Well the collection agency from the first lawsuit contacted me again. He won a default judgment because "on advice of my counsel" he had a "license to fuck me" (I need to get me one of those) and I should not worry about it. I, of course, questioned the wisdom of this advice. I could not get my stubborn lawyer to do anything about it. Eventually this debt became part of the settlement and was assigned to my wife along with (more than) ample funds to pay it.
However, as I have mentioned a few times, because it bears repeating, the collection agency was never notified of the court order and as such can and will plead ignorance. How do I know, I have them recorded. Should I post the .wav file?
Today's lesson, a court order without notification is like the order doesn't exist. Notification is a formal legal process, telling them is insufficient. (jqism)
So this latest action will be to take further action against me, even though they know this has been decided by a higher court. They won their judgement in Municipal Court, even though there was a pending action in County Court which would defeat the City's Court jurisdiction.
They simply "neglected to inform" the court. This would be grounds for disbarment, but then that doesn't happen often. Of course my lawyer had the option and fiduciary responsibility to advocate and protect his client's interest and as such was duty bound to inform the lower court of their lack of jurisdiction. He neglected his duty, another grounds for disbarment, but then...are you getting the picture yet?
So what action might he take, well it is for a modest sum, he told me he'd reprocess my car. Well actually it wouldn't be repossessing, because the law suit wasn't over the car, I own it, it would be seizure of property to satisfy a debt.
A debt that was ordered by a higher court assigned to my wife. I have a long 2 lane driveway with a turn around, so I usually park the car in the driveway for convenience during good weather. But it looks like I'll have to clear the garage and park there to prevent a "seizure of property" and I'll have to make some more signs for my garage door, listing the final decree and all debts that were reassigned. I'll need to go down to the Police Station and let them know I have an enforceable court order that is being ignored by a overly (against the consumer credit act) aggressive collections agency.
Doesn't my post decree life sound like fun? What the fuck is wrong with ME that I'm having difficulty moving on. Could it be the daily assaults and lingering shit piles?
Another lesson: The final decree is a piece of paper that must be implemented properly. Poor implementation leaves the decree better suited to ass wipe. Expensive ass wipe to be sure, but ass wipe none the less. (jqism)
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Another lawsuit
A letter from the Clerk of Courts is never a good thing. Another lawsuit from a stubborn creditor. The problem occurred because the lawyers locked up all my assets, increased my living expenses through higher interest rates and out of control court costs. I had sufficient assets and requested repeatedly to be allowed to restructure debt, but that would reduce the kitty that they could raid for legal fees and on that everyone agreed. The opposition lawyer, my lawyer, the judge, even the Guardian all agreed, we can't allow him to restructure debt to benefit both parties, reduce interest rates at the possible loss of control of these funds that could be seized for fees.
A big part of this and I have written proof that it occurred is my own lawyer acting outside his authority. I was required to appear in court, obstensively so that any issue could be resolved with me. Prior to the Trial we agreed he would push hard for release of funds. At the conclusion of the day of me sitting like an asshole in the hall he informed me that he decided not to ask for a funds release (for a rather dumb ass reason explained in another post). Then I asked for an emergency motion. no he wouldn't do that. Then for it to occur at the next hearing, it did, but there were significant delays in getting the order cleared through opposition, the D(2) NYC & local firms. I missed the debt restructure for the third creditor by one week because of this 3 month delay.
But two other major creditors worked with me. They understood that my options were limited by the divorce case and frozen funds. They set up payment plans with reduced principal and interest payments and I paid them. But one creditor wanted it all. So I gave them nothing. It was that or risk the house. Only through my insistence, the two cooperative creditors will be paid in full within 30 days of a QDRO release of one of my retirement plans. Which should be today, but opposition counsel is ignoring the order, and thus exposing me to two more lawsuits. I tried to get the last creditor addressed but stubbornness on all sides would not allow it. And what was the incentive, by default (no pun), I would be left holding the shit bag.
I got funds released, I contacted the third creditor and told them I would shortly have funds, can we set up a payment plan. Sorry we have you tagged as prelitigation, we are determining how we will sue you. I pleaded with them, I have the order, I will have the money, suing will complicate it. We want it – all – now – period.
So the collection agency (as slimy as divorce lawyers) call, they want the whole balance ($30,000) plus substantial penalties ($5,000), plus 28% interest, plus legal fees. They will put a lien on my house and attempt to reprocess anything else I have and will take 25% of gross wages. I offer them an alternative. The money is available, except the lawyers are taking it first. All you have to do is file a brief with the court, objecting to the divorce lawyers getting first crack at the funds.
A big part of this and I have written proof that it occurred is my own lawyer acting outside his authority. I was required to appear in court, obstensively so that any issue could be resolved with me. Prior to the Trial we agreed he would push hard for release of funds. At the conclusion of the day of me sitting like an asshole in the hall he informed me that he decided not to ask for a funds release (for a rather dumb ass reason explained in another post). Then I asked for an emergency motion. no he wouldn't do that. Then for it to occur at the next hearing, it did, but there were significant delays in getting the order cleared through opposition, the D(2) NYC & local firms. I missed the debt restructure for the third creditor by one week because of this 3 month delay.
But two other major creditors worked with me. They understood that my options were limited by the divorce case and frozen funds. They set up payment plans with reduced principal and interest payments and I paid them. But one creditor wanted it all. So I gave them nothing. It was that or risk the house. Only through my insistence, the two cooperative creditors will be paid in full within 30 days of a QDRO release of one of my retirement plans. Which should be today, but opposition counsel is ignoring the order, and thus exposing me to two more lawsuits. I tried to get the last creditor addressed but stubbornness on all sides would not allow it. And what was the incentive, by default (no pun), I would be left holding the shit bag.
