Breathe

The calm before the storm. Monday, I had to give up some visitation, to meet with a counselor, a victim of a difficult international kidnapping and custody battle in foreign courts. She knows the ropes first hand, most every trick in the book. She advises me, challenges me. Be effective, that is the goal. I often fall short, but I am reminded.

Tuesday, a good day with my son, doing some yard work, flying his large glider. A storm is coming, we go inside, build a fort in the spare bedroom and attic. We take a look at his homework. Bad penmanship, like father, like son. Let's print this on the computer. Type in the words, some are underlined in red, I explain, those are misspelled, you can right click and get the correct spelling, "I know Daddy, we do that at school". He notices my new laptop, "Oh Daddy, I told you, you could fix it". Well, it's not looking good, I'll keep trying, this one is new. Can I do "I Spy"? Not yet, Daddy has to get some serious work done. And I'll fix that problem on the desktop and install all your software there, when I finish something important. Can I play (old fashioned pinball)? No that's not there, Spider Solitaire is. OK.

The big storm moves through, heavy rains. I'm beat. The weather is calm now, but my emotions are far from calm before the litigation storm. Big Day # 8 is only a week away. Lot's to do. Need to be in top form. Need to be effective.

Troubling thoughts, cool night air coming through screen door. I went outside, it's after midnight. Things are quieter now. I walk down the street, the full moon lit night is casting long shadows. I reach up to touch the new apple blossoms. The pines stretch out for the sun, the small wisp of needles, the pine cones, backlit by the moon.

Breathe. Smile, following advice of my Blogger Friend Leigh, hope she's doing the same too. Close my eyes. Clear my head. Breathe. Walk. Listen. Spring Peepers chirping. A few other faint animal sounds. Walk. Bullfrog croaking. Breathe. Water dripping in the storm sewer. Walk. Buzzing of a transformer behind some bushes.

Breathe. Get back home. Sit down on a damp Adirondack chair, lean back. Faint sound of traffic in the distance, train whistles. Cool air, damp chair. Breathe. Think. Pray, Dear Lord, help me get through this, in the name of your Son for the benefit of my son. Breathe. I'm ready, for the home stretch.

One more day with my Son, then 5 days straight, full out, sprint to the target. to freedom. Freedom from this judge, from her lawyer, from the harassment, from the distraction. It won't be the end, there's still custody mediation for another year. But I'm trying to be hopeful. Cautiously. Still preparing for the worst, while hoping for the best. The paradoxical life I live. Breathe. Calm. I'm ready now, with God's help.