Or I could just wait a little longer and she'll take my son away. All her threats have come to pass, thanks to her lies. So I expect that one to happen as it did before. Isn't that ironic, lie to make your threats come true. What a fucked up world we live in.
And if that doesn't do it, the restrictions will, my son is asking me to go to various attractions and I have to tell him No,No,No. Why? Because of the court restrictions. And she is threatening me if I tell him the truth.
Not the whole truth, any truth. And that is what I am ordered to do LIE, or else! I've always blamed it on the court, not her. Which is a big fuckin lie, the court only does what the declared winner wants.
Son, I'm sorry, I haven't been telling you the whole truth, I've tried, but I've buckled under to pressure from your neurotic untreated mom. She's been lying to you about why you can't spend time with me, why I can't take you anywhere fun. When you are old enough, just search for your own name, yup, mommy named you a defendant, ask for the records. But if you want to see mommy's worst lies ask her for the court sealed Addendum 1, then you'll see how bad Mommy hates Daddy. And how much Daddy sacrificed for his love of you.
But Daddy wonders if he should sacrifice the good memories you have now as you watch your mother destroy him. See Mommy isn't letting me divorce her without divorcing you too. And if I don't then she will continue to enforce more and more restrictions until we both are miserable, and what would be the point of that. Maybe you'll understand and forgive me someday, for loosing the court battle, for loosing you.
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4 comments:
jq75 your breaking my heart reading your last entry, I can't imagine what your going through, I wont even pretend to understand. I do fully believe that your son will understand the truth some day, the poor child has years with his neurotic mother yet he's going to figure out that she has problems!
I am not trying to tell you what to do or like I said to pretend I know what your going through, just maybe an objective opinion. As hard as all this is and I believe that you are getting your heart ripped out everyday, I still believe that it's better for your son if you stay in his life, he will know someday how hard you fought for every minute and it will mean everything to him, if you leave him now not only does she win but he may feel abandoned by you!
Also if you go your poor son is left with no sane influence in his life and god knows what she will do to him emotionally and mentally.
So sorry you and your son are going through this. ((HUGZ))
Couple of things, first when under severe and cumlative stress for long periods (years), you're perspective can be eroded. So just because someone hasn't been here or can't imagine it doesn't mean they can't contribute some simple observation that stress has blinded me too. One of my Blogger Buddies, suggested I breathe, something I literally hadn't thought of. Now when I breathe I think of them and their sincere desire to help and it makes me smile.
I have nightmares about my son growing up under her exclusive control. I can't sleep. I know it would be terrible for him.
Giving up on my son will be my last desperate act to save myself. As strong as my paternal instinct is, as hard as I've fought, do I want my son to see a closed casket or just not see me? Self preservation is the lowest of all human instincts.
The domestic relations courts are killing people, quite literally.
My heart shattered into a million pieces reading this post. I imagine it must feel like someone is ripping your insides out through your tear ducts.
All I can do is pray that someday your son will be able to spend as much time with you as he wants, and he realizes all you went through to be a part of his life.
Stay Strong my friend
I think you should let go but hang on, the old saying cutting your nose springs to mind and i am more guilty than most for that. However during highly emotional times our logic doesnt seem enough to keep us sane, so let go of the fight, but take every moment with your son and treat it as precious, no matter how little or how often, Don't fight her, that will only make her more determined if she feels vunerable. Let go of the worry and take what you can, eventually he will come to you.
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