I got funds released, I contacted the third creditor and told them I would shortly have funds, can we set up a payment plan. Sorry we have you tagged as prelitigation, we are determining how we will sue you. I pleaded with them, I have the order, I will have the money, suing will complicate it. We want it – all – now – period.
So the collection agency (as slimy as divorce lawyers) call, they want the whole balance ($30,000) plus substantial penalties ($5,000), plus 28% interest, plus legal fees. They will put a lien on my house and attempt to reprocess anything else I have and will take 25% of gross wages. I offer them an alternative. The money is available, except the lawyers are taking it first. All you have to do is file a brief with the court, objecting to the divorce lawyers getting first crack at the funds.
Creditor: Well, we won't do that.Moral of the story: Lawyers are fucking assholes, the lot of them.
Me: Why not?
Creditor: We just don't.
Me: But do you realize that they will take all the money and then I won't be able to pay you.
Creditor: That's not our problem.
Me: Well if you want your money your best shot is to get it before the divorce lawyers, they are taking it all.
Creditor: We don't do that, we will sue you and take your house.
Me: Well then I guess you aren't interested in getting your money or solving this problem and that is what I will testify to. You have lost your debt through your own negligence.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Double Standard
or another reason to hate lawyers.
I hit the trifecta yesterday, three, count them three letters from my lawyer. Well he was on vacation spending my money and when I sent an email about over a dozen things he was required to do and left hanging to my determent it must have woke him up, or maybe its because I copied the Senior Partner.
These guys are such lazy bums. I try to be nice, I try to let them do it their way in their time, not to nag or micromanage, but then they just let things slide and you have to give them a kick in the butt to wake them up. Then as if they were dumber than a farm animal (ass) they look at their sore ass and wonder why you did it.
So one letter is this big hoopla (a 2 pager, who hah) about what has to be done to split pension assets and how the opposition counsel hasn't got back to him yet. In the course of the letter he plays the confused farm animal (ass) and isn't sure if I want him to continue on these tasks ordered by the court a month ago. He offers that he may withdrawal (so as to prevent further pain in the ass?) and I can take care of them, but he warns:
The third letter to my broker, also at my request, was to release my account to me as ordered by the court. But the court order is just an order, the second part is to "give notice", it gives notice to the parties. My divorce case has six defendants, my broker being one of them (#2), my son is one too (#6). But all the party orders were commingled (just like the screwed up accounting) so the only notifications went to my ex and I, not to the other 4 defendants.
My broker's involvement in financial forensics dating back to 1983 (9 years prior to marriage) necessitated getting both his corporate legal counsel in NYC and a special local counsel involved. They have made a formal "answer to the court" and "appeared as counsel of record" on behalf of the brokerage firm. A properly written order would recognize their status as "party to the case, D(2)" and as such the clerk of courts would be required to give them formal notice. But the order did not recognize the other parties, so they received no notice, so the restraining order freezing my funds is still in effect a month later.
So who screwed up the order? My lawyer wrote it. Oh you thought the judge wrote orders? No! A lawyer writes them and the other lawyer bickers about it and the judge signs them. The lawyers write the order as a courtesy to the busy judge (ass kissing). If our case went to a real trial, the judge told us it would take him 3 months to write the order. I guess he still uses some old fashioned ink hand squeezed from plants and a quill, but thats another post.
Moral of the story: Lawyers kiss each others asses, intimidate client's and the client's can wait, but they're still too fuckin dumb to know why they are hated.
I hit the trifecta yesterday, three, count them three letters from my lawyer. Well he was on vacation spending my money and when I sent an email about over a dozen things he was required to do and left hanging to my determent it must have woke him up, or maybe its because I copied the Senior Partner.
These guys are such lazy bums. I try to be nice, I try to let them do it their way in their time, not to nag or micromanage, but then they just let things slide and you have to give them a kick in the butt to wake them up. Then as if they were dumber than a farm animal (ass) they look at their sore ass and wonder why you did it.
So one letter is this big hoopla (a 2 pager, who hah) about what has to be done to split pension assets and how the opposition counsel hasn't got back to him yet. In the course of the letter he plays the confused farm animal (ass) and isn't sure if I want him to continue on these tasks ordered by the court a month ago. He offers that he may withdrawal (so as to prevent further pain in the ass?) and I can take care of them, but he warns:
"Be advised, these documents must be completed in a timely manner and the failure of that conclusion could subject either or both of you to contempt of court sanctions"Then a second letter is to opposition counsel, trying to kick start her into gear for this same month old task. It is only three sentences ending with:
"Kindly advise as to when we can expect such responses"Let's review, you went on an out of country vacation on my money before taking care of business putting it a month behind due to lack of your office following up on it and when I remind you of that you write a polite reminder to the opposition without using one word referring to "lateness" or "timely manner". At the same time you attempt to intimidate me with a very thinly veiled threat of contempt of court. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that bullshit, I could afford to pay you on time.
The third letter to my broker, also at my request, was to release my account to me as ordered by the court. But the court order is just an order, the second part is to "give notice", it gives notice to the parties. My divorce case has six defendants, my broker being one of them (#2), my son is one too (#6). But all the party orders were commingled (just like the screwed up accounting) so the only notifications went to my ex and I, not to the other 4 defendants.
My broker's involvement in financial forensics dating back to 1983 (9 years prior to marriage) necessitated getting both his corporate legal counsel in NYC and a special local counsel involved. They have made a formal "answer to the court" and "appeared as counsel of record" on behalf of the brokerage firm. A properly written order would recognize their status as "party to the case, D(2)" and as such the clerk of courts would be required to give them formal notice. But the order did not recognize the other parties, so they received no notice, so the restraining order freezing my funds is still in effect a month later.
