Doesn't feel so good does it... LOL
Yup, my ex was finally exposed to a little bit of my world and the crocodile tears were a flowin... Boo Hoo I should feel a little sorry for her, she doesn't have half the intensional fortitude or logical skills I do to withstand the onslaught. But this is all her doing, and I've suffered plenty so she's gonna have to keep looking for that sympathy, I have very little to spare.
You see my ex had chosen the easier and riskier, ignorant blissful route. And of course being the Plaintiff, a woman, and having shopped for the bitchiest lawyer in the state helped. I had too much going against me to even consider that route.
So I learned the nasty nature of the dysfunctional domestic relations system long ago. But all she did is hear bullshit platitudes from her lying bitch and sit in the court hallway like a model litigant. Meanwhile I was exposed to all the dirty nasty tricks of her hired bitch and the horse trading that my lawyers sold me out for when they were too outmatched by the hired bitch and her prestigious firm. This hardened me into the poor litigant I became, jaded, demanding, mistrustful, blunt without the expected decorum. Each threat of contempt was a self fulling prophecy and made me more contemptuous of the system.
But being forewarned is being forearmed and no one likes to be blindsided, st least yell "FORE" before the hammer hits my head. Now my ex didn't exactly get blindsided, I warned her plenty of times, all for naught, dismissed as the ramblings of an unhappy person. Well karma is a bitch and now she's an unhappy person, having been threatened with civil suit twice this week. I couldn't help myself, I blurted out, "Welcome to my world!!! I see this shit 2-3 times a week every damn week". Oh she burst into tears and hung up. I'm such a sucker for being a good guy, its not like she doesn't deserve that and a whole lot more. So I called her back and said its just intimidation, don't get upset or worry about it, they're just fuckin with you, just like they are with me. Your hired bitch will tell you, she did it to me, its nothin that doesn't happen daily, they got a long list of people they're fuckin, it will take them time.
One action against her is from a creditor, just like me. Another is a debt that was assigned to her but they went after me. When I kept them at bay they got a judgment lien, then they got a judgment for seizure of property, but they covered their bets and got it against both of us on the publicly disclosed bank with the most money - HERS!!! I told her, no big deal, just withdraw the money, problem solved. But I need to pay bills, she says. Yeah, I know that can be a bitch, oh well, there are other ways to pay most bills.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
The Paper Tiger
Divorce Court is a paper tiger. On the one hand it will cut the parties to shreds like a paper cut, stinging without relief. But on the other hand, anyone else just simply looks at the paper tiger and laughs. That's why I refer to Divorce Court Orders as Asswipe, it protects you like a thin ply of toilet paper and its only good for wiping your ass. And I mean that quite literally.
The court will order a division of property and they will assign debt to the parties. But the creditors who hold that debt do not care about the divorce court. Why? Well since the divorce court is run more like a Kangeroo Kourt (no offense to my Aussie friends), other entities have taken steps to protect themselves from them.
First they will do the simplest thing, simply ignore the court. The court does not followup. If pushed, they will claim a jurisdictional problem.
Credit cards have contracts and they will claim that the divorce court can not vacate or alter their contract. So if the division of property assigns debts and issues an order, shouldn't that order be issued to the creditor? It isn't ! It is issued to the parties who can't get along in the first place. Does that make sense?
Nothing about divorce or the court or the process or the industry makes any sense at all (jqism).
So what happens, well if the court did its job and beat the parties into mindless depression and submission, then the ordered party will do what they are ordered to do. But if you have a cocky party who doesn't give a shit (like my ex bitch for example) then they will simply default on the loan and guess what will happen, the credit card company will tell the other party they don't give a shit about no asswipe divorce court order, they have a contract and you will pay or they will sue.
But you don't owe you may say. Not their problem they will say, its yours, your the dumbass that married the bitch. That will teach you to enter into a civil agreement that is one sided. Oh you thought you had a contract with God, not in this separation of church & state secular nation. So what good is that expensive order you have, what can you do with it --- ASSWIPE !!!
Well what if you can't pay either? What will they do? Just what they said they'll do, SUE! No problem, the divorce court has jurisdiction over the matter, right? WRONG! They aren't stupid, they'd loose, no they'll go to another court and try the issue on the details of their contract. Will they mention that this matter is being tried in another court - HELL NO! And they will win. So don't pay, then they'll go to a superior court and get a judgment lien to attach to your property. Yep I have them both. I have an asswipe court order declaring my ex bitch responsible for a debt and I have a judgment lien for that same debt.
Beware of the paper tiger, you'll get a paper cut and it won't scare anyone (jqism).
The court will order a division of property and they will assign debt to the parties. But the creditors who hold that debt do not care about the divorce court. Why? Well since the divorce court is run more like a Kangeroo Kourt (no offense to my Aussie friends), other entities have taken steps to protect themselves from them.
First they will do the simplest thing, simply ignore the court. The court does not followup. If pushed, they will claim a jurisdictional problem.
Credit cards have contracts and they will claim that the divorce court can not vacate or alter their contract. So if the division of property assigns debts and issues an order, shouldn't that order be issued to the creditor? It isn't ! It is issued to the parties who can't get along in the first place. Does that make sense?
Nothing about divorce or the court or the process or the industry makes any sense at all (jqism).
So what happens, well if the court did its job and beat the parties into mindless depression and submission, then the ordered party will do what they are ordered to do. But if you have a cocky party who doesn't give a shit (like my ex bitch for example) then they will simply default on the loan and guess what will happen, the credit card company will tell the other party they don't give a shit about no asswipe divorce court order, they have a contract and you will pay or they will sue.
But you don't owe you may say. Not their problem they will say, its yours, your the dumbass that married the bitch. That will teach you to enter into a civil agreement that is one sided. Oh you thought you had a contract with God, not in this separation of church & state secular nation. So what good is that expensive order you have, what can you do with it --- ASSWIPE !!!
Well what if you can't pay either? What will they do? Just what they said they'll do, SUE! No problem, the divorce court has jurisdiction over the matter, right? WRONG! They aren't stupid, they'd loose, no they'll go to another court and try the issue on the details of their contract. Will they mention that this matter is being tried in another court - HELL NO! And they will win. So don't pay, then they'll go to a superior court and get a judgment lien to attach to your property. Yep I have them both. I have an asswipe court order declaring my ex bitch responsible for a debt and I have a judgment lien for that same debt.
Beware of the paper tiger, you'll get a paper cut and it won't scare anyone (jqism).
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Anatomy of a Motion
A "motion" is a document to get the court to "move" or decide a particular matter. A motion starts with a caption, naming the parties (people getting divorced), the court, the case number, and the title of the motion. It describes what is wanted, and in legal terms why. It is signed by a lawyer with his bar number or by a party followed by "(Pro Se)" as in representing yourself.
Typically a motion requires supporting evidence in the form of an affidavit (sworn and notarized statement) from the party to certain facts. This might start by you telling your lawyer something in plain English and then the lawyer drafting carefully worded sentences layering a single fact on top of the previous sentences' facts until all facts build to the required information needed to support the motion. Since it is usally the party that has the first hand knowledge of the supporting information, it is the party that must sign the statement. It is inappropriate for a lawyer to take a statement from a client and then sign the affadivit although I saw the hired bitch attempt to do that.
To be fair, all relevant parties must be notified, so a certificate of service must me attached to the motion. This is a sworn and notarized statement by the "mover" that a copy of the motion and related documents have been sent to the parties. The parties must be named and the method of service must be described, such as regular US postal mail, fax, personal delivery, etc. Some lawyers (hired bitch) like to play games by serving by fax after the office closed, Friday at the end of day, or by armed sheriff. These are meant as aggravation and harassment techniques to pressure the opponent to settle under less favorable terms, they are designed to wear you out, and are tolerated by the courts. Typically the lawyer rather than the actual party is notified and the lawyer notifies his client. But I have had armed sheriff's serve me at my home, to scare my son and the neighbors. They were also sent to my workplace, my brokers office, and my banks which is meant to cause trouble with people you deal with.
In divorce court, the judges rarely write the (asswipe) order. The moving party writes the order for the judge as a convenience. Blanks are left for dates and signatures. The judge will then decide whether to rule on the motion or hold a hearing, requiring the lawyers and the parties to appear in court where he can hear arguments by the lawyers while the parties sit outside in the hall like assholes, loosing money and missing work. The parties are there for the convenience of the judge in case an agreement is suggested to get the approval of the parties. And after you sit out in the hall for a few hours in extreme boredom and then hear your lawyer come out with his sugar coated turd explanation, you are almost ready to agree to anything just to get out of that hell hole twilight zone. Most judges do not want to call the party in to hear directly from them because they don't have the required judicial (kiss each other's ass) decorum.
