Lunatic Fringe - The Hired Bitch Freaks Out

I criticize my lawyers a lot, because I pay them a lot, I expect a lot and I know a lot about what they do. In fairness, I should say my wife's lawyer deserves more criticism, it's just that the nature of our relationship prevents me from knowing how she works. My wife won't tell me. I'd love to find another client of hers to compare notes with.

So I spilled the beans a little bit in the prior post. The "best" (actually worst) came out of my wife's lawyer on this seventh day.

My wife's lawyer is feeling some heat:

• She has huge fees outstanding
• My wife can't pay them, even with a generous settlement
• She can't justify the high fees
• It's becoming abundantly clear that she has been the cause of the delay
• She's running out of tricks
• She's running out of time because of the judges mandate to dispose of the case
  

We start the day each of us at our own lawyer's offices so the judge doesn't have to be bothered and also because he never comes in that early. The judge delegates monitoring of the forced negotiations to his bailiff who calls the office for progress updates regularly. Of course the lawyers lie to him so as not to have the bailiff get the judge on the phone.

So now in their role as "officers of the court" they are trying to jam a settlement down our throats. The frenetic horse trading begins in earnest. So her lawyer wants to take the lead (as usual) and wants to demonstrate how powerful she is to her client but doesn't want me to see my lawyer buckling under her heavy handed tactics.

So she asked my lawyer to send me out of the room, he says to me, "Could you step out?" I respond, "what the fuck", he makes a "sh" sign and then says, "yeah he's out" (lying to her).

She starts yelling at him, and he yells back in what I'm sure was a well choreographed script. She yelled that his client (me) was unreasonable. So he said, lets see where we have disagreements and named almost a dozen, then as they argued he said, well that's another one we gave in on, if we're keeping score. Several sarcastic barbs like that from my lawyer provoked more screaming by her.

My lawyer pointed out that valuations were done on a variety of dates so they all favored my wife. "I can't take that back to him, Give me something to take to him", Now she has to convince my stubborn wife to give up something she promised and has difficulty explaining the concept of consistent valuation dates since both she and my wife are mathematically challenged. She uses her usual yelling method and intimidation methods on her own clients.

She was yelling in front of my wife, at my wife so my lawyer could hear, criticizing my wife for not understanding her, and yelling at her staff for a legal pad (apparently she doesn't keep a supply in her desk drawer).

When I say screaming what do I mean? I mean that I could hear her (including some specific words) while sitting at my lawyer's conference table over 15 feet away.

Of course when she got to the court house she acted calm and professional.

I guess there is a pattern, acting like a nut outside the court to everyone, pretending to be Ms. Innocent Dummy inside the courtroom. She is so much like my wife, except my wife is on her best behavior outside my presence, and shows her true nutty self to me and so rarely to anyone else.

I haven't figured out if they just act nuts to intimate people or really are? Only their psychiatrists would know for sure.

Status: First Draft, I'll have to see if I can extract more details from my lawyer

Anatomy of a Week Long "Day"

Well I start with the day and work around it with details...

The Big Day

After reaching the seventh Trial Date, hours were extended from 7:30 am to 6:00 pm. This judge has been know to keep people there as long as 2 am. It would have been longer but the judge had a dinner engagement and is getting ready for a two week vacation. I am expecting an eighth Trial Date within a month when the final decree will be issued.

The $3,000 cost for the day and the total $10,000 cost surrounding the day is minor compared to the financial impact as both lawyers moved against their clients best interest in their sworn duties as "officers of the court". To disguise the engineered conflict of interest my lawyer played the good guy / bad guy game, while her lawyer went on a lunatic binge belittling my wife's intelligence (well there is some validity to that, but it seems in poor form), screaming at her staff for a legal pad, and yelling at my lawyer. At least this lawyer didn't break into tears like my last one did when faced with her abuse. Of course for those of unlimited means you can step up to representation by another firm who are so malicious that one opposing party put out a hit contract on them (their spouse's lawyer, rather than the spouse). That's a pretty sad state of affairs.

In an effort (as sworn "officers of the court") to please the judge, there was frantic horse trading, financial irregularities that would give an auditor a heart attack, and sloppy math where multiple errors over $5,000 were made because the lawyers do not make proper use of spreadsheets. Thankfully I do, so I pointed out errors that were in my wife's favor, but then I needed to overcome my lawyer's concern for "looking like an ass" (due to arithmetic errors). I had to carefully explain that $5,000 actually wasn't chump change that I could have fall out of my pocket.

For anyone walking by that saw that, it had to be some sight. Me standing by a laptop giving my lawyer arithmetic lessons, "Yes, her home equity award amount plus mine, must equal the total marital equity, and they are currently off by $6,000". He was standing there dumb founded, "That can't be right" he said, "Well that's because these numbers were calculated outside the spreadsheet and typed in as text, changes were made, but the arithmetic was never updated." Of course that's why they invented spreadsheets, all calculations are supposed to be entered as formulas on the spreadsheet, not on a legal pad then copied to a spreadsheet. But of course the law creeps at its petty pace.

I've been trying to convince him that he should let me work off my legal bill by offering a course in proper spreadsheet usage. He's still unconvinced, he asks me if I have fun at Mensa meetings (that is his sad attempt at sarcastic humor and to deflect the irresponsibility of his actions). I wonder if I can find out who does their external audits and slide that little tip under the table.

While waiting during the horse trading sessions, I had my laptop with all settlement agreements, financial statements and proposed agreements, annotated and cross checked for accuracy. The cleaning staff remarked that I had set up an office there. Meanwhile my wife faithfully followed the orders barked at her by her hired bitch and dutifully sat staring at the wall. She bought a new business suit for the day, I must admit it did look better than her previous matronly looking attire.

That was supposed to make a positive respectful impression on the judge (so says conventional wisdom), yet he passed her without recognition as she blended into the woodwork. He did recognize me, as did his bailiff, both of whom greet me by name. They were curious about my choice of equipment and surprised to see the variety of files open in the dozen windows (State Revised Code - Domestic Relations Sections, County Local Court Rules, Parenting Plans, Settlement Agreements, spreadsheets, etc.). My (finally STBX) soon to be ex, would have been better served with a hand calculator and the settlement sheet, she may have found some of the errors in my favor. But far be it from me to waste my time giving her advice that she would resent anyway.

