So everything was supposed to be completed on Big Day # 7, but the judge had a vacation to get to. I mean all this watching and no case management can make a guy tired and in need of a undeserved vacation. So things were continued to Big Trial Day # 8 on May 1st. Nice date, one day before our 15th wedding anniversary.
But not to worry, it was all settled, it's just a formality, a 2 min hearing. He'll don his rob, ask our names, ask if we agree and pronounce us divorced. So says my lying lawyer. Well why was the hearing scheduled 30 minutes early like the last marathon session and for the full court day of 6 hours and 30 minutes which the judge will expand at his discretion for another 8 or so hours?
And as for the hired bitch, yup, playing games as usual. She has not approved the settlement agreement that is exactly what was agreed to with the judge. In order to appease her, my lawyer refused to make any changes including committing me to return property that already has been returned. This puts me at risk because she can say, well the agreement says to return this so you are in contempt of court. Would the hired bitch be so cold? Yep, she filed contempt charges for a $45 arrearage that I was not even notified of yet.
So why hasn't she responded yet? Why did the judge schedule so much time? "Oh, no reason", says my lawyer. Would this be too skeptical or could it be that the judge knows she will pull a last minute stunt, which he will “entertain” as he has the last 3 Trial Dates? Well, I'd love to be wrong, but this has been so consistently abusive that I will remain skeptical. To do otherwise would be naive. And in two years, I could be called anything but naive of the court system.
A short time will prove it either way. If I'm wrong, then only this phase will be over or I'll be right and it will be SGDD and it will continue on. Reminds me of a related acronym - SSDD – Same Shit. Well I have a surprising new game in mind. Throw something into to the mix, shake it up a little. At least if I have to endure more shit, it might as well have some variety.
Note: I have a large "Games Lawyers Play" post in draft I hope to complete soon.
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11 comments:
May 1st, could be your day. A day where you can wash your hands and begin your new life, better this time.
Happy Monday. I hope you are breathing.
I hate to be a wet blanket, and I very much appreciate your good wishes.
Three things about May 1, one is I am so very skeptical that it will really end. However, if the opposition stops playing her game and commits to the settlement that will be great, but even that will not be the end.
Unfortunately to break out of the lawyers' financial blackmail, I may have to pull a slick move that may delay May 1st. In either case, even if things work out on May 1, there is a tremendous amount of financial restructuring to occur, which is complicated by all the oppositions extra hurdles.
And finally, even if the first two work out perfectly, there is still the matter of highly restricted visitation. This is a guaranteed new phase which is estimated to take another year of hurdles and expenses and stress at which time I may finally be able to have reasonable visitation.
Oh Leigh, you know I always breathe easy when I think of you and your warm wishes. And when I'm stressed and remember to breathe, then I remember you too.
I do have to admit that this last week as been extra difficult, and I haven't been breathing well.
Thanks again, and best wishes to you to.
I can easily see how these lawyers can financially blackmail you. You've been through so many already, it's beyond ridiculous. At this point, based on what I'm reading, I'm beginning to think that they all behave in the same way. It doens't make sense to change lawyers again - what the other didn't screw you in, the new lawyer will!
Best wishes to you JQ, during these trying times.
That's the catch 22, I can't fire my lawyer for two reasons. The judge will not let me change lawyers in the midst of a Trial. Even a "shadow" or phase II (forced negotiation) "trial".
You are correct that each time I changed lawyers, I had "startup" overhead.
You are also correct in that they all behave that way. More on that in an upcoming "Games Lawyer's Play" post.
But actually at this point, so much has been boiled down into the proposed settlement agreement that a new lawyer could pick it up and act on it without having to go back through the whole case.
I already had a "silent second" (bending the rules and getting another lawyer to review an active case) and it only was two hours of time. Two more hours for trial prep and they'd be ready. From there on all hours would have occurred anyway.
Here's the blackmail part. If I fire him, he'll file for fees and the judge will grant the motion and allow him to seize assets (as he did before). This would force the sale of the house or my brokerage account which has high paper taxable gains.
So what can I do to put my creditors above my good for shit lawyers?
I could file for appearance as co-counsel. Because of my active role in the case it would be hard for the judge to deny it without committing "reversible error". Even if I didn't appeal the case, I could simply file and drop the appeal and blemish the judges record.
Now I threatened my lawyer with this, and he said he'd quit. But the judge won't let him. Catch 22 on my lawyer.
