Tagged A to Z

And here’s the response to MT’s A-Z Tag

1. A is for age: 50

2. B is for beer of choice: Guinness, if I’m drinking beer, although if I’m drinking, it’s more likely Canadian (Club) Whiskey and Ginger Ale.

3. C is for career right now: High end Technology Support is my 30 year career. For the past seven years I’ve been Dad. For the past two years I’ve been a Professionally Poor Litigant, Activist Agitator, Falsely Accused Deadbeat.

4. D is for your dog's name? (Childhood neighbor’s dog that I walked, never had one of my own, always been a cat person) Queenie

5. E is for essential item you use everyday: laptop

6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment: Oh there's lots of favorites, depends on my mood. Education shows with my son on A&E, History, TLC, Discovery like Modern Marvels, Mega Movers, Extreme Engineering, Mythbusters, Lost Worlds; for entertainment Jon Stewart, stand up comedy, sharper comedy like Denis Miller, Lewis Black, Denis Leary; drama like Third Watch, Shield, Dirt, Rescue Me, House.

7. G is for favorite game: Volleyball

8. H is for Hometown: Some of you know, biggest metro area in a northern state

9. I is for instruments you play: Clarinet (as a child)

10: J is for favorite juice: Nearly any fruit juice

11. K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: My wife’s hired bitch lawyer, or all divorce lawyer leeches

12. L is for last place you ate: my house

13. M is for marriage: Separated, Never ending divorce litigation

14. N is for your full name: John (some of you know)

15. O is for overnight hospital stays: been there, never admitted. I had a severe accident three years ago and was life flighted to a level 1 trauma center in the early morning and they still got me out that night.

16. P is for people you were with today? My lawyer (worst) – My Son (best)

17. Q is for quote: "I'm not perfect, but I am reasonable" My Blog Qoute

18. R is for Biggest Regret: Probably have to steal Mike’s “Not finding the right women to marry the first time”

19. S is for status: Buried in litigation, with every aspect of my life controlled by the court.

20. T is for time you woke up today: 10:00 am two days ago

21. U is for underwear you have on now: Joe Boxer Briefs

22. V is for vegetable you love: Corn or Cooked Cauliflower

23. W is for worst habit: Not being good at playing the "Game" and having too much self-doubt. It always amazes me when I run into people who just pull stuff out of their ass and speak with such authority and confidence about things they hardly know. I get even more perturbed when I pay them hundreds of dollars an hour. I swear "It's not what you know, it's how much smoke you can blow". I am always so careful before I chart a course, (perfectionist tendencies), so when I do go forward, I am pretty damn sure of myself. Not because I blew smoke up my own ass, but because I researched it.

24. X is for x-rays you've had: almost everything head to toe except Pelvis.
Foot injury, major joint problems, Smashed Knee, Broken ribs, Dislocated Elbow, Shattered Shoulder, Head Trauma. Chest xrays and CTs. Various MRIs. Hey but I'm all put together now.

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today: Stouffer's Southwest Chicken Panni

26. Z is for the zodiac sign: Scorpio

Status: Second Draft, completed after catching up on my sleep. Updated 02/28/07 10 pm

Lawyer - Grow Some Balls

Oh no you didn't. Oh yes I did!

I left a reminder with my lawyer to encourage him to grow some balls to go against my wife's hired bitch who is commonly recognized as having bigger balls than most men she is up against.

He frowned. I stated rhetorically, "You do have a sense of humor, don't you".

Check it out. BAWLS, the cyber energy drink in the blue bumpy bottle so you don't drop it when you are staying up all night.

Doing battle ... against my own lawyer

Well I don't advise this and it certainly is a step of last resort. Unfortunately that's where I find myself.

If you're going down, and you paid the asshole a ton of money, should you really go down by yourself while he goes hopping and skipping to the bank laughing loudly? I think not!

This will be a big gamble. The judge will go bonkers. I'm prepared to give testimony against my own lawyer. What? Yeah, just like my last lawyer did against me to get her fees for screwing up.

Can't beat their game, join it. Use there shitty techniques against them.

I may be an old dog, but no one ever accused me of not learning new tricks.

I'm up late, putting the final touches on how he screwed up. I'll try one more time to get the MIA senior partner to step up to the plate, otherwise I drop the bomb (pearl harbor file) and "paper him" (one of the lawyer's favorite dirty tricks).

Well, it's 2:30 am and I'm done with my 15 page "papering", too verbose you say? I did my best to summarize each of the issues in 1 or 2 short paragraphs. That's just how screwed up it is! See the How Many Ways post below to see just one day's screw ups, let alone this SUTD (screw ups to date) document.

I spent another hour on the financial spreadsheet. Then I tried to sleep. Fat chance. How can you spend hours on an intellectually and emotionally draining task and then go to sleep. You can't, I didn't. After a little while, I got up, read the morning paper, put on a CD and reclined comfortably relaxed waiting for the early morning meeting.