So who screwed up the order? My lawyer wrote it. Oh you thought the judge wrote orders? No! A lawyer writes them and the other lawyer bickers about it and the judge signs them. The lawyers write the order as a courtesy to the busy judge (ass kissing). If our case went to a real trial, the judge told us it would take him 3 months to write the order. I guess he still uses some old fashioned ink hand squeezed from plants and a quill, but thats another post.
Moral of the story: Lawyers kiss each others asses, intimidate client's and the client's can wait, but they're still too fuckin dumb to know why they are hated.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Speechless pussy
Well the pussy was out of the country which should not have mattered because I talked to the senior partner and he assured me that things would get taken care of. So it turns out that he received his money last week and never said a peep (Thanks for the $40K, I'm out of the country on a beautiful cruise on your safety net).
I missed his call, and I called back. Where is the release of my funds since the court order is satisfied? Oh I dictated it today. But you got the money last week.
So then he said, I hear things aren't going well between you and your ex. News Flash, I've known the bitch 15 years and I told you what would happen 100 times but none of you listen. I wish my recorder was handy (it wasn't) to catch the calm but sharply sarcastic words I told him to which he was utterly silent (not so characteristic).
I asked how did you (the pussy), your senior partner, the Guardian (now a member in their firm), the Custodian Evaluator, the previous lawyer (who you see socially) and the fuckin lazy ass Judge, get duped by that actress who is my ex? How stupid, how blind do you have to be? Are you trying to tell me that even in one year you haven't seen several like her during that time? Someone who has been a spoiled brat since birth that could give two shits about the decree because she's always done whatever she damn well pleases and gotten away with it.
See all you assholes should have seen her game, she didn't invent it. In order for me to be divorced from her, I have to divorce my son. And the whole team of you morons let her get through.
My son is the leverage, for more money, for visitation, I don't know when I'll see him, she changed Father's day at the last minute for her own convenience. She's shorting me 30 minutes a day for the whole summer. Why? Because it irritates me, it controls me, it interferes with my plans. How? Easy, the winner doesn't have to do what the decree says, they won, they can do anything. That's where the expression "winner takes all" came from.
And where is the QDRO that is supposed to protect the marital debt. He says the opponent has it. Well, I'm on the hook, I'm gonna get sued. They are already calling me. So if the opponent plays it right, she'll get the money, but keep them ignorant that I'm not on the hook and they'll sue me. But you have an order that says its her debt now. The winner can enforce orders, the looser can wipe their ass with them. That's how it really works.
And thanks for helping me get my decree rights as we discussed (sarcastic, he didn't do it), but that's OK, ya know what I'll do, they don't want to see a letter from a father, father's are fucked, we're just NCPs, his teacher has more rights. I'll just make up a name, add ",Esq" and a 8 digit number (State Bar Assoc) and send it myself.
Thanks for your big fuckin failure, Thank you very much, oh and thank the other's in the office and that lazy ass judge the next time you see him too.
Um, OK, gotta go now. Yeah, go ahead and go.
Status: First Draft
I missed his call, and I called back. Where is the release of my funds since the court order is satisfied? Oh I dictated it today. But you got the money last week.
So then he said, I hear things aren't going well between you and your ex. News Flash, I've known the bitch 15 years and I told you what would happen 100 times but none of you listen. I wish my recorder was handy (it wasn't) to catch the calm but sharply sarcastic words I told him to which he was utterly silent (not so characteristic).
I asked how did you (the pussy), your senior partner, the Guardian (now a member in their firm), the Custodian Evaluator, the previous lawyer (who you see socially) and the fuckin lazy ass Judge, get duped by that actress who is my ex? How stupid, how blind do you have to be? Are you trying to tell me that even in one year you haven't seen several like her during that time? Someone who has been a spoiled brat since birth that could give two shits about the decree because she's always done whatever she damn well pleases and gotten away with it.
See all you assholes should have seen her game, she didn't invent it. In order for me to be divorced from her, I have to divorce my son. And the whole team of you morons let her get through.
My son is the leverage, for more money, for visitation, I don't know when I'll see him, she changed Father's day at the last minute for her own convenience. She's shorting me 30 minutes a day for the whole summer. Why? Because it irritates me, it controls me, it interferes with my plans. How? Easy, the winner doesn't have to do what the decree says, they won, they can do anything. That's where the expression "winner takes all" came from.
And where is the QDRO that is supposed to protect the marital debt. He says the opponent has it. Well, I'm on the hook, I'm gonna get sued. They are already calling me. So if the opponent plays it right, she'll get the money, but keep them ignorant that I'm not on the hook and they'll sue me. But you have an order that says its her debt now. The winner can enforce orders, the looser can wipe their ass with them. That's how it really works.
And thanks for helping me get my decree rights as we discussed (sarcastic, he didn't do it), but that's OK, ya know what I'll do, they don't want to see a letter from a father, father's are fucked, we're just NCPs, his teacher has more rights. I'll just make up a name, add ",Esq" and a 8 digit number (State Bar Assoc) and send it myself.
Thanks for your big fuckin failure, Thank you very much, oh and thank the other's in the office and that lazy ass judge the next time you see him too.
Um, OK, gotta go now. Yeah, go ahead and go.
Status: First Draft
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
It may all be moot
Or I could just wait a little longer and she'll take my son away. All her threats have come to pass, thanks to her lies. So I expect that one to happen as it did before. Isn't that ironic, lie to make your threats come true. What a fucked up world we live in.
And if that doesn't do it, the restrictions will, my son is asking me to go to various attractions and I have to tell him No,No,No. Why? Because of the court restrictions. And she is threatening me if I tell him the truth.
