"Why couldn't the guardian talk to your son and ask him what he wants and then relay that to the judge????"Well the Guardian asked my son what three things he wanted? His answer was number one, spend more time with Daddy, number two spend more time with his grandparents (on my side). The Guardian remarked, she rarely sees a child who so firmly and quickly asked to see a parent. So she tried to intercede to push for a settlement. So far, so good.
At the same time I was having a problem with 2.5 years of child support being held in advance but not released, see DBbD post. I needed to break the stalemate, enforcement actions were being taken. So I fired my lawyer and forced the judge to accept me as Pro Se. I requested to join my employer as new party defendant and press for contempt of court and falsifying records (those were the motions against me, but my employer provided the same info). My wife's hired bitch did not want corporate lawyers up her ass so she backed down and I came out of DBbD status.
Then I found out that the Guardian was personal friends of my fired lawyer and was highly offended by my decision to fire her. Whoa, didn't see that coming, don't they have rules on conflict of interest? Sure, but no need to enforce them.
The other major factor is my wife is a good actress and expressed all kinds of fears about if something would go wrong with my son in my care. For example, three years ago, working 3rd shift and commuting 100 miles a day, I totaled two cars in bad accidents. Then I was diagnosed with severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea, underwent successful treatment and got off 3rd shift. But the Guardian went along with a 10 mile driving restriction.
A few weeks ago I worked two long days, including a 5 hour, over 300 mile drive on the second day without fatigue because my Apnea is treated.
But for my son's safety they have limited me to 4 hours and 10 miles.
Why not ask my doctors? They did. The doctor's response, I am successfully treated and recommends no limitations. My doctor in this large metro area is the head of the sleep clinic and on the faculty of the teaching hospital. I don't think you'd find a more through exam (he always includes respiratory technicians and interns, quite crowded office). Opposition response, he's wrong. Guess lawyers can practice medicine without a license.
Status: First Draft - Updated 03/03/07 7 am
8 comments:
When my cousin married his wife, her ex went to court to ask that their boys be forced to live no more than 15 miles out of the city. My cousin's farm is 17.5 miles. Lucky for them, they had a judge with a brain and he threw out the case. I am hoping you get a judge with a brain too. Good luck.
JQ75, I keep reading and am so sorry about what a train wreck this is. I am the mother of two boys and my marriage is stable, but cannot imagine doing to my kids what your stbx is doing to your son.
I can't tell you enough, DON'T GIVE UP!! Even as limited as your involvement is at this point, your son NEEDS you. He needs to know that you are there for him no matter what and he will find out the truth one day.
When I was 12 I was shown by my dad that my welfare wasn't nearly as important as being able to humiliate my mother. It was an eye opener, I realized for the first time who *really* cared.
My mom never ever badmouthed my dad to us, but dad and his girlfriend would waste no time telling us what a horrible mother my mom was. Yeah, she was horrible, had a job, owned a home and supplied us with a solidly middle class lifestyle with or without regular support from my dad.
Your son's mother will never, ever, be able to justify to him why she chose to do this. It sucks and should not be this way, children are not possessions. Unless there is a documented history of DV your visitation should never have been as curtailed as it has been.
You show remarkable restraint. I can tell you without a doubt, if I had pulled this BS on my husband, I would be meeting my "accidental" demise.
You and your son are being cheated of your relationship and your son's right to have a dad.
You mentioned he is in cub scouts, are you curtailed from volunteering at school or his extra curricular activities? You can volunteer for his pack without being directly involved with his den, which means you could attend meetings as long as you don't attempt to leave with him.
Along those lines, does your stbx realize they use real tools and carve soap with real knives? Is she going to help make his pinewood derby racer? His regatta racer, or space derby rocket? There are badges for firearm safety, where they go shoot bb guns. I do much of this with my son, but I know he prefers his dad to help him.
I realize that common sense is something that is in short supply in your situation, but I don't think it is unreasonable to request to be able volunteer for his cub scouts pack outside of regular visitation.
Take care
J.
Well they all have brains but they work so much differently because they are absent any common sense. I mention some of the details on the mileage restriction somewhere.
Since this item involved my son, my Guardian weighed in on the side of caution and my wife's phobias (yeah, mental phobias that are diagnosed but untreated).