So those items are taken to a clerk of courts who grabs them, two punch holes them, stamps them with various stamps and may take a filing fee. All with the precision and personality of a robot.
Then a copy of those documents usually with a cover letter meant to be cold and intimidating is sent to the other party's lawyers as required by the certificate of service.
So that's my task at hand for the motions I described in my MSNY post below.
Typically a motion requires supporting evidence in the form of an affidavit (sworn and notarized statement) from the party to certain facts. This might start by you telling your lawyer something in plain English and then the lawyer drafting carefully worded sentences layering a single fact on top of the previous sentences' facts until all facts build to the required information needed to support the motion. Since it is usally the party that has the first hand knowledge of the supporting information, it is the party that must sign the statement. It is inappropriate for a lawyer to take a statement from a client and then sign the affadivit although I saw the hired bitch attempt to do that.
To be fair, all relevant parties must be notified, so a certificate of service must me attached to the motion. This is a sworn and notarized statement by the "mover" that a copy of the motion and related documents have been sent to the parties. The parties must be named and the method of service must be described, such as regular US postal mail, fax, personal delivery, etc. Some lawyers (hired bitch) like to play games by serving by fax after the office closed, Friday at the end of day, or by armed sheriff. These are meant as aggravation and harassment techniques to pressure the opponent to settle under less favorable terms, they are designed to wear you out, and are tolerated by the courts. Typically the lawyer rather than the actual party is notified and the lawyer notifies his client. But I have had armed sheriff's serve me at my home, to scare my son and the neighbors. They were also sent to my workplace, my brokers office, and my banks which is meant to cause trouble with people you deal with.
In divorce court, the judges rarely write the (asswipe) order. The moving party writes the order for the judge as a convenience. Blanks are left for dates and signatures. The judge will then decide whether to rule on the motion or hold a hearing, requiring the lawyers and the parties to appear in court where he can hear arguments by the lawyers while the parties sit outside in the hall like assholes, loosing money and missing work. The parties are there for the convenience of the judge in case an agreement is suggested to get the approval of the parties. And after you sit out in the hall for a few hours in extreme boredom and then hear your lawyer come out with his sugar coated turd explanation, you are almost ready to agree to anything just to get out of that hell hole twilight zone. Most judges do not want to call the party in to hear directly from them because they don't have the required judicial (kiss each other's ass) decorum.
So those items are taken to a clerk of courts who grabs them, two punch holes them, stamps them with various stamps and may take a filing fee. All with the precision and personality of a robot.
Then a copy of those documents usually with a cover letter meant to be cold and intimidating is sent to the other party's lawyers as required by the certificate of service.
So that's my task at hand for the motions I described in my MSNY post below.
MSNY
More Shit - New Year
Un-fucking-believable, I almost added a new line to the list below, but this deserves its own post.
Last night the hired bitch, my wife's lawyer, called me on my cell and went off on me over my repeated protests of "My son is here I will not discuss the case". The case that is supposed to be the fuck over. What does final mean to you? I often hear from my brother Friday afternoons if he is up to going out and doing something. His private number comes up blocked and I thought it could be him. I forgot the hired bitch's tactic of last minute filings on Friday afternoons. I will not accept blocked calls again. My brother will have to just dial *82 before my number to unblock it so I know it is him. I will also formally notify her to use my efax service to notify asap (Friday, not Tuesday) of any issues she has.
I was not allowed to fire my lawyer to save money because the judge said the QDRO and DOPO raids on my pension plans were too complex for me. But after $40K of billing and the QDRO still delayed by the opposition and the DOPO motion being dismissed as overly burdensome to a superior state agency, my lawyer quit because I told him that I required the work to be reviewed by a CPA because of multiple mathematical mistakes he had made in amounts over $10K. So now I am supposed to take opposition counsel's word that it is OK. The same opposition that has lied, cheated, manipulated me for three years? I don't think so!
While my son was 3 feet from me, opposition counsel
I will file the following motions on Monday Morning:
I think I'm done being (relatively) nice, its time to trade in the kitt gloves for boxing gloves, its time to stop walking on eggshells with these pompous assholes and let them have it with both barrels. Conventional wisdom would say, hire a lawyer and let them take care of it, but my third lawyer quit in disgrace and I think three lawyers failing to address my well articulated needs strongly implies a trend. If you want it done right, do it yourself. And this old dog can still learn new tricks... The hired bitch wants to "paper me", "slam me", threaten me, motion for sanctions and fees, well two can play at that game. And I have a key advantage, I don't need the hired bitch as a professional friend as my three lawyers did. See the hired bitch is big in this town and she commands respect and gets it. But she isn't gonna get it from me, she hasn't earned it, she has won my contempt instead.
Status: First Draft, last update 01/05/08 9:30 am
Footnotes:
To "paper" someone you keep them tied up in paperwork, filing questionable and nuisance motions to "churn fees" and aggravate the opposition into submission.
To "slam" someone you do rapid fire "papering" with motions for contempt, sanctions, and fees.
Un-fucking-believable, I almost added a new line to the list below, but this deserves its own post.
Last night the hired bitch, my wife's lawyer, called me on my cell and went off on me over my repeated protests of "My son is here I will not discuss the case". The case that is supposed to be the fuck over. What does final mean to you? I often hear from my brother Friday afternoons if he is up to going out and doing something. His private number comes up blocked and I thought it could be him. I forgot the hired bitch's tactic of last minute filings on Friday afternoons. I will not accept blocked calls again. My brother will have to just dial *82 before my number to unblock it so I know it is him. I will also formally notify her to use my efax service to notify asap (Friday, not Tuesday) of any issues she has.
I was not allowed to fire my lawyer to save money because the judge said the QDRO and DOPO raids on my pension plans were too complex for me. But after $40K of billing and the QDRO still delayed by the opposition and the DOPO motion being dismissed as overly burdensome to a superior state agency, my lawyer quit because I told him that I required the work to be reviewed by a CPA because of multiple mathematical mistakes he had made in amounts over $10K. So now I am supposed to take opposition counsel's word that it is OK. The same opposition that has lied, cheated, manipulated me for three years? I don't think so!
While my son was 3 feet from me, opposition counsel
- issued an ultimatum that I respond my Monday end of day
- threatened motions to compel, sanction, and fees
- sarcastically wished me a good visit, this from the person who has constantly interfered and prevented visitation.
I will file the following motions on Monday Morning:
- an objection that I was not allowed to represent myself, violating my constitutional right to self representation, to save $40K.
- an objection that my lawyer who was required, by order of the judge, was allowed to withdraw by that same judge, prior to completing the task at hand, protecting me from the QDRO/DOPO raids on my pensions.
- an objection that I was not allowed to protest the withdraw at a hearing the way I was required to do on the previous legal withdraw.
- a motion to sanction my prior counsel for fees required to have a CPA and legal review of QDRO/DOPO.
- a motion to show cause on why opposition counsel could not act in the best interest of the child and cease her interference with my visitation.
- a motion to sanction opposition counsel for improper harassment and interference in visitation.
- A proposed QDRO settlement that is actually fair to me, that says she must settle for current market value, for no tax considerations (as I had none), and keeping the remainder in my name rather than assigning the whole pension including appreciation to her.
I think I'm done being (relatively) nice, its time to trade in the kitt gloves for boxing gloves, its time to stop walking on eggshells with these pompous assholes and let them have it with both barrels. Conventional wisdom would say, hire a lawyer and let them take care of it, but my third lawyer quit in disgrace and I think three lawyers failing to address my well articulated needs strongly implies a trend. If you want it done right, do it yourself. And this old dog can still learn new tricks... The hired bitch wants to "paper me", "slam me", threaten me, motion for sanctions and fees, well two can play at that game. And I have a key advantage, I don't need the hired bitch as a professional friend as my three lawyers did. See the hired bitch is big in this town and she commands respect and gets it. But she isn't gonna get it from me, she hasn't earned it, she has won my contempt instead.
Status: First Draft, last update 01/05/08 9:30 am
Footnotes:
To "paper" someone you keep them tied up in paperwork, filing questionable and nuisance motions to "churn fees" and aggravate the opposition into submission.
To "slam" someone you do rapid fire "papering" with motions for contempt, sanctions, and fees.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
SSNY
Same Shit - New Year
What to say, Happy Fuckin New Year. Well there are some improvements in my life, so my mood isn't as sour as this title, but the promised freedom from my ex 7 months ago has failed to materialize. We separated in March 2005, the divorce was final in May 2007, it is now 2008 and this is my life in the new year.