He gives me this high pressure crap, lets finalize the settlement today. I'd love to, but why don't we redirect the high pressure crap to the party who has constantly caused delays. It starts getting a little tense, he's advising me "not to worry" about foreclosure or enforcement actions. Fine for him to say, I'm at risk. I told him firmly, I'm not trusting anyone with loosing my house or the variety of draconian child support enforcement actions, much less my lawyer who has such a poor track record.

He's getting uncomfortable, he asks me if I want him to call in the senior partner (Mr. MIA). Yeah, I do. Mr. MIA gives me the high pressure sales pitch, don't you want to settle? Don't even give me that crap. I don't want to pretend this will be any different. She will delay the process again, what are we doing to address that? Continuing to provide settlement overtures that keep getting delayed and expecting this one will be different is like expecting a zebra to wake up one morning without it's strips.

Doing the same thing and expecting different results is a sign of craziness or it will certainly drive you crazy as you beat your head against the wall expecting different results, only to loose again. See, here's another indication that lawyers are crazy.

So I catch the senior partner offguard, he's assuring me that a foreclosure will take a long time and they really won't do it. So then I ask, how will their steps toward foreclosure look on my credit report, what will the second deadbeat dad look like on my credit report (yep, it shows up, even when wrong)? What are the odds I'll get a loan, pass a background check on employment, what interest rate, what insurance rate (they figure bad credit = bad risk)?

Well my lawyer would have told me that I was wrong, that this would not happen, I've had that argument with him already and told him he was talking out of his ass, because I have pulled my credit report and child support enforcement records and it has happened, so don't tell me nothing will happen, it did and that's a fact. And if it did before, I expect it to happen again.

I asked if they had ever heard of an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure? Is the concept of proactive anything you understand? The senior partner seems befuddled, like what? Like my repeated requests to make motion to release separate assets to handle this. The judge has released (seized) my separate assets to pay lawyers, why not the bank?

That would be proactive, that would prevent this mess. That is what my lawyer agreed to and then reneged on without my authorization. Well we can't go backwards, says the senior partner. Then I have your agreement that this will be done at the earliest convenience, that is what I want to happen. OK, says the senior partner, as he gets up (out argued) and heads for the door, always a pleasure talking to you (yeah, right, I enjoy having my ass handed to me on a platter, don't you), let me know if you have anything else.

Is that so unreasonable? To pay my other creditors too? They have seized over $30K for a variety of things, mostly legal fees, and leave the banks holding an IOU while they save whatever I have left for their future fees.

So we review the issues. Then I hand him the "papering" - 16 pages, he frowned. What is this more rhetoric calling me an "asshole". Well gosh I never called him that, a ball less pussy, but not an asshole, unless he's reading my Blog, hey junior pussy (my lawyer), read the legal notice, that means you too. I tell him, no, it states my positions and concerns on the large number of issues that remain open. Do I need to edit it to protect your thin skin sensitivity? No, just give it to me?

PS: Sorry for the late results, but without sleep, I was wiped out after my son left and crashed.

Status: Second Draft - Last Updated 2/27/07 11:50 pm

Lawyer's Karma

What a coincidence, I was composing a letter to my lawyer detailing his latest screw up (see posts below) and was watching TV. Crossing Jordan is a show about forensic investigation.

Forgive this post being a little morbid, but when it comes to lawyers, it really is deserved.

Tonight's episode was a new run and is not repeated in my area, but if your area hasn't shown this episode, you simply must see it. The episode name is "Night of the Living Dead".

A shady defense lawyer gets a guilty client off. The family of the victim is distraught. That night the defendant, the defense lawyer, and his girl friend are all found shot. Oh but it gets better.

During the reconstruction of the crime scene, they realize that the defense lawyer grabbed the defendant and used him as a shield. The defendant wasn't the target, the lawyer was.

Turns out that the lawyer isn't really dead, he's conscience, but paralyzed from an incorrectly prepared puffer fish, that he ate while celebrating the victory of getting his guilty client off. So he's getting zipped up in a body bag, closed in a crypt drawer, hears the autopsies of others in the morgue, hears the comments of the various people who didn't like him getting killers off.

While in this state, he promises to change his ways, if someone will just notice that he is still alive before they cut him up.

The medical examiners on the show who are normally not the least bit squeamish, just don't want to soil their hands of this sleaze bag lawyer. Finally the chief medical examiner starts with a small incision to remove a bullet fragment. He notices that the blood is not behaving the way it should for a dead man, he puts glass under his nose a detects extremely shallow breath.

So the medical examiners are the ones who discover the puffer fish connection and in essence save the man they despise. He is treated and regains total recovery.

So happily ever after? Of course not, the lawyer forgets his pleas and promises of reform and promises to sue the medical examiners for not detecting that he was alive.

Typical lawyer. Good show, until that true to life ending. The reason why lawyers are universally despised remains clear.

Stupid Cover Letter

I have experiences with several legal firms who do the same thing and if anyone out there knows why you must tell me.

Whenever I get anything from a lawyer, it comes with the same stupid cover letter saying blah blah above entitled case blah blah any questions, and then it is signed by the lawyer.