I have filed motions in this full Common Pleas Court before, I know the process. I could file motions to document the abuses. Once filed, it would be hard to remove from the record (without committing another reversible error).
I have in fact done this to my first lawyer who neglected to file restraining orders to prevent my wife from raiding separate and joint funds. When my second lawyer saw this it scared the hell out of her.
Then there is the big guns approach which I'll be looking at noon Tue. It will involve another judge's jurisdictional challenge.
So am I compulsive, obsessive, whatever? Maybe a little. I admit it. It turns my gut that these lawyers do this to people and I just can't let them get away with it. I will not go down with a whimper.
To pay the fees I would be forced to sell equities. I have three holdings valued at $60K, cost basis is $15K (yeah, nice gain, were great picks and long term). So I get a long term taxable gain of $45K, taxed at 15%, just short of $7K in additional taxes.
So the idea of another lawyer's overhead at $1500 compared to $7000, sounds like a $5K + benefit.
There's another issue, you need money to make money. I have been successful in aggressive (would be called "day") trading in the past. If lawyers seize their fees, I can't work my portfolio. Working my portfolio could be my way to achieve a win-win.
In the risky volatile market of Oct 87, I lost $25K in one day (black Friday) with uncovered (naked) options. I took off work for one week to manage the account. I covered the margin call in one month and I recouped the loses in one year. Now that sounds stellar, and it is, but it was because of the volatile market, and a very large time commitment (daily) on my part.
So I do appreciate the the advice and I do question my motives and whether I should just "move on".
But then I think of my son, his curiosity, his future questions, his great perception and I try to figure out the answer to, "But Dad couldn't you have gone back to aggressive investing to get that money back?"
I will have a good answer to all his questions, including that one.
God I cant believe what you are going through JQ, its all greek to me but hell if divorce is so complicated in america why the hell would you get married
LOL I got the house and the mortgage it came with, interest rates at 18% back then made it more expensive to sell than keep. His second wife paid for the divorce, desperate woman, and he got his freedom LOL
Lara, it's not greek, it's bullshit. I will have to explain things better, being immersed in this for 2 years, I think I'm ready to skip at least the first year of law school. It was greek to me 3 years ago too.
I can't believe it either. I'm waking up with nightmares explaining it to dead relatives.
Usually this level of complication is reserved for those of higher means that can afford it.
Lawyers will only engage in this level of game play if they have deep pockets to tap into. Now I considered mine as moderate, but apparently they were deep enough and it must have been a slow day for divorces April 1, 2005 when she walked into the office.
Why get married indeed? When half the marriages end in divorce, and the best divorce is painful.
I wonder what percentage of divorces are this bad vs. straight forward.
My divorce court experience might be worse than Sol's in an absolute sense, but in a relative sense, Sol has put up with a higher ratio of court aggravation than she deserves. Her case should have been so much simpler and she like me is paying many times more than she should. And she has Colleen actively harassing her. In my case both lawyers are actively harassing me and my wife is only passively harassing me, I haven't met her boyfriend. Assuming there is one, why else hide Cosmo in her work papers. I wasn't gettin any lovin.
Some deal on the house. My wife moved out and said she didn't want the house because of memories. She has strong feelings/attachment about houses. She holds a longterm grudge against her father for moving from their childhood home.
As for me, with the long work hours before marriage and the business and personal travel (always tacked on a week to any business travel) I don't have "feelings" for where I reside. I just need it to be functional.
I prefer not to sell the house for two reasons. One it is a pain in the ass to move, it's functional, it's in the best school district in the state, good city services, reasonable taxes. Another one is, I'm concerned she will relocate 60+ miles south to my in-laws town. Why move until I know where she's taking my child?
On a dark note, if reasonable visitation is not forthcoming and if finances degrade too low, I may be forced to relocate to find the best opportunity. Again, why move, until I know?
I think if one is to divorce it should be done early on in life, before we accumilate any wealth. I was broke ass poor when I got divorced, can't take what I didn't have. So was he, which is why second wife paid for our divorce lol. I think I must have been scary when i threated him too leave the wine glasses here the day he left, might have been the fact I was holding a steering lock ( metal car one) and threatening to smash his car windows in if he did.
Whoa, Lara's a spunky one. LOL.
The trouble with getting married early is the chance of making a mistake may be greater.
My theory was work hard, get married later when I could afford to provide for a family.
Depending on which of my wife's stories you believe, she may have decided to end the marriage before the birth of our son.
Guess that makes me a sugar daddy sperm donor and a sucka. And that would make my wife a ......
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