Should I settle? Should I embrace misery as my destiny (as the majority has counseled me to do)? The idea doesn't sit well with me.
How much sugar is needed to make these turds taste better and where can I get a recipe for preparation? This is a dish I will pass on.
Part of my personality, my perseverance and perfectionism contributes to my viewpoint on this issue. When I see an injustice like the divorce system I know it shouldn't be, and I want to overcome it, but it is so deeply entrenched and the system "fights back" to assert its authority. This is where the serenity prayer should take effect, but what is the balance point, what can be overcome. I think the system conspires to dupe people into thinking they have no choices where they really do. On the flip side, it may be too idealistic of me to think I can completely overcome it and never settle.
Intellectually I'd have to say its a challenge of finding a balancing point. And since conventional wisdom has broken down and provided no real guidance, then the task at hand is to aggressively test the divorce system's boundaries and its negative impact to be very sure if it must be accepted or if there is indeed a more acceptable alternative.
What I have learned is that there is absolutely a better alternative in many cases, but the parties involved and the system's greed conspire to make them illusive. What it really needs to come down to is the divorce industry needs to be less self centered and more problem solving. But this is such a gigantic paradigm shift which worries all the divorce industry on whether they can be as successful as their current parasitic feeding off their clients. It is much too idealistic to think that the mere transformation from parasite to improving force would motivate the good in these people to do the right thing.
There is another major reason for challenging the system, "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem". And people's silence for the travesty that occurs daily in the divorce system allows the arcane abuse to continue to occur. Is it fair that someone who is a victim of the system be called on to summon even more strength to fight the system? NO! But the system isn't fair either. I know I will not single handedly change the system, but I may impact some areas, and I know I will fail if I don't try. And just settling, giving up, not trying, not caring, is the worst type of failure there is. It's been said I'm not good with failure, so if I'm gonna fail it won't be for lack of trying. It's the only way I can live with myself, and its important to be able to do that.
There are success stories in my case where I have pushed the boundaries of conventional wisdom and they have yielded. Why should I have made progress in my case where others have failed? The simple answer - CARING! When you care deeply about something you can skip past all the formal training there is, past the so called experts, to the front of the line.
All the training and credentials in the world don't amount to a hill of beans if you really don't give a shit (jqism).
And I give a shit, I care, I don't accept that I must accept the same shit on a new day.
Accepting the unacceptable, settling, is the quick path to not solving the problem in front of you. (jqism).
I'm not in this for quick non-solutions, I prefer quality real solutions, but like anything worthwhile, it requires work, its not easy nor quick. (jqism).
Footnote 1 - I will be adding a new HTML technique to my posts using the ANCHOR TITLE tag, the NCP is an example of it, if you hover over it, a tool tip opens up telling you it is a Non-Custodial Parent. When you see an underlined colored item it is usually a link, if you see an underlined uncolored item it may be a TITLE tag, hover over it and see what else I am telling you about it. This is kind of a short cut, but not a substitution for my terminology page on my companion site.
Footnote 2 - Rather than just pay it without an audit trail, I wrote a check to my ex for the amount with a memo line that said "short term loan" and told her to go to that bank, cash the check and take the cash and deposit it into her account the same day, she balked, I insisted and said that I would go with her to ensure it was done.
Now this is the least level of precaution, the next is a more formal loan agreement, I have a sample if someone needs it and will write a post about that. The last level, which you can obtain from a bookstore is a formal legal promissory note.
I keep three separate checking accounts at separate banking institutions because of the litigation possibilities for subpoenaing records, freezing accounts, or seizing funds. These are a divorce account used for child support and divorce related items, it is the only account I allow my ex or lawyers to know about. The second is my full service personal account that I use to carry on my daily life, pay bills, etc. The third is my private emergency account, this account is kept private from everyone, extra funds not needed for bills are in this account.
It is important that separate banking institutions be used because litigation will apply to all accounts at an institution. If two of your banking institutions merge, you must move an account to prevent this exposure. When opening or using an account you are likely to notify the IRS (for interest), the credit reporting firms (for a credit card or overdraft protection) and Bank Systems (used by banks to know of people who bounce checks). The private account should be setup up as non-interest bearing with no credit or overdraft to minimize the reporting. (See full legal notice for restrictions applying to this footnote).
Status: Last updated 01/04/08 5:45 am
What to say, Happy Fuckin New Year. Well there are some improvements in my life, so my mood isn't as sour as this title, but the promised freedom from my ex 7 months ago has failed to materialize. We separated in March 2005, the divorce was final in May 2007, it is now 2008 and this is my life in the new year.
- Still in legal battles, not by my choice.
- Still do not have releases to allow access to my son's records, if I had to take him to emergency room I could not consent to treatment, I am NCP (fn 1). A paramedic stranger has more rights over my son. The court ordered me to receive shared parenting rights, my ex has not chose to grant them.
- Still being arbitrarily shorted on visitation.
- Still have driving restrictions for my son despite successful 6 year treatment of Sleep Apnea and no motor vehicle accidents or even incidents since.
- Still do not have Guardianship for my son's savings account that I made all the contributions to as ordered by the decree.
- Got a letter from my former lawyer a few days ago, haven't opened it yet
- Ex announced she will default on credit card she is ordered to pay, doesn't matter to her, the card company does not recognize her as responsible despite the court order, they take the stance that their contract holding me responsible supersedes any court order, so I am on hook for it, so I am forced to pay it, making the order --- wait for it, wait, wait --- ASSWIPE!!!
- Shouldn't I be able to respond in kind, pay legal bills with the same useless asswipe as they provide me?
- Later the same day after I paid this month's bill (fn 2) she threatened me that she would keep defaulting.
Should I settle? Should I embrace misery as my destiny (as the majority has counseled me to do)? The idea doesn't sit well with me.
How much sugar is needed to make these turds taste better and where can I get a recipe for preparation? This is a dish I will pass on.
Part of my personality, my perseverance and perfectionism contributes to my viewpoint on this issue. When I see an injustice like the divorce system I know it shouldn't be, and I want to overcome it, but it is so deeply entrenched and the system "fights back" to assert its authority. This is where the serenity prayer should take effect, but what is the balance point, what can be overcome. I think the system conspires to dupe people into thinking they have no choices where they really do. On the flip side, it may be too idealistic of me to think I can completely overcome it and never settle.
Intellectually I'd have to say its a challenge of finding a balancing point. And since conventional wisdom has broken down and provided no real guidance, then the task at hand is to aggressively test the divorce system's boundaries and its negative impact to be very sure if it must be accepted or if there is indeed a more acceptable alternative.
What I have learned is that there is absolutely a better alternative in many cases, but the parties involved and the system's greed conspire to make them illusive. What it really needs to come down to is the divorce industry needs to be less self centered and more problem solving. But this is such a gigantic paradigm shift which worries all the divorce industry on whether they can be as successful as their current parasitic feeding off their clients. It is much too idealistic to think that the mere transformation from parasite to improving force would motivate the good in these people to do the right thing.
There is another major reason for challenging the system, "If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem". And people's silence for the travesty that occurs daily in the divorce system allows the arcane abuse to continue to occur. Is it fair that someone who is a victim of the system be called on to summon even more strength to fight the system? NO! But the system isn't fair either. I know I will not single handedly change the system, but I may impact some areas, and I know I will fail if I don't try. And just settling, giving up, not trying, not caring, is the worst type of failure there is. It's been said I'm not good with failure, so if I'm gonna fail it won't be for lack of trying. It's the only way I can live with myself, and its important to be able to do that.
There are success stories in my case where I have pushed the boundaries of conventional wisdom and they have yielded. Why should I have made progress in my case where others have failed? The simple answer - CARING! When you care deeply about something you can skip past all the formal training there is, past the so called experts, to the front of the line.
All the training and credentials in the world don't amount to a hill of beans if you really don't give a shit (jqism).
And I give a shit, I care, I don't accept that I must accept the same shit on a new day.
Accepting the unacceptable, settling, is the quick path to not solving the problem in front of you. (jqism).
I'm not in this for quick non-solutions, I prefer quality real solutions, but like anything worthwhile, it requires work, its not easy nor quick. (jqism).