Not the whole truth, any truth. And that is what I am ordered to do LIE, or else! I've always blamed it on the court, not her. Which is a big fuckin lie, the court only does what the declared winner wants.
Son, I'm sorry, I haven't been telling you the whole truth, I've tried, but I've buckled under to pressure from your neurotic untreated mom. She's been lying to you about why you can't spend time with me, why I can't take you anywhere fun. When you are old enough, just search for your own name, yup, mommy named you a defendant, ask for the records. But if you want to see mommy's worst lies ask her for the court sealed Addendum 1, then you'll see how bad Mommy hates Daddy. And how much Daddy sacrificed for his love of you.
But Daddy wonders if he should sacrifice the good memories you have now as you watch your mother destroy him. See Mommy isn't letting me divorce her without divorcing you too. And if I don't then she will continue to enforce more and more restrictions until we both are miserable, and what would be the point of that. Maybe you'll understand and forgive me someday, for loosing the court battle, for loosing you.
And if that doesn't do it, the restrictions will, my son is asking me to go to various attractions and I have to tell him No,No,No. Why? Because of the court restrictions. And she is threatening me if I tell him the truth.
Not the whole truth, any truth. And that is what I am ordered to do LIE, or else! I've always blamed it on the court, not her. Which is a big fuckin lie, the court only does what the declared winner wants.
Son, I'm sorry, I haven't been telling you the whole truth, I've tried, but I've buckled under to pressure from your neurotic untreated mom. She's been lying to you about why you can't spend time with me, why I can't take you anywhere fun. When you are old enough, just search for your own name, yup, mommy named you a defendant, ask for the records. But if you want to see mommy's worst lies ask her for the court sealed Addendum 1, then you'll see how bad Mommy hates Daddy. And how much Daddy sacrificed for his love of you.
But Daddy wonders if he should sacrifice the good memories you have now as you watch your mother destroy him. See Mommy isn't letting me divorce her without divorcing you too. And if I don't then she will continue to enforce more and more restrictions until we both are miserable, and what would be the point of that. Maybe you'll understand and forgive me someday, for loosing the court battle, for loosing you.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
More Shit for the Shit Pile
Never ending threats and bullshit. I am such a dumb fucker to believe these assholes that the final decree was going to change anything. I knew better all along, but I wanted to believe the fairy tale. My ex always did what ever she wanted to do and got away with it (because she is such a good liar and actress, kudos on that front).
As long as I have to live under her control, granted her by the decree, and under her abuses, granted by the system's incompetence, life will be bad. So put up with the shit, so my son can see me die a slow death, or just get the fuckin inevitable over with quickly.
I asked the court to be his father and they said no, you are just an NCP and not only that we have a ton of restrictions to boot. So its time to end this charade as NCP and if they will ever let me be his father fine until then just call me MIA.
I don't think its good for a boy to see his father beaten to a portion of what he used to be. Let him remember me as he does now and spare him the gory end.
Like I said before JFSM.
As long as I have to live under her control, granted her by the decree, and under her abuses, granted by the system's incompetence, life will be bad. So put up with the shit, so my son can see me die a slow death, or just get the fuckin inevitable over with quickly.
I asked the court to be his father and they said no, you are just an NCP and not only that we have a ton of restrictions to boot. So its time to end this charade as NCP and if they will ever let me be his father fine until then just call me MIA.
I don't think its good for a boy to see his father beaten to a portion of what he used to be. Let him remember me as he does now and spare him the gory end.
Like I said before JFSM.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Shitty Mood
Some people celebrate their divorce, I guess its because they have their freedom. Three weeks later and I still have nothing to celebrate, so I'm just in a shitty mood. I'm not myself, I'm short fused, humorless, easily offended. I'm sorry.
I need to take a break so badly. Maybe I just need to drop out of Blogland and society until I can accept the shitty fact of life that my divorce will never set me free. I will remain a prisoner of the fucked up court system until my dying breath.
Don't mind me. Stay at least 100 feet away. I swear I'm gonna fuckin explode and I don't want to take anyone with me.
I need to take a break so badly. Maybe I just need to drop out of Blogland and society until I can accept the shitty fact of life that my divorce will never set me free. I will remain a prisoner of the fucked up court system until my dying breath.
- All my money (what's left of it) is still locked up, inaccessible to me by order of the court.
- My lawyers never assisted me in asserting my divorce rights, they remain unrecognized by default.
- I will have to formally approach every entity in my life and son's life and fight to get them to recognize them.
- My ex demonstrated her arrogance and power by ignoring my visitation order on Father's Day and doing what was convenient for her.
- And then she had to call last night and today to agitate.
Don't mind me. Stay at least 100 feet away. I swear I'm gonna fuckin explode and I don't want to take anyone with me.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
An unsent email
I had an interesting day today. I was about to send this email to my pussy lawyer. And I hesitated to think about it. Why the hell should I give him an advance warning, time to prepare, to cover his ass? I never got that courtesy. Fuck him! He can get called by the Enforcement Agency and the DOJ and we'll see how well he can improvise. I hope he isn't in, cause I gotta feeling the office staff won't put that in voicemail.
Surprise! I told you so! Don't look now, I'm still not done yet!
Go ahead and fuck me, but if you think you can get away with it, be ready for a surprise.
This is to inform you that despite the court orders that should have been issued, I have received notification from [Enforcement Agency] that I am subject to enforcement action. Apparently the court order has not been properly executed. I had anticipated this problem and coincidently was meeting with various officials in [Enforcement Agency] and the Department of Justice.
We discussed opposition counsel's predatory practices, misuse of [Enforcement Agency] to achieve litigation leverage, disparaging remarks made against [Enforcement Agency], lawyer/judicial ignorance of [Enforcement Agency] processes, and the judicial tacit approval of them as well as the judicial threats and intimidation in chambers.
