I shouldn’t stress. Shit, I always come up with something (that’s what people close to me say). I’m feelin tapped out though. Don’t know how much I have left in me. Wish I had a few time outs, so I could recoup my strength. Guess I’ll take Leigh’s advice, breath.

Stressin, is also a lack of faith in God and my own abilities. I try, but the challenge is constant and unrelenting. And a rigged game to boot. Give me a fair shot, and I’ll kick ass.

Then there’s the prep for the big day. It’s so hard to concentrate when you’re stressed. This is one I really shouldn’t worry about, with my detailed knowledge of the issues, and actually caring I should be able to kick ass by comparison to either lawyer. But it’s big, if something goes wrong, I could go under.

God give me the strength and wisdom I need to defeat this evil. I ask in your son’s name for the benefit of my son.

PS: And thanks for the reader support. Kind words bring a smile and that relieves stress.

PPS: I’m working in my home office, got the tunes rattling the walls, got to hook up some satellite speakers here. I took a bunch of photos, I’ll have to post. You know what would be funny, a photo of me behind the case files, eight cases high, I can hide my 6’2” frame behind them and just stick my arms out. Not sure if I can stack them that high (pretty heavy) and I’ll need distance and a wide angle. (smiling now).

JQ75 Esq, co-counsel

Finally a win-win situation. I wonder what caused the turnaround. Maybe my lawyer wants to reduce the potentially high costs of trial for one reason or another (to avoid getting stiffed). Maybe the senior partner talked to him. Somehow he has gotten over his God complex and is willing to work with me.

I know the details, I care about them. And I can package them, summarize them, in a format suitable for court. I’ve done it in a previous civil action, I’ve done it with previous lawyers.

So why should I spend hours (and many dollars) explaining all these details to a lawyer who doesn't care and won't remember them anyway. The point became crystal clear from the opponents proffer. An easy point of confusion is that my wife and I both have 401Ks at a common provider. Since we’re talking about a period now going back 16 years, companies have merged, born and died. It isn’t easy or quick to follow.

So the lawyer asks me if I’ve looked this over. I said "yes, quickly". He asked, "Can you go over it in detail and give me a summary of how it relates to our position." I said "Well it really doesn’t relate to our position at all, it is a lot of paper flow on her 401Ks." Then he said in disbelief, "But we had no point of contention on her 401Ks, we accepted her position, what is the purpose of this?" I responded, "Well it increases her billable hours and then you can read through the big stack of redundant crap and increase your billable hours." There was a pause. And so I asked "Is that not consistent with her every action in this case as well as her MO in her other cases?" He said I guess so. He asked "and the 2nd package she sent?" I said "it is very similar and in some cases redundant with the first."

My lawyer has had a self esteem problem. He hasn’t taken direction or suggestions well. He has bristled. But now, in a humblier tone he asked, "Could you review all issues in dispute, gather the supporting documents and package them as defendant’s evidence exhibits?" Well sure. He asked "Can you identify any missing evidence and what testimony would be needed to overcome that?" Well sure. "When can we meet to review it?" I’ll have a working draft Tuesday.

So finally a cooperative effort. Should I care that I’m “doing his job”? There are several advantages to taking an active role in your case.

• A large savings
• A sense of empowerment replacing helplessness
• A sense of control over your destiny
• An improved outcome based on your understanding of the detailed history and your caring about the outcome

I have a resource who has counseled me during this time. One of their main themes has been "Be Effective". Having me do the math and details rather than a high priced lawyer is effective. I just wish this could have been realized so much earlier.

To some extent I have directed the lawyers and provided material all this time, it just wasn’t that well embraced. Now it has. To me it smells of senior partner intervention (it looks like his handywork, his style). Or maybe it could be Karma.

At any rate, I’ll take it and thank God for it.

So the opposition has got a double edged sword coming at her. But wait, what do I have up my sleeve, yep a third card. Hired Bitch you’ve caused me a lot of grief, and there are no winners in this sadistic game, but I will leave my mark, it won’t be pleasant for you either. It won’t be revenge, it will be a lesson.