Footnote 1 - I will be adding a new HTML technique to my posts using the ANCHOR TITLE tag, the NCP is an example of it, if you hover over it, a tool tip opens up telling you it is a Non-Custodial Parent. When you see an underlined colored item it is usually a link, if you see an underlined uncolored item it may be a TITLE tag, hover over it and see what else I am telling you about it. This is kind of a short cut, but not a substitution for my terminology page on my companion site.
Footnote 2 - Rather than just pay it without an audit trail, I wrote a check to my ex for the amount with a memo line that said "short term loan" and told her to go to that bank, cash the check and take the cash and deposit it into her account the same day, she balked, I insisted and said that I would go with her to ensure it was done.
Now this is the least level of precaution, the next is a more formal loan agreement, I have a sample if someone needs it and will write a post about that. The last level, which you can obtain from a bookstore is a formal legal promissory note.
I keep three separate checking accounts at separate banking institutions because of the litigation possibilities for subpoenaing records, freezing accounts, or seizing funds. These are a divorce account used for child support and divorce related items, it is the only account I allow my ex or lawyers to know about. The second is my full service personal account that I use to carry on my daily life, pay bills, etc. The third is my private emergency account, this account is kept private from everyone, extra funds not needed for bills are in this account.
It is important that separate banking institutions be used because litigation will apply to all accounts at an institution. If two of your banking institutions merge, you must move an account to prevent this exposure. When opening or using an account you are likely to notify the IRS (for interest), the credit reporting firms (for a credit card or overdraft protection) and Bank Systems (used by banks to know of people who bounce checks). The private account should be setup up as non-interest bearing with no credit or overdraft to minimize the reporting. (See full legal notice for restrictions applying to this footnote).
Status: Last updated 01/04/08 5:45 am
Saturday, December 29, 2007
And the winner is...
NOBODY!!!
When one party decides to play child custody games, everyone is a looser. If the system worked, the first incident of this would be greeted by mandatory inpatient mental health confinement until the offending party learned the folly of their ways. No instead, there is money to be made in these games, so there is an industry built up around supporting the custody abuser, insuring employment for all manner of magistrates, lawyers, guardians, evaluators, social workers, etc.
So it is simple math, BIC is statistically outnumbered by special interests who hurt children under the rhetorical banner of BIC. Oh sure its a lie, propaganda, but the trick is to keep repeating it and the constant dripping of the message will convince people.
So I knew no one would take my sucker bet, but the combined pressure from myself, my brother, the fact that my ex needs something in legal arena and the judge is denying it and that means she needs my cooperation (as I am Pro Se now) and I am not kissing her lawyer's ass as mine had was just enough incentive to almost get her to comply with the court order.
The key to being an NCP is to set your expectations low enough. To think that you, the NCP, the looser, could expect the winner, the residential parent, the only parent that matters to the system, to comply with asswipe orders is just not realistic. The very best you can hope for is close. You can also expect to have to fight for close which will cause you aggravation that you must conceal to prevent the self fulling prophecy of you being labeled a "poor litigant" with a "poor attitude", if you continue to push for what's right the system may retaliate by calling you "nuts", no one else is standing up for their rights so you must be "nuts" for doing so. Neat game, if your the winner.
So she only shorted my son by by one hour of visitation, a mere 10%. Not bad, 90% compliance with the law. My ex on the other hand had all of her visitation and extended it too, so she had 370%, which makes cheating me out of 10% seem all the more petty and unacceptable. Now if you don't have leverage or are not willing to put up with the aggravation, expect a much lower compliance level. You can not depend on the system to ensure compliance, only the good will of your ex in understanding the true meaning of BIC.
As an NCP, never expect to receive 100%, but do expect to give over 100%. (jqism).
Divorce court grief, the "gift" that keeps on giving. (jqism).
When one party decides to play child custody games, everyone is a looser. If the system worked, the first incident of this would be greeted by mandatory inpatient mental health confinement until the offending party learned the folly of their ways. No instead, there is money to be made in these games, so there is an industry built up around supporting the custody abuser, insuring employment for all manner of magistrates, lawyers, guardians, evaluators, social workers, etc.
So it is simple math, BIC is statistically outnumbered by special interests who hurt children under the rhetorical banner of BIC. Oh sure its a lie, propaganda, but the trick is to keep repeating it and the constant dripping of the message will convince people.
So I knew no one would take my sucker bet, but the combined pressure from myself, my brother, the fact that my ex needs something in legal arena and the judge is denying it and that means she needs my cooperation (as I am Pro Se now) and I am not kissing her lawyer's ass as mine had was just enough incentive to almost get her to comply with the court order.
The key to being an NCP is to set your expectations low enough. To think that you, the NCP, the looser, could expect the winner, the residential parent, the only parent that matters to the system, to comply with asswipe orders is just not realistic. The very best you can hope for is close. You can also expect to have to fight for close which will cause you aggravation that you must conceal to prevent the self fulling prophecy of you being labeled a "poor litigant" with a "poor attitude", if you continue to push for what's right the system may retaliate by calling you "nuts", no one else is standing up for their rights so you must be "nuts" for doing so. Neat game, if your the winner.
So she only shorted my son by by one hour of visitation, a mere 10%. Not bad, 90% compliance with the law. My ex on the other hand had all of her visitation and extended it too, so she had 370%, which makes cheating me out of 10% seem all the more petty and unacceptable. Now if you don't have leverage or are not willing to put up with the aggravation, expect a much lower compliance level. You can not depend on the system to ensure compliance, only the good will of your ex in understanding the true meaning of BIC.
As an NCP, never expect to receive 100%, but do expect to give over 100%. (jqism).
Divorce court grief, the "gift" that keeps on giving. (jqism).
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Place your bets...
... on what my son's visitation for Christmas will be...
Well it should be easy right? There is a visitation schedule, what does it say? Doesn't matter really, oh technically maybe, but practically, its just more asswipe (worthless court order) coming from an asshole (judge).
First off, since my ex wanted no visitation for me and I wanted shared 50/50 parenting, the plan concessions are unique and complex. There are four ambiguous schedules that need to be merged. Why? Lawyers wrote it, and they don't speak English so they can ensure future business.
After you go through that schedule merge, my son should see his NCP (previously known as father) from 10 am to 8 pm on Christmas day, by order of the court. Any deviation by over 15 minutes is a violation of court order (asswipe), and subject to motion to show cause, contempt of court citation and review of parenting plan for offending party. Happy Horse Shit, practical value, none!
First the winner (custodial parent) can do what they want with the asswipe including, using it as asswipe, hence the name. Surely the custodial parent is assumed to be making decisions, as they've been granted authority to do, in the best interest of the child (BIC). Now that's just bullshit. Seeing a pattern forming.
First, there is no way to get the order enforced in real time, police won't do it, courts won't do it, it just doesn't happen. Second, a simple denial of visitation done even on a major holiday like Christmas, won't be entertained by the court, its likely to not be scheduled. The victim must bear the burden to prosecute this violation that isn't likely to yield a correction of the poor behavior.
Why such a cynical view? Historic observation, plain and simple.
Well it should be easy right? There is a visitation schedule, what does it say? Doesn't matter really, oh technically maybe, but practically, its just more asswipe (worthless court order) coming from an asshole (judge).
First off, since my ex wanted no visitation for me and I wanted shared 50/50 parenting, the plan concessions are unique and complex. There are four ambiguous schedules that need to be merged. Why? Lawyers wrote it, and they don't speak English so they can ensure future business.
After you go through that schedule merge, my son should see his NCP (previously known as father) from 10 am to 8 pm on Christmas day, by order of the court. Any deviation by over 15 minutes is a violation of court order (asswipe), and subject to motion to show cause, contempt of court citation and review of parenting plan for offending party. Happy Horse Shit, practical value, none!
First the winner (custodial parent) can do what they want with the asswipe including, using it as asswipe, hence the name. Surely the custodial parent is assumed to be making decisions, as they've been granted authority to do, in the best interest of the child (BIC). Now that's just bullshit. Seeing a pattern forming.
First, there is no way to get the order enforced in real time, police won't do it, courts won't do it, it just doesn't happen. Second, a simple denial of visitation done even on a major holiday like Christmas, won't be entertained by the court, its likely to not be scheduled. The victim must bear the burden to prosecute this violation that isn't likely to yield a correction of the poor behavior.
Why such a cynical view? Historic observation, plain and simple.
So you want to place your bet, how much visitation will my son get? My bet is 8 hours, a 20% short fall, vs the 38 hours my ex will have. Not quite 50/50 is it? Not even 80/20. But nothing is fair for the NCP. (jqism).