I did, through my own actions, no thanks to my leech of a lawyer, get a few words added that the other side did not notice. So now the restriction does not apply if I have another person with me besides my son.
As I read your blog, I think about how wrong it is that a man who has had numerous domestic violence proteciton orders is allowed to see his children and you are not. Family court is very weird.
Welcome mama j
I hope to raise awareness and when the pressure eases provide some lessons.
It's good that your marriage is stable and if it ever degrades the lesson is to act to correct it immediately. It is hard to fix a marriage, but it is harder to end it. The other lesson is that the current Family Court system is the place to go if you want things to get even worse. Those who believe they must end a marriage should seek a mediated dissolution, collaborative law, or just about anything other than a "traditional" adversarial divorce.
My son, as a defendant to this lawsuit (named as such by his mother) with his own lawyer and Guardian actually understands more than most children his age.
I would agree with you, but unfortunately the law says we are wrong. Children are indeed processions, similar to pets, and have no rights what so ever. Now some apologists will say I'm wrong, but if you look closely and confer carefully with legal professionals, you will find that children are viewed and treated by the law much more like processions than people. The law provides for a pocession schedule.
Some laws have updated their words so that a child doesn't "visit" one of his parents, they spend "parenting time". They are just words, the slow moving wheels of justice still treat the children and NCP (non-custodial parent) as much less than "People".
In one state they still refer to people with mental handicaps as "idiots" and "lunatics".
Many people may wonder, what terrible transgression did I commit, domestic violence (DV), cheater, drunkenness, drugs? NO, NO, NO, NO! I have sleep apnea and wrecked two cars when I was untreated. When my startup company went under I went through a period of depression. I have some workaholic tendencies and did not spend enough time with family.
Oh, I don't know about restraint. Physically yes, especially as she passed within inches of me while kidnapping my son. That had to be divine help to stop me from throwing her down the stairs. But if I would have grabbed, pushed, or stopped her in any way I would have been in jail I am sure. I am also sure that passing within inches of me while leaving was no accident and was meant to set me up for DV.
I have had much less restraint in my words to my wife and various court officials. I speak my mind and they are not used to that. I'm also not gullible and check what I'm told and they don't like that either, especially when I point out that they gave me a load of BS.
Well it's so much different if I do something. For example when my son became "afraid of heights" after living with his mother for over a year, I helped him overcome it by climbing an A-frame ladder with my very close supervision. This was twisted that he was hanging from the gutter (as a mother you probably know a young child can't hold their own weight, he would have fallen and broken some bones). Yet when I pointed out that I wanted him to be able to handle his gym requirement to climb an 8 foot vertical "rock wall" with no harness, just a mat, they didn't care. Can you say - DOUBLE STANDARD.
Excellent suggestion on volunteering. Yes I do that, in fact that is the first time I saw him after the kidnapping, because I am a teacher's aid for the computer class.
It does bear emphasis that since there is only her phobias here and no violence on my part, there is no protection order. That means that any time he is at a public function there is no way she can stop me from participating, other than keeping me in the dark as she did with the cub scout meeting.
I've done exactly that for many school functions and some other functions like birthday parties etc.
Thanks for your observations...
Welcome cassee
Family court is indeed weird and has no common sense, is way behind the times, most often makes things worse, and draconian, for starters.
An acquaintance who lives just a few miles away from me in the same Family Court jurisdiction was accused of domestic violence and does indeed have very good access to his children (every other week for the full week - 50/50). The court's theory is the violence was directed at the wife, not the children. But he did have very serious restrictions until the DV charge was reduced and concluded.
family court only serves those who are committing the bad deed:
If you committed adultery - family court is definitely for you.
If you kidnapped your child - family court is definitely for you.
If you feel like abusing your spouse with unecessary legal fees -
family court is definitely for you!
Sounds goofy, but ya gotta go with the observable facts.
They point out that the court works the opposite of common sense.
Other court "rules" are:
Most money/best lawyer wins, regardless of who should.
Lawyer's get paid first, to hell with others.
Lawyer's get paid regardless of how crappy their work is.
I should start a post to collect these in.
Good luck on your case, Sol, email me how it's going.
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