Status: First Draft - Last Updated 1/17/07 1:30 am

Count Down Stopped

The countdown to the big day stopped. By order of the court, Trial Day # 5 has been cancelled, it will be rescheduled at the convenience of the court. It would have been nice if the reason for cancellation was the realization of what the opposition was doing, but unfortunately it was just a coincidence.

Count Down Restarted

Trial Day # 5 has been resceduled for Feb 7th. Expectation is another bust.

I will see what can be done to reduce the costs for this bust while trying to let the judge know what's going on. In true lawyerly restraint (despite the newer post of more cooperation), my lawyer bristled at the suggestion for requesting (moving) the court to show cause with sanctions for opposition counsel being unprepared for trial per County Court Local Rule # nn.

One step at a time. I'll entrench as co-counsel, then I'll let the next foot drop. Let's run this by your boss.

Status - First Draft - Last updated 1/17/06 11:15 pm

Karma wishes working

Yeah, I think all your good wishes are helping...

I was dreading the Big Day Trial # 5, I felt totally unprepared (well actually I felt my lawyer was totally unprepared) and figured it would be a big waste of money. Of course the lawyer doesn’t mind, they’ll improvise, screw up, and bill you anyway. So I was relieved that it was delayed. I felt even better that the lawyer actually wanted to do something beneficial, accept my input, rather than give me a big bill and screw it up.

Update: Friday Night – When I wrote these three posts I was feeling pretty good. When you’ve been eating shit for 2 years almost anything is an improvement. After a while though reality sets in and it’s a constant struggle to maintain calm and optimism. Wish me continued luck, we’ll see how much I can get done over the weekend… Thanks...

Status: Seond Draft – 1/20/07 2 am

Lawyers can’t do math

Yep, sure enough. I am skeptical for a reason. I recheck everything and I’m never disappointed in finding an error. Now we’re all human and that means that we all make mistakes. But there is a difference between human and lazy, sloppy carelessness (I hope?). Especially when you’re being charged top buck for it.

So what happens when I put her preposterous proposal into Excel? The numbers don’t balance. Why? Well see she (one trick pony) didn’t use the spreadsheet to do all the math. She may have used it to total the purported marital property amounts or maybe not. They add up correctly, but that could be an accident. I noticed that she rounded numbers to the nearest hundred dollars (why not thousand?) inconsistently. Next to split property she listed a footnote number, then at the bottom were footnotes with total and separate property amounts in text (not number) format. Apparently she subtracted the numbers outside of Excel, presumably with a calculator, then typed the erroneous number in at the top of the sheet.

In a state that recognizes joint and separate property and an industry that cuts down forests of paper, you’d think she could squeeze in the two columns to show all three figures and let Excel do the math. But Nooooooooo. That would be common sense and there is no room for that in the law.

Sure enough, the spreadsheet was dated on the last trial date, so why was it not handled then? Why did I receive it yesterday, three weeks later? Deliberate delay to cost me more money. Expect to see a complaint on that. Oh you think pussy won’t write it, you’re probably right. But I know how to write it and I know how to force a document onto the record. Why don’t you search for me and see that I went through a whole civil case Pro Se and won against another one trick pony the likes of you. Would you like to see the first draft of the ex parte (other party does not have to be notified) ruling I got signed behind your back? It was on my lawyer’s letter head, but I researched the local rule, I wrote it. I knew what an uncooperative SOB you were even back then, so I told my lawyer to wait, why kiss your ass for an AJE (agreed judgment entry) when we can wait a week and get it signed without a hearing? I’ve been re-reading the local rules lately, and you seem to be a little over the line. Maybe I should pay a few bucks extra and get a sheriff to serve you at your home like you did to me.

Oh and expect a bill from me for the time I spent correcting your Excel handy work. Well actually it will come via the judge since I know how much you like to avoid me.