- The first year, I was notified on Dec 23, that new, impossible conditions were arbitrarily put on my visitation for Dec 25. Legal challenges were made until 5 pm Dec 24th before the issue was resolved, costing thousands of dollars.
- The second year, an extortion threat was faxed to my lawyer while I was meeting with him, threatening Christmas Eve visitation once again 4 days prior to the day.
- This year it was suggested that my ex's schedule, which includes Christmas Eve and two days prior didn't allow for meeting my son's 10 hours of court ordered visitation would be reduced by 4 hours (40%). After some bickering and because of my status as Pro Se, my ex updated her plans and will "try" to get "close" to the court ordered 10 hour visitation, but may be "off by" two hours.
- And since she can get away with this continuing aggravation, it insures the NCP will always be the looser, even if I do finally get the full visitation awarded by the court, because her goal of making my life difficult after I have been granted the "freedom" of our dysfunctional domestic relations court's divorce process has been achieved. (jqism)
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Since...
...Domestic Relations judges main output is asswipe (orders that are meaningless and unenforced), then...
It seems that would make them assholes?
Well maybe not in the strictest sense, but surely there can be no argument that assholes and asswipe naturally belong together.
It seems that would make them assholes?
Well maybe not in the strictest sense, but surely there can be no argument that assholes and asswipe naturally belong together.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Pinch me....
...LOL...Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while...
I have a stack of court notices I've saved up to open when I feel like being aggravated. So I open them up Motion to Compel the State Public Employee Retirement System (PERS), the usual heavy handed tactics. Opps a surprise, notice from assigned judge:
I just want to know what took the asshole so long. Maybe its because someone at State PERS asked what the hell the littlest court was doing trying to compel it. They say "better late, then never", personally in this case, I think that's splitting hairs.
I have a stack of court notices I've saved up to open when I feel like being aggravated. So I open them up Motion to Compel the State Public Employee Retirement System (PERS), the usual heavy handed tactics. Opps a surprise, notice from assigned judge:
Plaintiff motion dismissed w/o prejudice, full costs assigned to PlaintiffYee Ha, who woke up the judge? Six months after the final decree and the Plaintiff is still issuing needless 10 page motions and the judge finally realizes she's milking a case long after the final decree. Thank God for the little miracles.
I just want to know what took the asshole so long. Maybe its because someone at State PERS asked what the hell the littlest court was doing trying to compel it. They say "better late, then never", personally in this case, I think that's splitting hairs.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Coincidence - I think not!
My mom was the first to make this observation, but the chance of it being a coincidence was completely blown away today.
My mom observed that the times that my son is allowed to visit her (or me) seem to be optimized to maximize the meals that his host provides. For me that is usually just one, because the most I get him is 4 hours. But occasionally my mom will get him for 6 hours timed to be between two meals.
Now neither of us have a problem with feeding him, but because we only get him for such limited time, this just further chips away at the quality time that we can spend with him. For example the time I get my son straddles his meal time making it impossible for me to do much at all with him. My ex is paid child support that is higher in dollar and percentage of anyone that I know of. In one case my support payment is 9 times higher.
Sometimes this has been very blatant. On school holidays she is ordered to allow him to visit at 2pm to 7pm, which she has trouble complying with. She has brought him over after 2 without lunch, so I am expected to feed him twice in less than 5 hours. I really don't want to sound petty, I feed my son well, but is it fair that of my extra holiday time of only 5 hours that 40% of that time be spent on feeding him. If she isn't going to feed him lunch, why not bring him over at noon, instead of after 2pm. Now if I had normal visitation where he was staying the whole day and overnight, then feeding him would not take such a large chunk of time out of our visitation. It also seems quite unreasonable that he hasn't had lunch by 2pm.
As an NCP I am nothing more than an unpaid restaurant and baby sitter to be used or not at the discretion of the "winner" who withholds visitation without consequence.
Well today, I was scheduled for a full eye exam that should have made me an hour late for visitation. I have had significant problems in my right eye and warned my ex that this could run over, but I had little flexibility for scheduling this appointment. Things didn't go so well, the techs could not get a consistent Rx on my right eye. A surgeon was called as a consult and intensive tests were done requiring several rounds of local anesthetic to the eye. I was told that a very dense cataract needed to be removed and replaced with an artificial lens. It would be a higher risk procedure because of other conditions with this eye, but they said I "was practically blind in that eye now", so that didn't leave me with much choice. Most people have no difficulty seeing the top letter in an eye chart, I could not see any formed letters and was only aware of the bright light and its general shape.
So I was delayed 3 hours with these extra difficulties and only had one hour of visitation left. Now by this late hour, he should have eaten. My ex is well aware of the intense exam I would have gotten. What did my son say as he walked in for a mere one hour of visitation as I just concluded 3 hours of poking, prodding, and bright lights shined into my eyes? Hi Daddy, what's for dinner? You mean you haven't eaten yet? Nope! If I feed him that late she complains, but then that's typical for her rules for me not to apply to her.
Well as usual I tried to make the best out of the limited time, talking from the kitchen asking him about various things. But it falls short of the fatherhood I remember when he was young.
Life as an NCP sucks, it does not even come close to being a real parent! (jqism)
My mom observed that the times that my son is allowed to visit her (or me) seem to be optimized to maximize the meals that his host provides. For me that is usually just one, because the most I get him is 4 hours. But occasionally my mom will get him for 6 hours timed to be between two meals.
Now neither of us have a problem with feeding him, but because we only get him for such limited time, this just further chips away at the quality time that we can spend with him. For example the time I get my son straddles his meal time making it impossible for me to do much at all with him. My ex is paid child support that is higher in dollar and percentage of anyone that I know of. In one case my support payment is 9 times higher.
Sometimes this has been very blatant. On school holidays she is ordered to allow him to visit at 2pm to 7pm, which she has trouble complying with. She has brought him over after 2 without lunch, so I am expected to feed him twice in less than 5 hours. I really don't want to sound petty, I feed my son well, but is it fair that of my extra holiday time of only 5 hours that 40% of that time be spent on feeding him. If she isn't going to feed him lunch, why not bring him over at noon, instead of after 2pm. Now if I had normal visitation where he was staying the whole day and overnight, then feeding him would not take such a large chunk of time out of our visitation. It also seems quite unreasonable that he hasn't had lunch by 2pm.
As an NCP I am nothing more than an unpaid restaurant and baby sitter to be used or not at the discretion of the "winner" who withholds visitation without consequence.
Well today, I was scheduled for a full eye exam that should have made me an hour late for visitation. I have had significant problems in my right eye and warned my ex that this could run over, but I had little flexibility for scheduling this appointment. Things didn't go so well, the techs could not get a consistent Rx on my right eye. A surgeon was called as a consult and intensive tests were done requiring several rounds of local anesthetic to the eye. I was told that a very dense cataract needed to be removed and replaced with an artificial lens. It would be a higher risk procedure because of other conditions with this eye, but they said I "was practically blind in that eye now", so that didn't leave me with much choice. Most people have no difficulty seeing the top letter in an eye chart, I could not see any formed letters and was only aware of the bright light and its general shape.
So I was delayed 3 hours with these extra difficulties and only had one hour of visitation left. Now by this late hour, he should have eaten. My ex is well aware of the intense exam I would have gotten. What did my son say as he walked in for a mere one hour of visitation as I just concluded 3 hours of poking, prodding, and bright lights shined into my eyes? Hi Daddy, what's for dinner? You mean you haven't eaten yet? Nope! If I feed him that late she complains, but then that's typical for her rules for me not to apply to her.
Well as usual I tried to make the best out of the limited time, talking from the kitchen asking him about various things. But it falls short of the fatherhood I remember when he was young.
Life as an NCP sucks, it does not even come close to being a real parent! (jqism)
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
The littlest court
The standing of Domestic Relations court is tragically and pathetically ironic.
Consider the following about the Domestic Relations court.
This won't be easy as a Divorce Industry has grown up around the Domestic Relations Court corruption and is dependent on it for their own survival. This special interest lobby, as all of them, are working directly against the interests of the majority of the citizens interest. This is the process that has bastardized the democratic rule of the people.
This post will be the basis for follow up posts describing these issues in more detail. Feel free to comment on your experiences or which of these issues you are more concerned about.
Consider the following about the Domestic Relations court.