First these cover letters are useless or worse. The return address on the envelope gives me an idea of what it is about and although I am involved in multiple lawsuits at this point in time (debt collection), I have not found the cover letter to be helpful.

OK, no harm, no foul, right? Wrong!

When the letter contains a threatening motion from the opposition or worse yet when the letter clearly is a result from your own lawyer's screw up (see post below), then the cover letter becomes an irritating reminder of how little you matter.

If you are going to write a cover letter, how about telling me (breifly) how you are going to deal with this or give me some sense that you have this under control.

Of course, the fact that my case has been out of control and screwed up since day one and I don't trust any of the sleaze bags as far as I could throw them may enter into my disdain for these letters.

The fact that I repeatedly tried to be proactive and head off a certain problem all the while being ignored or marginalized in an unprofessional rude manner and then here comes the notice that I had anticipated all along and that they had ignored all along is what makes it worse.

Status: First Draft Updated 2/26 2:50 am

Deadbeat by Design

Not by my design. I've been falsely accused of being a deadbeat from the beginning of this case through one or another act of total incompetence. I have always paid child support and even paid it in advance and at a higher rate than I should. So how can I be accused?

"Cuz they can !"
"Don't worry about it."
"It will cost more to correct it than to just pay what ever they ask."

I'm giving you these answers for free, they cost me over a grand.

The first time, two years ago was when the enforcement agency decided to pick their own retroactive date to begin the support order, rather than the date included in the order.

Last year it was her hired bitch that designed the DBbD. The enforcement agency couldn't quote me an actual amount to recover from their screw up until the end of the year when they decided to seize 2.5 years worth of child support. Why? Cuz they could ! This caused an audit and they found I owed less than one month of the 30 months held. I signed an AJE to have the funds released to my son.

For six months my wife refused to sign the AJE and my son went without any child support. I guess she didn't need it. Or she thought playing games was better than getting support for my son. Maybe she even knew enforcement actions would be taken.

My wife's hired bitch strings out various delaying actions for six months, now the enforcement agency takes action against me even though they have the money because they can't access the money without my wife's permission who refuses to give it. Six months of BS, and legal bills. I solved it in 30 minutes. Why? Because I caught the bitch lying and told the judge so and had the evidence to prove it.

This year it was my lawyers stupidity and stubbornness that has officially labeled me DBbD once again. It seems that my lawyer thought he could put pressure on my wife by leaving the child support issue and how I could stay solvent to be left unaddressed. He then apparently allowed the Guardian to take 10 months worth of funds that were earmarked for child support and apply it to her fees rather than my son's child support without my knowledge or authorization. The Guardian was responsible for releasing the support funds, stopped doing it and never said a word.

Does this sound f--kin nuts?
Does this sound like malpractice?
Well that's because it is !

I must hold the record for paying the most of any DBbD there is.

• 2.5 years in escrow held in advance
• Child support = mortgage payment for one child
• Child support payed, mortgage not paid
• Just received foreclosure notice, that's another post - FCbD

Status: First Draft - Updated 03/03/07 7 am

DBbD = Deadbeat by Design
FCbD = Foreclosure by Design

What a week

PLACE HOLDER, CHECK BACK LATER - ROUGH DRAFT

(Good News)

Not sure how to write this one.

One week, great, so much greater than I ever expected, RL saw my draft.

Now, the next week is going in reverse.

God get me off this rollercoaster before I barf or pass out.

Status: Rough Draft - Not Updated

Missed Visitation

I was spending last night trying to make up for one of my lawyer's careless mistakes and left my cell phone in the basement. I didn't miss the cell until it was getting late and I expected a call from my son. Then after looking all around the house, I found it.

It had 4 messages from my son. He was bored. Mommy said I could take him to the movies and he wanted to go. I called back. I asked her, "Why didn't you call my land line?" "I did" she said, I checked my caller ID, "No you didn't, what number did you call?" She called the wrong number.

Well how about tomorrow? "No, we have plans", she said.

I'm only two miles away, so she could have dropped by. But I can't depend on her for anything, so I guess I'll have to get a neck strap and always have my cell phone strapped to my body. It's too much to expect my wife to remember both my cell and land line phone numbers.

My son usually calls me on my cell from her cell, because many times he is not in the area and our mobile to mobile plan allows him to call at no cost. My son has my cell number memorized. I guess I'll have to have him memorize my land line too.

I know I made the mistake by leaving my cell in the basement, there are so many other reasons I could miss a cell call too. It is very rare for me to miss a cell call, but this time it caused me to miss out on an extra afternoon with my son (she needed a babysitter last minute). And I could have done it, my son was disappointed and I am so frustrated that we missed out.

So if you are an apologist for no-fault divorce with kids, don't try to change my mind, you are wasting your energy and you'll just piss me off. I have an open mind about many things, but my son and I have lived with the consequences of a frivolous divorce, we are paying a very steep price. The price is further aggravated by the screwed up domestic relations system that would not know BIC if it was a train that hit them standing on a RR track. Why? Because they just don't care about anyone else.