Another Big Day

At the risk of being redundant, I was thinking of another running log, but I think this post is pretty long already. One week from today is supposed to be the final day in the Phase II Forced Negotiation Shadow Trial Date. Yeah just like last time. My wife claims to think the divorce will be over by then. I don’t think she believes that, not with what her lawyer is claiming.

UnF—king believable. I opened my mail. If it wasn’t serious, I’d be rolling on the floor laughing, but she (hired bitch lawyer) is going to strut her matronly old ass into court and declare with confidence that her claim is valid. And everyone will listen. How do I know? It’s happened before, I saw it personally.

It went on, stalemated for six months. You know what broke the stalemate, ME! You know why, I don’t kiss ass, I don’t need her as a friend, I don’t lie, I know her weakness (one trick pony), I know math. Of course that was very advanced post-graduate math, these a—holes (all lawyers, child enforcement, my wife) can’t add or subtract. Give my son a calculator and he could beat them.

Come on, lawyer’s know this stuff, they can do better than you. No, they have a big flaw, they have to be friends with their adversaries, they can’t push them too far, they won't call it what it really is – bulls—t. The court is too refined for that kind of language, even though the room is drowning in the stinky stuff. See they’re in the club, they play by their rules, I’m not, I don’t. That makes us very different and has it’s pros and cons.

I will admit, if we were talking about the finer points of law, I’d be a pompous ass to think I could beat a lawyer. But we’re talking about math and bulls—t games played by a one trick pony who does not know how to improvise. Well I’m no thespian, but as a technician I analyze, I solve, I find alternatives, I surround a problem, I draw on 30 years (yeah, I’m an old man, no one guessed I’m 50, hey but I can be a lot of fun, so it’s just a number) of experience in crushing problems. I’ve had tough ones, but perseverance is something I have plenty of, maybe to a fault. So you fix big ass computers these are people, oh, but for half my career I handled acquisition and vendor management, people, big money, contracts. I was a director in a startup, how much does that expose you to?

Could that be why my lawyer is excited to get me “in the box” in a Phase III trial? Because he can have me say what he’s to big a pussy to say? He didn’t want me on the stand for my son, he saw I’m too emotional about that, they’d call me a nut case when I blasted them. Is it nuts to love your son, to want reasonable access to him? Is it nuts to be frustrated and irritated at the people who keep him from you? YES, in the court’s f—ked up view. But see this is all about money now, the parenting plan is signed. I’ll be less emotional, and even if you want to call me a nut (because I don’t play by your rules), you can’t take my money away for that reason. Now it’s making sense.

First rule of problem solving, you gotta understand what’s going on, and the second rule is if it doesn’t make sense, you’re no where near a solution. That is one of the points of this Blog, I want to share my hard earned experience with you. No one should have to go through all this crap to break into this secret society.

So hired bitch, if you’re reading this, you’re going down in flames, you’re a blood sucking gnat on my ass. You don’t know what I’m gonna do, and a pony has no stripes to change. You’re an old dog who hasn’t learned any new tricks in decades, your mind is atrophied from lack of use. You’re a legal dinosaur who just hasn’t died yet. And you’re up against University boy who sucks in knowledge like he sucks in air, it makes me feel alive. It’s an unquenchable thirst.

Ya know lawyer’s don’t like surprises, and I’ve got some duzzies. And I’m not done, I’ll be coming up with them non-stop right up to the Trial Date and during the Trial. I don’t play by your rules, so don’t whine foul, you asked for it, you’re gonna get all barrels. I’d say I’m gonna teach you a new trick, but I won’t, you’ll just go away scratching your head wondering what went wrong.

Hey judge you gonna stress me out by keeping me there till 2am, huh, that’s only a double, I can do that without breaking a sweat. Pussy, make it a triple, I can do those too. Hell go all the way, I can do more than 24 hours. Done it before, hell I’ve been in your court after being up that long. And I work on my case while in the hallway, not sit there like some “respectful” statue. Haven't found an open access point yet so I have State Family Law and County Local Rules offline on my hard drive.

