The Unexpected

As regular readers know I have very limited visitation, only 4 hours in a day max, even in the summer, no travel, no vacations, no overnights, 10 mile max driving. Technically I would not be allowed to take him to the closest emergency room should something happen.

Sometimes I come up with creative ideas that can cram interesting things to do in that limited time. Sometimes he just wants to “putz around” doing odd things around the house.

Today was a putz around day, playing in the yard, helping with yard work, playing on a water slide with super soaker squirt guns, doing things in his two “forts”, he asked me about my wireless headphones, so I picked a radio station, and he tried them on. He thought it was so cool that he walk around the house, go outside and still hear the music. He commented, there's a little static here as we walked by the chimney in the family room. I told him, sure, the whole wall by the fireplace is large cemented rocks on the inside and brick on the outside, walk by the back porch and it will come back. It did, he thought it was cool to swing and listen to music while he touched the leaves on a nearby tree.

I'm watchin the time, I'm gonna have to get him to quit playing and eat. I'm always watchin the time, its part of being an NCP. I hear my ex's distinctive ring, she's calling to say she's going to be an hour and a half late because her mother was delayed coming out of surgery. And she's still in her home town over 60 miles away. Now normally she stays over at her parents house, but she'll be coming back to town to get him.

She's reviewing his bedtime routine and expects him to be ready to go straight to bed. Now that's really no problem, it has been over 2 years since I put him to bed, the night he was kidnapped, but I still remember the routine, hell, I have a bed he never sleeps in and pajamas and clothes he rarely wears.

Turns out she knew this was a possibility, she left his night time reading book in his backpack from camp. But she chose to tell me 20 minutes before it was time to pick him up. And that was OK too, as an NCP still stugling to get my orders enforced, I haven't restarted much of a social life, so I can be flexible. It's power for the course, why should she treat me with any respect, why should she ask me a day a head of time, why start treating me like a human now?

My son likes my large whirlpool tub, he tries to swim in it. He's getting a little big for that. I'm kind of lenient about him splashing in the tub, I know his mother bitches up a storm about it. So he fills it all the way, I'm getting dinner ready, I come back to check on him and he's been reading a book on the Titanic. So he starts making a wave and a big gush of water splashed over and landed on the power cord. Luckily I remodeled this bathroom and have found and rewired all electric violations in the house. The bathroom is on a separate circuit breaker with supplemental fast tripping ground fault interrupts, wiring contains drip loops and is isolated from all plumbing so he blew one circuit. We took a little time to talk about that.

So he gets in a pair of pajamas, gets comfortable on the couch, and does his bedtime reading. Before his mother arrived he said, “Dad, you know what, I think this was my best day ever”, “Really", I said, trying not to sound too shocked, "why is that”. “Well I just had a lot of fun”. “I'm glad you did”

Wow, that comment was unexpected. You know you try the best you can, but you always want to do more and you aren't sure if you are doing enough. Well I guess that is the only metric that counts. My son had fun with his Dad. To the rest of the world I'm just another fuckin NCP, but to him, I'm a fun Dad. Wow!

But on the other hand ignorance is bliss and love is blind. I do consider myself lucky that despite the court's poor treatment, despite the restrictions, I still have the love of my son. It is a precious gift that I fought hard for. Given by God, restricted by lawyers. But as an NCP, I also know that these are the first steps toward PAS, so I must cherish that gift while I remain lucky enough to have it until the courts or my ex take away what God has given me.

My son is very smart, but luckily not smart enough to understand it all, to still be able to have some bliss. I talked to a young woman at a bank while setting up an account for my son. She shared that her parents were getting divorced, but unlike my son, she understood more about it and it was driving her nuts.

This is the second time my ignorant ex decided to race her ass back to town to minimize time with my son. The idea of win-win, BIC is as foreign to her as anything. She could have spent the extra time with her parents and my son could have spent the night, but she didn't want to allow that.

So it appears my son will always be ignorant of the Father I could be as long as these mother fuckers refuse to loosen the ropes around my neck, arms, and legs. I try not to hate, knowing that it is a self defeatist emotion. But occasionally the emotion crepes in for those who truly work hard enough to deserve it.

Note: NCP means non-custodial parent, the 2nd class looser parent often with less rights then teachers, doctors, in-laws, etc.

Status: First Draft