Anatomy of a Week Long "Day"

Well I start with the day and work around it with details...

The Big Day

After reaching the seventh Trial Date, hours were extended from 7:30 am to 6:00 pm. This judge has been know to keep people there as long as 2 am. It would have been longer but the judge had a dinner engagement and is getting ready for a two week vacation. I am expecting an eighth Trial Date within a month when the final decree will be issued.

The $3,000 cost for the day and the total $10,000 cost surrounding the day is minor compared to the financial impact as both lawyers moved against their clients best interest in their sworn duties as "officers of the court". To disguise the engineered conflict of interest my lawyer played the good guy / bad guy game, while her lawyer went on a lunatic binge belittling my wife's intelligence (well there is some validity to that, but it seems in poor form), screaming at her staff for a legal pad, and yelling at my lawyer. At least this lawyer didn't break into tears like my last one did when faced with her abuse. Of course for those of unlimited means you can step up to representation by another firm who are so malicious that one opposing party put out a hit contract on them (their spouse's lawyer, rather than the spouse). That's a pretty sad state of affairs.

In an effort (as sworn "officers of the court") to please the judge, there was frantic horse trading, financial irregularities that would give an auditor a heart attack, and sloppy math where multiple errors over $5,000 were made because the lawyers do not make proper use of spreadsheets. Thankfully I do, so I pointed out errors that were in my wife's favor, but then I needed to overcome my lawyer's concern for "looking like an ass" (due to arithmetic errors). I had to carefully explain that $5,000 actually wasn't chump change that I could have fall out of my pocket.

For anyone walking by that saw that, it had to be some sight. Me standing by a laptop giving my lawyer arithmetic lessons, "Yes, her home equity award amount plus mine, must equal the total marital equity, and they are currently off by $6,000". He was standing there dumb founded, "That can't be right" he said, "Well that's because these numbers were calculated outside the spreadsheet and typed in as text, changes were made, but the arithmetic was never updated." Of course that's why they invented spreadsheets, all calculations are supposed to be entered as formulas on the spreadsheet, not on a legal pad then copied to a spreadsheet. But of course the law creeps at its petty pace.

I've been trying to convince him that he should let me work off my legal bill by offering a course in proper spreadsheet usage. He's still unconvinced, he asks me if I have fun at Mensa meetings (that is his sad attempt at sarcastic humor and to deflect the irresponsibility of his actions). I wonder if I can find out who does their external audits and slide that little tip under the table.

While waiting during the horse trading sessions, I had my laptop with all settlement agreements, financial statements and proposed agreements, annotated and cross checked for accuracy. The cleaning staff remarked that I had set up an office there. Meanwhile my wife faithfully followed the orders barked at her by her hired bitch and dutifully sat staring at the wall. She bought a new business suit for the day, I must admit it did look better than her previous matronly looking attire.

That was supposed to make a positive respectful impression on the judge (so says conventional wisdom), yet he passed her without recognition as she blended into the woodwork. He did recognize me, as did his bailiff, both of whom greet me by name. They were curious about my choice of equipment and surprised to see the variety of files open in the dozen windows (State Revised Code - Domestic Relations Sections, County Local Court Rules, Parenting Plans, Settlement Agreements, spreadsheets, etc.). My (finally STBX) soon to be ex, would have been better served with a hand calculator and the settlement sheet, she may have found some of the errors in my favor. But far be it from me to waste my time giving her advice that she would resent anyway.

While reviewing the spreadsheet with my lawyer I had all crosschecks visible (a switch hides errors in my favor) and he started blurting things out like an excited child, I had to tell him that piping down would be a more "prudent" negotiating strategy.

What's Next...

The financial impact and the things that need to change for the final decree are astounding, especially with the way our settlement is structured. It's sure to keep me busy.

Of course, divorce, like marriage should be, is forever. In a classic move by this court, they "decided, not to decide" custody. So I will continue to have extremely limited access to my son until I go through a mediation process at more costs. I guess the local economy owes me some recognition for the small cottage industry I have supported with the large portfolio I built in the 15 years prior to marriage.

Now at 50 years old, and wiped out, I'll have to see if I can summon that boundless 20 year old energy that built what I once had, to start building all over again from scratch.

Active Draft - this will go through several revisions until next week...