So come on, just be reasonable, just give in and get it over with, you might advise me. Well I sure would be tempted, but it’s beyond ridiculous, it’s f—king impossible. So I have no decision to make. Impossible you might say, come on you are exaggerating, no I’m not with her inability to do simple math she is simply asking for more money than I could ever get a hold of (legally that is).

So how far off are we, way off, so far off, that it would be impossible for me to settle. First she's counting retirement assests as if they were cash, they aren't there are huge tax implications. Second she is couting all assests as marital, including those from 14 years prior to the marraige when I worked multipe jobs and saved a huge amount of my income. And of course she’s asking for legal fees, at least $30,000.

Oh, we’re not done yet, she’s also claiming household furnishings. Well those were agreed to before separation, and formally ordered by the court shortly afterwards, but what the hell she’s famous for reneging on deals. She only took two moving van loads out of the house. And what she didn’t take she bought on a credit card she had issued in my name after the separation. Yep, the card company was stupid enough to send a card to a different address without verifying it with me.

Oh guess what else, college costs. Hmm, I finished college a decade before I met her, no college debt, I worked my ass off. I taught at college part time for extra income. I took post degree college courses at no charge since I was on the full time professional staff. Oh yeah, she took college classes for free as my spouse, since I worked at the University. Is this lady full of s—t? Um, yeah.

Actually she’s throwing anything she can possibly think of at the wall to see what sticks. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous it is if it’s done with confidence. And this lady leaves a slime trail of cockiness like a snail. Better wear your non-slip shoes, you’re gonna get pushed hard.

So six more days, then the big day. Outcome? My bet is a stalemate. With pussy being up against one trick pony, it’ll be a draw. Another expensive day gone bust.

Hey Guardian you're not off the hook, this isn't BIC, so unless you want a close call with violation of fiduciary responsibility, I suggest you weigh in as friend of the court. And pussy (my lawyer), don’t think you’re getting off so easy by having me do your dirty work. Oh it feels like Christmas, I have surprise gifts for everyone, even you judge, oh I feel so generous.

Hey judge, bang your gavel, throw this crap out on the big day or get me on the stand to say what pussy is too scared to say. There’s no more blood to squeeze out of this rock.

Rough Draft – Updated 1/20/07 2:20 am

Dad got hosed

Hey, have you seen the new Verizon TV ad?

This guy is telling his two teenagers, you got this cell phone and you both got the network.

He asks - What did Dad get?
His daughter replies - Aftershave.
He retorts - No, Dad got hosed!

Oh, pop culture does reflect life. Ya gotta see the ad though, the way he says it, makes ya laugh.

So true !

Yeah, I’m a bad Dad

I know homework is important, but I only get him after school, no weekends, no overnights.

So today we finally had some snowfall that stayed. I met him at the bus stop next door. We played around in the snow, he wanted to use my ice scraper on my car windows.


Next we worked on his locker project. A wood kit that looks like a small school locker. On previous days he painted it and we put it together. He wanted a lock on it, so I bought a hasp, he told me where the lock should go, I drilled the pilot holes, and we screwed it on and he put the lock on it.



He didn’t get enough nailing on the locker project so I said let’s nail the back on your bookshelf. I showed him how to do this over a year ago on his craft cart. So after I laid the shelf on the floor, lined up the back, he nailed away. He got them in straight and evenly spaced along the six foot height. He did it quickly but didn’t hit his finger. One or two were going in crooked, he pulled them out and put them in straight. He put in the shelf supports in just the right spot and put the shelves in.

I’m bad. Oh he could hurt himself. I have instructed him on this before, he has seen me do it, I was supervising it, and he was using a 7 oz finishing hammer. He was very proud of his work, and so was I.



My switch broke on my whirlpool tub a while ago. I removed the cable from switch and connected it to a breakout box, and showed my son how to test each of the possible combinations to see which pair would turn on the tub. While the side was open my son used my Halogen light to look around on how it goes together, the plumbing, the concrete base, the re-enforcing joist plates, the water jets, the air intake, the pump. My son watched while I soldered some leads onto a momentary switch (using a cold/heat gun), then we screwed the switch leads into the breakout box and he did the honors, 1-2-3 press the button, jets on full, jets on half, jets off. OK it works. I also explained about the low volt/amp switch that made it safer to work on, the dedicated high amp circuit that is more dangerous, but protected by a GFI.