While reviewing the spreadsheet with my lawyer I had all crosschecks visible (a switch hides errors in my favor) and he started blurting things out like an excited child, I had to tell him that piping down would be a more "prudent" negotiating strategy.

What's Next...

The financial impact and the things that need to change for the final decree are astounding, especially with the way our settlement is structured. It's sure to keep me busy.

Of course, divorce, like marriage should be, is forever. In a classic move by this court, they "decided, not to decide" custody. So I will continue to have extremely limited access to my son until I go through a mediation process at more costs. I guess the local economy owes me some recognition for the small cottage industry I have supported with the large portfolio I built in the 15 years prior to marriage.

Now at 50 years old, and wiped out, I'll have to see if I can summon that boundless 20 year old energy that built what I once had, to start building all over again from scratch.

Active Draft - this will go through several revisions until next week...

What a "day" ...

Big day # 7, will generate a lot of posts... It's not a day, it's a week, not a regular week, it's a scramble to pack into a week what should have occurred in the last two years, but didn't. Why? Because the judge is mandated to "dispose" of his "contested divorce - with children" cases within two years. And in the tight competition for the dumbest thing in this whole mess (very crowded field of candidates), the judge already lost his statistical goal because of a clerical error no one seems to have noticed or corrected. When my wife filed for divorce, her lawyer checked the wrong box - "contested divorce - no children", which carries a goal of "disposal" within one year. So the judges performance has already been "flagged".

Every notice from the court comes titled "Contested divorce - no children", so you'd think that anybody who knew anything about the case would notice it and correct it. I've pointed it out several times, but no one bothers to correct it, so why bother to track it? Busy work, self importance?

So what tantalizing teaser titles can you look forward to?

• Anatomy of a Week Long "Day"
• Lunatic Fringe - The Hired Bitch Freaks Out
• Divorce Disagreement Details
• Computer Illiteracy - More Dirty Details
  
• The Myth of Your Day in Court
• Phase I Pre-Trial - Just Dancing to Generate Fees
  
• Phase II Trial - Just a Way to Circumvent Your Rights
• Court Rules - We Don't Follow No Damn Rules
  
• The Lawyer Works for the Judge and You Pick up the Tab
• Who Pays Who's Legal Fees and Why
• Blackmail - Alive and Well at Court Near You
• How Decisions are Made - May the Best Kiss-Ass Win
  
• Planned Post Decree Actions - Deciding not to Decide
• Shared Parenting in Name Only
  
• How to Pass the Time Waiting For the Bad News

I'll be busy until the (week long) "day" ends Monday or Tuesday, I'll be posting as time allows.

The big news, I may get a final decree in a month without a Phase III Trial. Good News? Bittersweet at best. The cost is high by so many measures.

So is that the end, oh no, divorce, like marriage should be, is for life! Next comes the fallowut and then on to Phase IV - Post Decree Actions.

If any teaser title catches your fancy, ask about it in the comments section and I'll respond with a little more detail. As I move toward final decree, I hope to provide readers with even more valuable information, (almost) free from the distraction of the emotional trauma, but hopefully with wit, sarcasm, and useful practical advice.

I have collected so much material including a half day of surreptitious audio recording of the dirty details. God are these people stupid, I've got a laptop in their devil's den with a start bar full of tasks including the audio level monitoring task for the USB connected digital recorder sitting behind my Pepsi, water, and Full Throttle (energy drink). How's that for a cocktail of beverages for the day?

Legal reminder: This Blog is governed by a legal notice to prevent it's contents from adverse impact to my ongoing litigation which has not ended and will continue post decree (by indecision of the court, watch for "Deciding not to Decide" upcoming post). Furthermore, content is protected by copyright.

The judge fiddles while dollars burn

Who's running the show?

At a three ring circus, the ringmaster runs the show, keeps things in control. Well to use this analogy, my judge is sitting up in the cheap seats dripping in buttered popcorn watching the unmanaged circus play out. The lawyers get to do whatever they want, delay as long as they want, play games, screw their clients and he just watches the show.

How else could an average divorce turn into a two year $100,000 + debacle? Why so much? Because I had it. The goal was to use it up. Why? Cuz they can. Not my answer, theirs!

How does this judge end his cases? Well one day he puts his foot down (as he was supposed to at Phase II Trial # 4 date) and keeps you there until 2am. So it appears, just days short of the 2 year mark when he is mandated to dispose of the case, that he'll step in and force it to end.

It is scheduled to start an hour early right when the court house opens, which just emphasizes what silly futile attempts are being made. Threatening to hold court through lunch or after normal court closing times is a junior high school level punishment for adolescents, not an example of the most refined justice system in the world. This level of forced march to conclusion, when nothing has occurred in many pre-trials and 6 Trial dates, is not going to achieve justice for either party. In fact, it is impossible at this point, to achieve justice, irreparable damage has been done.

I've been hesitant to criticize the judge, but then it dawned on me. The opposition couldn't do this to me on her own. She had the passive assistance of the "absentee" judge. His inaction meant that he condoned her abuse. He is an accessory to the abuse of my child and I. That's why he ejected me from his chambers when I said that "Anyone who allowed my son to be used as leverage in this case was guilty of child abuse". At the time I meant it for whoever it applied to. I still do, its a fact, its true. It falls into the category, "if the shoe fits wear it".

It gets "better". See I can release the goods on this judge when he's up for election. But guess what, we have a visiting judge, I don't know how good or bad she is, but she isn't elected. So she is deciding on peoples lives and can not be voted out.

Status: Third Draft - Updated 03/24/07 04:25 am

Up the Ante

Every time I think it's gotten as nutty as possible this disaster of a system gets worse.

You may remember a while back when my lawyer got his machismo up and said he could beat the "fuckin cunt" any day of the week. Well I guess we have got trials on a new day of the week that never existed before.

Here is his most recent assessment of the case:

• I must settle and settle now at any cost.
• A phase III trial will last for days and cost an additional $50K (his machismo estimate was 1/2 day for a few thousand).
• I must stand by the generous proposal.
  
• This proposal treats investments and pensions as liquid, ignoring IRS restrictions and tax consequences (to inflate my financial worth).
  