I was asked and provided full case details. I have been assured that a full and thorough investigation will commence no later than this coming Tuesday. It is possible that you may be contacted in this regard. As most of this abuse occurred under prior representation, [2nd lawyer] and [Guardian ad litum] will have to answer most of these charges. The judicial threats and intimidation however were personally witnessed by you and the managing partner and therefore you may be called into account as to how well you protected your client's rights during that highly unusual meeting.
Surprise! I told you so! Don't look now, I'm still not done yet!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
An NCP’s degradation is never done
It’s close to Father’s Day, so it is important for the court declared winner to degrade the NCP (Non-Custodial Parent) and remove any traces of Fatherhood that may still exist. As I said the road to Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS) starts with being condemned as an NCP and then degrading the NCP until the very recognition as a parent is successfully removed.
First, my ex offered restricted visitation for Father’s day that was not compliant with the court order. It was a take it or leave it offer. I took it, how much do I want to pay for principal. The timing would be difficult also, it was done last minute to reduce my ability to get it heard by the court. What? Violate a court order, you can’t do that. Oh yes you can, don’t be naïve, it happens every day.
When my ex came to pick up my son, he had taken off his pants belt and was fooling around with it and the buckle broke. I looked at it and said, “Oh, I can fix this”. My ex started to make a big scene, demanding it back, she was going to take it to someone and pay them to fix it, rather than allowing the NCP to fix it for his son.
For PAS to work, it is important that the child not look up to the NCP. I could tell, from 15 years experience, the look in her eyes, the expression on her face that if I did not let her have her way, it would turn ugly very soon. When only one person cares for the child, they find themselves making sacrifices for the greater good. And if you complain about your compromise, you are viewed as petty. Even though the sum total of all these compromises is extremely unfair and damaging to the NCPs self esteem.
She no doubt, accurately predicted my response. I use anything as an opportunity for teaching. I would have shown my son how the buckle attached, I would explain what a rivet is and how a screw could be used instead. I would have drilled a new hole in buckle and attached it with a machine screw.
This also would be a Father/Son bonding opportunity. My Dad fixed my belt and showed me how. If you've never noticed, this kind of thing can be said with much pride and joy on a child's face. I believe this is important in a child's emotional development.
But anyone wanting to reserve their court ordered right to commit PAS on the NCP needs to interfere with Father/Son bonding and if you can do it just before Father’s Day, so much the better.
First, my ex offered restricted visitation for Father’s day that was not compliant with the court order. It was a take it or leave it offer. I took it, how much do I want to pay for principal. The timing would be difficult also, it was done last minute to reduce my ability to get it heard by the court. What? Violate a court order, you can’t do that. Oh yes you can, don’t be naïve, it happens every day.
When my ex came to pick up my son, he had taken off his pants belt and was fooling around with it and the buckle broke. I looked at it and said, “Oh, I can fix this”. My ex started to make a big scene, demanding it back, she was going to take it to someone and pay them to fix it, rather than allowing the NCP to fix it for his son.
For PAS to work, it is important that the child not look up to the NCP. I could tell, from 15 years experience, the look in her eyes, the expression on her face that if I did not let her have her way, it would turn ugly very soon. When only one person cares for the child, they find themselves making sacrifices for the greater good. And if you complain about your compromise, you are viewed as petty. Even though the sum total of all these compromises is extremely unfair and damaging to the NCPs self esteem.
She no doubt, accurately predicted my response. I use anything as an opportunity for teaching. I would have shown my son how the buckle attached, I would explain what a rivet is and how a screw could be used instead. I would have drilled a new hole in buckle and attached it with a machine screw.
This also would be a Father/Son bonding opportunity. My Dad fixed my belt and showed me how. If you've never noticed, this kind of thing can be said with much pride and joy on a child's face. I believe this is important in a child's emotional development.
But anyone wanting to reserve their court ordered right to commit PAS on the NCP needs to interfere with Father/Son bonding and if you can do it just before Father’s Day, so much the better.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Father's Day is different for an NCP
In divorce court, the default process picks the looser, the NCP (non-custodial-parent). Often times it is the Father, but it can also be the Mother on occasion. Sometimes the court uses the term "residential" instead of "custodial". This can be a legal improvement, but often it is just PC semantic double speak and offers no practical difference.
As an NCP, Fatherhood is diminished to simply a biological reference to being the doner of the required sperm to produce the child. Besides this biological fact, the NCP is treated as any other person, they visit with their child as a stranger would, they have restricted input into the upbringing, decision making, religion, schooling, everything.
The NCP is subject to control of the winning parent. This is an artifact left over when there were grounds for divorce and the faulty party needed to be punished. Since divorce can be filed on a whim now, it makes less sense to pick a looser when there are no grounds for the divorce. But courts have a steep tradition of picking winners and losers for half a millennia and they are slow to change.
So on Father's Day, my sperm donation will be acknoleged with a restricted visit from my son subject to the whim of my ex, the winner. If she chooses to do something different than the court order, I will have to challenge her in court. But the special day will have passed.
For my first NCP day (in 2005), I recieved a less than 3 hour visit. For my 2nd NCP day (in 2006), I recieved a carefully planned subponea delivered by an armed sherriff to my residence the day before Father's day to intimidate, aggravate, and interfere with my limited visit with my son.
This year, my 3rd NCP day was preceeded by a clever plan that my wife executed to reduce, my visitation by 30 minutes per day, to less than 4 hours on the vistation days, for the entire summer.
This is now becoming the pattern of the NCP day stunt. But in addition to dealing with my NCP day depression, I will be very busy, preparing ffor and participating with the Father's Right's Activism at both the County and State Level.