* BIC = Best Interest of the Child, the often quoted but never exercised goal of Domestic Relations Court.

Sweet Deal

Lawyers are bad, but it gets worse.

Did you know it is against the Cannon of Ethics for you to get a second opinion? Once a lawyer appears, he’s an exclusive. If you go to another lawyer to confirm whether or not you are receiving good advice, that lawyer will ask some questions, quickly determine you are already represented and then will decline to give you advice under the Cannon of Ethics.

Do you know what happens if you start asking too many embarrassing questions of your lawyer? If you try to manage your employee and take too active a role in your own future? They will feel intimated, they will detect a risk of a grievance, fee dispute, or bad PR. What do you think a lawyer will do then? They will try to get you to shut up and toe the line, threaten to withdraw from your case or in the worst case they'll stop looking out for your interests while still collecting fees. I've experienced this entire range. Your other choice, leave your future and everything you care about in a strangers hands who doesn't really care about you (although they will try to pretend that they do).

Did you know you need the judge’s permission to fire your lawyer? Did you know the judge can and does refuse? He did when I tried to fire my 2nd lawyer after 2.5 years of child support was held up in escrow and I was labeled a Deadbeat Dad and enforcement actions were being taken. The only way I could get her fired was to take a page from the lawyer’s playbook, pull a stunt. I handed a note to the bailiff stating that my lawyer was hostile, not representing my interests and I was being denied my due process to competent representation.

Do you know what happens to the fees for a lawyer you want to fire for poor performance? The fired lawyer will file a motion for fees. The judge will grant it (unless your lawyer appeared in court incoherent on drugs). He also will include an order to seize assets. In my case they seized the assets from the 2.5 years of child support held in escrow. How much? Two thirds of his child support was taken away. But that’s OK, I was still on the hook for replenishing the assets taken.

So you can’t hire a competent lawyer until you pay off the incompetent one in full and then you have to come up with a retainer. This is why lawyers will freeze everything, way more than any potential settlement, so they have something to draw their fees from. And once frozen, this guaranteed source of income provides a disincentive to settling the case in a timely manner. That’s why my case is taking so long, the vampires have not sucked me dry yet, they are close, but the greedy bastards want every last drop. Then the case will end because a “good” divorce lawyer knows its time to settle when the host has been sucked dry.

Did you know a judge can deny your sixth constitutional amendment rights to represent your self Pro Se? Technically he can’t, but practically he easily can. He just needs to make things difficult for you, hold you in contempt for procedural errors and practice intimidation. I was told in chambers with no court reporter present that I would appear with new representation at the next hearing or the lawyer I wanted to be fired would remain as my lawyer. How did that appear officially? As a hand written order, continuing the motion (without decision) to release counsel and requiring my presence in chambers (as if Pro Se was to be granted). No mention was made “on the record” that I would not be allowed to represent myself.

Did you know that lawyers are allowed to harass you to the point of physical intimidation? There is a lawyer in our area notorious for that and has had over 50 grievances filed. None of them were successful, even those filed by judges, because he was merely “zealously representing his client’s interest as required by the Cannon of Ethics.” One disgruntled opposition client was indicted for putting out a “hit contract” on that lawyer (not his wife, her lawyer).

What can you do if you are a victim of this kind of “Sweet Deal”? Well stay tuned as I write some new Plans:

• Plan Pearl Harbor File
• Plan Go Public
• Plan ACLU

Status: First Draft

To Trudge

What brought that movie to mind? Well my snow blower has bit the dust and I was buried in the snow. So I went up and down my street to the several snow plowing services. They’re busy with season contracts. Darn, need to go to store.

I trudged, one and half miles in snow that was over 2 feet in places. Snow over my knees. Pretty good exercise pushing and pulling my legs from the heavy wet snow. When I got to the main street, someone in a parking lot asked how far did you come? Are you snowed in? Yep.

Big surprise, he went home, got another neighbor, came back picked me up and had a huge snow blower in his truck. Two hours later, we finally got my driveway clear and my car out of the drift.

Small world, he lives about a half mile away, his daughter is in my son’s class, I know her from my teacher’s aid work. We’re in the same parish.

Just as Jeffrey was stripped of his dignity and was sent to trudge, so had I and in our trials we met a man of real honor who helped a stranger in need.

With all the court evil I see, it is so uplifting to think people of good character still exist (in the flesh and of course my loyal band of readers).

Geoffrey, William, Count Adhemar

A perk of being a dad is you get to watch a wider variety of movies. Recently I saw the movie “A Knight’s Tale”. The cable channel TBS shows it occasionally. Almost suitable, except for a brief bare butt of a man who was “robbed” and the violence of medieval tournament.

Two very interesting characters are Geoffrey Chaucer, the famous writer, and William Thatcher, a peasant squire in service to a knight.

On the road to a jousting tournament, Geoffrey wanders by (bare butt, striped of all his clothes). William asks “Why Sir, What are you doing?” He replies:

“Trudging.” “To trudge, the slow weary depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in his life except the impulse to simply soldier on”
---
“But you know on the brighter side, trudging does represent pride, pride, resolve, and faith in the good Lord Almighty – Please rescue me from my current tribulations."