• I must pay all legal bills ($30K for mine, $60K for hers).
• I must allow her to continue to dig for more ways for me to pay more, all the while the legal fees are increasing too.
• I must accept that I have no choices, recognize that it sucks, that I hate it, but just write a check and move on.
• For extra incentive, my own lawyer has seized $20K of my separate assets to delay a foreclosure after it occurs.
  
• This brings the total separate funds seized to $50K, with no accountability as to how it was used.
  
• My lawyer will wait until foreclosure, then pay mortgage arrearage (this will increase his fees, rather than paying it before foreclosure).
• My lawyer will pay my wife child support late, enforcement actions are being taken against me now.
• My lawyer will force all my credit cards to default and utilities to be shut off.

The court now controls all my funds. Sweet Deal. For somebody, not me! Not my creditors either.

I'd almost be inclined to think he's taking a kick back from the opposing party. Well he's not likely getting a check, but make no mistake, lawyers and judges are a fraternity and they make sure no other lawyer gets stiffed for their fees, even the opposition.

What do you think, is now the time to publish real names?

So next week is Big Day # 7. Expectations poor.

Status: Second Draft, updates to last few paragraphs 03/22/07 01:45 pm
Third Draft, significant comments by JQ 03/24/07 01:30 am

Yikes!

If I was a klutz yesterday, yikes is the word for today.

Let me step back for a second (OK, I don't know the meaning of a second, we'll make it a minute). Yikes wouldn't happen except in a separated family which I believe is dysfunctional by definition. Since my son moves between two homes, things move with him. It would not be right for him to enjoy something and have it restricted to one household.

For my son the problem isn't too severe, he has one household (his mothers) and he "visits" me for three evenings after school for four hours. That's 12 hours per week out of his 50 hours per week awake at home (while school is in session) or 90 hours when on vacation (then I get 15 hours). He never spends a whole day, never over night, never a weekend (except maybe four hours on one weekend day). This is not by my choice. Despite that, I have made a home environment, complete with a bedroom with a bed he never sleeps in.

She rarely lets him bring anything to my home. I let him take things from my home to her place, eventually she'll bring them back.

My son looks up to me and thinks everything of mine is his. And for the most part that has been OK. He'll use my office equipment, my digital camera and video equipment, etc. He lays claim to areas of my home office (well equipped as I was a consultant in a startup business). He has a natural curiosity and wants to know how things work.

One of my office items is an Olympus VN-240PC digital recorder (which I highly recommend). He has seen it and I occasionally let him make recordings. It has multiple folders and he doesn't know that, so I separate out misc items and legal items by folder.

So while I was making dinner he picked up my recorder, took it with him, and left it in his pocket. Just after he left, I get a call. She came back because he said, "I want to borrow Daddy's recorder, but I forgot to ask".

OMG, I have some crazy legal crap going on (haven't blogged about it because it is so disturbing). I go out to her car and he asks if he can use it at Mommy's. In my calmest voice, I say, "No, not this time, Daddy needs it tomorrow morning". That is the truth, I try not to lie to him. Sometimes I have to push his question off because this divorce process would have me lying all the time.

So what was on the recorder, that may have spent the day at my wife's? In a different folder, that she could have accessed, confidential discussions with my lawyer. Yikes!

I'm already in the habit of shutting down my logon id, he has his own logon id on my computers. In the 2nd grade he knows about "My Recent Documents", probably from my hacker brother-in-law, where on my logon id it would point to my draft Blog posts, legal references, court pleadings, etc. So he has his own logon id, with it's own wallpaper, and recent documents that include KidPix (recommend that too) drawings and the like...

I didn't want to let on what a disaster that could have been to have the recorder leave my house. So by time I see him next, I'll have to explain why there are some things that Daddy needs to stay at his home.

Another close call, what does it mean? I dodged this one too. Normally I'd have (what some people would consider boring) high tech seminars or some other harmless topic on the recorder. It is just at this juncture the contents are not for him and especially not for his mother's home.

What a Klutz...

It seems like forever, but I've only been Blogging for 6 months now, 140 posts and so many more ideas to post. I remember early on how I was so surprised at what trouble SolarisGal and Kate were having on their Blogs from lawyers or hostile people. I thought I'll be more careful, so that doesn't happen to me.

Well accidents happen in threes, right?

1. I used my email list and sent a note from my real address rather than my anonymous address to some regular readers. Over time, I know I can trust them, so kinda harmless.
   
2. Then I did just the opposite, somehow used my anonymous address on a note I sent to my own lawyer, not so bad, seemed to go over his head.
   
3. But tonight takes the cake, I did something that caused a text message to go to my wife's cell that may have had my anonymous id (because I didn't want to use my cell).
   

I guess it was only a matter of time that I would slip up.

Well I guess I dodged the third bullet, I re-created the sequence and found that my id probably didn't get sent after all. I've got to stop doing things like this unless I'm really paying attention. Just in case...

---

If anybody related to the litigation is reading this, I refer you to my legal agreement. You are not allowed on my site and you have been warned and any damage caused by you being on my sight will result in a claim for damages.

To the brothers of my wife, this Blog won't help her. It will only cause her lawyer to waste more money that she and our son could get, so just forget you even saw it. And by the way the restriction includes you too.

For the rest of my "legit" readers, any suggestions on what I should do? They only know my JQ75 id, not the existence of this Blog. Does that make me fairly safe or is it a simple connection? Any ideas for a new handle (send via email, don't post here). How about some ideas on how I can tell who's on?

If I have to restrict or change the Blog and you want to be notified, send me an email.

Thanks, I think I ducked this one, we'll see, read the first comment for details I didn't want to put in the post and watch the comments on this post if anything develops.

Bye bye Guardian...

So the parenting plan goes into effect, and that dismisses the Guardian.

Good bye and good riddance.

She fell, hook, line, and sinker for my wife's "concerned mother" act. She was putty in my wife's ample and manipulative hands. Any attempt at defending a balanced upbringing was met with ever increasing resistance. Like struggling in quick sand, futile.

On the flip side, Guardian fees will be replaced with mediation fees. It also means my 3 months supervision and its associated costs will start. This is to ensure that my disagreements with her overprotective mommy apron strings are properly protecting my sons safety.