They want to know how they can get Father's to step up to their responsibility. I am not the only Father with the same message:
Maybe one day we can get the system to understand... Happy NCP Day.
As an NCP, Fatherhood is diminished to simply a biological reference to being the doner of the required sperm to produce the child. Besides this biological fact, the NCP is treated as any other person, they visit with their child as a stranger would, they have restricted input into the upbringing, decision making, religion, schooling, everything.
The NCP is subject to control of the winning parent. This is an artifact left over when there were grounds for divorce and the faulty party needed to be punished. Since divorce can be filed on a whim now, it makes less sense to pick a looser when there are no grounds for the divorce. But courts have a steep tradition of picking winners and losers for half a millennia and they are slow to change.
So on Father's Day, my sperm donation will be acknoleged with a restricted visit from my son subject to the whim of my ex, the winner. If she chooses to do something different than the court order, I will have to challenge her in court. But the special day will have passed.
For my first NCP day (in 2005), I recieved a less than 3 hour visit. For my 2nd NCP day (in 2006), I recieved a carefully planned subponea delivered by an armed sherriff to my residence the day before Father's day to intimidate, aggravate, and interfere with my limited visit with my son.
This year, my 3rd NCP day was preceeded by a clever plan that my wife executed to reduce, my visitation by 30 minutes per day, to less than 4 hours on the vistation days, for the entire summer.
This is now becoming the pattern of the NCP day stunt. But in addition to dealing with my NCP day depression, I will be very busy, preparing ffor and participating with the Father's Right's Activism at both the County and State Level.
They want to know how they can get Father's to step up to their responsibility. I am not the only Father with the same message:
- Stop designating winners and losers
- Stop treating us like losers
- Stop chasing us away from our children
- Stop the winners from using the children and dysfunctional systems to abuse us
Maybe one day we can get the system to understand... Happy NCP Day.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Everything bad that happens to a woman....
can be blamed on a man... And I can prove it!
Now I can hear the rally cries for an all out Blog War (Meg, talk to me!). But I assure you I'd rather not, call me provocative, but not gender biased.
First off, general statements by their very nature are incorrect. I'd even have to admit that as many despicable people in the domestic relations system as I have met, that there may some redeeming value in someone or there may exist somewhere an example of someone with acceptable behavior, I've just found it to be rare.
As for gender bias, if I judged women's behavior by my ex's, well let's just say I'd be making a major lifestyle change. And that's not going to happen.
And my opening line, as provocative as it is, is not meant to apply to all women. But I saw something today that stopped me in my tracks. I was in a crowded public building and a woman was walking toward me in the hallway with a man behind her. She tripped over her own feet, almost like you would at a door jam, apparently from scuffling along, rather than lifting her feet to take steps. The floor was flat and free of cracks or any reason to stumble.
Now the typical human behavior action is usually to slow down look backwards as if some gremlin jumped up from the floor and that it wasn't your clumsy self who hadn't learned to walk as an adult. It appeared she started to do that and then a big surprise!
She swung her hefty purse like a horizontal golf swing and hit this guy behind her in the chest.
I stopped in my tracks and said out loud, "Why did you do that he didn't make you trip?" "Yeah, so" she responds, and he stepped up next to and closer to her, apparently he knew her and then he had this odd smile (that is a silent male to male communication) that said, "Hey look, she's a woman, what do you expect?".
No one else seemed to think anything of this blatant public gender assault, but I continued down the hall shaking my head thinking "Damn, if a woman can blame a man for that, she can blame him for anything."
Now I can hear the rally cries for an all out Blog War (Meg, talk to me!). But I assure you I'd rather not, call me provocative, but not gender biased.
First off, general statements by their very nature are incorrect. I'd even have to admit that as many despicable people in the domestic relations system as I have met, that there may some redeeming value in someone or there may exist somewhere an example of someone with acceptable behavior, I've just found it to be rare.
As for gender bias, if I judged women's behavior by my ex's, well let's just say I'd be making a major lifestyle change. And that's not going to happen.
And my opening line, as provocative as it is, is not meant to apply to all women. But I saw something today that stopped me in my tracks. I was in a crowded public building and a woman was walking toward me in the hallway with a man behind her. She tripped over her own feet, almost like you would at a door jam, apparently from scuffling along, rather than lifting her feet to take steps. The floor was flat and free of cracks or any reason to stumble.
Now the typical human behavior action is usually to slow down look backwards as if some gremlin jumped up from the floor and that it wasn't your clumsy self who hadn't learned to walk as an adult. It appeared she started to do that and then a big surprise!
She swung her hefty purse like a horizontal golf swing and hit this guy behind her in the chest.
I stopped in my tracks and said out loud, "Why did you do that he didn't make you trip?" "Yeah, so" she responds, and he stepped up next to and closer to her, apparently he knew her and then he had this odd smile (that is a silent male to male communication) that said, "Hey look, she's a woman, what do you expect?".
No one else seemed to think anything of this blatant public gender assault, but I continued down the hall shaking my head thinking "Damn, if a woman can blame a man for that, she can blame him for anything."
Whosa Bitch?
My regular readers will already know this, but before I make a provocative post, I thought I'd get a few things straight. I have always understood bitch to be a derogatory reference to women. I am always surprised at women referring to themselves or other women as bitches in a friendly way. Although there are other slurs where this occurs, so maybe its accepted.
I have used the word bitch a lot and I just want to assure the female audience that I mean no disrespect to the female population in general, just the two bitches in my life. That would be my ex, referred to simply as "bitch", and her seemingly older twin lawyer who I refer to as "hired bitch".