As we follow the adventures of William, we learn that as a young child he watched the knights come to his town and exclaimed,

“Someday I’ll be a knight.”
A man in a stockade laughed and said: “A Thatcher’s (peasant’s) son, a knight, you might as well change the stars.”
“Can it be done Father, Can a man change the stars?”
“Yes, William, if he believes enough a man can do anything.”

When their knight died after a joust, William decides, he can stand in his place. “After all, how did the nobles become noble? They took it at the tip of a sword.”

Geoffrey comes along to provide forged Peyton’s of Nobility that will be needed for William to enter the jousts. We also see his gift of gab in stirring up the crowd adding to the jousting performance.

From there you follow the exploits of William as he proves his honor to a woman (Lady Jocelyn) who catches his eye and to the Prince of Wales, heir to the thrown, while the high champion knight (Adhemar Count of Anjou) resorts to cheating in an attempt to maintain his title at all costs.

When William encounters an excellent unknown Knight they tie, both breaking a Lance on each other. The unknown knight approaches, in truce, he reveals only to William that he is the Prince jousting under an assumed name.

He tells William, “I am through, (he is injured) but I have never not finished. I wish to keep my honor intact.”
William nods in understanding. The last Joust they approach and raise (tip) their Lances in mutual withdrawal.
Count Adhemar is confused, “Why didn’t he finish him”.
Lady Jocelyn remarks “He shows mercy”.
Count Adhemar retorts, “Then he shows his weakness, for that is all that mercy is.”

The movie has interesting metaphors,

• Geoffrey, stripped of all his clothes, trudging in desperation. Later, using his “performance skills” much as a lawyer performs for the court in an exaggerated, deceptive, acting performance. But in the end becoming a true friend of William.
• William, a source of unwavering faith to overcome his lot in life.
• Count Adhemar, the high champion, doing dishonor to his honorable title to keep it.
• The Prince who breaks tradition and recognizes and rewards true honor (at the end).

Recognize anyone you know?

It has some groovy tunes – Queen, BTO, David Bowie, AC/DC in a stark contrast to the period setting. But it works.

Let me count the ways

How bad can you screw up in one hearing?

• His financial proposal did not mention $30K of separate assets that were seized by the court.
• A downward adjustment to child support has been pending since Sept 2006, he didn't mention it, because opposing counsel was asking for an upward adjustment.
  
• We agreed he'd request frozen funds to be released to prevent foreclosure of my home, he didn't mention it.
• By avoiding these financial issues he is setting me up to be a Deadbeat Dad.
• He claimed being a Deadbeat Dad didn't matter and would not be reflected on my credit report. It is on my credit report. I am flagged to the IRS and all IRS refunds will be seized (seize first, ask endless questions over a long period of time), regardless of my child support status, my passport and driver's license were within days of being taken last Sept.
• He allowed opposing counsel to introduce evidence from Sept that was deliberately held back for multiple hearings to cause a delay.
• After exhaustive subpoenas to brokerages who could only produce 10 years of records, he allowed opposing counsel to argue that I should have my home searched for documents as old as 15 years.
• He allowed counsel to argue that I had to reproduce evidence of my wife's theft of $12K of marital that I had turned over to a previous counsel that was given to opposition counsel over 1 year ago. He threatened that if I did not produce the evidence again (that was given to counsel) in 7 days that I would loose claim to the $12K.
  
• And probably a few more that I can't remember.

What do you think, how much is his "professional service" worth? How about $3K?

Status: First Draft

Note: I have been erroneously labeled a Deadbeat Dad from the beginning and had as much as 2.5 years of child support in escrow, I have missed mortgage payments but not child support.

Senior Partner - MIA

Where is the senior partner? Missing in Action!

I would have thought after the terrible performance (that still makes my blood boil), that my lawyer would be getting an old fashioned ass kickin and I'd have the senior partner's assurance that junior (my lawyer) will be put on a short lease and supervised. I still haven't posted all the details of his screwups, but a summary is above.

BUT NO! So I call. He's not in.

I leave a message. "It appears that opposition counsel is too big a challenge for my lawyer. This portion has crested and is moving backwards, just as the parenting plan did."

Senior partner's response? Ignore the message.

Looks like I'm the Guinea Pig for junior to learn on.

They've given up. After all they don't need to win to get paid.

Status: Minor Updates - 02/18/07 2:35 pm

Sock mystery solved

The case of the missing sock has been resolved. My son going to Boy Scouts wasn’t worth even one call, but the missing sock mystery was worth several special calls.

She wanted me to search my one foot snow drift (now two feet) looking for it. Now if it was outside, that meant that she dropped it out of the bag I put it in. But I should search for it.

That’s her sense of priorities – BIC of course.

I don’t know how he did this, but he somehow got his black sock in between my black Home Theatre stand and my black Audio rack. It’s crowded with lots of interconnecting cables & stuff. They sit very close to each other and the lower sides really don’t need dusting.