I'm not careless with his safety, I teach it, in a non-melodramatic, non-screaming way. And he remembers. If I drill something, he'll say we need safety glasses. If I take out a ladder, he knows it must be on flat ground and opened until it locks. Long ago he wrote "Danger" on the highest step you can go on. Why should any child go near a ladder? In his gym class they climb an 8 foot vertical "rock wall" without a harness. And as the biggest boy in his class, I won't have him afraid to do what girls half his size can do.

I let him know, adults can have accidents, so everyone must be careful. He is allowed to watch certain things or do certain things only under supervision. He has a healthy respect for things, he feels included, he feels like a confident young man, not an insecure momma's boy. Not macho, nor effeminate. I believe in balance, my wife doesn't. I believe in BIC, and boy am I lonely, my wife doesn't, the Guardian doesn't, the lawyers don't, the judge doesn't.

Maybe I'm wrong? The record speaks for itself.

Under her care; left in a store by himself during a medical emergency; broke wrist twice during her "anger phase", one time she never treated it; sliced his face almost needing stitches, but not treated; started a fire in the microwave requiring evacuation of the house.

Under my care, nothing even close. Oh exaggerated accusations, big time; supervised climbing an 8 foot ladder, was described as hanging from roof. Injuries, no. Proper response to dangers, always (I took him to have his wrist set after a 10 hour shift; My wife just put ice on it while he was in agony for 8 hours until I got home.).

You know what's wrong? A legal system that weights evidence by the hourly rate your lawyer charges, by how connected they are, by their awards, committees, by their ass kissing, how well they play the game. I didn't hire a $350-400 lawyer, and in our market, that's the top of the family law scale, typically retained by the local millionaires.

• My wife GOT LESS from her high priced lawyer than I got from my moderately priced ones.
• Lawyers are like new cars, they depreciate as soon as you close the deal (they make their appearance on your case). (jqism).
  
• Unmanaged lawyers are a waste, looking out for themselves rather than you.
• Bias lawyers are the worst of the lot.
  

But the biased buddy is released. Huu Rah for small victories.

Note: jqism - cute quip or quote that will be the beginning of a new cliche.
Of course all jqism's are copyrighted, I have to make a page on my companion site for these.

In the interest of full disclosure that jqism was inspired by a comment from my good Blogger friend SolarisGal.

So the Big Day #6 is here

and where are we?

• One year of mediation.
  
• Two years of litigation.
• Many motions and pre-trial hearings.
• Five Phase II (forced negotiations) Trial Dates.
• My legal expenses are over $50K, total expenses over $60K.
• I've managed and pushed my lawyers, my wife has let her's run wild.
  
• Signed parenting plan hasn't been journaled (judges decision to wait), so opposition could renege on it, as she has done so many times before.
• Parenting plan does not restore my visitation, it only provides hurdles for me to overcome and mediation as the vehicle to restore my parenting time rather than a full custody trial that would cost me another $100K.
• Why couldn't the court rule on my parenting time? They error on the side of "caution". Once a concern is raised (sleep apnea) then they "protect" the child until a custody trial proves the accusation false.
  
• Four month old financial settlement that has been ignored by opposition to date.
• Full settlement agreement, ignored by opposition to date.
• Opposition has listed hours, but not fees. At $300 it would be $50K. Her bill rate is estimated at $350-400.
• There is evidence of the opposition padding the bill, a 4 page financial statement was billed out at 17 hours, I did mine myself, billed 0 hours, I even brought the 5 copies for filing, one had to be light blue.
  
• My wife doesn't have the means to pay her highest priced lawyer in town that she chose, so the judge will want it paid by me. He would not want his long time lawyer friend to be screwed for fees. That was the reason for freezing 10 times the potential settlement.
  
• My lawyer's advice was "I can beat that fuckin cunt on this any day of the week".
• My lawyer's advice has changed to "It's only money, write a check and get it over with".
• If I pay her fees I'll loose the house. I have strong evidence, including recorded conversations and inter-counsel communications to refute the reasonableness of the fees. I also have a strong case on why I should not pay them. In fact I have a strong case that my wife should pay my fees, but my lawyer said that would never happen regardless of it being "right".
  
• I want my lawyer to argue this today, he claims that the judge will require formal introduction of evidence at a Phase III trial. The judge did not have this high of a standard for the opposition.
  
• In less than 2 weeks my house will move into foreclosure.
  

So where are we going?

After all the bullshit, I'm not holding my breath, I'm not too hopeful either. I will demand partial release of funds to prevent foreclosure (and if that fails, I have a Plan B & C). I will also demand that the senior partners be phone conferenced into the judges chambers to bail out junior (Plan D). I will warn my lawyer that if he pulls the same shit as last month and does something without my authorization, he can expect to be contacted by the bar before the day is out.

And I'll try to remember to breathe...

---

What happened next...

Difficult night, hard to sleep. Not so much from worry, but just the frustration, aggravation, helplessness of the situation.

Gave my lawyer a wakeup call this morning, “to get on the same page”. [Remember me, let’s not get cases confused, remember what we’re going to do?] Yee Ha, he actually seemed to remember everything, I knew repetition would eventually work.

I’m sitin in the hall, waiting like a jackass as usual, typing this on my laptop. My lawyer walks by occasionally, kinda risky he could see me typing into this big word document with all my recent and draft posts to my Blog.

He and one of the partners are putting on a seminar on collaborative law later this week, and he’s going to use some of my written material (not from the Blog, stuff I’ve sent him on the case) as an example of how bad adversarial law can be. I joked, “I should find a way to publish this stuff”. It went right over his head. Ah, thank goodness for those little moments when I can get a huge internal laugh at him.

So we’re waitin and waitin, where the hell is the hired bitch, she’s 90 minutes late. Did she get hit by a bus? Nah, the old battleax would keep on walkin while half the people in the bus would be injured from hitting her cast iron ass. (more internal grins, breath, grin). Most fun I’ve had here in a while. Her being late should piss the judge off real good.

I challenged my lawyer, get my money released “ex-parte”, “We can’t do that”, “Sure, tell the judge it’s the price for not showing up”.