I also avoid stooping to use of body part references, I have repeated my lawyers reference to the "hired bitch" as "fuckin cunt", but that even makes me cringe a little, but I use it to demonstrate just how low the woman is viewed by others. I refer to my own lawyer as a "pussy" (not a cat) because he is that and worse. To be PC, I should say "wussy" or "wimp". But since I called him "fuckin pussy" to his face and it upset him so and the rest of the firm knows I did (I think I saw his assistant trying to fight off a smirk from her face), it has stuck, although I usually just shorten it to "pussy". And since we have talked of testosterone poisoning of late, I might as well mention that I refer to my lawyer as "testosterone starved" and I don't mean that in a good way as some of my readers may suggest.
Well this is the basis for a future post. I want to make it clear that derogatory language is meant to be directed to individuals, I do not have a gender bias or grudge, I freely admit that I do have a divorce system/lawyer/judge bias (that crosses gender lines).
Hopefully women will allow me these exceptional slurs without taking personal offense.
I have heard some say that a "bitch" is any woman who speaks her mind. Since that would be expected behavior in western culture, it would make all women "bitches", somehow I doubt that is a widely held definition.
If any one can conjugate the word bitch for me and help me understand the acceptable and unacceptable uses, that might be interesting, for now, I confine my usage to a narrow band.
As always, I don't mean to offend, if you think I did, let me know and I'll try to make it right. I ask the same courtesy in return.
I have used the word bitch a lot and I just want to assure the female audience that I mean no disrespect to the female population in general, just the two bitches in my life. That would be my ex, referred to simply as "bitch", and her seemingly older twin lawyer who I refer to as "hired bitch".
I also avoid stooping to use of body part references, I have repeated my lawyers reference to the "hired bitch" as "fuckin cunt", but that even makes me cringe a little, but I use it to demonstrate just how low the woman is viewed by others. I refer to my own lawyer as a "pussy" (not a cat) because he is that and worse. To be PC, I should say "wussy" or "wimp". But since I called him "fuckin pussy" to his face and it upset him so and the rest of the firm knows I did (I think I saw his assistant trying to fight off a smirk from her face), it has stuck, although I usually just shorten it to "pussy". And since we have talked of testosterone poisoning of late, I might as well mention that I refer to my lawyer as "testosterone starved" and I don't mean that in a good way as some of my readers may suggest.
Well this is the basis for a future post. I want to make it clear that derogatory language is meant to be directed to individuals, I do not have a gender bias or grudge, I freely admit that I do have a divorce system/lawyer/judge bias (that crosses gender lines).
Hopefully women will allow me these exceptional slurs without taking personal offense.
I have heard some say that a "bitch" is any woman who speaks her mind. Since that would be expected behavior in western culture, it would make all women "bitches", somehow I doubt that is a widely held definition.
If any one can conjugate the word bitch for me and help me understand the acceptable and unacceptable uses, that might be interesting, for now, I confine my usage to a narrow band.
As always, I don't mean to offend, if you think I did, let me know and I'll try to make it right. I ask the same courtesy in return.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Dedicated to my ex
Here's a song dedicated to my ex:
Artist: Avril Lavigne
Album: The best damn thing
Song: One of Those Girls
Click the arrow > to play
Lyrics: One Of Those Girls
La la la, la la la la
I know your kind of girl
You only care about one thing
Who you've seen, or where you've been
Who's got money
I see that look in your eyes
It tells a million lies
But deep inside, I know why
You're talking to him
I know what you're all about
I really hope he figures it out
[Chorus]
She's one of those girls
They're nothing but trouble
Just one look and now you're seeing double
Before you know it she'll be gone
Off to the next one
She's so good that you won't see it comin
She'll take you for a ride and you'll be left with nothing
You'll be broke and she'll be gone
Off to the next one
Oh oh oh
Off to the next one
Oh oh yeah yeah oh oh
She's gonna be the end of you
At least that's what they say
It's been a while
You're in denial
And now it's too late
The way she looks makes you hide
All the warning signs
Cus her blond hair, her blue eyes
Makes you wanna die
I know what she's all about
I really hope you figure it out
[Chorus]
You know it's a game, you know it's a game
She keeps playing around with your head, playing around with your head
She's so insane, so insane
She's the one to blame, she's the one to blame
[Chorus]
Oh oh oh
Off to the next one
Oh oh yeah yeah
Off to the next one
Monday, June 04, 2007
Children can be so funny
I usually say hello or wave to children when I see them. It's kind of fun to see their reactions. Sometimes they'll stop misbehaving at the novelty of a stranger saying something. So today I'm shopping and I hear this whistling, I get around the corner and was surprised to see this young boy in a grocery cart basket. I commented "You are a very good whistler", his mother said "He can whistle at girls too". Just then, this little boy let's out a perfect cat call whistle. I was stunned. I commented, "Wow, he could get a guy in trouble, n0 girl would believe he did that". His mother and I laughed. Later it dawned on me, where did he learn to do that?
Thanks SolarisGal
My First Blogger Buddy SolarisGal sent me a postcard while she was on vacation. Isn't that thoughtful? Well, that's the kind of person she is.
She was having lots of fun in the sun on the west coast.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
A Lonely Trip to the Zoo
When my son brought home the information on the Zoo field trip, it contained a volunteer form. He was excited when I filled it out, you'll come with us. Sure I said.I volunteer when I can. On one Zoo field trip I helped stop a child from running away during Lunch. The teachers were grateful that I noticed him straying away from the group and quickly got up and caught him before he got lost in a large public place.
As the time approached for the field trip, my son told me, that they picked different volunteers. I said, maybe I could come and tag along, "But Daddy you aren't invited". I had plenty to do, I could have stayed home and made a dent in my Post Decree Implementation. Who am I kidding, I would have been depressed that I wasn't with my son and his classmates.