Sure enough I dropped a disk and when I bent over to pick it up and I looked and thought what is that? Yup his sock. Even more odd considering all the rest of his clothes were in his bedroom upstairs. Must have taken one off downstairs with his boots I guess.

I should put his bed in storage and rename his bedroom to a playroom, since he’s only slept their once in two years. But I keep it there in case maybe someday she’ll let him stay overnight.

For all the fuss I should have gotten her to give me a written receipt acknowledging the return of the sock. Who knows, in March, it may be reason used for yet another delay.

Missing those special moments

I get a cell phone message. Wow, it’s my son. Check the caller ID. I don’t recognize it, call it back.

He’s going to his first Boy Scout meeting (sans Dad). He’s talked to me about the Boy Scouts who’ve done presentations at school. My visitation restrictions are so tight (no overnights, no weekends) that I’ve been at a loss for an answer. [“Daddy would love to take you to Boy Scouts, but mommy won’t let him.”] I can’t tell him that, it’s too much truth for his age.

Gotta think quick, got to be enthusiastic, supportive, while hiding the gut wrenching emotion that I’m not there for his first Boy Scout meeting. “Oh boy, that should be fun” I say enthusiastically. “I guess so” he says. “Well it’s something new.” “Yeah.”

Maybe he would be more enthusiastic if I were there too. I guess that’s why he called.

But he was being driven there and he didn’t know where he was. Did his mom tell me about this? Hell, no. Where is she? Not with him, he used a phone outside my area code.

Oh well, get used to it. This will be the first of many things we miss out on while he grows up in the clutches of a mother who does not want her son to know his Dad too well.

And this is BIC?

* BIC = Best Interest of the Child, the often quoted but never exercised goal of Domestic Relations Court.

Spelling

Are you as good at spelling as I am? After relying on spellcheckers you get a little lazy. Not a good idea for setting an example for my son. But so far his writing is still simple enough for me to spell unassisted.

But for the Blog and comments, I proof them in MS Word (I'd switch to OpenOffice, but in business today you have to know MicroSoft products) then copy and paste it into the Edit HTML (otherwise you get tons of inefficient HTML from MS Word).

Well now there is another way. Firefox has always been a great browser, way ahead of Internet Explorer. And now Firefox 2 has spellcheck. So when you use the Firefox browser to open a Blog post editor it will spellcheck words as you type them. It will underline misspelled words and you can right click and correct them.

The Blogger Post Editor has a spellchecker, but it generates extra HTML behind the scenes. You need to click the "Done SpellChecking" underneath the row of icons (on the new Blogger) to get rid of this extra HTML.

For Blogger comments you don't have a spellchecker, so this is where it can be very handy, especially since you'll notice that typo 5 seconds after you click Publish. Then your only choice is to delete and re-comment, kind of messy.

So for all you lazy spellers out there (starting with me) you can look sharper with Firefox 2.

PS: OK, if you are really lazy, MS Word will detect your grammar errors too.

$50K going for $60K

Got the news today, I'm officially over the $50K mark in legal expenses and the settlement work (all my cost, she's not willing to settle) will likely be another $10K by March on the 2 year anniversary of the litigation.

At the fifth Phase II Trial Date my lawyer asked for the Phase III Trial to begin. This would force the judge to hear testimony and render a final binding decision. Her lawyer argued and got the next (sixth) Phase II Trial Date scheduled for March 12th. There were only supposed to be four Phase II (forced negotiation) Trial Dates.

The only way to end this before two years is if she agrees to a settlement, something she's never been willing to talk about let alone do.

The goal is to use up all the money I have, then it will end.

The lawyers win, my son looses.

Cancel or Allow

Sometimes you see a funny ad that mimics life. I work with very large computer systems and I’m no fan of Microsoft, I think they are a lumbering giant that is slow to innovate, copy other's ideas and have low quality software. But the newest Mac attack ad on Microsoft Windows really makes me laugh.

All successful jokes have a grain of truth and sometimes a dark side.

It starts with a nerdy guy in a suit portraying a Windows PC and a cool guy with an untucked shirt as a Mac. In this ad there is a secret service guy standing behind him that represents the new security on the new Windows Vista release.

The conversation goes like this:

“Hello I’m a Mac” “Mac has issued a salutation, Cancel or Allow” “Allow”
“Hello I’m a PC” “You are returning Mac’s salutation, Cancel or Allow” “Allow”
---
“PC’s have a lot of security problems, so he asks me to authorize pretty much everything I do.”
"You are pointing out Vista’s flaws, Cancel or Allow” “Allow”
“I could turn him off, but then he wouldn’t give me any warnings at all and that would defeat the purpose, so... ”
"You are coming to a sad realization, Cancel or Allow" “Allow”

Think of the security guy as your negative emotions. When we are under stress, our mind goes on auto pilot just like the PC, Allow, Allow, Allow those negative emotions. A well trained mind in cognitive therapy would reply “Evaluate” “Cancel” “Replace with more realistic outlook” “Redirect to positive action plan”.