Whoa, little drama in the courthouse, some guy was screaming and crying at the top of his lungs in Spanish, he got close to his wife to say “I love you” and some court employees told him he had to go, he hung around for some time and they couldn’t get a sheriff up to the floor. Finally 10-15 minutes one came. At least they have metal detectors and bag screening. He seemed truly a broken man. About 30 minutes later I hear this angry female yelling and other male voices (trying to calm her down).

Finally, almost two hours late, she shows up with a counter proposal….. And she claims she is too sick to be working, what a load of horse shit. Horse shit, Bull shit, this lady is full of all kinds of shit. She’s actually got the judge buying it too. Teacher, my dog ate my homework… To think we’re at that level in Family Court.

What a match made in hell, how did my wife find someone who could act, lie, and manipulate as well as her? The goofy bitch (wife’s lawyer) actually talked to me, making chit chat about my Logitech Marble (as if she knows what to do with a computer).

Either she doesn’t know me, or her acting is so automatic that she can’t turn it off even when it isn’t going to work. In the former case, let me be clear, I know your game, it’s the same as my wife’s, I will not take my eyes off you or the ball for a minute because you both live to screw me given one moment’s chance. Like I said to the cop at the kidnapping, “What?, protect the weaker party, I’m the one sleeping with one eye open so I don’t wake up with a Lorena Bobbitt.”

Sick? Like a fox. It was all a ruse to waste more time and to help people forget her tactics. [I’m so sick, I ‘m being reasonable today, Oh here’s a few changes for you to take up the ass.]

---

So how did it end ?

Well on the surface, it could have been worse, my expectations are extremely low. She made a giant counter proposal and I'm going to be reading for a while to figure out how bad it is. On the surface she wants another $30K (no particular reason or justification, hey I want a million bucks and my child, but I don't have either) over what we calculated as equitable split and another $30K for her lawyer.

But my lawyer did hear me. I guess it might have been when I said, "Look you are doing this or you can ask your partners how I should spell their name for the local newspaper, tomorrow's edition." He responded, "Don't do this now". I said, "Hey is any of this new, I'm tired of waiting, desperate times, call for desperate measures". But see his desperate measure is I should write a check, mine is to blow the whistle.

So what did he hear and get? He got money released to prevent foreclosure and he got the judge to order the parenting plan so she can't renege on it and as a side benefit that replaces the bias friend of my fired 2nd lawyer with a mediator.

Ah shit. I finally started reading the counter proposal, I can hardly wait to hear how the pussy tries to sugar coat this turd. Of the 12 pages, every page is at least half marked up, then she adds 6 more pages. And guess what it does, leans everything her way. My lawyer makes a good faith, down the middle offer, and she tips it over on the side. And she proclaims this can be resolved, that she doesn't want it to go to court. Bullshit!

Status: Second Draft - Updated 03/13/07 10:30 am
Third Draft - Updated 03/24/07 9 pm - added "What happened mext" middle section...

Mom plays games...

While Son is Missing...
And Father is Fuming

I was at the bus stop waiting for my son and a neighbor boy and the bus driver said he got off at the apartment. I didn't have my cell on me, so I figured I'd get a call from my wife. I went back home, checked my phones, no calls. So I call her. No answer. I leave a message, "Call me, he got off at your apartment and I'm going there, since I can't reach you. Call me when you get this." No call. I'm halfway there, sitting behind a school bus and I send a page to her cell phone. A little while later I get a call, I'm almost to her place (stopping for each bus, slowed me down).

"Where are you" I ask. "What do you want", she says playing dumb and sounding annoyed at my call. I said, "He's at your apartment, WHERE ARE YOU?". "Ohhhhhh..." she says. "Well are YOU at the apartment or not?" "I'm at the health club, it will only take me a minute" she responds. By now I was just driving up to the community center and said "Well so am I, so I'll get there first."

I hang up the phone and there she is, in the car in front of me. I've got to set the record straight, we guys thought it took you girls a long time to get ready after working out. But she was able to get back to her car and get out of the parking lot in less than a minute, literally. Tell me girls, are you that quick?

It wasn't her fault that he got off at the wrong stop. And she's certainly entitled to get in shape for bikini (catch a new sugar daddy) season. But what ticks me off is playing phone games while my son's location is unknown.

The only thing I call her about is my son. And when I call at the time he gets out of school, that call should be returned. Or am I wrong?

We both arrive at the apartment at the same time, he's not outside, he doesn't have a key. She goes in and comes out a little while later with him. Where was he? He went in the apartment with neighbors, knocked on his door, no answer, so he went to the neighbors. He told them he was supposed to go to my place. He knows my number. They called her.

Well I guess I can't blame them either, she's their neighbor, and she hasn't told them anything about me and she would just as soon have our son with strangers than his father. They're just honoring her decision.

So she got my message, played dumb, and got their call too. Rather than call me and tell me he was at the neighbors and would be over to my place in a few minutes, she did what? Thought I wouldn't notice him missing, thought I wouldn't care, what the hell could she be thinking? She was going to get back quickly and pretend he was never alone? Why?

Well I don't expect her to care about my feelings or worries about where my son might be, everything she's done has proven that a lost cause. But shouldn't I be told about this one? Am I asking too much? And this is BIC?

So you see, as a realist I have set my bar pretty low. But not low enough! Thank God, I'm not an optimist, I'd be looking for a tall building, and I live in a city full of them.

So what are my parental rights? Apparently I'm not even entitled to know where he is. Think its getting time to buy him his own pre-paid cell phone and he's 7. Only 11 more years of this Bullshit.

If divorce is a solution, what is the problem? And at what price to the children?

Sidebar Updates

The new Blogger does make some updates so much easier and quicker. I didn't mind making the updates directly in HTML on the classic Blogger, but one typo and you could really mess up.

Farewell to a regular reader, Mackenzie1975. Stop by any time. You'll never be lost with your blogger buddies.

Welcome back our old friend S o l a r i s G a l who is now publishing under The Write Stuff.

With the new Blogger, you can expect updates in the sidebar more often. I published a post that has been in draft for a while (More people changing the World ) so you would need to scroll down pretty far to see it. Or you can simply click on it under "Announcements & Updates".

