As an NCP, Fatherhood is diminished to simply a biological reference to being the doner of the required sperm to produce the child. Besides this biological fact, the NCP is treated as any other person, they visit with their child as a stranger would, they have restricted input into the upbringing, decision making, religion, schooling, everything.
The NCP is subject to control of the winning parent. This is an artifact left over when there were grounds for divorce and the faulty party needed to be punished. Since divorce can be filed on a whim now, it makes less sense to pick a looser when there are no grounds for the divorce. But courts have a steep tradition of picking winners and losers for half a millennia and they are slow to change.
So on Father's Day, my sperm donation will be acknoleged with a restricted visit from my son subject to the whim of my ex, the winner. If she chooses to do something different than the court order, I will have to challenge her in court. But the special day will have passed.
For my first NCP day (in 2005), I recieved a less than 3 hour visit. For my 2nd NCP day (in 2006), I recieved a carefully planned subponea delivered by an armed sherriff to my residence the day before Father's day to intimidate, aggravate, and interfere with my limited visit with my son.
This year, my 3rd NCP day was preceeded by a clever plan that my wife executed to reduce, my visitation by 30 minutes per day, to less than 4 hours on the vistation days, for the entire summer.
This is now becoming the pattern of the NCP day stunt. But in addition to dealing with my NCP day depression, I will be very busy, preparing ffor and participating with the Father's Right's Activism at both the County and State Level.
They want to know how they can get Father's to step up to their responsibility. I am not the only Father with the same message:
- Stop designating winners and losers
- Stop treating us like losers
- Stop chasing us away from our children
- Stop the winners from using the children and dysfunctional systems to abuse us
Maybe one day we can get the system to understand... Happy NCP Day.
8 comments:
The one thing they can never change for guys like you, who love, support and want to see their kids is the fact that you are the biological father and they can't change that!!!!!!!!!
So that means that EVERY day is your fathers day. Not trying to be a smart ass here John, I am being serious. NO ONE can take that away from you, so you keep on keeping on and when your son is a little older he can actually deside who he wants to live with.
I believe that day will make all of this other BS worth it.
LW, I don't think you are being a smart ass at all, but what I'm about to say will sound that way.
They can, and do, take every aspect of Fatherhood away from the NCP except for the sperm donation. At this point you really aren't a father any more, I am legally just an NCP.
Fatherhood is so much more than sperm, so much more than NCP. Foster parents have more rights than an NCP, than me.
So the one thing they can't take is a technical footnote, so what.
Now to be fair, people can and do take away the love of a child through PAS. I thankfully still enjoy a very restricted relationship with my son and his unlimited love for me. For that I can be, and am thankful, and only hope that I do not become a victim of PAS in the future.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is the last step of tearing the child away from a loving parent. And it all starts with naming an NCP and that is me.
As for the day coming (typically age 12) when he can decide. That right was taken from my son, over the objection of his legal Guardian. My son's right by state revised code was explicitly declared void in the 91 pages of the divorce decree. My ex is the sole residential parent until he is of legal age.
That is only one of a dozen extreme irregularities in this case.
For the sake of brevity, I did not use gender neutral language, but I recognize and sympathize with the Mother's who've been relegated to NCP or worse are a victim of PAS.
There are 91 pages in your divorce decree?????
Is that normal???
At least 91. And that doesn't include the post decree mediation requirements. Those are still under construction.
No a typical divorce decree with children would be 41 pages. To see just how much worse my divorce was than it needed to be click here.
There is a lot of background needed to properly explain the parenting plan and all it's extremely unique features.
And I mean unique, two plans, an order for binding mediation, one addendum that was sealed and another post litigation addendum.
As I mentioned state law was deliberately circumvented and referenced by codified number.
My son's Guardian who did not like me at all because I fired her friend, characterized the added restrictions as "disgusting". The judge chose to ignore her recommendation and went with my wife's more forceful lawyer.
LW, I need to go to an island get away, clear my head, and write a book, the amount of material I have is mind boggling.
It's almost unbelievable, except I've got a tremendous amount of documentation. Internal legal work documents, correspondence between council, 800 voice recordings, 400 emails, cases of records.
Ok that just sucks.
Well, I'm not one for being artificially optimistic, that just sets you up for a fall. But you know what, I was destined to loose all contact with my son and be thrown on the street and homeless. People close to the case, including the judge himself, are surprised that didn't happen.
That is what my wife promised to do to me and I have witnesses. And a close inspection of the court documents show that was the direction.
When a lawyer with 18 years experience in divorce law, comes out of chambers nearly in tears from the injustice and frustration, you know you have one fuckin tough nut to crack.
Why? Because the system is just that bad and I can show you well over a dozen people who are suffering that now, some are regular readers.
Their crime, same as mine, sentenced to be NCP.
So I abhor the system, but I am grateful I was able to accomplish what I did in the face of it. But it has taken a serious toll on me.
But I am perseverent, resilient, and a survivor, more on that in an upcoming post.
I really hope that things go well for you this father's day. Will you get custody of your son this Father's day?
I have a court order granting me restricted access to my son for Father's Day. My wife said on Thursday (last minute) that she will arbitrarily change the time but still allow me to see him for nearly the court ordered amount of time. So much for orders.
This too was discussed at my meeting with the Enforcement Agency and the DOJ.
So it should be a nice day. And my brother just called and we made plans for something our father will enjoy. Should be a good weekend. Hope you have one too. :-)
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