Well just take him to the Zoo another day, you might say. But see part of my extorted Parenting Plan restricts me to driving my son only 10 miles. The Zoo is 15 miles away. Why the restrictions? Well 3 years ago an untreated condition caused a severe accident. In that three years the treatment has been successful with 50,000 incident free miles. So why still have the restriction? Vengeance, Harassment, Control. Not my answers, everyone who's familiar with the case. Oh yeah and her lawyer has a "License to Fuck Me".
So I pushed myself. Just go, maybe you'll luck out. I went, it was the day after the holiday and the lot was full of school buses. I walked rapidly through the various areas, slowing down occasionally, hoping to find him. The class split into smaller groups, I came across one of the groups, and one of my son's classmates came up to me excitedly telling me about one of the exhibits.
So I spent a half day searching without luck. I went home and to meet my son at the bus stop. Feeling like that overheated Polar Bear at the Zoo. We did talk about the trip, what we each saw, and I showed him the photos I took that day. He said the Polar Bear was "awesome". I like it too.
I've had more fun at the Zoo, photographing animals, and with my son. But I guess you have to settle. That's just part of the damage that comes with every divorce.
This was the last volunteer opportunity of the school year. So his teacher batted a perfect 100 and rejected every single volunteer offer I made. More damage.
Alternate title: Trying to make lemonade
Friday, June 01, 2007
Blogging Milestone
Wow May 2007, what a month.
I started Blogging when my new parenting plan push with my 3rd legal firm began in earnest in Sept 2006. That was over 200 posts ago, and my good friend, to this day, SolarisGal was my very first commenter and supporter. Wow over 200 posts and in this last month 50 of them, 25%. Well I don't think I can keep up that pace, but I'm not going anywhere, as some of our past friends have.
I am entering a difficult period, to cope with a tremendous financial hit. A hit that is so devastating that most people could not take it, a hit that has sent people looking for tall bridges, and ironically a hit that the average person wouldn't get because it would be too risky for the lawyers who could loose money. And after all, this game is all about money, BIC be damned. (jqism).
The parenting plan had six major revisions over a four month period. The next five month period, which was to run concurrent with the first period, but didn't, had an unbelievable amount of updates to the financial settlement. I have quite literally lost count of the them. I could find out, I could go through my divorce directory and its sub-directories and count up the files and the tabs within the spreadsheets.
I stopped building new spreadsheets and simply added tabs for easier comparisons. And these various tabs had anywhere up to a half dozen scenarios in contention that I managed within each single tab. After a half dozen major changes, and a Trial Date, I'd start a new spreadsheet. And these asshole lawyers thought they could manage this on a legal pad, in their head. What fuckin arrogant fools. That is how I could beat them at their own sloppy game. The separation agreement and divorce decree were slam dunked in the last month. And I even got a favorable parenting plan addendum slam dunked on the very last day. An addendum that I wrote, that I lobbied for 3 months, that eventually required me to threaten my own lawyers.
May 2007 is a month I won't likely forget, a blur, the darkest hour of my 50 years on Earth. One hopes that this is truly rock bottom, I worry that it might not be, but I hope that it is. With every single aspect of my life destroyed and in ashes, all I have to do is simply rise like a Phoenix. Time and future Blog posts will tell.
Notice the new Blog Label "Damage" - I have a feeling I'm gonna get plenty of use of it.
- May 02 - Our 15 year wedding anniversary
- May 03 - My 8th Trial Date
- May xx - My 9th Trial Date
- May 22 - My 10th Trial Date
- May 23 - Our "Final" Divorce Decree
- May 31 - My 50th Blog Post in a single Month
- May 2007 - Good Fuckin Riddance
- June 2007 - Implement Final Divorce Decree
I started Blogging when my new parenting plan push with my 3rd legal firm began in earnest in Sept 2006. That was over 200 posts ago, and my good friend, to this day, SolarisGal was my very first commenter and supporter. Wow over 200 posts and in this last month 50 of them, 25%. Well I don't think I can keep up that pace, but I'm not going anywhere, as some of our past friends have.
I am entering a difficult period, to cope with a tremendous financial hit. A hit that is so devastating that most people could not take it, a hit that has sent people looking for tall bridges, and ironically a hit that the average person wouldn't get because it would be too risky for the lawyers who could loose money. And after all, this game is all about money, BIC be damned. (jqism).
The parenting plan had six major revisions over a four month period. The next five month period, which was to run concurrent with the first period, but didn't, had an unbelievable amount of updates to the financial settlement. I have quite literally lost count of the them. I could find out, I could go through my divorce directory and its sub-directories and count up the files and the tabs within the spreadsheets.
I stopped building new spreadsheets and simply added tabs for easier comparisons. And these various tabs had anywhere up to a half dozen scenarios in contention that I managed within each single tab. After a half dozen major changes, and a Trial Date, I'd start a new spreadsheet. And these asshole lawyers thought they could manage this on a legal pad, in their head. What fuckin arrogant fools. That is how I could beat them at their own sloppy game. The separation agreement and divorce decree were slam dunked in the last month. And I even got a favorable parenting plan addendum slam dunked on the very last day. An addendum that I wrote, that I lobbied for 3 months, that eventually required me to threaten my own lawyers.
May 2007 is a month I won't likely forget, a blur, the darkest hour of my 50 years on Earth. One hopes that this is truly rock bottom, I worry that it might not be, but I hope that it is. With every single aspect of my life destroyed and in ashes, all I have to do is simply rise like a Phoenix. Time and future Blog posts will tell.
Notice the new Blog Label "Damage" - I have a feeling I'm gonna get plenty of use of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