- is at the bottom of the US judicial system
- is extremely inefficient and error prone
- exercises more power and control of the litigants than any other court
- is routinely ignored or circumvented by entities that would sue a spouse for the results caused by the Domestic Relations court
- routinely denies the litigants their rights to
- -due process
- -self representation
- -trial by jury
- -trial by non-prejudicial bench
- routinely issues stranglehold restraining orders
- fail to properly oversee lawyer abuse
- allow lawyers to pad the case to fleece the litigants of the little money they have
- operate in secret, proceedings in chambers, no court reporter, no record of abuses
- suspend civil rules on acceptable evidence
- accept prejudicial statements from lawyers as evidence
This won't be easy as a Divorce Industry has grown up around the Domestic Relations Court corruption and is dependent on it for their own survival. This special interest lobby, as all of them, are working directly against the interests of the majority of the citizens interest. This is the process that has bastardized the democratic rule of the people.
This post will be the basis for follow up posts describing these issues in more detail. Feel free to comment on your experiences or which of these issues you are more concerned about.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Birthday Update
Well, I hope the turnaround trend continues.... Some good fortune and a bunch of last minute coordination has turned things around.
Well I got some unexpected gifts at the last minute. A major tactic to prevent my representation in court was defeated because my investment adviser claimed the court had no direct jurisdiction to circumvent their fiduciary responsibility to me. It pays to develop strong partnerships that will stand beside you in contempt for the contemptible family court. This may have been the trigger for the following two events, my ex broke up her long weekend plans to accommodate my son celebrating my birthday with my family. She also is giving me visitation on Thanksgiving day for the first time in a long time.
Each year I review the 4 conflicting parenting schedules, in the 35 page parenting order, apply the rules in a priority sequence and mark all the special rules on a calendar. In a few cases the order is so ambiguous that I mark more than one schedule in a day. Why is it this complex? Because the lawyers and Guardian drafted them that way. Why did I sign it? Because my ex's hired bitch faxed a threat to take away Christmas visitation last Christmas if I didn't sign it, just like the year before. I paid a few thousand in legal fees the first year to get the Christmas visitation that year, so last year I submitted to the hired bitch's extortion on advice of counsel and accepted the unacceptable overly complicated, overpriced, unusable parenting schedule.
So after checking my court calendar, I saw that in fact, I should have my son from 10am to 8pm on Thanksgiving, so this wasn't any special favor but compliance with the court order. So what did she do, follow the order to a T? Hell no, she is cutting my time short by 2 hours because the weather forecast calls for 2 inches of snow and that will increase her travel time. My suspicion is she wants to get him earlier to take him to her parents. And as usual, the NCP gets the short end of the stick.
So I accepted. It doesn't begin to fix the last three years, but I have no need to give her cause to call be ungrateful or who knows what.
So while my ex was making a birthday dinner for my son and I, my son decided that fresh baked cookies would be the natural addition to the meal and he even offered to help. So she made cookies with some help from my son too.
And we ate it all and suffered no ill effects. Wonders will never cease. LOL
Birthday Bummer
Well, how could my birthday pass without its usual bump. As a teenager, I had an accident that broke a front tooth, it wasn't capped, it was pinned and rebuilt, it wasn't expected to last over a decade, but it lasted several. Until my birthday when it finally gave way and broke, leaving a hole for the holidays. So the next day I called the dentist, expecting that I'd be sporting an odd smile for a while and guess what? More luck, when I called, they said they just got a cancellation and could get me in that day. So now I have my old smile back, just in time for a thankful Thanksgiving Day.
Status: Actively Being Updated - Last Update 11/21/07 1am
Visitation
The court order does not grant me flexibility to schedule a birthday celebration that includes my other family members, its does grant me Thanksgiving Day every other year, but my ex has ignored the visitation schedule when it suits her without consequences. One of the reasons I was going to travel is because I would not be allowed to celebrate my birthday or Thanksgiving with my son, so traveling would have helped distract me from this NCP reality.Well I got some unexpected gifts at the last minute. A major tactic to prevent my representation in court was defeated because my investment adviser claimed the court had no direct jurisdiction to circumvent their fiduciary responsibility to me. It pays to develop strong partnerships that will stand beside you in contempt for the contemptible family court. This may have been the trigger for the following two events, my ex broke up her long weekend plans to accommodate my son celebrating my birthday with my family. She also is giving me visitation on Thanksgiving day for the first time in a long time.
Each year I review the 4 conflicting parenting schedules, in the 35 page parenting order, apply the rules in a priority sequence and mark all the special rules on a calendar. In a few cases the order is so ambiguous that I mark more than one schedule in a day. Why is it this complex? Because the lawyers and Guardian drafted them that way. Why did I sign it? Because my ex's hired bitch faxed a threat to take away Christmas visitation last Christmas if I didn't sign it, just like the year before. I paid a few thousand in legal fees the first year to get the Christmas visitation that year, so last year I submitted to the hired bitch's extortion on advice of counsel and accepted the unacceptable overly complicated, overpriced, unusable parenting schedule.
So after checking my court calendar, I saw that in fact, I should have my son from 10am to 8pm on Thanksgiving, so this wasn't any special favor but compliance with the court order. So what did she do, follow the order to a T? Hell no, she is cutting my time short by 2 hours because the weather forecast calls for 2 inches of snow and that will increase her travel time. My suspicion is she wants to get him earlier to take him to her parents. And as usual, the NCP gets the short end of the stick.
My Son
At my son's class last week, the teacher wished me a good holiday and I said that it was my birthday too. So after their usual thank you of a class cheer, the whole class sang Happy Birthday to me. It was very cute. Oh and finally that PC that I diagnosed, was back in service.Family Celebration
My brother has been involved in a very large project working many hours and it was unclear when we could get together. Well he came through and brought his family to my parents. My son and his cousin had a very good time together as usual. It was very nice to have the whole family together. We all had a very great time.My ex
My ex asked what my dinner plans were for my birthday. I said well I have a couple of ideas, why do you ask. She cooked for my birthday "so I didn't have to go to McDonalds on my birthday". I responded, well I was thinking more upscale then McDonalds. Rather an odd comment, I think there was some subtle sarcasm implied. I am not a frequent visitor to McDonalds or any other fast food restaurant. I actually shop and prepare food. I'm no chef, I take advantage of shortcuts. I could have prepared something easy or gone to a medium scale restaurant with my son. There are three new restaurants in the area I was considering, None of them using infrared heating lamps.So I accepted. It doesn't begin to fix the last three years, but I have no need to give her cause to call be ungrateful or who knows what.
So while my ex was making a birthday dinner for my son and I, my son decided that fresh baked cookies would be the natural addition to the meal and he even offered to help. So she made cookies with some help from my son too.
And we ate it all and suffered no ill effects. Wonders will never cease. LOL
Birthday Bummer
Well, how could my birthday pass without its usual bump. As a teenager, I had an accident that broke a front tooth, it wasn't capped, it was pinned and rebuilt, it wasn't expected to last over a decade, but it lasted several. Until my birthday when it finally gave way and broke, leaving a hole for the holidays. So the next day I called the dentist, expecting that I'd be sporting an odd smile for a while and guess what? More luck, when I called, they said they just got a cancellation and could get me in that day. So now I have my old smile back, just in time for a thankful Thanksgiving Day.Thanksgiving
My son probably can not remember the last time he celebrated Thanksgiving with my family. Well this year he will finally have the chance.Status: Actively Being Updated - Last Update 11/21/07 1am
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Halloween
Well apparently I have an avid computer using neighbor.
How do you like his pumpkin smiley?
And here's my son, hamming it up for the camera in a scary mask.
My son had fun decorating my house, putting lights in the windows, spiders, skeletons, ghosts, and eyeballs. He keeps opening and eating Halloween candy so I had to run to the store on Halloween day and get some.
Check out my ex, the bitch, on Halloween dressed as herself, a monster. LOL
Display censorship by bitch
Halloween was on Wednesday, my visitation day, but as usual the ex shows up to supervise the trick or treating. I wouldn't necessarily mind if I saw similar flexibility as it relates to me, but my ex likes one way streets, her way, or no way.
The next day was my volunteer morning for my son's computer class. I brought left over Halloween candy to the class. That made me even a bigger hit with the kids than usual.
This year's computer class is such a marked difference from the prior year. My son's teacher can see that I am a big help and occasionally leaves me with the whole class. She has an interesting custom, my son gets to select one of several class "cheers" that the class will do to thank me. Last year's teacher, preferred to use two inexperienced helpers rather than me and closed me out of every volunteer opportunity. Another teacher in this grade that follows my son's class prefers to use no helpers and I have sat through her class and its a zoo compared to my son's class. Just an interesting social observation. I'm happy to contribute and since their other coursework is integrated into the computer lab (in other words they use the computer to do course work not just for the sake of using a computer) I get a closer look at what's going on in my son's class. Funny my ex had signed up for computer lab, but then decided to switch to a different subject (Art I think). Just as well, I don't really need to see that "monster" any more than necessary.