With enough stress even a well trained mind will “Allow”.

So watch the ad, get a good laugh, and next time you feel over stressed, think “Cancel” ….

Happy Valentine’s Day

Really, sincerely! Who cares if your lover doesn’t love you anymore or if they “love you but aren’t in love with you”. That line is such a load of BS. They are the ones loosing out.

Remember, you are lovable. God loves you, unconditionally, you should love yourself and take care of yourself. You have so many people in your life who love or care about you to some extent. People you may not even notice, walk by, exchange pleasantries. They’d miss you, your smile, your hello, as you’d miss theirs.

So lift up your head high. Celebrate love. Push any failed love from your mind and think of those that are alive and well. Be with people you love, do something you love, pray to the creator you love.

I wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

Yup, even worse than expected

Not too much surprises me anymore. I was counseled to not set my expectations too high, I responded, I have reduced my expectations to lows I never knew existed and they are still too high.

Last Phase 2 Trial date, as I was promised twice? Pretty sure the next (sixth) date scheduled is still Phase 2. The multi-felony trial I sat on jury for in Dec only took 4 days. I did some quick addition – 1st lawyer to find my son - $5K. Second lawyer at least $10K, Third lawyer, so far $25K. Guardian $10K. Custody evaluation $5K. Court Costs $2K.

Getting close to $50K and the end is…………............................................…… no where in sight.

Sorry son, mommy spent your college money to get revenge on daddy. Can't say it, because it's the sad truth and he's too young for that.

The senior partner showed up, asked if we were going to settle today. My lawyer was silent, I prodded him, shouldn’t your answer be yes? Still silent (embarrassment, I imagine, the mark of someone who is up against more than then can handle). I spoke up, "I’ve been ready, trying desperately to have this settled for months. But no one can pin down opposition counsel. She makes and breaks deals more than once a week. Do you think you can get a court recorder to document her commitments so we can move forward?" He smirked and commented, "For her, that is probably what it would take. Let me see what I can add." He went in to talk to opposition counsel without his partner. He must be wondering, why can’t junior (partner, my lawyer) close this deal. He came out and was positive, I think we’ll be good.

Oh, OK, for now, but junior goes in. He comes out 2 hours later, not looking to good. Need to talk to the judge. Two more hours.

My lawyer did an exceptionally poor job today, scheduled a meeting for next Wed to conflict with my visitation. So crappy, he was at a loss for words and only told me half the bad news. Big list of things for me to do.

Very poor sleep last night, crappy day, all day, in court. Now for my son… I’m worn out, he’s feeling left out. Poor combination.

I guess, I’ll wait a little to see how the senior partner reacts to junior’s backward progress. If he doesn’t figure it out for himself, and I think he has, then I’ll just be blunt. Our adversary is too strong for my lawyer, any suggestions? How about you bail out junior so this ends before 2 years and I have funds to pay my balance?

Because of the work my lawyer expects me to do, I may not see my son for 11 days, and he’ll have these last two bad days to remember – BIC of course. I think I’ll ask the senior partner if he’d think that is the family friendly image his firm is trying to project.

If my lawyer gets his ass kicked all day tomorrow, it will be a good start.

Note: Can not ensure verbatim quotes as they were not recorded.
* BIC = Best Interest of the Child, the often quoted but never exercised goal of Domestic Relations Court.

Wanna Bet?

So I’ll be up late getting all this shit together for the hired bitch. Want to take a sucker bet? Do you think she’ll be satisfied? Hell no ! The bitch will think of something or she’ll find a missing line or she’ll have a question. Better yet, she already thought of it and left it out of her list, so that if I get it all, she can come up with one more.

Paranoid? Nope, she's done it several times. It took me a while, but I got lawyers notes and dated coorespondence showing that. It's one of her dirty tricks. Not really a trick to screw somebody is it? She can't win fair and square, only with dirty tricks. People respect her because her nasty tricks are so effective. The lawyer bitch will get no respect from me. It takes no brains, no particular skill, to screw the same way over and over again. Animals do it, cockroaches do it and my wife's hired bitch lawyer does it. I find no decernable differences.

And even if she is pleased with all the shit. We’re talking old shit, back 15 years, my broker's main NY office can only go back 10 years (another post, how long should you keep stuff – forever). There is one item she’s not giving up on. Guess what?

The lawyer bitch thinks I should pay her over $30,000 for harassing me. And she’s taking that all the way to a Phase 3 Trial.

Now I’ve been called a lot of things and maybe I take abuse. But this is a level of severe masochism that I would never sign up for.

Can ya believe that? It just keeps on getting better.

And after that big bad day, I'll try to spend my limited quality time with my son, unless they feel like harrassing me some more.

F--k it, at 3:30 am I need some sleep before I get uo at 7:30...

Big Bad Day

Today and tomorrow are visitation days for my son and I.

Tomorrow is the new Big Day rescheduled Trial Day # 5.

So what’s new? Well you could read my gigantic Big Day (Trial # 4) post from December and pretty much be informed. The only thing different is about $10,000 more in legal fees.