A $9K email

Some people wonder why I take a very active role in my case. I have been mistaken for a lawyer several times at the court house as I'm waiting in the hall and actively reviewing various aspects of the case with briefcase, laptop, pleadings, etc. In sharp contrast my wife sits like a statue staring at the wall doing absolutely nothing.

So my lawyer has been ignoring some things I've said about property settlement. And we're not talking nickels & dimes, $9K is a big deal to me, especially now with all these damn legal bills. I think it's worth an hour or two of legal time, much more than that has been spent on fruitless dancing with the opposition. So here's the email, with some redaction in brackets.

Here are some various evidence documents, scanned in PDF format.

The [first doc] shows the current balance on the [credit2] card, while the [enforcement statement] is the current statement showing a $45 arrearage. At least a portion of this is because of improper crediting of the amount that [Guardian] sent directly to [wife] rather than through [enforcement agency].

It is important for Judge [xxx] to understand that the motion to show cause for a $30 arrearage is an example of opposition counsel's cooperation for next week's Trial Date and that she has yet to fulfill her obligation to make her fees known.

It is important to note that you are willing to have me forego thousands in the effort to save fees while opposition is incurring fees to obtain a $30 arreage before I was even informed of it. This is an important defense in the need for me to pay no fees.

The UPS Package Tracking form shows [wife]'s effort to deliberately incur debt in my name by reissuing a credit card after separation that is charged to my obligation. [credit1] shipped this card to her without my permission or notification.

The [credit1] shows the $5500 retainer paid to [wife's lawyer]. [wife's lawyer] has discovery material that shows a $1000 cash advance against the [credit1] credit card at [xxx2] Bank which I did not make.

The [credit2] card shows another $500 cash advance taken at [xxx1] Bank that I did not make.

This $1500 should appear with the $2000 HELOC cash advance on the spreadsheet to reduce the $6000 proposed settlement.

This update should be made BEFORE you fax the proposal to the opposition.

So he puts together a proposal and leaves out $9000, why? I'm not rich. I worked my ass off prior to marriage for the separate assets I built. My wife has done terrible damage to our child in an attempt to hurt me (not to get money from me, she's never proposed a settlement), and her lawyer has screwed me every which way under the sun. My lawyer says he needs to prove my allegations, but her lawyer never worries about proving the bullshit she (or my wife) make up. And she actually gets the judge to decide things based on lies.

So we'll see, I called his office, he's already gone to court and presumably faxed the settlement proposal.

---

Surprise, he did contact me and review these items. There are some reasons to leave off some of them. Not necessarily good reasons, but being a man of reason, I need to know the reasons. Call it a character flaw. I won't just "trust" a stranger. Especially not in such a deceitful industry. This isn't my "trusting" time of life. Maybe later. One reason is that even though it is right, it will be misused as a reason for delay by the opposition. I should have seen that one. Hell there isn't anything that the opposition can't find as a good reason for delay.

The $2K home equity loan raid will stay in the settlement, but she'll get away with reissuing the credit card. I'm too nice a guy, the credit card company gave me the option to swear out a criminal complaint.

The email also raised issues in my defense that I should not have to pay my wife's lawyer's fees in addition to mine. So that will be worth a whole lot more than $9K.

Previously the language in the settlement implied I would have to pay something, but now it reads, each party covers their own.

We talked about this plenty of times, but my persistence, and my letters and emails, drove it home.

Status: Second Draft, Updated after response from lawyer
Last Update: 03/07/07 5:05 am

Bulls--t Bet

I'm being pressured into a sucker's sweetheart settlement agreement. The opposition has been completely unwilling to have any discussions at all.

My lawyer justifies this as, "Oh we have to do what the judge says, so this can be ended" on March 12 at the sixth Phase II Trial Date. Well I don't mean to rain on my own parade, but who are you trying to fool here. That smells like bullshit, and I'd rather pass. Rather than harassing me, why not get the judge to do his job and decide if the oppositions lack of cooperation in even talking about any of this is appropriate. Oh, we'll do that IF she continues to be uncooperative after this proposal. We've been doing that for 5 Trial Dates, what is so special now? In baseball you get 3 strikes, not six.

Then in a completely idiotic tone, he asks me, "Don't you want to get it over with?" Yeah, jackass, why don't you do something different than the last 5 of your failures? Why don't you talk to the person who's causing the delay with a little of that firmness? Afraid of the old bag? (my wife's lawyer). Maybe she reminds you of your own Mommy and you just can't say no to her? What a wimp, what a pussy.

Then he implies how much of her lawyer's fees I should pay? Uh, I'm not in the habit of paying for someone to screw me. And besides I'm already paying you and getting screwed. Hell it's a damn orgy with all the lawyers, Guardian, Evaluator, Court Fees, I'm getting screwed with, and apparently everyone is enjoying it except me.

So then he says, oh her lawyer typically asks for a ridiculous amount and has nothing to back it up, so we'll have to litigate it in a Phase III trial. I can't wait to see the amount, it will be so funny. Not to me ! So now you are admitting that it is impossible for it to be over next week? Well, uh... Typical lying sack lawyer, talking out of both sides of their mouth.

Why must we wait for a week when you know what she'll do? How about some proactive prevention here, how about plan B?

I'm a realist and I won't take the bullshit bet, I bet that it won't end next week. I'd be thrilled if it would. But promised dates have come and gone. Until someone stands up, makes a decision, and kicks some ass. Now that's not macho talking, that's an observable fact, for the last 2 years. Reasonable efforts have been plied and died. If my lawyer or the judge doesn't do it next week, I'll have to fire his ass, and kick her lawyers ass myself. It's the only thing she understands. I have no idea when it will end, it's a fool's bet. And I'm no fool.

Status: First Draft - Updated 03/05/07 5:25 am

Prayer

I'm usually a private person when it comes to religion. But in this Christian season of Lent, I will make a few comments. I don't mean to preach at you or conflict in any way with your own belief's, but just offer it as food for thought.

My wife, child, and myself were raised Roman Catholic. Prior to separation, my wife removed our son and herself from the Catholic Faith and joined the Lutheran Faith. I assume her new faith is more tolerant of divorce, although I doubt any religion would condone her family destructive behavior.