Birthday Bombs
Well my son's birthday has long passed, had some thoughts to blog about but I was overwhelmed with the events surrounding post decree harassment (PDH). Not much progress there. The courts are acting against me, without representation, the county clerk of courts forwards me the results of their decisions but never am I called in for a hearing to present my side. My birthday is fast approaching as is the six month past post decree point.
They view this as unforgivable and literally can not stand to be near them. I am forced to put up with a lot, just to see my son. My son wonders why my family doesn't come to the party with his friends. For the good of my son, I put up with the pain of being amongst those who helped plot and execute his kidnapping. Sometimes I wish my parents could do the same, but I understand how difficult that would be. So my son and my family celebrate his birthday separately.
I was hoping that I'd celebrate my birthday with a nice vacation, maybe meet some friends, and have fun. So just before my birthday, I get sick, then I find some of my planned destinations are not open, a friend decided that they couldn't meet me, so everything started falling apart.
But then what was I thinking, I have a bit of a birthday curse. Over the years many of my major illness, injurys, car accidents, occurred on my birthday. So being sick for several weeks before my birthday could have been easily anticipated. But I've been working hard in the week prior to my birthday to get things back on track...
So for the latest status on my birthday see my latest post.
My Son's Birthday
My son's birthday party is awkward. In order to invite his child friends it is held on the weekend, when I have no visitation rights. My ex invites his friends, her family and my family. The trouble is that my family are not good actors or hypocrites. They saw what my ex's actions did to me and my family, they saw that as they tried to help our marriage stay together, her family placed no value for the marriage knew in advance of the kidnapping and assisted in it.They view this as unforgivable and literally can not stand to be near them. I am forced to put up with a lot, just to see my son. My son wonders why my family doesn't come to the party with his friends. For the good of my son, I put up with the pain of being amongst those who helped plot and execute his kidnapping. Sometimes I wish my parents could do the same, but I understand how difficult that would be. So my son and my family celebrate his birthday separately.
My Birthday
After six months of being divorced I was hoping that would be the end of the post decree chapter and the start of something new. But alas my ex's hired bitch plans to make this a career of torturing me. If I just sold the house so she could lay claim to the $100K equity that is locked away in it for fees it might end quicker, so I guess in that respect I have chosen the torturous route, but is that fair, I ask stupidly and rhetorically, I think not is my answer.I was hoping that I'd celebrate my birthday with a nice vacation, maybe meet some friends, and have fun. So just before my birthday, I get sick, then I find some of my planned destinations are not open, a friend decided that they couldn't meet me, so everything started falling apart.
But then what was I thinking, I have a bit of a birthday curse. Over the years many of my major illness, injurys, car accidents, occurred on my birthday. So being sick for several weeks before my birthday could have been easily anticipated. But I've been working hard in the week prior to my birthday to get things back on track...
So for the latest status on my birthday see my latest post.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
This is Child Protection?
A blogger buddy of mine researches and writes about some truly horrifying aspects of the family court arena. I must thank her for this timely article that helps set the stage for me to finally be able to tell my personal experiences with CPS abuse.
Please read this very informative article. Disgusted with the system: This is Child Protection?
You may have seen my earlier post from events over three weeks ago. The subject is filled with so much intense emotional pain and stress that I have been unable to write about it and shared the details among only a very few close trusted people.
Thanks to Louise's post, I think I may finally be able to find the courage to publicly disclose the details of how CPS is being used by my ever vengeful ex in her continued attempt to limit my son's access to me and continue her obsessive control of me using my son as a weapon.
It is vile, disgusting and should be illegal. But instead it is an example of the once free democracy of the once greatest country in the world failing to meet the goals of the founding father's mighty intentions.
Let this be a call to action, to take back the freedoms and government that we are entitled to.
You can find a link to Louise's Disgusted with the system Blog as well as another very informative site for NCPs - SPARC on my sidebar.
Please read this very informative article. Disgusted with the system: This is Child Protection?
You may have seen my earlier post from events over three weeks ago. The subject is filled with so much intense emotional pain and stress that I have been unable to write about it and shared the details among only a very few close trusted people.
Thanks to Louise's post, I think I may finally be able to find the courage to publicly disclose the details of how CPS is being used by my ever vengeful ex in her continued attempt to limit my son's access to me and continue her obsessive control of me using my son as a weapon.
It is vile, disgusting and should be illegal. But instead it is an example of the once free democracy of the once greatest country in the world failing to meet the goals of the founding father's mighty intentions.
Let this be a call to action, to take back the freedoms and government that we are entitled to.
You can find a link to Louise's Disgusted with the system Blog as well as another very informative site for NCPs - SPARC on my sidebar.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Placeholders
What's with these placeholders...
I haven't posted in a while, and that happens on many blogs, but usually for different reasons, people start to run out of topics after writing hundreds of posts. I have different problems in between posts.
First I have so many topics for this blog and even a bunch for other blogs. some of which are not launched yet, that I don't know which one to do first. This blog in particular being started 18 months after my potential topics started piling up has a large backlog of partially written posts. In fact the reason this got started is because I had dozens of pages of word document on potential topics.
Second, being a recovering perfectionist, I tend to go through a few drafts to try to cover the topic adequately. I may delay the post because i want to add a photo or because some background should be established first.
Third, and maybe this is more common with my fellow bloggers, sometimes I am just too stressed to write. I may know what I want to cover, know the key points, but just can't sit down and put the sentences together. This happens especially for more emotionally charged subjects.
So rather than have people checking the blog continually and seeing nothing new, I thought I'd think out loud a little. I'd take the skeleton of the post and publish it as is, and then fill it in, hopefully by the end of the week. That way you'll know I'm still here, you'll get a taste for whats coming.
Now granted it means that you may have to scroll down several posts to see the finished versions of the placeholders. And I realize that's kind of inconvenient, so I don't intend on making this a new writing style. I just wanted to give a good explanation by way of illustration.
I also did it as a way to force myself out of being comfortably numb and back into writing. By having the placeholders out there I will embarrass myself into finishing them.
If you didn't notice it, I gave another demonstration of my personal writing challenge in a post that had very strong positive and negative aspects to it. I normally would have split that into two posts concentrating on each end of the experience. Instead I intermingled it, which is confusing, but its the way things are for me IRL... Good and bad are constantly intertwined like a bowl a spaghetti.
In yet another post I tried to add an uncharacteristic (for me) sports analogy spin on a post.
Note: After this post was written a turn of events has taken me from numb to severe panic to be explained here.
I haven't posted in a while, and that happens on many blogs, but usually for different reasons, people start to run out of topics after writing hundreds of posts. I have different problems in between posts.
First I have so many topics for this blog and even a bunch for other blogs. some of which are not launched yet, that I don't know which one to do first. This blog in particular being started 18 months after my potential topics started piling up has a large backlog of partially written posts. In fact the reason this got started is because I had dozens of pages of word document on potential topics.
Second, being a recovering perfectionist, I tend to go through a few drafts to try to cover the topic adequately. I may delay the post because i want to add a photo or because some background should be established first.
Third, and maybe this is more common with my fellow bloggers, sometimes I am just too stressed to write. I may know what I want to cover, know the key points, but just can't sit down and put the sentences together. This happens especially for more emotionally charged subjects.
So rather than have people checking the blog continually and seeing nothing new, I thought I'd think out loud a little. I'd take the skeleton of the post and publish it as is, and then fill it in, hopefully by the end of the week. That way you'll know I'm still here, you'll get a taste for whats coming.
Now granted it means that you may have to scroll down several posts to see the finished versions of the placeholders. And I realize that's kind of inconvenient, so I don't intend on making this a new writing style. I just wanted to give a good explanation by way of illustration.
I also did it as a way to force myself out of being comfortably numb and back into writing. By having the placeholders out there I will embarrass myself into finishing them.
If you didn't notice it, I gave another demonstration of my personal writing challenge in a post that had very strong positive and negative aspects to it. I normally would have split that into two posts concentrating on each end of the experience. Instead I intermingled it, which is confusing, but its the way things are for me IRL... Good and bad are constantly intertwined like a bowl a spaghetti.
In yet another post I tried to add an uncharacteristic (for me) sports analogy spin on a post.
Note: After this post was written a turn of events has taken me from numb to severe panic to be explained here.
You just have to amuse yourself
otherwise who else will...