Not only did the hired bitch (my wife’s lawyer) successfully delay another 2 months, she attempted to delay tomorrow’s date and harassed me all day, even during my visitation with my son.

Yes, while my son was in my house, I received faxes, emails, threats and calls to both my land line and cell phones. It was bugging my son so much that he turned off the ringers on my land line phones.

Is there no relief, no boundaries, no sense of basic decency? NO, NO, NO, THESE PEOPLE ARE RUTHLESS BASTARDS !

She has a whole new list of last minute demands (by now even my readers must be recognizing her pattern), she threatened to “enter upon my lands” and “seize documents” that she and my wife both know that my wife destroyed. Sound déjà vu, yeah, this is the second time and she followed through on it the first time. It is pure legalized harassment.

Hire a pit bull lawyer (with a license to f—k) and you to can make anybody’s life total misery.

I left a message for the senior partner that I expect to enter as co-counsel and file a motion for sanctions against the hired bitch. I said if everyone is too timid to object over this harassment, then I will object. The judge knows what she’s doing and he’s gently (WTF, WTF, why gently?, kick her ass) reminded her on this several times.

Thanks bitch, for ruining what little time you let me have with my son. There’s no place in hell hot enough to serve you what you deserve. And a big FUCK YOU to every ASSHOLE in the system that does nothing. And yes that includes my own lawyer. Sin is sin, by commission or omission.

2 Dads, 1 Little Girl

My younger brother and I try to get together once a month for a brothers night out for fun. Occasionally we get together about a serious subject, work related or for some type of help. Although our industries and job functions are different, they have some similarities and synergies.

Turns out that there is something I want to know about his industry for a job opportunity and he’s working in an area closely related to my skills. So we were going to get together for a working session. Not just a casual show and tell but some serious in-depth work.

My younger brother has a 5 year old daughter. My sister-in-law had planned a night out and was going to take my niece to her mother’s. Everything seemed fine. Then the 2 Dads made a couple of mistakes.

First I arrived while my niece was still home. Oh boy it’s Uncle ---, she said jumping up and down. Well she had all kinds of things to tell me and show me.

When it was time for her Mom to leave, she declared she was staying with her Uncle. Even visiting Grandma wasn’t enough incentive (she sees me less often). So my brother said, "You’ll have to"... “I promise, I promise” she said before he could complete his request “let us get our work done”. So guess what happened…

Well I watched her favorite cartoons with her, looked at books, we did every puzzle she had, and she taught me how to play NintedoDogs. We had a great time right up to her bedtime. Then my brother and I got to work, quite a bit later than planned.

I hadn’t planned to spend time with my niece, but I love her and enjoyed the visit, as I always do. My brother and I still got things accomplished although it made for a very late night.

But that’s how things go with children, you have to be flexible with your schedule.

And that’s OK, they’re worth it.

Thinking of the Child

jd observes “I will never understand how any woman could do this to their own child“.

Well here’s some insight. It’s all about responsibility for your own actions. See in her (previously treated, but now untreated) mind, she is not responsible, its someone else’s (my) fault.

To find happiness or a new career or to simplify her life (for a difficult period we successfully got through) the marriage had to end. It wasn’t her choice, it just had to be done. Never mind that she was free to pursue anything, or that I asked for a sincere effort at marriage counseling or that the challenging period was over, there wasn’t a choice (in her mind).

When mediation didn’t move fast enough and wasn’t producing the one-sided results she desired, she had to move out. There was no choice, she said it was my fault, that I was dragging my feet.

Let’s explore that one. I told her if she thought I was dragging my feet in the mediation process that was my infraction against her. But her abrupt announcement that she was moving out, without any regard or planning for how this surprise was going to affect our son was an infraction by her against our son by her own choice.

She went ballistic, how dare I hold her accountable for the impact that her sudden decision to move out would have on our son. It was all my fault! I should have allowed the divorce to be on her terms. No, it was your choice to satisfy your (percieved) needs over and above that of our son. I have lived with your insults and emotional abuse to provide a stable home for my son. I put his needs over my need to not hear your constant bitching.

Then she took him just days before the scheduled move out and kept him away from me for over a week. Why? She had to file for divorce, empty the joint accounts, keep me off balance, freeze all my separate assets and evade my litigation against her. Her lawyer advised her. She had to do what her hired employee (lawyer) said. There was no other choice (in her mind). Never mind that my litigation only asked for access to my son and wasn’t filed until the next day after she left with no forwarding address. Never mind the impact of my son not knowing when he'd see his father. Click here for details.

And why can't their be flexible visitation? When my son asks to see me, why is the answer always no? Well it's the court's fault, or her lawyer's advice, not her choice. When was the last time a parent was arrested for allowing the other parent extra visitation? Never. It is the parents choice to agree to be flexible or one parent's choice to not allow it.

Once you give up the feedom of choice and the right to be accountable and responsible for your behavior, many things are explainable.

They may not be understandable, but they are explainable.

PS: Check out the conversation on other topics between jd and I in my "Really good sock missing” post.