Principles

The economic reality of the Domestic Relations process is that far too frequently it involves compromising your principles.

This is because lawyers are very handsomely compensated ($200-$400) for hours spent rather than results produced.

There is also a wide spread jaded mentality in the legal system. They deal with the gory mess of destroyed relationships constantly. If they really cared, they'd go crazy. They could care a little, but it's easier to pretend to care and steer the client into what's easiest for them. This is when their compromised principles (taking money for no results is only the very first one of many) starts to impinge upon yours.

When your spouse wants the better TV that you should be entitled to and your lawyer advises not to spend 2 billing hours on obtaining an easily replaced commodity for $300, they're giving you practical advice, you should probably just follow it and move on.

Early on, when my lawyer said that an initial Child Support error of $3,000 occurred frequently and that it would cost me more to fight it than to just pay it, I was shocked I was paying a lot of money for the "learned advice of council" that I should pay a bill that was due to sloppy bureaucratic work and lazy legal advocacy.

I spent one aggravating day making phone calls through this bureaucracy and filed an appeal that asked that they simply "enforce the order as written as is their mission". Two weeks later I received a call from a state agency informing me that my appeal was accepted and an order was issued to the county to immediately correct the error.

My lawyer was surprised, "Oh you're the first", BS. Am I a bad Dad for not wanting to pay the erroneous amount? No, that's too easy, that's an emotional excuse. My wife (as I'll explain in detail later) is using my son as an income source, much of the large child support award does not go to him in any way or shape. I have generously spent money on him in addition to the child support award.

So what does this teach us?

1. Always question motives, don't give up on principles without reasonable investigation or protest.
2. Use the age old legal tricks, escalate (county enforcement reports to state) and use carefully chosen words.
3. Do your lawyer's job so they don't have to (because they don't care to) and so you don't have to pay for their uncaring half-assed attempt.
4. As you will see later, you will not get through this process without compromising your principles at some point.
5. When choosing a lawyer find out just how misaligned their principles are from yours. You don't want to be an impractical, stubborn, bad client, but you need the lawyer to understand that the overused "it's going to cost you" excuse will not be acceptable.
   

If you staunchly defend your principles to the end, you'll be burned alive by the system. Be mindful of when your principles are under attack. Question why, declare your principle, if it must be compromised or broken, make sure that the right people (at least your lawyer) understand that this is happening with your knowledge and under protest.

To give up your principles without so much as a whimper, is to degrade your very soul.