I’m bad. Electricity, wires, oh my. She should thank me, he’ll be able to fix stuff for her, just like I did when I was a kid. But she’ll probably complain about how dangerous it was.

Well we have the lights, we’re upstairs, so he wanted to go up into the attic and look for “aliens”. While we were up there he wanted to cover the attic opening with something. He pulled some wood and drywall across the opening. He wondered how strong the drywall was and how it worked. I warned him that it couldn’t hold weight. I showed him how easy it was to score and break it to the size he wanted to cover the last section. Then he took some tools and said they were alien weapons we needed to put in our belts as we went from top to bottom of the house making sure there were none.

I’m bad. Ladders, attic, dark.

Next we figured out where to put his wall maps and cork board. I moved it up & down until it was at the right height, he marked the wall. He showed me, mommy’s poor rushed spackling job on the wall, she didn’t even scrape the excess off, it’s lumpy. He was laughing at it, I told him that one of the tools he found before was what you used to smooth it out.

He wanted to play with the motion detector webcam software, but I had my laptop connected to my home office hub doing some things and couldn’t move it around. Besides it was time to eat. Get him dinner. He ate a lot.

I’m bad. We should have done his nightly reading (as homework) earlier. Well I got him reading. Opps, I interrupted his reading with a question and that got him curious, he went to my room. He found some neon paint I had bought for him. He got excited, he told me he got a blacklight for his birthday (I knew that) and that Mommy had it & wouldn’t let him use it because it could break. Well I guess it could, but it wouldn’t be too hard to use it in a safe way.

I’m bad. I shouldn’t have interrupted his reading, he was about 5 minutes short of his nightly reading assignment. And here she was at my door at the new court ordered time, 30 minutes earlier than my previous time. “What !” she says indignantly, “You couldn’t finish his reading in four hours !”

[ Well, JSM (just shoot me), I made a mistake, I’m sorry. I can only have fun with him after school, I don’t get any weekends at all. ]

I usually get him to do all his homework. I incorporate practical lessons in our activities over and above the homework. Probably a habit I picked up from working as professional staff at a University for 19 years and as part time faculty for 10 years (while working as full time staff).

So, whatdaya think. Am I bad? Hang me at dawn? Lotta poor judgment here according to my wife and the court.

Ya know what, who are these a—holes who would judge me?

I’m not bad, she’s nuts !


Photos added 01/30/07

My wife and Britney Spears

Wow what kind of comparison is that? Well my wife doesn’t look like, dance like, isn’t as young as or rich as Britney (not even remotely close) so what could they have in common?

They both have terribly unreasonable restrictions on visitation. Just like my wife, Britney restricts KFed to three days per week 4 hours per day.

Oh yeah, and neither woman is a model mother.

And both women hired the highest price/powered lawyer in the area (except my wife can’t afford it, Britney can). Britney has asked that each party pay their own legal expenses, my wife has asked me to pay them.

But Britney goes one better than my wife. Thank God I have a signed agreement so she can’t steal any of Britney’s ideas. KFed can only visit the kids at her place and she is allowed to supervise the visit. This is only for this month, it could be worse for next month.

On second thought, since the kids are 1 year old and new born, it’s likely Britney is playing the male gender can’t care for little ones card. That makes my wife’s restrictions for a seven year old boy even more ridiculous.

Wow, another blow to fatherhood. KFed, I feel for ya.

Disclaimer: I don’t know anything about KFed, I’m only commenting about his crappy visitation.

Status: Third Draft - Updated 1/10 1o:15 pm

My Lawyers

Here’s a little history of how I happened to go through so many legal firms. Later I’ll tell you some of the difficulties in changing lawyers.