During this Lenten season, I am participating in a St. Ignatian Retreat. St. Ignatius of Loyola was the founder of the Jesuit Order and developed a group of spiritual exercises that help the participant establish a closer relationship with God and to see his works on Earth.

This was very attractive to me during this terrible time of stress. It is so easy to overlook good, when you are surrounded by, even drowning in, pure evil. This can easily lead to a downward spiral of hopelessness to what St. Ignatius calls Hard Spiritual Desolation (part of this week's spiritual exercise).

I once told a lawyer that I had nothing but contempt and disdain for their godless, unethical, deceptive (family law) profession. The comment went over their head. But I was quite serious.

Mark E. Thibodeaux, S.J. in his book "Armchair Mystic" identifies four stages of prayer. I'm guessing that many of us are only aware of two stages. He introduces his book with a wonderful and relevant quote:

"Each Christian needs
half an hour of prayer each day,
except when we are busy...
then we need an hour."

- Saint Francis de Sales

The author makes a point that moving from one stage to the next does not make the prior stages obsolete. All stages have their place and relevance.

• Stage I - Talking at God - Ready made Prayers
  
As children this is where we start, by reciting prayers.

• Stage II - Talking to God - Extemporaneous Prayer
  
This goes way beyond using your own words or simply asking God for things, it involves confiding in God as you would a trusted adviser or parent. You get comfortable expressing yourself to God, spontaneously, when needed, not just at church, morning or evening.

• Stage III - Listening to God - Meditative Prayer
  
This stage is a very big jump over the previous stage. First you must quiet your mind from the distractions of the world. Your Faith must be strong. Obviously you won't hear a literal voice, or have any proof of divine communication. But meditative prayer is the path to being able to have divinely inspired suggestions, to be free of the chaotic distractions of the world.

• Stage IV - Being with God - Contemplative Prayer
  
This is a rare occurrence in life, it is a mystical union with God, not simply meditating, but feeling the presence of God.

The first comment to this post will contain more info on St Ignatian Retreats. Feel free to comment or make suggestions on how you maintain your own spiritual well being.

Divorce - What is it good for?

There's this chorus that constantly comes to mind.

"What is it good for?"
"ABSOLUTELY NORTHING !"

So I thought I'd share it with you, it comes from a song named "War" which could just as well have been named "Divorce".

My Blog music site does not have this song, if you know of a link, let me know. In the mean time, I'll try to find my disk and get a .wav of the chorus for you to hear. The emphasis on "absolutely nothing" is great. You may also remember their best known hit "Relax"


Artist: Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Song: "War"

Oh no-there's got to be a better way
Say it again
There's got to be a better way-yeah
What is it good for?

War has caused unrest

Among the younger generation
Induction then destruction
Who wants to die?

War-huh
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again

War-huh
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Yeah

War-I despise
'Cos it means destruction

Of innocent lives
War means tears
To thousands of mothers how
When their sons go off to fight
And lose their lives

I said
War-huh

It's an enemy of all mankind
No point of war
'Cos you're a man

[Repeat]

Give it to me one time-now
Give it to me one time-now

War has shattered
Many young men's dreams
We've got no place for it today
They say we must fight to keep our freedom
But Lord, there's just got to be a better way

It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker
War
Friend only to the undertaker
War

War
War-Good God, now

Now
Give it to me one time now
Now now
What is it good for?

More People Changing the World

Here are some more quotes from the Nickelback video.

What if Everyone cared?


1984 Bob Geldof
Music Journalist turned Punk Rock Frontman
was inspired by a news report about
Africa's Famine Epidemic
and began his fight against World Hunger.
Geldof organized the world's first global charity concert
LIVE AID
performances by 100 artists around the world
were viewed by 1.5 billion people
Live Aid raised 150 million British Pounds
in one day.


1976 Betty Williams
a receptionist and mother of two
witnessed three children killed during
the political turmoil in Northern Ireland
within two days of the tragic event,
Williams obtained 6,000 signatures
petitioning for peace.
She then led 10,000 people on a peace march
to the children's graves.
The peaceful march was disrupted by protesters.
One week later Williams organized another march,
this time the march was 35,000 strong.
Betty Williams was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1976.


1961, Two students in Portugal
raised their glasses in a toast to freedom.
They were imprisoned for seven years.
British Lawyer Peter Benenson was shocked by the events.
To rally support for the students he wrote a letter to his local paper
The response was so overwhelming that a
committee was formed to organize a campaign.
It quickly grew into a world-wide movement
known today as Amnesty International.


1920s, a boy from a small South African village
dreamt of a day when equality would prevail over his country.
After years of activism he was charged with Political Treason
and sentenced to life in prison
His dream of equality never died.
In 1990, after 27 years in prison
Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela
was finally released
Mandela then led South Africa to its first ever
Democratic Presidential Election.
Nearly 19 million people voted.
Nelson Mandela won the election
ending the racist apartheid regime
that divided South Africa for 46 years.

---

So when you think
nothing can be done,
pause,
think harder,
do something.

It might just matter. And even if it appears that it didn't, your conscience will rest easy that you acted responsibly. You may not be able to be part of the solution, but by taking action you can ensure you are not part of the problem. The root cause of many problems is - apathy.


Status: First Draft, need to carefully proofread...

Can you change the world?

There is this great quote in Nickelback's video for "If Everyone Cared". You may have seen my opinion that I believe Family Court performs so poorly because they simply don't care.

Here is the ending quote from the video:

"Never doubt that a small group
of committed people can
change the world
indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

- Margaret Mead

Here are lyrics. Click the gray triangle to hear the song.


Artist: Nickelback
Song: "If Everyone Cared"

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
(I'm alive)

[Chorus x2]

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died
When nobody died...

[Chorus]

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died

Dear Pussy

You may have missed my placeholder post Deadbeat by Design which has now been updated. As if that post was not bad enough, it gets even goofier. What follows is a (verbatim) letter I just sent to my lawyer:

From: [JQ]
To: [my lawyer]
Subject: Child Support

I received a child support statement today saying that child support is current.

1) I have repeatedly asked you to determine what the Guardian is doing regarding distribution of the $7,000 released in December for my child support obligations.

2) I have also asked for an accounting on how these funds are being distributed.