Another blogger mentioned the reaction you get from unexpected simple human interactions, things that can bring a glow to you and others. Things like a stranger saying hello with a smile. I try to practice that in a vain attempt to build up positive karma to override all the negative shit in my life. Sometimes I just crack myself up while cracking others up too.
Football in the drugstore
While getting a few things in the drugstore, I saw these small footballs with our home team on them. And I thought of my son who's too young to get his hands around an official size football, especially as you would need to do to throw a spiral pass. Now I'm not a rabid sports fan so I wasn't buying it out of any personal fan loyalty, although I try to see our home teams once in a while.So I get to the cash register and the lady gives the football a double take, I said "It's for my son", she said "Suuure it is", so I showed her the photo of my son in my wallet and said "Does that look like me?" She still seemed disbelieving, so I explained further, "Yeah I need a smaller ball to teach him to throw a spiral". She said you just do this, and she motioned. I said no that's not how you do it. The other younger clerk said, like this and motioned the same overhand toss. I said, "No you have to get some spin on the ball like this". So the younger clerk is assuring me she can throw a spiral and I said no you can't, not like that, here you throw me one.
So there we are in the drugstore about 15 feet apart passing a small home team football back and forth. See if you don't get spin on it, it wobbles or worse will go end over end. When I was done several employees and customers were looking, smiling, in disbelief about the spiral football passing demonstration. I left the store with a broad smile too. Hey maybe they thought who is that crazy guy? But what's so crazy about having fun?
Picking Buckeyes
There is a buckeye tree next to my son's bus stop, so I've been watching the tree for a few weeks, anxiously waiting for the buckeyes to get ripe and fall. I've picked some and cut them apart for my son so he can see how they form. First there is the outer green prickly shell that keeps any animal from eating the seed before its developed. Then the shell starts getting brown, less needles and begins to crack open. At this point they may be fully developed and may fall to the ground. Eventually the outer shell opens enough for the buckeyes to fall out.So for the last week I've been collecting buckeyes before and after my son gets off the bus. And this week they are fully developed and we've been picking dozens of them. I don't know what about picking buckeyes is so fun. Maybe its opening the shell and finding the prize inside, different shapes & sizes of buckeye, some with flat sides, some more round. I remember doing it as a kid. So now my son and I are sifting through all these buckeyes. It's still kind of fun.
Why not keep your eye out for a buckeye tree and see what kind of prize you may find?
So...
What do you do to amuse yourself? Leave your suggestions in the comments...Stress Continum
Placeholder check back
When a person is stressed what happens? I like to think of things on a spectrum, from one extreme to another, with a balancing point in the middle. This is admittedly an analytical approach, some may say overly analytical, but I'll write off that criticism as an occupational hazard from spending my lifetime in an analytical career.
Stress is impossible to avoid, and can serve a positive purpose if successfully managed. To be managed you need to be self aware, where are you on the spectrum, which way are you headed and what corrective action should you take to reach balance.
Now those who feel this is overly analytical or are believers in ignorance is bliss may want to stop reading now, for once ignorance is pushed aside, bliss may be gone forever. As for me, my analytical instincts are nearly uncontrollable, like a moth to a flame, I am continually on a quest for the reasons, even though I sometimes know I won't like them, I somehow can't leave well enough alone. Oh well, we all have to have our flaws.
So what does the stress continuum look like? Well it can vary from paralyzed with fear, to effectively dealing with it, to just paralyzed. Lets explore the spectrum.
When a person is stressed what happens? I like to think of things on a spectrum, from one extreme to another, with a balancing point in the middle. This is admittedly an analytical approach, some may say overly analytical, but I'll write off that criticism as an occupational hazard from spending my lifetime in an analytical career.
Stress is impossible to avoid, and can serve a positive purpose if successfully managed. To be managed you need to be self aware, where are you on the spectrum, which way are you headed and what corrective action should you take to reach balance.
Now those who feel this is overly analytical or are believers in ignorance is bliss may want to stop reading now, for once ignorance is pushed aside, bliss may be gone forever. As for me, my analytical instincts are nearly uncontrollable, like a moth to a flame, I am continually on a quest for the reasons, even though I sometimes know I won't like them, I somehow can't leave well enough alone. Oh well, we all have to have our flaws.
So what does the stress continuum look like? Well it can vary from paralyzed with fear, to effectively dealing with it, to just paralyzed. Lets explore the spectrum.
Scared Shitless
yyyPanic
yyyEffective
yyyComfortably Numb
yyyZombie
yyyImportance of Self Awareness
yyyDangers of Ignorance
yyySaturday, October 06, 2007
What a difference a week makes
EXISTING VISITATION ENDANGERED ONE WEEK after overnight visitation miracle.
NEW DEVELOPMENTS ON 2 WEEKS after overnight visitation miracle on 10/8 at 8PM - THINGS HAVE GOTTEN MUCH WORSE
The court is now involved and actively considering suspending my visitation entirely.
This is not an unusual occurrence with an NCP during contested custody.
I am no longer numb, I am scared shitless... on 10/8
On 10/15 feeling better thanks to details in Louise's article and CPS not contacting me yet. I am trying to remain hopeful that they will understand this is a bogus complaint.
On 11/07 still no contact from CPS, so that's good. But I have yet to meet with the person who reported my ex's bias account. That was scheduled for tomorrow, but I have a conflict so it may have to wait another month. Depending how that meeting went I could feel better.
I suppose, as I mentioned somewhere, the worst of it is, I can never feel free, as long as I choose to see my son, the threat of CPS abuse looms over me, thanks to a very dysfunctional and often abused system.
I'll finalize this post when that meeting occurs...
Status: Actively updated as of 11/07/07 6 am
NEW DEVELOPMENTS ON 2 WEEKS after overnight visitation miracle on 10/8 at 8PM - THINGS HAVE GOTTEN MUCH WORSE
The court is now involved and actively considering suspending my visitation entirely.
This is not an unusual occurrence with an NCP during contested custody.
I am no longer numb, I am scared shitless... on 10/8
On 10/15 feeling better thanks to details in Louise's article and CPS not contacting me yet. I am trying to remain hopeful that they will understand this is a bogus complaint.
On 11/07 still no contact from CPS, so that's good. But I have yet to meet with the person who reported my ex's bias account. That was scheduled for tomorrow, but I have a conflict so it may have to wait another month. Depending how that meeting went I could feel better.
I suppose, as I mentioned somewhere, the worst of it is, I can never feel free, as long as I choose to see my son, the threat of CPS abuse looms over me, thanks to a very dysfunctional and often abused system.
I'll finalize this post when that meeting occurs...
Status: Actively updated as of 11/07/07 6 am
Nothing Short of a Miracle...
ROUGH DRAFT
I can't believe it... OMG...
You know how my son doesn't get to be overnight with me... supposedly because of my sleep apnea. Well my brother and sister-in-law have wanted him to spend the night so he could have a longer visit with their daughter, his niece. They have a lot of fun together.
Well she confirmed that she'd let him go there from noon to 5 to celebrate his birthday with his cousin. So then I said (and my son could hear in the background) how about if he stayed for a bonfire with marshmallows and popcorn and then camped out there. She said, ummm, he said yes, she said well that's a long day, I said that's the point..., she said OK!!!!
She's gonna take him there at noon Sat and he'll spend the day and stay over night... I'll be there too... This is only the second overnight since March 2005.
I really can hardly believe it...
I wonder if its got anything to do with that court order that just came through where she gets the whole $60K appreciation rather than the $39K in the settlement. Nah, she'd have to be one callous bitch to sell an overnight visit for $21K. The last one cost me 1/10 as much.
So......
CHECK BACK
I can't believe it... OMG...
You know how my son doesn't get to be overnight with me... supposedly because of my sleep apnea. Well my brother and sister-in-law have wanted him to spend the night so he could have a longer visit with their daughter, his niece. They have a lot of fun together.
Well she confirmed that she'd let him go there from noon to 5 to celebrate his birthday with his cousin. So then I said (and my son could hear in the background) how about if he stayed for a bonfire with marshmallows and popcorn and then camped out there. She said, ummm, he said yes, she said well that's a long day, I said that's the point..., she said OK!!!!
She's gonna take him there at noon Sat and he'll spend the day and stay over night... I'll be there too... This is only the second overnight since March 2005.
I really can hardly believe it...
I wonder if its got anything to do with that court order that just came through where she gets the whole $60K appreciation rather than the $39K in the settlement. Nah, she'd have to be one callous bitch to sell an overnight visit for $21K. The last one cost me 1/10 as much.
So......
CHECK BACK
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