Before my lawyers - Mediator # 1

Unlike my wife who had been consulting with several lawyers prior to our separation, I thought we would progress in good faith through mediation. One day in March 2005, she announced to me and the mediator that she had signed a lease for an apartment and would be moving out. My thoughts focused on my son first, how could he be prepared for this trauma?

Lawyer # 1

Several days before her scheduled move, she took my sleeping son from his bed to destinations unknown. Now I needed a lawyer quickly. I chose one who advertised in the yellow pages as specializing in Men’s Rights thinking that would be best for obtaining access to my son.

For only $5,000 flat fee he would provide legal service up to a trial. Well some advertise less than a $1,000 for a simple divorce, so it seemed I should get good service.

He emphasized the idea to move quickly and be the Plaintiff. There was one difficulty, where was she? He served her by certified mail, which she refused. She served me by process server (unnecessary, because it didn’t occur to me to evade service). My case was filed first, but service failed. Her action was accepted because of successful service. My action was dismissed as redundant and I was joined as defendant.

She filed for sole custody and also filed for restricted visitation for me. My lawyers have refused to file for visitation for me on the grounds that it would be redundant. Thus the opposition continues to control the motions on my visitation. (That’s right it makes no sense).

She filed restraining orders freezing me out of everything while at the same time raiding everything for herself, since she was yet to be served with restraining orders.

So what was my phone book lawyer doing, not much, he had my cash. Turns out, not only was this guy not a Men’s Right’s specialist, he wasn’t even a divorce specialist. He did just about anything in the northern half of our state. Living in the most populated metro area with the biggest court, most lawyers confine themselves to just one or two counties, not half the state. The result, he was never available, nothing got done.

Lawyer # 2

So forget the phone book. I got a reference from a friend. I interviewed the lawyer. She was confident that she could go against the opposition, she was very experienced, only divorce, only two counties.

Things started out good, progress was being made. Then the opposition started playing hard ball. I was told a rosy story only to find out later (by demanding inter-lawyer correspondence) that things were headed south.

Then I had a year end bonus, representing 2.5 years of child support (which equals my mortgage) seized. For six months the lawyers bickered while my money sat, inaccessible to me.

The stress on my lawyer was showing, at one point she was near tears because she could not overcome the opposition’s tactics. This wasn’t going to work, even she knew it. I expressed my desire to discharge her, she petitioned the court to withdrawal. Motion denied.

No Lawyer – Pro Se

Whoa, I’m stuck? I waited until five minutes before the next hearing, I informed the bailiff that I was not being represented by competent counsel and was being deprived of my constitution right to due process.

The judge’s hand was forced, he’d been set up, this would be an appealable error. Bad mark on the record. I was called into chambers (the inner sanctum) while my wife sat outside like an ass/statue.

My lawyer was told to vacate the defendant’s chair, I was invited to sit down. In 30 minutes I took care of 6 of 8 motions that had been stale for six months, including the six month hold on the bonus. I’ll have to post about the in-chambers experience it was bizarre.

The judge was pleased and he didn’t want the progress to slip by (the opposition has a habit of reneging on the deal). He ordered the parties to stay until the motion judgment entries (AJE) could be written, reviewed, signed by all parties, signed by the judge. I signed as Pro Se defendant.

But it is a club, and as impressed as he was, he told me it was “too complex” for me to do alone and ordered me to find another lawyer in three weeks. Actually I don’t think this is legal, but I was intimidated.

Lawyer # 3

OK, now I’m doing research. State Superlawyer Award standing. Matrimonial professional ratings, mediation practice, trial litigation experience, detailed interview. Well someone, my prior lawyer or the opposition had gotten to some, and they withdrew. They all know each other, great.

The judge is impressed with my choice, he’s even more impressed with the results. For the first time, the opposition has been brought to the bargaining table, making progress. Guess what, one trick pony pulls a last minute hard ball. Even I saw it coming, what’s up that it wasn’t averted?

My lawyer tells me she can do it “cus she can” and lawyers have a license to f—k with people.

I’m not happy!