3) Why has opposition counsel made motions to show cause and for fees when child support is current according to the enforcement agency? I expect a motion for sanctions and fees regarding opposing counsel's abuse.

4) Why am I the only one who doesn't know where my child support money is going? Why has my son consistently received less than half the funds?

I expect an answer to each and every question via email at the end of day Monday 3/5.

The Guardian's continued act of ignoring the welfare of my child while entertaining my wife's never ending untreated phobias is unacceptable and irresponsible. I would like to move for her dismissal as soon as possible with a date certain independent of this never ending litigation.

I will personally file a grievance, as is my right, with the state enforcement agency regarding the Guardian's misconduct with child support funds. I will continue to take personal actions, as is my right, until I achieve satisfaction in these matters.

I am quite tired of repeating myself.
I am even more tired of being billed for my repeatedly unaddressed questions.

I had a conference call scheduled for Sat morning to review the proposed property settlement.

So how did the pussy react to this email?

I think he just skimmed through it, and he was all stuffy with allergies, so that took some of the fight out of him. He started to get cranky about these issues and I shut him down saying look I have nothing from the Guardian or you and I do have something from the enforcement agency showing only the current balance, no notice of arrearage. He just got a fax from the Guardian and said he didn't understand it. I told him that if he didn't understand it and he's been talking to her and he has the fax, then how am I supposed to understand it when I have nothing?

He said it didn't matter, the motion wouldn't be heard, no action would be taken. Well no court action, but the enforcement agency will continue with enforcement actions unless the court stops them. It's like the lawyer doesn't even know or care how the system really operates (choice of words, can't say that it "works").

Then I cornered him with my understanding that he was to get an order regarding over withholding of child support. He admitted that, oh no, I just said you shouldn't pay it, it is still an obligation until the final decree. I asked, then did the Guardian tell you that funds were running out. Yes he admitted. So he knew that this would happen. And in the BIC I should leave my son unsupported because they want to hold my assets for lawyers fees. Even though it now appears that the Guardian took more than half of the $7000, there should have been enough for 5 months. So why should it have run out already? Unless more was taken.

So I hope he understands from the email that his name will be added to the state enforcement agency's grievance.

Oh how about this exchange regarding the above items:

Lawyer: I'd wish you'd stop arguing with me.
Me: Well, maybe if you were right more often I wouldn't need to.
Lawyer: What ! What did you say ?
Me: I said nothing, thought "pussy" !

So much for restraint. But the truth is the truth. No body spares me.

Status: Second Draft, Updated 03/03/07 11:50 am

Why not ask the children

jd's common sense question is so much at the heart of the problem that I'm going to answer it in a post so it isn't lost as a comment. jd asks:

"Why couldn't the guardian talk to your son and ask him what he wants and then relay that to the judge????"

Well the Guardian asked my son what three things he wanted? His answer was number one, spend more time with Daddy, number two spend more time with his grandparents (on my side). The Guardian remarked, she rarely sees a child who so firmly and quickly asked to see a parent. So she tried to intercede to push for a settlement. So far, so good.

At the same time I was having a problem with 2.5 years of child support being held in advance but not released, see DBbD post. I needed to break the stalemate, enforcement actions were being taken. So I fired my lawyer and forced the judge to accept me as Pro Se. I requested to join my employer as new party defendant and press for contempt of court and falsifying records (those were the motions against me, but my employer provided the same info). My wife's hired bitch did not want corporate lawyers up her ass so she backed down and I came out of DBbD status.

Then I found out that the Guardian was personal friends of my fired lawyer and was highly offended by my decision to fire her. Whoa, didn't see that coming, don't they have rules on conflict of interest? Sure, but no need to enforce them.

The other major factor is my wife is a good actress and expressed all kinds of fears about if something would go wrong with my son in my care. For example, three years ago, working 3rd shift and commuting 100 miles a day, I totaled two cars in bad accidents. Then I was diagnosed with severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea, underwent successful treatment and got off 3rd shift. But the Guardian went along with a 10 mile driving restriction.

A few weeks ago I worked two long days, including a 5 hour, over 300 mile drive on the second day without fatigue because my Apnea is treated.

But for my son's safety they have limited me to 4 hours and 10 miles.

Why not ask my doctors? They did. The doctor's response, I am successfully treated and recommends no limitations. My doctor in this large metro area is the head of the sleep clinic and on the faculty of the teaching hospital. I don't think you'd find a more through exam (he always includes respiratory technicians and interns, quite crowded office). Opposition response, he's wrong. Guess lawyers can practice medicine without a license.

Status: First Draft - Updated 03/03/07 7 am

Who's to Blame

When my son asks why there are so many restrictions and hurdles to seeing me, what am I supposed to say? He wants to blame someone for the frustration of being estranged from his father.

If there were obvious barriers like incarceration, physical distance, etc. it might make sense. But if he misses his mother's bus stop, he only has to wait a few more stops to get to me. I'm so close, yet so inaccessible. Why, he wonders?

Well here are some possible answers:

• I don't have time for you. Well that would be a bold face lie, I've taken shifts no one wants to be able to lengthen the time I'm available for him.
• Mommy's a bitch and you are the only way she can get even with Daddy. Whoa baby, can't say that (I never have to him, her yes) it's too much truth for him to handle.
• The court has rules and made the decisions. Not a lot better, because he now has a dim view of the court. Actually not true either, because if it were not for Mommy's hired lying bitch, the courts decisions would be much fairer.
• Mommy is paying a lot of money to one of the ballsiest bitches in the state and it's her lawyer's fault. Mommy has no say as to what her employee does. That would be my wife's explanation, if it makes any sense to you, please explain it to me.
  
• Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or the Boogie Man is to blame. He won't accept that.
• It's none of your business. Don't think he'll accept that one either

I asked my lawyer this question, he couldn't answer it.

So I blame it on the court, it seems as the lesser of the above choices. During a disagreement, my son made a disparaging remark about the court. That is what triggered the flurry of "concerned" phone calls to my lawyer this morning from my wife's lawyer and the Guardian. I may have been a terrible father and been indirectly responsible for my son's distaste for the court.

And imagine what could happen if an entire generation grew up who had an inkling of doubt about Family Court. Why, there could an overthrow of this disastrous system. WOW !

Status: First Draft