Lawyer # 4?

I wish I could retain the firm that was my first choice. But the odds of the judge allowing another change is unlikely.

Mediator # 2

The parenting plan already names a mediator to deal with post decree issues and hopefully expand my access.

So that’s the history so far. Pretty screwed up…

Tough on Lawyers

This is the third legal firm that has represented me. And if I could, I’d bounce them, but it is unlikely to happen. The lawyers would probably call me an unreasonably demanding client. That may be true only in their strange world where they believe their time is worth more than several dollars for every single minute regardless of whether they achieve any results.

I will admit to be demanding, but no more demanding than the demands made of me by others or by myself. What do I have to do to earn stratospheric income. Well let me relay to you the closest thing to that, I call it my project from hell. While our startup firm was going under (see Tagged V2) we came across a big opportunity. Over six months full time consulting as a working project leader on a large data center move. The technical challenge was well within my area of expertise, I had done about a dozen similar projects, most people never get an opportunity to gain that much experience. The billable rate is over $100 per hour, total revenue over $150,000. That would do it, that would save the company.

Opps they forgot to tell me something. It was a political hot potato, the project failed twice before, and heads did roll. Just saying the project name sent people scampering in all directions for cover. The guy I was replacing saw me as his savior and liberator, I never saw someone so happy to leave a job. Now the way things work, I get less than half of billable. So I’m working hard, what else is new. What do I do for that. Zero defects, no performance hits, on deadline or bust your butt, oh yeah risky changes in the middle of the night and manager’s meetings first thing in the morning (will anyone notice I didn’t go home). To bring the project in on time at the end of 6 months, I worked 6 weeks, 7 days/week, 10 hours/day, no days off. Results – success. I managed work of six people. During the last 3 weeks, one issue was so critical that staff was assigned in shifts for 24/7 coverage.

All for net $40/hour plus bonus. Damn I’m a bargain. So when some yahoo wants six to nine times that, with no deadlines, no guarantees, plenty of defects on bankers hours. And then screws up. Well than I’m kinda tough on them – f—kin pussys. So let’s summarize.

	Real World	Lawyer’s World
Billable Rate	$125/hr	$250-350/hr
Paying for	Results	Regardless
Results	Defined / Guaranteed	Whatever
Hours	24/7 as much as it takes	9-5, maybe a Sat
Provider Expectations	Zero defects/impact	No guarantees
Provider Exclusivity	Client is free to seek other providers (any number of alternate opinions)	Client is exclusive to lawyer upon appearance until judge accepts withdrawal (no 2nd opinions)
Time Frame	Firm Deadlines	No time estimate at all
Insulation	Customer insulated from impact	Impotent to protect client from opposing parties license to F—K
Client Treatment	Very responsive, loosing a large client can destroy the company	As a meal ticket
Client Response	Return page within 15 minutes 24/7.	Return calls in several days or a week.
Client Load	Only as many as can be handled without impacting service	As many as possible, service degradation is not considered.
Number of Clients	Six	Dozens
If client is dissatisfied	Bounced out the door, better cash any checks before they get a stop payment.	Need to ask permission from judge who can deny it. Payment for poor services will be seized by court order.
Reaction to client complaint	Make it right with the meter stopped.	Well you can discharge me if you want.
Potential Impact	Major data center disruption, million dollar potential loss.	Destroyed lives.
Results	Success	Still Breathing, failure is an option.

Note: Updated Table Entries in Bold Orange.

I don’t start out as a demanding prick. I give them latitude, I know they’re weak. But after I’ve asked for something for six weeks in a row or been asked to provide the same thing for the sixth time, I become impatient. I don’t particularly like that behavior from an elementary school child, let alone an adult who calls himself a professional. Oh, they have a lot of clients, so did I, that’s no excuse for poor service in my book.

Is it reasonable for me to measure lawyers on the real world in which I live or their world?


They don’t think so, I do. We disagree.

PS: So why am I pissed at my current lawyer, read the comment.

Last Updated: 1/10/07 2:30 am